|Kyle Turley...very underrated lunatic.|
I was going to say that the loser of tonight's game is going to be my pick to win the Super Bowl but that is a stupid prediction that makes little sense at all. Say the Saints lose tonight (the defending champs have won their first game the next season for over a decade now, you gamblers) and then go on to win the SB. Would you think I was smart if I said, "I KNEW IT ALL ALONG WHEN THEY LOST IN WEEK 1!" No, you would not. But once my Bills make the playoffs, I expect HJ's from everyone. Let's get going with the NFC.
1. Cowboys 11-5 - Dude, look at their schedule. 4 against the NFC West, 2 against the Skins, the Bills and 'Phins at home, the Panthers, and the Vikes. That is fucking cake. Yes, Dallas is going to win the division.
2. Eagles 10-6* - It won't be as easy as the back-up QB just assumes it will be. Vick will get hurt. Andy Reid will continue to be a terrible coach. They can have as many sick corners as they want just as long as they can't stop the run. This team will NOT win the NFC. Anyone want to bet against that?
3. Redskins 6-10 - NFL.com's Mike Lombardi has picked the Skins to win the East. What a smart man. All along I have felt that this team was going to be rotten, but now I think they'll be better than that. I know it's just preseason, but the ones beat up the ones from Pitt, Bal, Indy, and Tampa. So I'll give the Skins a few more wins than I initially thought and thus fuck themselves out of Luck.
4. Giants 5-11 - No one is healthy. They have the worst QB in the league. Coughlin gets fired.
1. Packers 11-5 - They could win this division with Matt Flynn. None of these teams are even close to being as talented as GB.
2. Vikings 8-8 - Donovan wins just enough games for people to think that he can still play. Whatever, the Vikings are boring as shit.
3. Lions 8-8 - I keep hearing how this team is going to make the leap this year. Hilarious. Don't be that dumbass who believes in the Lions before the prove anything. While Schwartz and Suh should have their own TV show, Detroit still can't defend the pass, run the ball, or protect their quad-chinned QB o' glass.
4. Bears 5-11 - Everything went their way last year. Prime won't like this pick, but facts are facts. They all stayed healthy and got all the bounces last season. Things tend to even out which it will this year. Cutler is going to get killed behind that line (which probably isn't a bad thing).
1. Saints 12-4 - Why isn't anyone talking about these guys this year? They got better in the offseason through free agency and the draft. They made the playoffs last year with their EIGHTH string running back! I expect a monster from NO in 2011.
2. Falcons 10-6* - Atlanta is like the Bears except that they are good and don't have an emo faggot under center. Basically, just flip what happened to them and the Saints the year before.
3. Panthers 5-11 - I am contractually obligated to hate whichever team employs Jeremy Shockey. I like how the Panthers racist owner told Cam that he wasn't allowed to get tattoos. The NFL needs some open and honest anti-thuggery.
4. Buccaneers 4-12 - Just watch and see. This team isn't nearly as good as their 10-6 record was. They might not be 4 wins-bad, but they ain't sniffing .500 this year either.
1. Rams 8-8 - True story: when Jim Ross is introduced before Raw comes on the air, there are about 10 Sam Bradford highlights on the TitanTron while the Oklahoma fight song is played. That's all I need to know to pick the Rams to win.
2. Cardinals 7-9 - Beanie Wells gets hurt by week 4 and Chester "The Molester" Taylor takes over the job for good. Why? Toledo > Ohio State.
3. 49ers 5-11 - A team with P-Will on defense, Gore/Vernon/Crabtree/Braylon on offense, and Jim Harbaugh shouldn't be bad...but they will be. Welcome to San Fran, Landry Jones, your mustache will be welcomed on Castro Street.
4. Seahawks 3-13 - Congrats to you, Pete Carroll, you just got yourself some Andrew Luck.
Playoffs: Eagles over Rams, Packers over Falcons. Packers over Cowboys, Saints over Eagles. For the opportunity to meet the Houston Texans in the Super Bowl, give me the Saints over the Packers.
Super Bowl: Saints 30, Texans 20. And there you have it. Enjoy the NFL season, pederasts. I'm going to stick it in and out of The Iceman early and often this weekend.