Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Best Damn Rivalry in America

(Apparently Drew needs props)

"Listen fucksticks, I have been saying this for several years about Michigan football, and football in general: I don't care nearly as much. I didn't go to Michigan, I have no stock in the program. I don't like the idea of rooting for or against 18-20 year olds who are playing a game...unless they are named Tyrone Pryor. I just don't care as much."

Words said by Ape on 11/24/10 in the comments section I get to talk about The Game with Ape. This doesn't really make sense though, because like Ape said in the above quoted post a year ago...he doesn't really care about Michigan football. Which if you take a look at the picture from just a few weeks ago when Michigan hosted Purdue with a 6-1 record and top 20 team three minutes before kickoff...their fans don't care either.

THIS is my problem with Michigan "fans". After Ape's pussy rant about not caring last year, I proceeded to explain to him just how much I cared about The Game and he said, "It's honestly scary how insane you are". Well, Ape it's honestly scary how big of a pussy you and the rest of your so-called Michigan "fans" are.

I was born in Michigan and lived there for 18 years. My parents went to OSU and my Grand-parents went to OSU. My child-hood was spent wearing OSU clothes to school every Friday in the Fall and living with the disaster and shame that a John Cooper led team gave me every year except twice. I remember running around my house laughing my ass off when Kordell Stewart's gay ass dropped the bomb in the Big House. I LOVED to see Michigan lose...and I still do as I felt the same glee that I did when I was kid when Appalachian State (still wear my t-shirt proudly) blocked that field goal to beat Mike Hart and Company.

This Saturday is my favorite day of the year. I won't be able to sleep much Friday night...I'll be a ball of nervous energy through the morning and the game...and after it I'll either be as happy as I can be or I'll be sitting and not talking to anyone while drinking myself to bed. That my friend is why The Game matters as no other game yearly can bring out those emotions. Unfortunately, you and many of your other friends after the losses instead of being depressed just flip the page and talk about how the Buckeyes tattoos made them that much faster and better. In and Iceman can go fuck yourselves and play an intense battle of Tummy Sticks.

PREDICTION: We may suck..but we aren't gonna suck this week. Get ready to bend over, spread em and take that big ole Buckeye dick that you've taken 7 years in a row. Braxton and Boom go wild. BUCKEYES WIN 24-21

Wow, now take a break and go wipe all the gay off after that touching story. I'm pretty sure John Cooper raped your soul both figuratively and literally.

I'm not going to bore the readers with some personal story because it's not necessary. I don't need to validate my fanhood like every Fuckeye fucktard feels a compulsive desire to do. I stand by my statement that I don't care as much as I used to. Sure, I care. I get excited for the game. I get angry when Michigan fucks up something, especially the coaches. But I don't go around breaking shit because some 19 year old missed a field goal. Drew is 37 years old and lives and dies with every snap that an 18-21 year old Fuckeye takes. THAT'S FUCKING SCARY! He is the reason that professional athletes walk around with bodyguards and the reason why student-athletes need them. This guy buys chloroform in bulk.

So why do I hate Ohio State? Because Joe Germaine is a ginger. Because they jump in a Piss Lake to get "pumped up" for The Game. Because Jim Tressel is a cheating, slimy fuckhole and everybody outside Central Ohio knows it. Because Fine Line Ink is the athletic departments main sponsor. Because Ray Small told me, "Everybody was doing it." Because E Gordon Gee is a fucking cartoon corpse and didn't get fired by Jim Tressel. Because Gene Smiff has the IQ of a corn kernel in my Chipotle diarrhea. Because commenter Daniel has multiple Big Ten Championship rings, but got as much college PT as I did.

