Monday, October 03, 2011

The Worst of Week Four Vol.V

With guns like those, he won't be unemployed for long.  And is that Eva Angelina behind him?  I think it might be!
We're sort of going to combine a little baseball with our football today.  If we waited until Wednesday, that would be too long.  First things first, the Red Sox parting ways with Terry Francona and his 4 inch pythons is so stupid.  Sure, someone needed to take the fall for their collapse but it shouldn't have been the guy who won 2 titles in his 8 years for a "cursed" franchise.  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that they let go the best manager in the league, but it should have been their faggot GM for, I don't know, signing John Lackey and Crawford (and other underachieving free agents).  Yeah, because them sucking was the manager's fault.  On with the rest of the worst starting with the ALDS:

Rain - Probably the biggest winner of the weekend was horrible weather.  Fucking ruined game 1 and seemed to pop it's stupid face up again in game 2 when the Yankees had a rally.  Oh well.  It happens.

Max Scherzer - Oh, he was outstanding yesterday.  But he was freaking me the fuck out.  Guy has some weirdo disease where his eyes are different colors.  He has to be a virgin with those eyes and that huge beak on his face.  There's no way that he doesn't pay for sex.  Ugliest non-John Lackey in the league.

Joe Girardi - I don't know why you wouldn't believe me, but now you know that this guy is AWFUL at his job.  Let me take out a gold glove caliber defender who rarely strikes out and never hits into double plays for Eric Chavez Guerrero Jr!  Let's throw Luis Ayala in the 9th inning of a three run game and keep sitting on David Robertson AKA the best set up guy in baseball this season.  Girardi is a dumbass.  So we're at the best of three now...we'll see how it goes.  Dut is already cocking off after Valverde's disaster of a 9th so that's bad karma for sure.  So if the Yankees win, blame him.  Football?  Football.

The Rams - This team is absolute SHIT.  They are fucking rotten.  Steve Spagnuolo should be fired yesterday.  If I knew a Rams fan, I would drive over to their house and mercy kill them.  I bet that RedZone only showed about 6 plays of the Skins/Rams game yesterday.  Even as a Skins fan, that was way too many.

Mike Shanahan - There you go, fantasy players.  Shanny doing his usual and fist-fucking fantasy owners by dusting Ryan Torain off and then him busting for 100+ and a score.  Classic Shanahan.  The Skins are 3-1 going into the bye...amazing.  They probably should be 4-0.

Jay Cutler - Eh, it's not like he needed to do much what with Forte and Hester going off, but he still blew dicks.

The hopes and dreams of the Bills - Who didn't see this one coming?  The Bengals suck but they are a competitive suck if that makes sense.  The Bills were due for a shit performance...and they followed through big time.  I'm still staying on the bandwagon though.

Pat Shurmur - Uh, you aren't going to win many games when you have your terrible quarterback drop back 61 times.  They don't use Hillis or Cribbs enough.  It's like he really wants people to believe that Colt is the man and is sacrificing wins to do so.  It's like what the Ravens did last year with Flacco...except the Ravens are good.  The Browns are not.  And the Titans are the worst 3-1 team ever.  Even worse than the Skins.

I will not say anything more about the Chiefs/Vikings game other than this sentence.

THE DREAM TEAM!!! - The Eagles pretty much suck.  You know all of those sick DB's they had?  Guess what, Alex Smith threw on them.  How about that fast as fuck offense?  Their OL can't block, they turn the ball over constantly, and are all hurt.  I don't even know if this is a playoff team anymore.  They've lost to the goddamn Giants and Niners AT HOME the last two weeks!  And their fans are gay, too.

Alex Henery - You got to make those, nerd.

Andre Johnson - Way to fuck yourself up while RUNNING.

The Steelers - I'll say it...they aren't making the playoffs this year.  And this was before I heard that Big Ben fucked up his foot.  When did that defense all of a sudden stop stuffing the run?  You can run on them now and they absolutely CAN NOT run..  That's strange but delightful.  FUCK YOU, GRUMPY AND JEFF!

Sean Payton - If you ever let something called a "J. Cooper" score a touchdown again, I will murder your family.  Unless it's John Cooper, of course.

TONY ROMO IS CLUTCH AND ELITE - Nice fucking epic failure by Ron Jaworski's bottom bitch.  That was almost too sweet.  You know how I know you're bad?  You throw a touchdown pass to Barbie Carpenter.  And then another one to Lions Defense.  And then another pick in the 4th that set up the winning score.  Where is "Anonymous Cowboys Fan" today.  No really...I want to have a word with that guy.  DALLAS SUCKS.  DETROIT LIONS FOOTBALL HAS RESTORED THE ROAR!!!

