Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Better Luck Next Year, Alabama

I'm not crying because Bama lost.  I'm crying because this whore just said I look like Jay Cutler.
Deep breaths. I sort of got carried away yesterday (as did most of us) under Penn State’s program-ending actions. Let’s all step away from the kiddie porn today and talk about some football action that happened outside of the showers. Action so meaningful and important that Mike McQueary HAD to watch it and report on it. Of course, I’m talking about the Field Goal Fest 2011 that transpired on Saturday night in “Roll Damn Tide” Country.

First things first, that game was fucking shit. That was a WASTE of 3+ hours. If you aren’t in 100% agreement, don’t worry, you’re just wrong. There’s a big difference between a defensive struggle and complete and utter offensive ineptitude. Yes, both defenses are great. So what? SOMEONE still should have scored. Everyone wanted to bill this year’s Bama/LSU game as the BEST GAME EVER but it wasn’t even close. It was a terrible game and one that I never want to see again.

Second, let’s play Colin Cowherd’s favorite game called “Hypothetical Asshole” for a moment. Say that Oklahoma beats Okie State and Oregon beats Stanford which are both quite possible. We won’t say “what if Arkansas beats LSU” because that isn’t going to happen. Everyone else runs the table as expected. That leaves LSU in the BCS title game with Bama, Oklahoma, Boise State, and Oregon in the driver’s seat to be the Tigers’ final opponent. Obviously, if Okie State wins out, they are #2. Same with Stanford being #3 but we already are aware of that.

I, personally, do not want to ever watch a Bob Stoops team buttfuck a National Championship again. I’ve seen it too many times before. If I’m a voter (and this site is getting close to becoming a member of the Harris Poll!) and have the option of those 4 teams, I’m leaving the Sooners and Good ‘Ol JR off my ballot out of spite. Who would I vote for then? That’s easy, Boise State. Oregon already had their shot, got steamrolled, and has sort of proven that their offense doesn’t fly with SEC schools. Alabama is not even an option to me. They shouldn’t be an option at all.

Do you really want to see a rematch of a 9-6 game? You can’t convince me that you do. Try as you might, no one will be able to convince me that THAT Bama team is the 2nd best team in the country. I had pretty much this exact same post in 2006 during the whole debate about whether or not OSU and Michigan should play again (which I was right on about then since both of those teams got destroyed in their bowls to prove that Michigan did NOT get hosed). What’s that? You want me to list reasons why Nick Saban should make plans for New Orleans but only for the Sugar Bowl? Don’t mind if I do!

*They would not have even won the SEC West (in this scenario so why would they play for a title again?)
*Lost a home game in which they were favored by 4.5 points
*Tried to run a WR pass(?) in the 4th quarter of a tie game
*Put a guy back to return a punt with a sprained ankle
*Couldn’t even score a touchdown at home
*Again, they already had their shot
*That game was terrible
*If you had a kicker that wasn’t doo-doo, you wouldn’t be in this position in the first place
*If the college football season truly is a season-long playoff, Alabama just got eliminated
*Pssssst—ESPN doesn’t want you to know this, but the SEC isn’t very good this year (the Big 12 is MUCH better)
*I never want to watch AJ McCarron throw another football for the rest of my life
*If you can’t beat a team at home, why should I believe that the result would be any different in LSU’s backyard

Feel free to add your own reasons and thoughts in the comments. And while I am a massive honk for the Boise State program, they deserve a shot at the title a hell of a lot more than Roll Damn Tide does. But this isn’t so much a pro-Boise post as it is an anti-Tide post. Much like every person ever born in the South (other than MUDawg of course!), rematches are fucking stupid. So just stop. Leave the title-grabbing to those that know what a touchdown is. Re-match clauses only exist in the world of pro wrestling anyway.

I just want to end this by saying that Tyrann Mathieu is the biggest piece of shit that I’ve ever seen. What kind of criminal just Jim Duggan’s a guy on a punt? I hope he gets Second Miled.  HOOOOOOOOO!

27 comments:

Grumpy said...

Right on all counts. Just a terrible fucking game. Any MAC midweek game is more fun to watch.

LSU vs. Boise; let's settle whether Boise belongs once and for all. If they get hammered, then the question is answered. I'm betting they don't.