I hate the Fuckeyes because I know Kirk Herbstreit has a sex tape with Erin Andrews and refuses to release it to the public. That's just fucking selfish. I hate the Fuckeyes because Craig Krenzel won a National Title and parlayed his molecular genetics degree into a sweet gig as a used car salesman. I hate the Fuckeyes because Adolphus Washington committed to the Fuckeyes yesterday because of academics, "...there is no way you can fail. Even if you’re giving minimal effort there is no way you can fail." I hate the Fuckeyes because I honestly believe Maurice Clarrett is the best human being associated with the 2002 championship team. Maurice Clarrett spent one year as a Fuckeye and became a sociopath. He spent four years in jail and became intelligent. Jail > Fuckeyes.

But most importantly, I hate the Fuckeyes because 99% of the Fuckeye fans are abhorrent, detestable, and heinous human beings. They deserve nothing but the worst in life. I haven't met a single one without some obvious character flaw. They are the juicehead UFC fans of college football. Just complete neanderthal fucking morons. Go poop in a fucking cooler.

Prediction. Brady Hoke is fucking GOD. Michigan rolls 31-13.
Can't wait for this to happen Saturday:

And yes, that is 9+ minutes of Tshimanga Biakabutuka.

Ray Small is still a first round draft pick, right?


Grumpy said...

Ace wins big!!

Might I also add that I am truly touched by the concern expressed yesterday for my well being. My wife has strict instructions to advise G$ of my demise. Links to the obit will be provided.

Anonymous said...

Winner...Ace. Welcome back, killer. Someone check Drew's crawl space for dead hookers...

Thanks for checkin in Grumpy. I was this close to pouring out a 40 of Metamucil in honor of our fallen brethren.

So you believe because Ace feels that way, all Michigan fans feel that way? Any other gross generalizations you wanna toss out there, Drew?

Just because Michigan fans don't try burning the city down after a win or loss doesn't mean we don't care. It just means we're able to keep our emotions in check.

GMoney said...

That was quite glorious for both sides. I like it. Reminds me of when Stephen A and Skip used to scream at each other every morning.

You're goddamn right that there is an Erin and Herbie sex tape out there. There is no chance in Hell that they never boned.

Since it sort of relates, am I the only one getting sick of these Urban Meyer rumors? Either take it or don't but stop denying it when EVERY media outlet knows that you've already accepted the job because you don't care if you make your wife a widow. He says that he has figured out how to balance coaching with life...O RLY? Congratulations, you just hired Steve Spurrier who will spend 40 hours per week in the office and another 40 at Minerva's front 10.

If I was a betting man, I'm taking the points. Michigan isn't that good. UM 21 OSU 16.

Anonymous said...

There is no way Ohio State fans would have tolerated DickRod for that long, letting the program become a joke.

Naptown Wolverine helped his girlfriend (hard to believe, but, yes a woman volunarily had regular sex with him) paint her house DURING the game last year.

Michigan fans are ok with being medicore and Buckeye fans are not. We piss excellence every day. So if that makes us "out of control" then fine by me.

Bucks 17-14


Anonymous said...

How does that prove Michigan fans are "okay" with being mediocre? Every fan base has casual fans you fuckin douche. I have an OSU friend that did yard work for the 3rd and 4th quarter for the OSU/PSU game last weekend. I have another OSU friend who DIDN'T EVEN WATCH the Purdue/OSU game.

Expecting to win doesn't make you out of control. Getting pepper sprayed and shot by rubber bullets because you're running naked through campus after a win does.

GMoney said...

For the record, you are "pissing 6-5" this year. Congrats?

More Biakabutuka videos please.

Anonymous said...

Winner- drew!

Ace is a giant pussy. Obvz he only said those things because he was depressed about getting murked for the 7th straight time. Sour grapes.

Is iceman having crow for thanksgiving? How many times did he tell us that osu wouldn't be able to find a coach with all these sanctions? LOLZZZZ. If anyone has time and is able to check the archives, exact quotes would be appreciated. Urban meyer bitches!!!!!!! Woooooo! I can already see the frustration on buckeye haters' faces. Now start saying that you're glad that osu got him (you're not) because blah blah blah blah...

Osu- 27
Bitchigan- 17


Anonymous said...

G$- we will be pissing 7-5, while shitting on the bighouse


Anonymous said...

