|Says it all, no?|
First things first, NO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK. That is what Tuesdays are for. I'm sure everyone has an opinion on Michigan, Notre Dame, and how Toledo is pretty much equals with Ohio State, but hold off. Iceman thanks you in advance. Here we go:
Sean Payton - Last and biggest play of the game, why are you giving the ball to an unproven rookie RB instead of having your all-galaxy QB make a play? That was dumb as shit.
Drew Brees - Jonny Moxon that stupid play, Hairy Mole! It's not like the coach asked you to hand the ball off to Peterson or Hightower or some other well-endowed stud.
Matt Ryan - Falcons fan, Naptown Wolverine, doesn't think that ATL is going to be very good this year. He is usually wrong about everything except for pornography but he might be on to something with that call. Jesus, the Falcons looked like shit covered in pubes with old man diarrhea frosting.
Browns Believers - Time to hop off of that bandwagon, fags. The Browns suck cock. They always will suck cock. That might be the most embarrassing loss in the history of football at any level. Never ever believe in a team with a rotten quarterback. Speaking of which...
Colt McShit - Terrible. He can't play. It was fairly bold of him to throw the ball to his center on a 4th-and-game over play. Fucking brutal. FIRE HOLMGREN! The team that HE built just lost at home to the Cincinnatta Bingles.
Kansas City Chiefs - This team has "5 wins" written all over them. I can understand losing to MY BILLZ but not by 5 touchdowns. Fuck the Chiefs. No one cares about them. I just want to take some time to remind everyone that BUFFALO IS GOING SUPAH BOWL!!! They looked like one of the five best teams in the league to me (after one game)!!!
Eagles haters/Rams lovers - The Eagles didn't even play that well and still beat the tar (no raycess!) out of a solid and trendy upset pick in their barn. As long as Vick is upright, Philly is going to be juuuuuuust fine. Nice to see Bradford and Steven Jackson get hurt already. That didn't take long.
Matthew Stafford - Great game but the fucking guy limps off the field when he didn't get touched! Jesus, I can't imagine being a Lions fan and worrying every single time this cunt drops back that that will be his last throw of the year. And kudos to Jim Schwartz who went his usual apeshit on Gosder Cherilus when the big idiot tried to give the game away in the final two minutes. I missed insane Schwartz.
Chris Johnson - 24 rushing, 25 receiving. Welcome back, asshole. Someone give him a Johnny Unitas haircut.
Peyton Manning's neck - The Colts are going to be absolutely horrible this season. They might actually be in the Suck 4 Luck derby. Kerry Collins is so bad that he should be a safety for Michigan. Whoops, just broke my own rule.
Ben Roethlisberger - Is he legally blind? That is the only excuse for some of the passes he threw yesterday. Yes, the Ravens defense is good but they look a lot better when you just hand them the ball. The Steelers looked old, slow, undisciplined, and poorly coached...not a good start to the season. Obvs it's early (very early), but no Steeler fan can like anything that they saw yesterday. FUCK DA STILLERZ!!!
Nate Kaeding - Is there anything better than watching a kicker get hurt and then carted off the field? I think not. Kaeding is a homo anyway. By the way, the Chargers give up a KO return to start the season...things never change with a Norval coached team.
Donovan McNabb - 39 yards passing. 28 net. Dude sucks. Thanks for the two draft picks.
Cam Haterz - He looked pretty legit to me. Cam appeared to belong to me. 400+ in your first game is ridiculously solid to me. It was the first time in a long time where I was not pissed that the RedZone channel switched over to the Panthers. Newton vs. Rodgers next week!!!
Anyone that watched the 49ers/Seahawks game - Ted Ginn and David Akers were the best players on the field. That is all you need to know.
Eli Manning and the Giants - On Eli's bootleg TD run, has their ever been a nerdier-looking touchdown and celebration? I think not. But the Redskins dominated a team that they NEVER beat. It felt good. Really good. So much so that I'm starting to BELIEVE. It seems like we're going to be good enough to not get Luck so we might as well win, right? The defense is fairly nasty since Ryan Kerrigan already won the D-ROY. Did I mention Rex Grossman?
Rex H8RZ - Actual postgame quote from The Sex Cannon, "I've got a lot of haters out there so this feels good". DC Bitches gettin' preggers tonight!!! I'm falling in love with Grossman. Sure, he's a turnover waiting to happen. But on those rare occasions in which he is "on", he is fucking tremendous. We've got the Cards next week...I think I might smell 2-0. And you can't go 19-0 without starting 2-0!
That will about do it for this week. ESPN has two God awful Monday night games tonight. Probably a 6 hour pregame show, too. As for fantasy (which you are free to discuss), put me down for a win over Iceman in the MSFL, a win over Jeff in the DFL, and a likely loss in the G$FL. Add that all up with a Skins win and I'll gladly accept this weekend.