Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Looks Like I Can Throw Away These CC Death Threats After All

Nobody dropped a better one of these than The American Dream DUSTY RHODES!
Does anyone actually know why it’s called the Hot Stove League? I don’t. My oven broke last week and I had to pay $225 to have some guy from GE come out and take ten minutes to fix it. Pissed me off. Whatever, that has nothing to do with anything.  But nevertheless, moves are already being made even though the baseball season has been over for a solid 12 minutes. Much to the dismay of a few of you here, I’ve got some pre-free agency thoughts.

Carsten Charles – Thank God…I was all set to get really pissed off at CC Sabathia had he opted out of his contract. But he has proven to be a much better person that A-Rod was in 2007 and re-upped to stay in New York. It makes sense. He has a 13+ million dollar compound that he just built in Jersey that he would NEVER be able to sell if he left. He seems to like New York. Sweet Jesus, do the Yankees ever need him, too. CC is definitely overpaid but what do I care, it’s not my fucking money. He’s a top 5 pitcher who has never been hurt, just pay him what he wants.

What else do the Yankees do – Well, they already picked up Swisher’s option (although I would have preferred to see that money go to BASEketball’s Sir Swish!). The starting 9 is already set. The bullpen could use a lefty but that isn’t really a priority. The only thing left is a starter or two. PLEASE DON’T EVEN CONSIDER CJ WILSON. That guy is awful. He is going to demand ace-ish money and he is nothing more than a #3. I’d rather them win the bidding war for Yu Darvish. At least I don’t know for sure that that guy sucks. He can’t be worse than Kei Igawa.

David Freese – Since the World Series MVP is doing the media circuit now to discuss his insane October, I think that he should just start quoting Arnold’s Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin.
Bob Costas: David, thanks for agreeing to this interview.
Freese: ICE TO SEE YOU!

Albert Pujols – I like to think that we are all smart enough to see that there is no chance in Hell that he leaves Missour-ah. No freaking way. They’ll figure out how to get it done. It would probably be easier if they had not given stupid money to the worthless Matt Holliday though.

The WINdians – I like the trade for D-Lowe (but I never liked D-Lo Brown). They only have to pay a third of his salary and he’ll eat up a ton of innings. Personally, I would not have picked up Carmona’s option since he isn’t worth anything near 9 million, but I don’t think they would have if Carrasco was going to be ready. That Carmona money could have went to an upgrade in the outfield (MUCH needed) or a living body at first base.

Grady Sizemore – He could be a decent low risk/somewhat high reward for a team that doesn’t care about strikeouts and can play him at DH. And, of course, he’ll be cheap. This seems like the sort of move that the Rays would make. I could also see him going to Texas/Minnesota/Toronto and being the 4th OF or DH.

Prince Fielder – Book it. The big man will either be a Blue Jay or a National. Did you hear that, Cubs fans?

The Cubs – Just stop. The last thing that this team should be doing is throwing stupid money at free agents right now. Theo knows this. Expect to see a payroll purge and a lot of savvy veteran signings. Plus, Albert and Prince aren’t going to want to play for a rebuilding team for the next 3-4 years. In two years, when you’re a lot closer to where you need to be, you can put the full court press on Joey Votto anyway.

Finally, the Tigers – This scares the shit out of me. What are probably their two biggest weaknesses? I would say third base and leadoff production (fair?). They have money to spend and the perfect solution is out there if they are willing to pay.

Jose Reyes – It’s almost too perfect as long as he wants to live in Detroit. The Tigers would finally have a leadoff hitter that wasn’t terrible, Peralta could move to third and hide his shitty range, and Jackson could drop to 9th in the order. This frightens me. It would probably take 5 years and 100 million to pull this (and that might be the starting point actually), but it makes a ton of sense for both the player and the team. Let’s hope that Dave Dombrowski isn’t reading today (not likely).

How about we take the rest of the day to talk about our team’s offseason wish lists? Or predictions for where the big names are going…either way, Grumpy and Iceman, deal with it.

25 comments:

Grumpy said...

That might as well have been written in Latin; didn't understand a word. Any sport where guys smoke on the bench and eat chicken and drink beer in the locker room (not a clubhouse, it's a locker room)is not worthy of my time.

GMoney said...

Unfortunately, you are hardly ever my target demographic, old timer. But drinking beer and eating chicken sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me.

Hey Ace, HOW ABOUT THAT ROCKET DEFENSE! TommyLee (greatest first name ever) Lewis just ran back another kickoff.

Mr. Ace said...

I can't wait for Beckman to be the next Fuckeye coach. Then he can move their best safety to linebacker and bring in some scrub to play safety every fucking play of the game. Brilliant. I'm not even going to talk about the timeouts. But I digress...

I want to White Sox to bring back Ozzie Guillen. I honestly don't mind getting Verntura, but I know we will never beat the Rangers. Who wants Adam Dunn?

Anonymous said...

