|Thou shalt not doubt me.|
Jim Schwartz – It isn’t often that I would look down on anyone trying to start a fight, but Schwartz totes pulled a The Situation on Harbaugh. I still think that he acted like a cunt during that and only decided to go insane once there were 8 300 pound black dudes between the two coaches. Let me give Jim some advice because I don’t want to stop loving the guy. You can’t act the way that you do on the sidelines (which is awesome, by the way, please keep it up) and then get pissed off when someone else does it to you. That’s what ferry-ass hypocrites do. Take Rex Ryan for example. He talked shit about Norv and Norv fired back with a better zinger. Rex’s rebuttal: a win on Sunday. Don’t get mad, get Glad.
Tim Tebow – I’m not sure what to make of his performance on Sunday. Every analyst out there has already chimed in with decent pieces about Timmy. I guess I’ll just say this: the dude plays ugly ass football but somehow he is always in it in the 4th quarter. I would take him over John Beck any day. That might not be a compliment though. The Dolphins are fucking TERRIBLE by the way.
The Lions – Uh oh. Why am I getting the feeling that they’ve already peaked and now the shit is slowly starting to hit the fan? Now I’m not going to pull an Eric Karabell and say that they are going to finish 8-8, but I think the last two weeks have shown that they aren’t as close to the Packers level as some may have initially thought. Stafford is banged up (took long enough!). Jahvid Best can’t do anything if it isn’t a shotgun hand-off and those rarely work in the NFL (at least not consistently). You can run on these guys. They have almost zero discipline. That offensive line is as terrible as Nate Burleson. I don’t particularly care about Suh calling for the meat wagon when Matty Ice was down, but it was kind of a douche move nonetheless. Why would you go out of your way to piss off your opponent? The Lions still have the Pack twice, at the Bears, the Saints, Cammy Cam, TEBOW, Al Davis, and Marmalard left. You know what, 8-8 might not be that much of a stretch. That’s a pretty tough schedule.
Carson Palmer – Remember this guy? He’s still terrible. Joe Flacco-bad. I don’t really think that anyone won or lost on that trade. The Raiders would have wasted those picks anyway (and it most certainly will not be two #1’s). Mike Brown got “rewarded” for being a terrible owner. I won’t call him a winner out of spite since he’ll end up playing hardball and thus having a hold-out with whoever they draft with those picks. But, yes, Carson still blows. He still can’t get enough heat on those out patterns and thus a ton of pick sixes are coming. They should have just went with TP and just ran the wildcat for 4 quarters. Seriously.
Philip Rivers – I’ve always felt that the Floatmaster General was a tad overrated anyway, and he is doing nothing to crush those thoughts this season. The fuck is going on with Marmalard? He’s terrible this season. It’s like the Chargers are 4-2 despite his uneven and underwhelming play. But he seems like the biggest douchebag ever so I will continue to root against him.
The Texans – By the way, if you don’t visit Iceman’s home site (which you shouldn’t), he was quick to dismiss Arian Foster going into this season. Uh, check yo’self, Ice, because when that guy’s legs are right, he oh so sick. The Texans were my preseason AFC champion and I’m sticking with it. If you believe that the Packers run last year can be repeated, then Houston appears to have that same formula. Everyone is hurt early but they persevere and are ready to roll come the playoffs.
The Redskins – Well, that was a fun first 5 weeks. Not many teams can go into their bye at 3-1 and then look worse than the Dolphins after it. That takes special skills. The Skins have now lost 5 starters from a below average offense over the last 2 games and I’m ready to call this season over now. John Beck is fucking terrible. At least with Rex, he’s hilarious when he sucks. I can laugh when he throws a pick into quadruple coverage just because it’s such a Sex Cannon thing to do. With Beck, not so much. Mormons are awful. Did anyone here ever watch Big Love? Worst show ever. Since our three wins has us out of the Luck Derby due to Miami and Indy not winning three games combined this year, it’s time to start scouting the other arms in the 2012 Draft. I’m digging Ramblin’ Red Barkley more and more. Anyone that skull-fucks Brian Kelly can play for my team. I forgot how much it blows when your team’s season is over before week 8.
Fantasy Corner – As I mentioned yesterday, I’m fairly legit and elite this season in every league. Mos def not OVERRATED. The Hightower ACL tear has me scrambling a bit in the DFL and MSFL (combined 12-2!) but we will persevere. Feel free to discuss your fantasies today.
That about covers it. I’m quite certain that Drew will be quick to defend the Lions and that’s OK. I haven’t fought with him in almost a week. I will leave you with this question to ponder (not Christian): what happens on Sunday when Suh and Tebow collide? The apocalypse? Probably the apocalypse.