|Wait a minute. So you're saying that if I put my hands like this, the referee will stop the game clock? Is this new?|
Around these parts, I have yearly arguments come bowl (and OOC) season with Big Ten fans that seem to think that rooting for your conference foes is acceptable. Again, it is not and it is dumb. First of all, who cares what people in the media think of the conference as a whole? If you are an Ohio State fan, why the bloody tampon does it matter what Mark May says about you? Sure, you’re rotten now, but you were excellent for a decade. You only give him more juice when you acknowledge that his words chap your anal region (which they CLEARLY do). Second, shouldn’t you want these rival schools to lose? Maybe it’s the MAC fan in me that recognizes that success on the field is cyclical and that winning big games is a good thing for the program because it increases your profile/helps in recruiting. If that notion is true (it is), why do you want them to win again? Third, and most importantly, THESE ARE YOUR ENEMIES!!! I don’t get it and I never will. I wasn’t rooting for Toledo to beat Boise State. It’s because I get it.
So with all that said, let’s take a little peak at the Big Ten through 3 weeks of the season (not the smoothest segue in my blogging career, but hang with me here). Who is for real? Who blows? Is anyone on the planet doing a worse job of coaching than Luke Fickell? You know what--we don’t need to answer any of those questions. You lovers of all things Big Ten better brace yourself because May Day isn’t going to stop ripping you this season. And he’s going to be completely right. Why?
The 2011 version of Big Ten Football is nothing but a big gash. It is absolutely terrible. A 12 foot wide dripping slopbox. What’s that? You want me to run down the list of schools and explain why this conference is a joke compared to the SEC and (gasp) Big 12 this year? No problem. Let’s do this.
Illinois – A nice win over "Future Porn Star" State last week but Ron Zook can never be taken seriously. He actually started Juice Williams for FOUR horrible seasons.
Indiana – Nice start to Kevin Wilson’s coaching career what with losses to Ball State and Virginia .
Iowa – Kirk Ferentz is shitcakes. No one has lost to Iowa State more than he has. And it took an all-timer of a comeback to beat a crappy Pitt team on Saturday where they were inexplicably down by 3 scores in the 4th quarter.
Michigan – Hokemania has them going in the right direction, but they aren’t there yet. It’s sort of like Brady’s attempt at touching the Michigan banner when the team runs out of the tunnel. Sure, he can get a finger on it, but it ain’t pretty. I’ll say it: if they played Notre Dame ten times, they would lose 9 of them. Fortunately, they got the one two weeks ago.
Michigan State – Tresselball with far inferior talent. How can anyone respect Kirk Cousins when he can’t even do much against Notre Dame. Dantonio’s ceiling for this team appears to be “Capital One Bowl”.
Minnesota – Coach would rather die. They probably will not win more than 3 games this year. That loss at home to New Mexico State doesn’t get the credit it deserves for being one of the worst losses by a BCS school in recent history.
Nebraska – So far, the “black shirts” couldn’t stop an offense built around this site’s comment section (which is comparable to Washington by the way). Am I the only one that feels like Taylor Martinez sort of sucks on foreskins?
Northwestern – They struggled to beat a Boston College that just lost to Duke at home. They just lost to Army. Persa for Heisman?
Ohio State – No passing game to speak of and truly horrendous coaching makes this sort of a lost season already. We talked about it yesterday and it warrants mention again: This was an average Miami team that completely embarrassed you all. What exactly was the game plan? Did they even watch tape? Since Fickell is stupid and fired, I’ve got a perfect replacement. You’ve got a pretty good OL, stud running backs all over the place, and no QB or receivers…the answer to your prayers is the WING T OFFENSE, baby!!! And no one runs that beautiful offense than a certain high school coach on the east side of Columbus . Jus’ sayin’!!!
Penn State – I would rather have present day Steve McNair than either Bolden or McGloin. They should have lost to Temple .
Purdue – Who gets beat by Rice? Sam McGuffie WHAT!!! I assume that he’s still there. He is too worthless to research though.
Wisconsin – Finally, a good team. 1 out of 12 ain’t bad. They look great right now but let’s be real. The Badgers have played nobody. I will proceed with caution before I crown their ass. They do seem like a mortal lock for the Rose Bowl though.
I think that even the most diehard Big Ten fan can agree with most of what I said above. And I paint a pretty grim picture for what the conference has become. So much like I said from the outset, you should probably start weaning yourself off of the “YAY CONFERENCE” bandwagon because this is the year of BIG TEN SUX LULZ!
Damman drunkenly said it best on Saturday night after the game (he was talking about the Buckeyes but it implies to the league as well): “We’re a basketball conference now”. Yep. Pretty much.