Monday, October 31, 2011
Oh well, at least it's over. Watching girly cartoons is still more entertaining than The Sports Reporters. Anyway, football yesterday was pretty terrible. The early games might have been the worst slate of matchups in NFL history (and somehow the late games were worse). Let's get to it.
Drew Brees and Company - The Saints seem to do something like this every year. They always lose to at least one really rotten team (last year was Cleveland). But the Rams are legitimately shit. That should not have happened.
Not Sam Bradford - That win probably keeps the Rams out of the Luck sweepstakes. That would have been an interesting dilemma actually. If the Rams get the #1 pick, do they dump Bradford already? I would. Tony LaRussa was wearing a Rams 14 jersey on the sidelines yesterday...awful. Speaking of the Series, that was some really entertaining baseball. I could watch Tony's flinch on the last out everyday. Hilarious reaction.
Li'l Strut - I was discussing fantasy football (the MSFL to be exact) and was complimenting LS for his 6-1 start. You know what he told me his strategy on draft day is? "Draft consistent players". WHAT A BOLD IDEA! NO ONE HAS EVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE! God, you are worse than prison rape.
Chris Johnson - I think that we can officially write his 2011 season off now. If you can't break 40 yards against a team that just gave up 62 7 days earlier, you're terrible. And he is totally fucking over Matt Forte with his "holdout then shittiness".
Jim Tressel - Rumor has it, he got commenter Daniel and his wife an OLIVE TRAY for their wedding. OMG LOLZ! It's better than an autographed copy of The Winner's Manual though. Barely.
Tony Sparano - He is a terrible coach and apparently put his house up for sale last week. Nothing beats a coach getting fired.
Giants fans that participate in ESPN chats during games - These are always hilarious idiots. The frontpage of ESPN.com had stupid Giants fans posting stuff as soon as they beat a rotten Dolphins team by a FG like "Eli is a top 5 QB" and "See, Eli would not allow the Giants to lose!" Fans are 'tards.
Olindo Mare - Nice missed chip shot, whatever-your-race-is.
Terry Bradshaw - He ranked Andy Dalton ahead of Cam in his uber-scientific rookie QB rankings because of wins. Yes, TB would rather have Dalton over Cam. He is a child molester.
Kevin Kolb and Joe Flacco - Both of these guys suck. That is all.
Worst Christmas Gift Ever - Courtesy of -Rex, comes this gem...yes, this gentleman is selling a USED FLESHLIGHT!
I got it from my ex-girlfriend Lauren for my birthday, in 2003, and truthfully I have had absolutely no use for it for about 3 years. From 2003-2004, I used it a few times at the most. After every time of use, I cleaned it out very well. If you don't, the smell gets really bad.
Good God. WHO WOULD BUY THIS???
Hines Ward - Yeah, buddy, you're not needed here anymore. Us "haterz" have been waiting for this day for years now but I think it's official...Hines Ward is completely worthless and makes the Steelers worse when he's on the field. They have 3 receivers and a TE all better than him.
Teams that lost late games - I don't want to get into these games because they were brutal. Simply put: The Browns suck, the Seahawks suck, and the Broncos really, really suck.
John Beck - He should just put LOL on the back of his jersey. God, the Redskins are awful. The Bills had 4 sacks in their first 6 games this year. They had EIGHT yesterday. Sorry, Matt Barkley, but you're about to get murdered behind that same line. The Redskins got SHUTOUT by the Bills. ZERO POINTS AGAINST THE BILLS DEFENSE. This performance pretty much defines yesterday's NFL action...awful.
She$ - The wife asked me how many bags of candy she should buy for Trick Or Treat tonight. We get a decent flow in the neighborhood but not a ton of kids. I told her 3 (Twix, Snickers, and Reese's). She came home from the store on Saturday with...NINE BAGS! Who eats fucking Sweet Tarts? Those things are mung! My wife is a fucking lunatic. We're going to be eating that candy until next Summer. Bitches be crazy. And please go back and read my post from two years ago about acceptable Halloween candy. Come for the sugary breakdown, stay for the blurb about "Phil From Pantera".
In conclusion, let me give you a piece of advice. Whenever life gets you down, keep your chin up and remember that it could be worse. You could be selling your used sex toys on the internet. I hope that that guy has never been asked to babysit anyone's kids. In that aspect, maybe I'm not the worst babysitter ever.