Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Money Shot Winners and Losers

                                                     "I pooped!"

Welcome back to the Tuesday edition of The Money Shot where we do Tuesday things.  Today, I will be showing the Internet world how dumb we all are as a collective group.  Well, not me...but all of you, since these are all of your sloping forehead caveman picks.  But first...God damn you Rusty Wilson!  How dare you and the Badgers make me look like a silly nanny!  I was perfectly content with watching you plow through Michigan State's vaginal wall en route to a murderous blowout.  Instead, you let Kirk Cousins and his 3rd string CFL talent beat you with a desperation heave caught by Keith Nichol's nose.  Dear God, did you see that thing?  Talk about a pussy restricter.  Don't fart in front of him...it could actually kill him.  Now that William Gholston is back I can't wait to see what he gets suspended for next.  My guess would be attempting to punch a hole through someone's face after presenting him with a 4th grade math problem on a flash card.  I don't know where I'm going with this.  God, I fucking hate the Spartans.  Moving on.  What say we revisit some preseason predictions from The Money Shot commenters and find out who the winners and losers are.


Iceman - Because I always win.

GSaul - Picking Shittsburgh as your underrated team didn't help your cause, but you found redemption in the state of Texas when most people find obesity or crystal meth.  Ryan Tannehill has been impressive and you called it good sir!  I won't penalize you for LaMichael James since he's still 11th in rushing yards despite missing two games from the most gnarly elbow dislocation this side of the Prime Meridian.  He would be in the Heisman talk if not for that injury...and should be despite it.  In the future do yourself a favor and ignore the Big East like the rest of the world.

Drew - Fuck.  I can't believe you made the cut, but the numbers don't lie.  You had a complete meltdown in your overrated/underrated picks (Ok State 4 losses, Ohio State finishing in the top 10), but are the only one who still has BOTH picks for the title game still alive (Alabama over Stanford).  Your Heisman pick is currently sitting at 3rd and I'm pretty sure JoePa's funeral is scheduled for sometime in April when the ground thaws.  We clearly fucking hate each other, but at least you know your shit...some of the time.  You know, when you aren't sucking the sperm from Ohio State's bumpy shaft like a starving, strung out, third world country prostitute.

GMoney - Even though you took the pussy way out, I suppose I'll let you in to the ELITE club of winners.  Notre Dame overrated?  Oooooooo, what a risk taker!  Andrew Luck for the Heisman?!  Someone talk this man down from the ledge!!  What will he blow our minds with next?  Watch in jaw dropping awe as GMoney drives FIVE miles an hour over the speed limit.  Gasp in astonishment as he orders a SECOND helping of Spanish rice.  Such an adrenaline junkie.  Okay, I'm done.  I was mildly impressed with your Eric Page and Brock Osweiler picks.  Good, not great.  At least you untucked your balls for a second to make those picks.  But you lose points for sucking the juice out of Beamer's silicon turkey neck and buying into V-Tech.  Even with Miami OH's schedule these snatch napkins aren't going undefeated.


Damman - I almost instantly banished you to the loser category on a knee jerk reaction for calling for Dabo Swinney's head at the end of the season.  But I decided to allow it since Clemson usually disappoints in brilliant fashion.  Overall, there was just too much fowl odor here to ignore.  The Virginia Tech Fake Necks are 7-1, Purdue still blows and neither Boise or Oklahoma will sniff the title game.  Also for the record, I want to keep my eye on Juron Criner as much as I want to keep my eye on Oprah's mangled beef curtains spread wide open with her Johnsonville John Madden sausage fingers.

Dut - /fart noise.  Good call on Arkansas, genius.  And tell me again why I'm supposed to keep my eye on John Brantley.  So I have a better reason to mail you a bag of my shit?  Brantley is worse than your call for Florida State to be in the national championship game.  You are a terrible, rotten person and are definitely NOT elite.  Unless we're talking about making dumb predictions.  You are PLATINUM ELITE in that category.  But at least you didn't suck as much as Damman.  Damman is so rotten he probably hates stuff like ice cream and fake tits.

The Wig Master - Do you even read this blog?  Well if you do, congratulations.  LSU overrated and Ohio State underrated was incredibly dumb.  Why would you pick a team who finished 8th in the country last year to be overrated?  Not to mention the fact that LSU has finished 1st, 8th and 10th in recruiting since 2009.  Les Miles may drink out of the toilet, but son of a bitch can that fucker recruit talent.  The better than average year that Stedman Baily is having doesn't even come close to making amends for this brutal error.  And Landry Jones is a dick sucking hobo.

