|With guns like those, he won't be unemployed for long. And is that Eva Angelina behind him? I think it might be!|
Rain - Probably the biggest winner of the weekend was horrible weather. Fucking ruined game 1 and seemed to pop it's stupid face up again in game 2 when the Yankees had a rally. Oh well. It happens.
Max Scherzer - Oh, he was outstanding yesterday. But he was freaking me the fuck out. Guy has some weirdo disease where his eyes are different colors. He has to be a virgin with those eyes and that huge beak on his face. There's no way that he doesn't pay for sex. Ugliest non-John Lackey in the league.
Joe Girardi - I don't know why you wouldn't believe me, but now you know that this guy is AWFUL at his job. Let me take out a gold glove caliber defender who rarely strikes out and never hits into double plays for Eric Chavez Guerrero Jr! Let's throw Luis Ayala in the 9th inning of a three run game and keep sitting on David Robertson AKA the best set up guy in baseball this season. Girardi is a dumbass. So we're at the best of three now...we'll see how it goes. Dut is already cocking off after Valverde's disaster of a 9th so that's bad karma for sure. So if the Yankees win, blame him. Football? Football.
The Rams - This team is absolute SHIT. They are fucking rotten. Steve Spagnuolo should be fired yesterday. If I knew a Rams fan, I would drive over to their house and mercy kill them. I bet that RedZone only showed about 6 plays of the Skins/Rams game yesterday. Even as a Skins fan, that was way too many.
Mike Shanahan - There you go, fantasy players. Shanny doing his usual and fist-fucking fantasy owners by dusting Ryan Torain off and then him busting for 100+ and a score. Classic Shanahan. The Skins are 3-1 going into the bye...amazing. They probably should be 4-0.
Jay Cutler - Eh, it's not like he needed to do much what with Forte and Hester going off, but he still blew dicks.
The hopes and dreams of the Bills - Who didn't see this one coming? The Bengals suck but they are a competitive suck if that makes sense. The Bills were due for a shit performance...and they followed through big time. I'm still staying on the bandwagon though.
Pat Shurmur - Uh, you aren't going to win many games when you have your terrible quarterback drop back 61 times. They don't use Hillis or Cribbs enough. It's like he really wants people to believe that Colt is the man and is sacrificing wins to do so. It's like what the Ravens did last year with Flacco...except the Ravens are good. The Browns are not. And the Titans are the worst 3-1 team ever. Even worse than the Skins.
I will not say anything more about the Chiefs/Vikings game other than this sentence.
THE DREAM TEAM!!! - The Eagles pretty much suck. You know all of those sick DB's they had? Guess what, Alex Smith threw on them. How about that fast as fuck offense? Their OL can't block, they turn the ball over constantly, and are all hurt. I don't even know if this is a playoff team anymore. They've lost to the goddamn Giants and Niners AT HOME the last two weeks! And their fans are gay, too.
Alex Henery - You got to make those, nerd.
Andre Johnson - Way to fuck yourself up while RUNNING.
The Steelers - I'll say it...they aren't making the playoffs this year. And this was before I heard that Big Ben fucked up his foot. When did that defense all of a sudden stop stuffing the run? You can run on them now and they absolutely CAN NOT run.. That's strange but delightful. FUCK YOU, GRUMPY AND JEFF!
Sean Payton - If you ever let something called a "J. Cooper" score a touchdown again, I will murder your family. Unless it's John Cooper, of course.
TONY ROMO IS CLUTCH AND ELITE - Nice fucking epic failure by Ron Jaworski's bottom bitch. That was almost too sweet. You know how I know you're bad? You throw a touchdown pass to Barbie Carpenter. And then another one to Lions Defense. And then another pick in the 4th that set up the winning score. Where is "Anonymous Cowboys Fan" today. No really...I want to have a word with that guy. DALLAS SUCKS. DETROIT LIONS FOOTBALL HAS RESTORED THE ROAR!!!
Random Jim Schwartz Awesome Moment of the Week - Drew let me know that Jim was caught by the cameras calling Dez Bryant a "fucking idiot". Glorious and true.
Stupid Broncos Fans - Just stop it with those Pro-Tebow billboards. They are embarrassing. Speaking of Denver, their defense sucks.
Tony Siragusa - He is just putrid and his job is worthless. We can all agree on that, right? Here's more evidence: He calls Fitzgerald, "Larry-Fitz", and did so at least 15 times. I hate Goose.
Victor Cruz - I'm sorry but that was a fumble and the Cardinals got fucking jobbed. "Giving yourself up" should not be a rule at all. Fuck the Giants and I apologize to MATTHEW Hasselbeck because the NYG are the worst 3-1 team.
Hue Jackson - Hey black guy, give McFadden more than 15 touches. And let this be your weekly notice that Wes Welker is sick.
Tony Sparano's ability to feed his family - GUARANTEED first coach fired. Matt Moore AND Reggie Bush!
Pete Carroll and The Falcons Defense - Ol' Petey loves trying him some 61 yard field goals that fail miserably! Atlanta gave up 4 touchdowns to the Seahawks. That is brutal.
***Fantasy Update***Going into the Sunday Nighter, I've got a good shot at going 4-0 this week. Absolutely shit-stomped Mr. Ace in the MSFL, OWNED Ide in the G$FL, and as long as Boldin doesn't get outscored by Shonn and Freeman by 30 or so, I'll be undefeated still in the DFL. This is beginning to feel like MY YEAR.
So there's that. Bye weeks start next week. No Redskins Football makes me a sad blogger. Not really. I've got more important things to worry about...like how much I want to stab Jose Valverde who has redefined the word "perfection". It now means "to be a fat Spaniard who imbibes on semen cocktails". I hate that guy so much.