Thursday, October 27, 2011

Pro Combat Can Get AIDS And Die

The Buckeyes are wearing these monstrosities on Saturday night for some reason. I don’t know why other than everyone likes to bend over for Nike. I don’t know what the uniforms actually look like, but I’m sure that they’re just as hideous. You know, call me old fashioned (which I’m not because I love retro uniforms), but all of these alternate looks and Pro Combat horseshit fucking pisses me off. For the most part, they are ALL ugly ass designs only brought out so that idiots purchase them. That’s it. They aren’t designed to be replicas of some past national championship team or something else quasi-cool. It’s just for Nike/Under Armour/the school to sell more unnecessary shit to mouth breathers.

And why must everyone slap numbers on the side of the helmets now? Want to know why that is cool? Because only one school does it! That’s Bama’s schtick. A handful of other schools doing that cheapens the look. Man that pisses me off. If people start ripping off Florida State’s helmet (the best helmet ever), I’m just going to stop watching college football.

I freely admit that I have no idea what all of this Occupy Wall Street stuff is about (because I don’t care), but I assume it’s about rich people being too rich or whatever. Why don’t these people do something useful and protest these horrendous college football uniforms? Now that is something that everyone could get behind.

As I mentioned though, not all of them are shit. I was actually able to come up with 5 good, 5 bad, and the ugliest alternate helmets/uniforms of all time. I feel like this is a decent topic. Shall we? We shall.

The Good:
*Boise State’s all blue look with the large bronco outline on the helmet – They wore these against Toledo (I think). I like them better than their normal unis.
*Everything that Oregon wears – They started the trend so I give them points for being innovators
*The U’s green helmets – best helmets ever even if they are accompanied by horrible orange jerseys
*LSU when they wear all-white including the helmets – They wore these on Saturday…sharp as fuck.
*Florida’s white helmet with the blue F – Florida always has sick threads though.

The Bad:
*Maryland’s flag and turtle shell helmets – The less said about these, the better. I can officially say that I hope Under Armour goes bankrupt now.
*Arizona State’s new helmets with a fork on it – I actually liked that weirdo cartoon devil…he reminded me of The Noid!
*Notre Dame doing anything different than usual – those helmets were waaaaaay too shiny on Saturday night…and green jerseys are fucking gay
*Ohio State’s unis from the Michigan game last season – Commenter Jeff bought a TP jersey in this style. Everyone hates Commenter Jeff.
*Michigan’s stripe-orgy this year – The numbers don’t even fit on the helmet!

The Ugly:
*Spartan Gold – WHY???? FUCK YOU, SPARTY!

Let’s get a decent debate going about this today. At worst, it will be fun to read Grumpy’s comment about the need to bring back leather helmets. Actually, you know, someone asked Luke Fuckell this week if he wanted to wear all black uniforms and he said that he would. I think that that would be a pretty sick look actually. So, Nike, give the Buckeyes all black instead of helmets with numbers and smeared menstrual fluid on them. And maybe a plane crash, too. You know, in honor of Payne Stewart (10 years ago this week!).


Jeff said...

It's from 2 years ago! Get it right! I did not purchase it, it was a gift.

My throwback TP jersey > your mcpuke skins jersey.

Deal with it!

Grumpy said...

I like Jeff. Actually, when players wore leather helmets there was not a problem with concussions. The modern helmets make them think they are invincible; players wearing leather helmets didn't lead with their heads.

Kentucky is wearing all black unis this weekend. Go Blue!

I awoke to the following headline in this morning's paper: "Kelly wants Jumbotron for Irish". Because he wants fans to see that hot mess in larger than life color? Kill a manager, protect a rapist and get me a Jumbotron.

Anonymous said...

Skins should go retro and take the FSU helmet back. MD flag awesome, but awful on uniforms. Congrats to Nike for starting this disaster, Penn State will be next to put numbers or some retarded looking animal on their helmets next.


Anonymous said...

Not to be a stickler, but those BSU uniforms were Combat Gear.