In conclusion, it would only be fair to point out that I was completely wrong about Wisconsin.  Don't get me wrong, they're good.  But they aren't national title good.  I made the mistake of going all in despite the weak competition.  Wisconsin reminds me of this:  A few years ago, I was at a bar with some friends.  We were all a little fried when this group of girls walk in.  My buddy turns to me and says, "I can't figure out if that chick in the black is hot or fat, but I intend to find out."  The next morning I get a text that reads, "She just got into the shower.  Come get me...quickly.  And for the record she was more fat than hot."  Thanks for playing, fat girl.  Oh yeah, and Jaamal Berry got arrested.  So it looks like there's at least one guy who is a bigger fuck than anyone on this website.  Enjoy, piss stains.


Grumpy said...

I demand a recount. I deserve a spot in the losers bracket for predicting a Big Ten championship for Northwestern.

The Iceman said...

Grumpy, I went strictly with those whom G$ had writing preseason predictions. If it makes you happy I'll give you an honorary spot in the losers category. Just stay away from Damman...I heard he's contagious.

GMoney said...

Les Miles may drink out of the toilet
--That made me LOL

I am elite. Elite as fuck. Just look at my fantasy teams (4-0 this week!). 6-1, 6-1, 5-2, and 4-3...I'm winning a crown this year.

I'm just going to come out and say it even though Saturday night contradicts what I'm about to write:

Kirk Cousins is fucking terrible. He really is. Why do analysts just assume that because he's a Senior, he's supposed to be good. I've never met a Kirk who was good at anything other than Sonic the Hedgehog and Kiddy Cat basketball. The fact that some are considering him a 3rd round pick is a goddamn travesty. I'd rather have Pryor.

The Iceman said...

Kirk Cameron is good at loving Jesus and having a hot sister.

But I'm with you on Cousins. He's been terrible his entire career and now people are shining his pecker like he's hot shit. I almost wrecked my car the other day when I was listening to the radio and Cowturd started talking about how Cousins is an elite college QB. Dumb fuck.

Can we talk about Jaamal Berry's brilliant arrest?

Anonymous said...

Damn straight I'm a winner. I went back to that blog posting and fished out some comments from that week....enjoy....

G$ -- "I agree that the Fuckeyes are being underrated this year."

Me -- "That ND/UM game in week 2 at night is gonna be very interesting. Obviously if ND has any chance to live up to their ranking they have to win that one."

Ape looking smart then reaffirming he's stupid -- "I'm being unbiased as I possibly can, I don't think the Fuckeyes are being underrated. Their offensive line is questionable at best, especially in pass protection. Joe fucking Bauserman is the starting QB, not exactly a guy known to be fleet footed. A new coach...A BRAND NEW FUCKING COACH. Suspended players. There is going to be a drop off. A big drop off.

Toledo is underrated. I recently purchased my Toledo v Fuckeyes tickets and I cannot wait to hear the 'shoe go quiet when my Rockets come out victorious. This shit is happening. Toledo is losing two games at the most. Top 25."

Lil' Strut -- "OSU is going to be just fine. The offense will only look slightly different, and the Buckeyes will seriously contend for their 7th straight BCS bowl appearance."

Me -- "the Clemson coach is going nowhere after he just reeled in/bought the best recruiting class that Clemson has ever seen. That bought him time."


Anonymous said...

Iceman....when Jaamal Berry actually gets arrested for something we can talk about Jaamal Berry's arrest.


Anonymous said...

Hey, I stuck my neck out on some of these picks. Any fag (G$) could've picked all of the obvious choices. FYI, there is still time for VA Tech to shit the bed. Kellen Moore is not out of the Heisman race and Boise St. is still in the Championship hunt. Not likely, but they are still in it.


The Iceman said...

That's the risk you take for glory, Damman. Sometimes you win, sometimes you look dumb as fuck.

Boise is as much in the national title game race as my senior year BGSU flag football team was that year. You know God damn well everyone is doing whatever they can to keep Boise out. They wouldn't want to give Cowturd a reason to drone on about the TV ratings system.

Moore may get invited to the Hesiman ceremony, but he also may not receive a first place vote. He's got no chance.

Sorry, Drew. His EVENTUAL arrest. Right now he's still a "suspect".

GMoney said...

Why am I getting killed for picking Luck to win the Heisman? No one else did! I should be commended for being the only person to remember that "LUCK IS GOOD AT FOOTBALL".

And as far as Notre Dame goes, multiple people predicted them to go BCS-ing. I said that they are shit (which they are).

