|Clean up your skeet, Spiderman.|
Now Ozzie will never learn English – This sort of snuck in as news the other night but Ozzie Guillen (a manager) was “traded” to the Marlins for two low level prospects. What the fuck? I mean, it makes sense. Ozzie was doing a terrible job for the last few years and needed a new home and he was going to get fired anyway, but why would the Marlins agree to this? If they waited a month, they could have got this Cholo without giving up anyone. And how do you just trade your manager? Shouldn't he have to go through waivers or something? Or in Ozzie's case, WAIVOS RANCHEROS! LOL!!! OMG, that is one of the three greatest jokes that I've ever written!!! Oh well, it should be a smooth transition for Ozzie as he can easily go from calling Jay Mariotti a faggot to Dan LeBatard. By the way, has anyone watched that guy’s new show? I bet that it’s terrible. Whatever...just don't leave the Midwest before you aerate my yard, pindajo.
Gurgle, Tony Romo, swallow, repeat – Can you see why normal people hate Tony Romo now? Did you watch the Monday Nighter? NOW do you see why that booth is an abortion? Statistically, Romo had a worse game than Rex. Did Rex get any love at all from the booth? Not from what I heard. He doesn’t really deserve it, but if Jaws is going to blame a tight end for Romo under-throwing an end zone pass by 20 feet and Gruden is going to say it was the best game of Romo’s career in which he never got his team into the end zone, then Grossman should get some props. I didn’t realize that berating your teammates on the field or not being able to tell your center what the snap count is makes you some sort of tremendous leader. It’s pretty easy to hate Romo once you realize that everyone tries to make excuses for him and wants to call him clutch now after he pissed away that Jets game just TWO WEEKS AGO. But then again, I will never understand the simple joys of Tony’s boy-ish good looks and love for bachelor party hide and seek games. Fuck him. Jaws and Gruden are an embarrassment to an already embarrassing profession.
I guess anyone can get a statue these days – The Indians are building a statue for Jim Thome outside of Insurance Field. Hmmmm, I’m not saying that Jim isn’t worthy of a statue but…I guess I don’t know what I’m saying exactly. Tribe fans hated him for years because their front office convinced them that their offer of 24 million dollars less than Philly’s was equal. Here’s a thought: there wouldn’t be a statue at all if his name was Jaime Thome or Jim Gomez. I know this because Albert Belle and Manny did just as much (if not more) for those Indians teams and all they have are unspoken bans from the game!
Canadian racism is hilarious – The Flyers were playing a preseason game somewhere up in Canada. They have a big black dude named Simmons (or something) on their team. At one point, a fan chucked a banana on the ice. This is really funny to me. “Look at that big ape OOT there…making a mockery out of OUR game, buddy. I’ll show him. (hurls banana) GO BACK TO NIGERIA, GUY!” Hockey is awesome. And it is totes bullshit that James “Mr. Wiz” Wisniewski got suspended for the first 8 games of the year for a hit on some fag named Cal. Bettman still trying to screw the Jackets…
It’s funny because he can’t read – How dumb do you have to be to not qualify for college if you are a stud athlete? Apparently, if you are future(?) Buckeye baller LaQuinton Ross, the answer is VERY DUMB. We’ll have to find out in the comments if this guy is any good or not but I just like to point and laugh at people with more talent than me but don’t know how to print their name.
The Hub is an incredible network – She$ and I were watching an old Family Ties episode the other week (as well as the Wonder Years, butthead!) when out of the blue comes a Tom Hanks appearance. And he was playing Uncle Ned…who was an alcoholic. He was so drunk that he chugged a bottle of vanilla extract in front of Marty McFly. It was one of the best TV episodes I’ve ever seen. Drunk Uncle Ned > Forrest Gump. Speaking of the Hanks family, I can’t wait for Dexter to murder Colin Hanks this season.
I think that that about covers it for today. Let’s keep rooting for the Red Sox collapse. Tomorrow feels like a Division Series Prediction post where I will try to incorporate pictures of adult film stars (and succeed). So you’ve got that to look forward to.