Is everyone aware that Ace & Dut watched a movie together in private yesterday afternoon at an undisclosed location? Not suggesting anything inappropriate, but I wouldn't rule it out either.

Mr. Ace said...

Grump, I wish Dut would have been here so I could get an HJ while watching Ernest Scared Stupid. Unfortunately, he was busy fellating someone else.

"I hope he gets Second Miled"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha.

Boise really didn't do themselves any favors with their schedule this year. Not sure I can put them in. I love a good BCS controversy but if that scenario plays out it is going to make for a terrible Championship Game.

GMoney said...

Good point, Grump. If you give Boise the shot this year and they fall flat, then you never have to worry about them again.

There is nothing better than MAC midweek football in November. Toledo has the worst defense in the country. In less than a week, they have given up 126 points in two home games.

Granted, the situation was terrible, but how hilarious was it to see Matt Millen crying like a little bitch on ESPN yesterday? I hope that Butthead just follows him around for the rest of his pathetic life to remind him of this while calling him a wuss.

BEAT TEMPLE!!! RedHawks getting the primetime slot on regular ESPN tonight. Seems like Bristol is taking November Sweeps seriously this year.

Anonymous said...

If that scenario plays out give me Bob Stoops and Oklahoma over Boise all day long.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I see, Drew, you want to have another terrible national championship game for some reason. Gotcha.

Good luck beating this argument: If you can't be a borderline bowl-eligible Texas Tech team at home, you can't play for the title or the titties. IRONCLAD LOGIC.

Anonymous said...

Keep in mind that OU has THE worst BCS record in the 2000's. Once even losing to Boise, and All Day was in that team! I say give it to Boise. If anything, for the hijinks. Though watching Andrew Luck get buttfucked in the championship would be a hilarious way to end his career and get some credit for the draft.

Ide

MuDawgfan said...

If that 9-6 game was Steelers vs. Ravens (or any NFL teams for that matter) the talking heads across America and the blogosphere would have called it the most titanic struggle man has ever know.

Throw in some snow and half of you clown fucks are getting moist just thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

Stoops is 1-3 in NCG's and the only "terrible" one was when they lost to the Reggie Bush All-Stars. There wasn't a single team in the nation that wouldn't have made that a "terrible" NCG against the Reggie Bush All-Stars. What a terrible NCG Oklahoma played in 2009 when it was a 3 pt game with 6 minutes left.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Put Boise in. If they get crushed you never have to put a mid-major in a title game ever again. You can always point to the blood-bath of 2011-12 as evidence. But every time a mid-major plays in a BCS bowl game they seem to do well. Everyone thought TCU was gonna get Jerry Sandusky'ed last year against Wisconsin. Boise vs. Oklahoma?

Cowturd can shove his "no one wants to watch Boise, the ratings prove it" up his fucking asshole. Everyone would watch only because it's something that's never happened before...in our lifetime anyway. I don't know...maybe a mid-major played for a title back in 1915 when Grumpy was learning how to not die from small pox inside a 1-room school house in the middle of a cornfield.

Mr. Ace said...

Under Bob Stoops Oklahoma has been outscored by their opponents in BCS games 227-212. I honestly thought it would be a lot worse. They also got some cupcake games against Washington State and UConn that made the numbers a little nicer for them, but still not crazy. I am guessing that LSU, Bama, and Florida have fared much better, though.

I would take Boise over Oklahoma this year fo sho.

GMoney said...

Look, I want to see Jim Ross on the sidelines of a national title game just as much as the next guy, but Bob Stoops just sucks. OU should be punished for getting in when they didn't deserve it (the Tebow year). I still will never understand how Texas didn't get in after they had the same record AND beat the Sooners.

I'm starting to feel like Texas Tech beats OK State this weekend. Thoughts? The Cowboys looked pretty vulnerable on Saturday.

Anonymous said...

"Bob Stoops just sucks". This is why it's hard to really take your opinions seriously on coaches. You honestly think like 99% of coaches sucks....doesn't matter the sport. Stoops record at Oklahoma is sick and he's a top five coach in college football. To say he "just sucks" is moronic.

Paterno retiring at end of season per AP.


--Drew

Grumpy said...

If I remember correctly, Cornell was the National Champion in 1915, going 9-0. I had to wait two days for the Pony Express to deliver the results.