The Fuckeyes would be underrated if they had a coach that drank from the toilet. Their current coach just eats from the toilet. Big, smelly difference.


Prime99 said...

I also picked Luck to win the Heisman. It's in the comments somewhere.

Murder Panties gets in the winners group as my team dropped 185 and used the rest of the league as its own personal fleshlight.

Mr. Ace said...

Toledo got cheated in the Shoe and actually beat Syracuse. They are going to run through the MAC like Jaamal Berry at a crack bar. Seems like that prediction was spot on. Still the best team in Ohio.

I also predicted Toledo by 20 last week over the Redhawks. Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

My god my picks were awful! Consider that to be an anomaly since I am clearly better than all of you.

G$- I got to looking at your dfl team again.. And I'm not nearly as impressed as I used to be. I think you're about to crash and burn. Now that my team is ELITE, expect some power rankings this week!

I guess you can still call osu underrated since they control their destiny to the rose bowl!? Got my tickets booked already!


Anonymous said...

Technically, Ohio State still is in the Big 10 title race and could still go to a BCS Bowl. I will be the first to admit it is extremely unlikely, but if OSU wins Saturday, they pretty much control their own destiny, because PSU is bound to lose somewhere along the way to someone other than OSU.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Osu should kick berry off the team.. Dude sucks anyways, and we have enough rbs to go around.


The Iceman said...

Please, G$. The reason everyone was picking ND for a BCS bowl was because Lou Holtz was giving slobbering, wet blow jobs as office favors. Your overrated call and Heisman call was too easy. You're supposed to make ballsy calls like Damman so I can make fun of you better. DUH!!!

Guys like Berry floor me. "What can I do to try and take some heat off of a program that has been under intense scrutiny? Assault someone? Yeah...sounds good. I'll do that."

Sorry...ALLEGEDLY assault someone.

Anonymous said...

Yeah....allegedly...this isn't fucking China Iceman.

Ape...Toledo didn't get screwed. They lost to a shitty OSU team/Bauserman and in the words of Bo Ryan...you just have to deal with it.


GMoney said...

UC is the best team in Ohio this year. The truth hurts.

There is no reason to be bold since day 3 is for BOLD PREDICTIONS. The other 4 days is about being right.

Toledo won by 21...you were wrong as fuck.

With Hightower going down, it appears that my trade for Bradshaw was fucking incredible. Excellent foresight by me to avoid having to start Woodhead every week. Say what you want about my team, but I have very few weaknesses. Sure, I'd like to get more from Mendenhall, LarryFitz, and Boldin...but I'm sure that they are just resting up for my inevitable playoff run. When you have Da Breesus and the top 2 TE's, you don't need domination from everyone. I expect to still be #1 in the rankings due to my eliteness. ELITE.

The Iceman said...

Did he do it Drew? That's all I want to know. Do you think he did it?

Anonymous said...

Iceman...that's for the authorities with the details to figure out. Maybe this kid was drunk...stepped in front of their car...got hit by car...pounded on window and then got punched. I think he definitely punched the kid, but maybe there was a good reason and that's why he's not charged. Like they said..if he gets charged he will be immediately suspended/probs kicked off team. Until then, this is America and he be clean.

Buckeyes would beat UC. It's a true fact that every school in Ohio pisses down tehir leg when they play their big bro...as shown by Toledo this year.


Anonymous said...

In regards to the DFL, that blockbuster trade that sent Tom Brady to our team may have just sent us to the top.

Enjoy having Aaron Rodgers, he will do wonders for you in the playoffs when he is benched. Unless you're Damman, then you won't even see the playoffs with Rodgers at the helm.

And could the dipshits in G$FL stop losing to my suck ass team?! I should be no more than 1-6 at this point.


GMoney said...

Got to get to the playoffs first before you worry about who sits, fucko. But you wouldn't know about that. Literally. You are the Browns of every league.

Drew, here's a quick test to help you stop defending a drug trafficker:

Is he black?
If you answered yes to the first and only question, he is guilty.

But then again, I went to law school at Ide University.

Anonymous said...

Can't argue with that sound logic.

I think I'll be fine in every league except G$. But something tells me I'll sneak into the playoffs with that fucking terrible team.


The Iceman said...

Who wants to be my first win in the MSFL? Any takers?

I just think a guy like Berry, who already has an arrest record, should be smarter than that.

Anonymous said...

IDE- your Brady trade was terrible. You gave away a top 5 running back and a top qb. Your team got much worse. The only reason you'll make the playoffs is because your division is embarrassing.