The WINdians will definately be targeting OF/1B as their top priority. Their #1 target is Michael Cuddyer who can play both. He can play OF when Santana plays first and first when he catches. Maybe they can also re-sign Fukudome who was pretty good for them last year.

-Damman

The Iceman said...

God dammit were old school Batman movies a big pile of pig shit. They were more hilarious than anything when they weren't even trying to be. The Dark Knight Rises is going to be the fucking shit.

I'm pretty sure I heard the collective heart of the Cleveland female population breaking yesterday. Whatever will "Grady's Ladies" do???? This is one of the many reasons why men will always be superior to women.

The Iceman said...

Grumpy, let's go grab a beer and come back tomorrow when G$ starts writing about real sports.

Anonymous said...

Ace- if beckman coaches at osu, he won't need to shift scrubs around on defense because he'll actually have talent.

I can't see the tigers getting Reyes... But if they did that would be goddamn amazin. I think they'll target aramis Ramirez to play third. Who knows what DD will do. Normally he just pulls off a ridiculous trade or two out of nowhere (that normally work out nicely). He's hard to predict, which is just another reason he's the best GM in baseball.

Dut

Prime99 said...

I don't necessarily want Prince or Pujols for the Cubs unless the contract is a solid deal. The Cubs can't afford another long term bust contract. I think both those guys would be awesome short term, but I'm not so sure in 4 years. In Theo we trust.

GMoney said...

Yeah, please sign Aramis Ramirez. The Tigers could use some of the Cubs stink in their clubhouse. Aramis is awful. If he wasn't, then why did he play for the Buccos and Scrubs? FLAWLESS LOGIC!

Michael Cuddyer? Hilarious. He's a beefier Nick Punto.

Anonymous said...

Ape....hahaha.

I knew Sabathia wasn't going anywhere or even testing the market when the media basically said zero about his whole situation. They blow up everything and basically said nothing...so I knew he was a done deal.

I saw Bodog came out with their odds to win it all next year. Tigers had the fifth best odds at 14-1....Yankees had the second best odds...Indians were wayyyyyy down there at 50-1.

I would obviously love Jose Reyes...but I don't think it's happening. Agree with Dut that if they make a big move it will be a trade. We really need a good 2B, but there are no good ones available this year.

I'm definitely intrigued by Prince. I don't see him moving to Canada though.

I wonder if this rumored Bautista for Votto trade happens?

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

New Power Rankings up at the MSFL, blumpkin fucks.

Anonymous said...

When you have had to watch Matt Laporta for the last two years, Cuddyer looks like Joe Dimaggio.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Hey Drew - who won the Toledo game last night?

Seal

Anonymous said...

**Correction - Ace.

Anonymous said...

Confirmed reports that Braxton Miller is growing out his mustache for this gay Movember thing. For some reason, he is giving an interview directly next to me.

This is by far the most interesting post of the day.

Ide

GMoney said...

Ask him if he's going to put Soul Glo on his mustache.

You can ask Drew, too, Seal since he was watching that game last night.

I don't see why the Reds would make that trade. Bautista sucked in the NL and is owed quite a bit of money for awhile while being a lot older.

If I'm not ranked #1 in the MSFL rankings, I'm going to make Ace root for a football team that scores 60 points in 60 minutes and still loses. I JUST ADDED JON BALDWIN THIS MORNING...DYNASTY!

Don't discount the Blue Jays. That's the 4th biggest market in baseball, they have a really good GM, and have a TON of money to spend. Toronto is a sort of a sleeping giant.

Grumpy said...

I'm with you Iceman. WTF, it's football season.

Anonymous said...

Ide definitely just set himself up for some prostate cancer by mocking Movember.

G$...Bautista didn't suck because he was in the NL...he sucked cuz' he sucked. I think the Reds think they are going to lose Votto in a couple years, so it would make sense for them.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Cancer is a myth, just like global warming, and black success.

Ide

Anonymous said...

G$ you are the first person to make me hate the D Lowe trade a little less. I really cant find positives to it...

Seal

GMoney said...

Seal, sure he's an old man now, but he's still durable. He'll give you 200+ innings and save the bullpen that isn't nearly as good as they showed this past season. If I recall, you have a good defense in the infield which will make him even better. He's probably the best 4 or 5 starter in the league. And you gave up nothing for him. You could (and Shapiro would) do a lot worse than him for 5 million dollars.

I'll say this: I like that trade better than the Ubaldo deal.

Derek Lowe > CJ Wilson

Anonymous said...

G$'s all "Hey Derek Lowe will eat up 200+ innings with a plus 5.00 ERA. Not bad at all". Retard.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Definitely 4 but I wouldn't say 5. He's not AJ Burnett or Brad Penny. He'll keep you in games and eat up innings...that's what you want in all non-aces.

Anonymous said...

His ERA was 5.05 last year...he's 38 years old and he's moving from the NL to the AL. That ERA is going up.

--Drew

GMoney said...

No one is saying that he defines "elite". But he'll be OK.