Anonymous said...

Stoops does fucking suck. Would you take John Cooper back, knowing you'd win 10 games a year but lose the big ones? He is essentially John Cooper except he is actually able to beat Texas from time to time.

Ide

GMoney said...

Thank you, Ide. You are wise. 99% of coaches do suck. You know who doesn't? The list is small.

*Jim Schwartz
*Mike Haywood's pimp hand

End of fucking list.

The Money Shot's sources can confirm that Joe Paterno will be out at season's end. Can't wait to see who applies for that fucking job. I'd bet that every applicant will be required to shower after the interview though.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...you should pretty much stop discussing if Stoops sucks if you compare him to Cooper. He's Cooper...except he beats Texas. He's Cooper...except he wins tons of conference championships. He's Cooper...except he's won numerous BCS games. He's Cooper...except he's won a National Championship. Derp Derp.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

I actually watched Alabama/LSU- it did nothing to increase my interest in college football.

MUDawg, I was thinking that Bama/LSU was exactly like Ravens/Steelers (boring) on Saturday. Then the Ravens and Steelers went and had a fantastic Sunday game that was a million times better than the "game of the century."

Anonymous said...

Really Drew? Those numerous BCS wins like the perennial powerhouses of WSU and UCONN really craft a legacy. Cooper beat ASU in the Rose Bowl once. So yeah I will make that comparison. He has shit the bed more than any other coach. If he coached OSU he'd be fired by now.

Ide

GMoney said...

Ide just bought up all the real estate in Drew's ass. Just straight fucking PWNAGE. And here I thought that I was the only one with the nutsack to embarrass Drew every day. Well played, you faggot.

We're all in agreement though that Bama doesn't deserve a rematch, right?

Anonymous said...

"If he coached OSU right now he'd be fired". That's fucking garbage. Ohhhhhh....let's blame him for beating teams he should in BCS bowls. Then G$...wants to say he sucks in NCG's, but in the same breath he's saying that in one of those games his team didn't even deserve to be there. BRILLIANT! If just about any job in the country opened up and Stoops wanted it...he would get it. That's a top five coach.

G$...the pwnage I gave you from start to finish on Paterno yesterday is gonna leave your ass like a 10 yard after an all nighter with Sandusky for at least a week.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

No, let's blame you for being impressed with beating those teams. I don't hear any OSU fans bragging about that KState victory.

Ide

GMoney said...

You keep digging a deeper hole, shitbird. You just can't accept the fact that I am elite and you are overrated in the commenting section of this great site, can you? I will once again prove my superiority over you on the G$FL gridiron this weekend.

You are the Bob Stoops of blog commenting while I am the Rush Propst.

Anonymous said...

Ide...let's just take KState away from Tressel's BCS bowl recrod then eh? Dumb.

The one fact you guys don't seem to have an answer for is.....

If just about any job in the country opened up and Stoops wanted it...he would get it. That's a top five coach.

If Stoops wanted Florida would they have hired him over Muschamp? Hell Yes. If Stoops wanted Michigan would they have hired him over Hoke? Hell Yes. You could say that with just about any big program opening in the last few years. Stoops is ELITE. Fact.

G$...I believe I'm second in points in teh G$FL and I've given up the most points. My 4-5 record is very deceiving...I should be 7-2. Bend over...Gerry's cumming on Sunday.


--Drew

Anonymous said...

There is a difference between counting it and using it as a talking point.

Les Miles, Urban Meyer, Nick Saban, Mack Brown and Pete Carroll could all get jobs before Stoops. Truf.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I'll give you Miles, Urban and Saban.

Mack has shit the bed the last couple of years and is close to retirement. Hell no. Petey got out of USC before the NCAA slapped the shit out of him with sanctions.....and he's not even in college football, so I don't even see what your point is there.

You got three...I said he's top five.

ELITE.

Game. Set. Match.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

So you're using the Bob Stoops argument on Mack Brown? Before you get going, scooter, Brown has a more recent NC and Im sure a better BCS record (don't need to research this). Id take him over Stoops.

You're saying that if Carroll were to go back to NCAA, he wouldn't get a job over Stoops? Sheeeeit.

Ide

GMoney said...

Bob Stoops wears a visor = shit coach

The troof shall set you free.