Anonymous said...

I hate everything about Michigan I hate the helmets/uniforms by rule.

You should have known this was coming. No one is original anymore because it's too easy to copy something that seems to work (Oregon). You get one team that does something different and everyone says, "That's fucking dumb. It'll never work......unless it does work then we will steal it for ourselves."
Shitty uniforms are here to stay.

GMoney said...

Ide, I thought I said that not all of it is horrible, but most of it is. At least I meant to say that.

My McNabb jersey is hilarious and you know it! It was also free even after I told my uncle twice that I didn't want it.

Brian Kelly eats shit.

I really liked it when the Skins wore the spear helmet for Spurrier's first game (I think that's right). It's a sharp looking helmet...literally.

Anonymous said...

That was the best Grumpy post in a while.

Let me preface what I'm about to say, by saying that I also hate all of this stuff. BUT, you can shut your uninformed jabroni mouth about the uniform's OSU will wear on Saturday. First of all, those helmets are the helmets (outside of funky new protection style) designs that they wore in 1961. ALSO, if you look at the link I'm about to post in 1961 their helmets had their numbers on the side. are so dumb for real.

Michigan has alredy worn two different pieces of garbage this year. If we're gonna bend over and take it from Nike at least we only take it once year...Michigan's taking the Adidas dick twice already.

No clue why MSU put gold all over their uniforms a couple weeks ago when it's not even a school color.


MG said...

Yet another blog that's written by a 13-year old.

Ohio State's new Nike Pro Combat uniforms they are wearing for the Wisconsin game were designed to honor the 1961 national championship team.

While the new helmet looks just like it did in 1961 (with today's technology advancements, of course), the jersey also bears a close resemblance to the ones worn 50 years ago. The pants, not so much.

But that's why they were designed that way. The 1961 uniform with a modern touch.

GMoney said...

I'm sorry that I offended you, MG. How dare I treat one of my dedicated readers such as yourself like shit by not properly researching ugly ass helmets. Does the fact that these are sort-of throwbacks make it any less hideous?

The point is that unless you are Oregon, switching your gear is fucking stupid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Ohio State or Michigan or Sparty's normal uniforms. People that say "it's fun" probably take it up the ass. You can honor the 1961 team by bringing them out at halftime or something. There. Just solved that issue.

Yet another blog comment written by a guy who rapes 13 year olds...


Anonymous said...

You should've known better than to besmirch anything that OSU does on a blog that has OSU readers, G$. If the University decided to put a guy bent over spreading his own butthole on the helmets, the fans would find a way to defend the move.

Grumpy said...

I like throwback unis. I love numbers on helmets; it's not just a Bama thing, everybody did it in the '60's, the 1960's, when life was less complicated, June Cleaver was hot and weed was cheap.

And yes, I did walk 5 miles in the snow to school and back, uphill both ways.

Anonymous said...

Damn.. While reading this I couldn't wait to bring up that commenter Jeff bought/wears one of those "throwbacks". He is also a steelers fan, so this is just more evidence that he's white trash!

Grumpy, you pumpkin pie hair cutted freak, they didn't know what concussions were when you were growing up. That's the only reason there were "less concussions" with leather helmets. I did like your "go blue" comment. Well played, grump, well played!

Osu in all black would be sick nasty. The ravens look intimidating as aids when they wear those things.

MG is my new favorite commenter.


MuDawgfan said...

I might be the one guy who doesn't care one way or another what they wear.

You wanna give the program millions of dollars to wear your brand - ok, we'll dress like clowns for a game and be done with it. To me, it seems like complaining about it is like complaining about the songs that the band plays at halftime. You just end up looking like a dick.

Does anyone close to OSU's program (or any program for that matter) know if this stuff is used as a legitimate recruiting tool? Are coaches going to prospects and using this to attract new players?
That's pretty weak if true...

Anonymous said...