So did ace not get mad at 18-21 year old players before or after his "Morgan Trent should have been swallowed" post?


Prime99 said...

I don't have an official side in this but I do find it crazy that when I grew up in Naptown, UM would stomp OSU's dick most of the time. Recently, it's exactly reversed. As a casual observer, its nice to see this rivalry be more evenly matched, even if neither team is truly ELITE.

Well done by both Drew and Mr Ace. Wild generalizations and shit talk are the winners today.

Mr. Ace said...

I still love you, Drew.

I also hate the Fuckeyes because there were over 30 player arrests while Urban Meyer was coach at Florida...the Fuckeyes really care about cleaning up the program.

Dut, when I wrote that Morgan Trent post I was still living with my parents. It brought back all my teenage angst. And it wasn't just because Morgan Trent was terrible, it was because he acted like a fuckwad on the field when he made his one good play every 4 games. And I personally watched Nick Moore--total doucher--set a Big House record for receptions on him.

I am far from a casual fan. I spend more time reading Mgoblog and other Michigan outlets than I do watching porn...and I am definitely more than a casual fan of porn.

I just don't live and die with every game. Probably because my life is not worthless. But don't get my wrong, if we lose to the Fuckeyes this year in The Big House I will be fucking livid. But I won't throw my remote through the TV, storm the streets and burn my coach, get shot with rubber bullets, or be a total dick for the next week. But still, 31-13.

Anonymous said...

Ace is a douche...for you Dut.

GMoney said...

By the way, go back up and read Grumpy's comment again...I'M IN HIS WILL!!! It better not be all of his butthole flesh lights though.

It aLmost scares me to think how much time Drew wastes in the archives here. But I appreciate the clicks nonetheless.

Maybe anOSU is getting the old Urban. But I doubt it. Way to sell out your school (again) for wins. He isn't going to bring in good character guys...we all know this. If the board of trustees wanted to clean up the program, then they just did the exact opposite. But none of you care, right?

I'm about to pick up my fixed laptop (YES...PORN AGAIN!). A virus destroyed my operating system. I'm glad I pay Norton to stop that shit for me. Assholes. Heading back to the Nap so behave yourselves. Dut, you going to that Jenapalooza thing tonight before Spick's?

Anonymous said...

I'm actually glad you guys got Urban Meyer. His complete disregard of ethics should get OSU the death penalty by 2015...assuming he doesn't die first.

Mr. Ace said...

After going back and reading the Morgan Trent post...I still hate Morgan Trent. Great post by me.

Anonymous said...

Well, Ace obviously get to see mine first which pretty much negates and winner loser here. That's a bull-shit move by G$, but expected.

I liked Ace's porn comment I'm more than a casual porn viewer and spend more time on OSU sites as well.

The thing I hate the most about college football? Oversigning. Urban was an out-spoken critic of oversigning and STILL won two Natty's in the SEC.

URBAN IS CUMMING!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!!

Braxton's gonna run all over Michigan in excitement for capable offensive coaches in his near future.


Anonymous said...

Where the fuck did all of you faggots go????

Is everyone just that excited that URBAN IS CUMMING!!!!!!!!!!


GMoney said...

Drew, to be fair, your initial post totes titty-fucked Ace's. You motivated him to become a better man today.

Got my porntop back today. No longer a slave to Microsoft, rolling with Linux Ubuntu now. It seems ridiculously sick. If you ever have computer problems, I've got the guy for you. He fixed my shit in less than a day and it only cost me a 12 pack of Bud Light. Geek Squad can get fucked.

GMoney said...

Sorry Drew, I was on the road.

Demetrius is not yet sold on Urban's arrival which means that I can not be either.

Spielman is doing the game tomorrow? WTF ESPN/ABC???

Anonymous said...

G$....Download Avast. It's free virus software and works like a gem.

It's bull-shit that ESPN/ABC/MEYER aren't making Meyer (yes I want him to make himself) do the OSU/Michigan game.