Random Jim Schwartz Awesome Moment of the Week - Drew let me know that Jim was caught by the cameras calling Dez Bryant a "fucking idiot".  Glorious and true.

Stupid Broncos Fans - Just stop it with those Pro-Tebow billboards.  They are embarrassing.  Speaking of Denver, their defense sucks.

Tony Siragusa - He is just putrid and his job is worthless.  We can all agree on that, right?  Here's more evidence:  He calls Fitzgerald, "Larry-Fitz", and did so at least 15 times.  I hate Goose.

Victor Cruz - I'm sorry but that was a fumble and the Cardinals got fucking jobbed.  "Giving yourself up" should not be a rule at all.  Fuck the Giants and I apologize to MATTHEW Hasselbeck because the NYG are the worst 3-1 team.

Hue Jackson - Hey black guy, give McFadden more than 15 touches.  And let this be your weekly notice that Wes Welker is sick.

Tony Sparano's ability to feed his family - GUARANTEED first coach fired.  Matt Moore AND Reggie Bush!

Pete Carroll and The Falcons Defense - Ol' Petey loves trying him some 61 yard field goals that fail miserably!  Atlanta gave up 4 touchdowns to the Seahawks.  That is brutal.

***Fantasy Update***Going into the Sunday Nighter, I've got a good shot at going 4-0 this week.  Absolutely shit-stomped Mr. Ace in the MSFL, OWNED Ide in the G$FL, and as long as Boldin doesn't get outscored by Shonn and Freeman by 30 or so, I'll be undefeated still in the DFL.  This is beginning to feel like MY YEAR.

So there's that.  Bye weeks start next week.  No Redskins Football makes me a sad blogger.  Not really.  I've got more important things to worry about...like how much I want to stab Jose Valverde who has redefined the word "perfection".  It now means "to be a fat Spaniard who imbibes on semen cocktails".  I hate that guy so much.

44 comments:

Grumpy said...

With 3 starters on the OL out, the Steelers are a mess. Ben will not last the season.

What did the Yankees do?

Jeff said...

The defensive line is just as bad as the o line. They must've forgot to take their annual trip to the fountain of youth.

The Iceman said...

I want to kill Mike Shanahan. That is all.

Props to Drew for all of these wonderful Schwartz nuggets. Schwartzy's mouth is a fountain of knowledge.

The Steelers missing the playoffs is usually the only thing I have to cheer for every year. If they're eliminated by week 10, what the hell am I supposed to do for the rest of the season? Hope for Al Davis to streak at the final Raiders home game?

GMoney said...

Give it up for the Jets as well. When was the last time a team gave up THREE defensive TD's?

And yes, barring a 4 touchdown flawless game by Freeman tonight, I will be having another 4-0 fantasy week. 4-0, 4-0, 3-1, and 2-2...bring it.

Anonymous said...

I was cocking off!? I was just trying to have a genuine conversation about the series!

Valverde might be the most hateable player in sports. Fat, cocky, emotional, and good. He wasn't dancing or anything yesterday, so I'm surprised to see hate. You should be hating your manager for leaving Arod in the clean up slot. We should be pitching around Cano to get to Arod.

My heart almost exploded when Avila slipped on the damn on deck circle trying to catch the final out. Why the hell didn't Inge take that ball!?

Avila, Jackson, and Peralta have looked nervous as hell the first 2 games. I see that stopping tonight and them stepping up. At this point, I love the Tigers chances. We'll see what happens..

Both of my fantasy teams got their first wins yesterday! I wouldn't want to play the Wobblers in the DFL right now with a healthy Foster. I see a winning streak coming.

Dut

MuDawgfan said...

How was the Sheppards Pie?

Make sure to include the entire Miami U program in this shit list. Although something tells me we have a special post planned for Ohio State and their 9 sacks allowed.

GMoney said...

If you want to have a convo about the series, do it like Drew and call Girardi a moron for making horrible decisions. Don't send me "Blouses" and "Are you nervous yet". Jesus Christ, I can't believe I'm saying this, but BE MORE LIKE DREW!!!

Should be interesting with the aces on pretty much two days rest. I know they only threw 20+ pitches but it's still a break from their routine that they've been doing for years now. I have faith in CC to get it done. And if he doesn't, WE HAVE AJ BURNETT AS OUR ACE IN THE HOLE!!!

The Tigers better win tonight because I can't see Slick Rick or Fister both winning. Then again, I can't see AJ winning at all.

I might be in trouble in my quest for a perfect season in the MSFL with Hillis, Hightower, AND Roy Helu Jr on byes next week.

GMoney said...

Oh, Dawg, the shepherd's pie and Boddington's Pub Ale were outstanding! British food is not that bad (She$'s fish and chips were solid as well).

