Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Killing Off An Old Sports Cliche

Who wouldn't want their son to play for this face?
Baseball is better when the Cubs are good.  Basketball is better when the Lakers and Celtics are good.  Football is better when the Cowboys are good.  Hockey is better when the Maple Leafs and Canadiens are good.  We've heard these phrases numerous times before and will continue to hear them muttered by lazy people.  Why?  Because it isn't true.

No one of substance likes the Cubs because they have self respect.  No one wants Celtic and Laker fans to be happy.  The Cowboys are all assholes and minorities.  Canada sucks.  But those statements don't compare to the all time dumbest sports cliche of all time:

College football is better when Notre Dame is good.

It is?  Since when have we needed an elitist bunch of separatist assholes that can't make up their fucking minds regarding their desire to associate themselves with common low-brow colleges to be good at football?  Nobody watches their games because no one turns on NBC on Saturday afternoon.  This isn't the 80's anymore...these fucks are irrelevant.

Personally, I think that it's better when Notre Dame is terrible and loses weekly heartbreakers.  Nothing quite beats Irish schadenfraude.  It is so delicious.  Take Saturday night for example.  I went into that game not caring who won but there I was in the 4th quarter, hooting and hollering with the other Wolverine fans.  Because my hatred of Notre Dame dominates my indifference to the Michigan program.  I'm at the point right now that if the Irish played the Buckeyes, I probably would just not watch.  Because I don't want to think about what team my inner-psyche would gravitate toward over the course of the game.  Why do I hate Notre Dame so much seemingly out of the blue?

Pretty simple really...Brian Kelly.  I LOATHE this man.  We all laughed when Charlie Weis sucked because he was an arrogant and overmatched beached whale of a man that deserved to be knocked down a peg or 25.  Kelly though?  He's an arrogant asshole that unintentionally murders students and makes Bo Pelini's sideline demeanor seem calm and rational.  He fucking blows cock and I would love to seem him go winless this year and then get fired.  Because fuck that guy.  I hate everything about that smug cocksucker.

I wish that I had the photoshop skills to make Brian Kelly the permanent Douche Lord of the Week.

You can't tell me that there is anyone more objectionable right now than Kelly.  Jim Schwartz is goddamn adorable when he goes off.  Kelly is just embarrassing.  I am rooting for his team to lose in the last minute every single week.  He, personally, deserved to lose like that on Saturday.  The guy deserves to lose every Saturday.  Go Sparty.  In conclusion, we don't NEED Notre Dame to be anything but awful.  Their losses give us life.

***SITE NEWS - posts will probably be shorter for the rest of the week while I get settled in at work...please make a note of it.


Grumpy said...

Outstanding. There should be no dissent on this. Kelly is absolute scum.

Anonymous said...

Kelly is indeed scum and I'll be rooting hard for MSU tihs weekend to drop his ass to 0-3.


Anonymous said...

My hatred for Notre Dame makes me absolutely hate the movie Rudy, with a passion. Anyone who cried at that movie was sodomized by a priest at a young age.


The Iceman said...

I've been an avid Notre Dame hater for years. There's nothing better than a Notre Dame loss. I always want an after loss cigarette to enhance the satisfaction. Notre Dame losing like sex with your secretarty. Dirty, nasty, right in every way and fully satisfying.

The best part about Notre Dame sucking every year is that every 4 years they get a new coach...and every 4 years Irish fans won't shut up about how THIS is the guy who's gonna bring the program back. We've heard this sad tale since Bob Davie set the program back the the stone age.

Anonymous said...

Ironically, the best coach they've had since Dr Lou was fired because he was black. Racist AND can you not love Notre Dame.


Anonymous said...

Coming out with a book after your first year of being OK, may have topped all other douchebag moves at that school.


Grumpy said...

I still cried watching Rudy.

Anonymous said...

You cry every morning know, due to all the incestual rape.


Hawkstedt said...

I live my life by the Rudy code. That movie gave me a reason to wake up in the morning and is why I grinded out 4 years of high school football.

Prime99 said...

Talk shit on the Golden Domers all you want- leave the Cubs out of this!

Anonymous said...

I hope HAWK is serious.

Totally agree with this post. The only team you could care about being good is your own.

But, lately, golf hasn't been as interesting without Tiger. Just rotating White guys winning every championship.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Aint nuthin' wrong with that, JS!

--John Rocker

Anonymous said...

Good point, Jsaul. The rule only applies for Tiger Woods. I thought college football was great the last 5 years with a shitty Michigan. Keep it up.

Anyone see Justin Verlander is gonna be on the cover of SI? With quotes saying "mvp" and "the Yankees and Redsox worst nightmare." Very nice!


Anonymous said...

I never understood why people wanted to see Tiger win all the time. He was/is a douchebag, and wouldn't it be more interesting for the sport to have a different winner all the time? Think the NFL likes parity?