As Grumpy would say....MG is the Bee's Knees! Throwing down some smack on G$.'s not that anybody cares that G$ tried to put down the OSU uniforms. It's just that his reasoning was flat out wrong. Those helmets aren't some new design....and they DID have the numbers on the side. So, he's fucking you.

Keep posting here MG!


GMoney said...

pumpkin pie hair cutted freak--What the fuck does this even mean??? Explain a pumpkin pie haircut, please.

You idiots CLEARLY do not get the message. Ohio State has pretty solid uniforms anyway...why look like assholes and hide behind the excuse that "it's just for one game"? Did the '61 helmets have the massive red blob of a line down the center, too?

And by the way, I have said nothing negative about Ohio State today. NOTHING. Because a plane crash that killed the entire team would be a positive.

Grumpy has a point though, Dut. You aren't going to launch yourself headfirst for a killshot when the person going to die is you.

Anonymous said...

G$- pumpkin pie hair cutted freak is from dumb and dumber. Not sure why it popped into my head, but it sounded right!

I could also care less about the units... So I'm not defending or ripping them. I would prefer to use the normal uniforms since they look badass under the lights.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

G$...You CLEARLY did not look at the link I pasted in my first post that is a picture of the 1961 helmets. YES those helmets had a massive red blob line down the middle.

As Iceman stated...don't be surprised that you could possibly fire up the OSU people when you start a post about them...which is funny...because as MG stated...when you do zero research and write a blog like a 13 yr old it can backfire.

Look at the link and you can stop asking dumb questions.


Anonymous said...

Count me as an Ohio State fan that will not defend most throwback or alternate uniforms. Personally, I hated when Ohio State changed their uniform style before the 2006 season. I HATED the throwbacks from 2 years ago and I strongly disliked last year's. I will say this year's throwbacks are far more tolerable, though. The entire uniform doesn't look too bad, relative to the others. Hopefully, all-black uniforms will be worn by OSU in the near future during a night game.

Keep sticking it to the man, MG. G$ doesn't like it when he gets suspicious of men other than himself raping 13 year old boys.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Drew, let this be a lesson, I never click on any link that you post because I always just assume that it's pictures of you orally servicing MG. And you post URL's not links. WHAT A DUMBASS. He doesn't even know how to work the internet!

I never do research. You've dealt with this for 5+ years yet apparently, on a day when I just comment about how ugly throwbacks are and teams should stick with their normal shit, it's an issue. The fact that these were worn 50 years ago does not take away anything from the post. At all. You dumbasses are trying to make something out of less than nothing.

Again, I said nothing bad about Ohio State. I actually complimented your current unis. Yet I catch all sorts of Hell. It's going to be great watching Russell Wilson ram his honey badger in your poopholes come Saturday night.

Can we all agree though that The U's green helmets are the sickest of the sick?

Anonymous said...

Can we all agree that today's blog shoudl have been about the reemergence of "Beavis and Butthead" tonight and how it's going to be fucking awesome? I'm very excited.


GMoney said...

Can we all agree that today's blog shoudl have been about the reemergence of "Beavis and Butthead" tonight and how it's going to be fucking awesome?

I've been planning on talking about that tomorrow for some time now. I'm cautiously optomistic...a little nervous that it won't be as funny as it was 10+ years ago.

Jeff said...

Thanks Grump, I like you too (no homo).

Anonymous said...

Pumpkin Pie Haircut =

Anonymous said...

I think "B&B" will be better than they were back then for two main reasons...

1.) They can be filthier than they were back then. TV has come a long ways in being allowed to say crude things on cable channels.

2.) The fact that they are watching reality TV instead of music videos is going to be tremendous. The commercial they keep running of them watching "16 and Pregnant" kills me every time.

I'm optimistic...glad we are talking about it tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

It would be cool if they threw in a music video or two. A lot of shitty video's have happened since they've been gone.


GMoney said...

I think it's pretty obvz that I silenced all the haters today. No one puts Money in the corner...NO ONE!!!

Anonymous said...

Love seeing Suh on the SI All Under Achieving Team since Detroit fan Drew has been sucking his balls all season.