Where do you want me to start with the RedHawks?
-Our new OC, in his last 47 games as a coach, is 1-46. ONE AND FORTY SIX.
-That asshole is calling plays.
-We have had a punt blocked or fucked up the last three games
-Our new punter is our starting safety
-The fans that want a QB change just want to see two QB's murdered instead of one
-We had a first and goal from the 1 in the 3rd quarter with a chance to take the lead and didn't score.
-We were +3 in turnovers through 3 quarters and were down 27-0.
-I left with 22 seconds in the third quarter. I had seen enough.

That about covers it. This team SUCKS. And it makes no sense. They won 10 games, the conference, and a bowl last year, returned 19 starters, and now look like they are going to go winless.

Great year to buy season tickets! Saturday will be my last trip to Yager this year out of respect for the West Pointers. I can't justify that drive anymore.

Anonymous said...

"Don't send me "blouses""...that cracked me up.

I'm definitely pumped for tonight. It should be a great atmosphere in Detroit.

How bout' dem Lions?!?! Undefeated going into Monday Night Football.

So, there's no doubt that Calvin Johnson is the best WR in the NFL anymore amirite?

The Schwartz moment of the day. Dez Bryant caught a pass and got up pounding his chest and talking a bunch of shit. Schwartz challenged that he caught it...while they were reviewing it Dez Bryant continued to talk shit to Louis Delmas and had to get seperated. The refs reviewed it...overturned the call and ruled it incomplete...the camera cuts to Schwartz and you can tell he's screaming at Dez to look at him...and he gets him and starts smiling while making the incomplete hand motions and calls him a fucking idiot. I love him.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I am just glad that I get to go to game 4, I hope the Tigers win tonight to I can see how all the homeless party in Detroit on Tuesday.

NW

GMoney said...

The Tigers aren't going to win because everyone knows that the LIONS ARE THE SAVIORS!!!

Prime99 said...

Lil Strut would be defeated in the MSFL if it wasn't for the Jets D (or more specifically the fucking putrid Ravens Offense and Special Teams.) That Sunday nighter was the WORST.

I can't remember the last time I was concerned about the Lions. What an odd feeling. Should be a fun Monday Night next week.

GMoney said...

I can't remember the last time I was concerned about the Lions.

So you weren't worried last year when you STOLE both meetings from them? At least it should be an entertaining Monday Nighter...unlike tonight.

Did you know that Purdue leads the NFL in starting QBs? Drew Brees, The Orton Express, and Curtis Painter. QB U!!!

Prime99 said...

I wasn't this worried going into the game. I now understand the Lions are good, not just overachieving during a game.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't tell if you were complaining about the rain favoring one team or another in the Tigers Yankees bouts? Or if you were just complaining about it in general?

I stopped watching the Lions a little bit into the third (partly because I was using one of those illegal scrambled picture sites and it froze on me). Guess these aren't the same ole lions after all.

- J Saul

PS - No one gives a shit about your fantasy football updates. You might as well tell us you 'lost with aces' the other day in poker.

GMoney said...

Complaining in general because it has tarnished what should be a great series.

If you don't want me wasting a small chunk of this post on my fantasy wheelings and dealings then find any warm body THAT CAN BEAT ME!

Mr. Ace said...

Not giving up on the Eagles yet...but we have the same fucking problems that we have every year. Our redzone offense is a joke because our playcalling is a joke. We have the best running back in the NFL. Yes, Shady McCoy is the best RB in the NFL right now and Reid refuses to hand him the rock in the red zone. Makes no fucking sense.
The defense has a lot of new parts so it will take awhile. I think we will come on strong in the second half, but McCoy has to get the ball in his hands 30 times a game. Fo realz.

I can't wait to write my John Beilein post once Mitch McGary commits to Michigan. Can't wait to get back to the final four.

GMoney said...

LeSean McCoy is not the best RB in the NFL. He isn't even in the top 5. Nice try. If he was, your terrible coaching staff would give him the ball 30 times.

Mr. Ace said...

Better than AD, better than Cop Speed, better than Ray Rice, better than Jamaal Charles ACL, better than Arian, better than Helu Jr. That boy sick.

Anonymous said...

McCoy > AP = False

That was easy to prove that stat wrong.

Is this why you don't write for the blog anymore?

- J Saul

The Iceman said...

Dare I say Darren McFadden is the best RB in the NFL? I darer. Because he is. Too bad Al Davis doesn't remember drafting him.

I would say the top 5 RBs this year are (in this order)

-McFadden
-AP (I'll never understand why this team continues to let McNabb beat them)
-Forte (that's right. Beast.)
-MJD
-Fred Jackson

GMoney said...

McFadden, Peterson, Ray Ray, Charles, Robinson Cano, Foster, etc. That was easy.

Anonymous said...

