|Drunk Joe Namath will always be the best.|
It never fails. Every season, 5 or 6 teams that made the playoffs in the previous season fail to meet expectations the next year. So who sucks this year? Well, we can forget about the Seahawks and Chiefs to get back already. No way those teams make it back to January. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get to the rundowns.
1. Patriots 12-4 - Blah, blah, blah. New England is predictable. Win the division and then lose a home game in the playoffs. It will happen again because they can't get to the quarterback and they aren't physical.
2. Bills* 9-7 - Here we go. Here's my pick to click. I had the Chiefs winning the West last year when no one else did and this is my call now. Yes, I am buying stock in the Toronto Bills. They're due.
3. Jets 9-7 - The Jets aren't getting better but they are getting older. I will never think that Sanchise is any good. I love Rex but fuck Fireman Ed.
4. Dolphins 4-12 - Chad Henne. Bring back Jay Fiedler.
1. Ravens 11-5 - You can flip a coin as to who wins this division. Bawlmer's coach is a RedHawk so he wins.
2. Steelers* 10-6 - I kind of didn't want to put them as a playoff team this year because, recently, Pittsburgh blows the year after they go to the Super Bowl. They get bad bounces. They miss crucial field goals (and will this year). They have the oldest defense in the league by far. That can't be good. This might be the final title push for this current group of Steeler defenders.
3. Browns 7-9 - They're still going to kind of suck cocks and if Hillis gets hurt, this is a 3 win team, but they'll play hard and won't be a pushover. I've heard about enough of this "Colt McCoy is going to be a good NFL QB" nonsense though. The new kickoff rule hurts the Browns since they rely on Josh's Cribbs to bust one every game.
4. Bengals 1-15 - Quite possibly the worst offense ever assembled. And they are so stupid that when they get the #1 pick, they will pass on Luck for some 380 pound OL from the SEC.
1. Texans 10-6 - Book it. They have the best playmakers in the division and a competent Wade Phillips running the defense now. They don't even need Arian Foster to win the South.
2. Colts 8-8 - At least they will sell a lot of XXXXL sweater vests in Indiana this Fall. I didn't like this team before Pey-Pey needed a new neck. I sure as hell don't like them now. They don't draft well. It's just a franchise on the down slope. It happens.
3. Titans 5-11 - Matt Hasselbeck is worse than a sober Kerry Collins. Tennessee has the worst uniforms in all of sports. Fuck them.
4. Jaguars 3-13 - Cutting your starting QB less than a week before the first game? That's fucking terrible business. Whichever McCown they are going with is terrible. Jack Del Rio deserves to be fired. He is no Alberto Del Rio.
1. Chargers 11-5 - Norv is coaching for the job that he never should have gotten in the first place. I see 2011 being a revenge year for the Bolts.
2. Broncos 7-9 - They'll be a little better. That's all I have to say about them.
3. Raiders 6-10 - Last year was a fluke. Yeah, I said it. They will be cosmically punished for unfairly firing Tom Cable and drafting Terrelle Pryor.
4. Chiefs 6-10 - Speaking of flukes, Matt Cassel is fucking terrible. Any coach who thinks that Thomas Jones should get as many carries as Jamaal Charles is a toolshed. Bring back Christian Okoye.
Playoffs: Give me the Texans over the Steelers and the Ravens over the Bills. Texans over the Chargers and Ravens over the Patriots. To represent the AFC, I'll take Houston over Baltimore. Yeah, I'm buying the Texans. It is something that I've never done before so don't lump me in with the martians that have been saying "this is their year" for the past three seasons.
We'll do the awards, too.
MVP - Marmalard Rivers and Mario Williams
ROY - Julio Jones and Ryan Kerrigan (double digit sacks)
Coach - Chan "The Man" Gailey
So who will be playing the Texans in Super Bowl whatever number they are on? Find out tomorrow. You know what blows? Being sick while on "vacation". This fucking sucks.