Ace is just fillin up this blog with homerism today! McCoy the best rb!? Michigan to the final four!? I never thought I'd say this, but thank god Iceman has taken over!

I'm glad I have 2 of G$'s top RBs on my fantasy team!

I have never had so much fun texting "blouses" in my life.

Dut

Grumpy said...

Speaking of bragging, I quietly went to 2-2 in the MSFL, beating a team with two owners. Why does it take two Saul boys to lose?

Mr. Ace said...

DMC has one more fantasy point than McCoy and has touched the ball six more times. The Eagles O line is dog shit. FACTS.

You're all fucking tards if you believe he isn't top 5...especially since he is #1.

Yeah, Iceman...Fred Jackson...AND Forte...AND MJD. Nice list fag.

GMoney said...

Keep talking, asshole...

GMoney said...

You know how I know DMac is better? He has J-Camp handing him the ball.

Prime99 said...

Ace, your comments today are about as good as Ronnie Brown's goal line attempt yesterday. McCoy is good, but he's not #1. Ya know who has a dog shit O Line? The fucking Bears. Forte ran for 205 yards despite that. Using O line as an excuse is fucking clown shoes.

Mr. Ace said...

J-Camp is Top 10 in completion % and Top 12 in passer rating. Vick is 11 in passer rating and 19 in completion %. Owned much?

The Iceman said...

McCoy is top five just like the Eagles are winning the division/Super Bowl. Right, Ace?

All the guys I mentioned don't get hurt pass blocking. Puss. And all the guys I mentioned are trusted goal line backs.

Mr. Ace said...

Forte gets 5.4 YPC...just because an O line can't pass block doesn't mean they can't run block.

Mr. Ace said...

Iceman, so I guess Tolbert is a Top 5 back too, right?

Mr. Ace said...

Take cover, cause Mr. Ace is dropping fact bombs up in this bitch.

The Iceman said...

"Ya know who has a dog shit O Line? The fucking Bears. Forte ran for 205 yards despite that. Using O line as an excuse is fucking clown shoes."

Boom.

The Iceman said...

Jesus Christ dude. Jackson is top 5 in rushing, is a receiving back, can pass block, gets goal line carries, never leaves the field and his team is 3-1. I would say that defines a top 5 RB in the NFL pretty well. If you are a situational back, like McCoy clearly is, how can you justify putting them in the top 5?

Anonymous said...

I want to see a fist fight between Iceman and Ace.

I think everyone can agree that McCoy is not a top 5 back (except Ace).

Posey and Boom apparently had improper benefits this summer. If true, kick them off the fucking team please. I don't know all the details, but how could you be so stupid!?

Mr. Ace said...

Jackson is having a fine year. McCoy and Jackson's stats are nearly identical at this point in the season, with Jackson having about 50 more receiving yards and McCoy having two more TD's...how is McCoy "clearly situational" and Jackson isn't? Fucktard.

Anonymous said...

A reference to G$'s Four Loko experience... http://news.yahoo.com/four-loko-drink-cans-show-true-alcohol-content-161550775.html

The Iceman said...

Goal line carries is a "situation". McCoy does not see goal line carries and Jackson does. So therefore, we can determine that McCoy will only sees carries in certain situations, not ANY situation like Jackson. Hence...situational back.

GMoney said...

Yep, anon, Gene Smiff has a 3:30 press conference and is expected to keep Boom and Posey out longer. Classy guys they are.

Mr. Ace's math:
Jason Campbell > Mike Vick

McCoy is pretty much Tiki Barber. Great from 20 to 20 but they don't trust him enough to give him redzone carries. And no one, NO ONE, ever considered Tiki to be a top 5 RB.

FACT BOMB?

Anonymous said...

Eagle blinders are as bad as OSU blinders ACE. Get real.

GRUMP, unless you are from Napoleon, you best not use the phrase 'Saul boys'. I feel like you know too much about me now.

5 Saul's can't do anything about losing Andre Johnson and Flacco scoring 1 point (not saying he is ELITE or anything, but 1 fucking point?!)

- J Saul

GMoney said...

Oh good! Jose Valverde (he of the 18.00 ERA and 36.00 WHIP) has come out saying that the series will not come back to NY. That's just stupid...unless he's picking the Yankees to win the next two.

I HATE THAT FUCKING MOIST-VERTEBRAE (not racist!)!

Mr. Ace said...

Andy Reid goes full retard in the Red Zone. We could have Mike Alstott, Jerome Bettis, and The Fridge on our team and he would still call a shovel pass on 4th & 1. Ronnie Brown won't get another goal line carry for the rest of his life.

Yall be smoking that Johnny Jolly.

GMoney said...

By the way, if you are an OSU football fan and read this site, check your email. Need your help in the near future. Li'l Strut has already completed his survey because he is an overachiever.