|FIX THAT HAT!|
I couldn’t tell you one damn thing that happened during last week’s series throughout the sport other than the Yankees lost 2 out of 3 in Anaheim . And two nights ago, the best closer of all time recorded save #600 (which I didn’t even know he was getting close to until he already accomplished said feat). I do know that Manny was being Manny all over his wife’s face which got him arrested. Classic Manny! So instead of continuing on about my indifference to the non-existent division races, allow me to reflect on the recent successes of the Trailer Park Tigers.
My Facebook feed is constantly being littered by dumbass Tigers fans saying retarded shit like “the last time the Tigers won blah blah blah games in a row in September was 1984”. Oh yeah? Well the last two times that NFL players have went on strike the Redskins won the Super Bowl that year. Should I be booking a room in Indy now? Fucking dolts. I probably should though…just to be safe.
I get it. The Tigers are playing well. They are beating up on shitbird teams like good teams are supposed to. In fact, I hope that they stay hot for a little while longer so that the heads of their fans can get bigger and more toothless. What these morons don’t seem to get is that Ozzie Guillen and Melky Cabrera won’t be there in October. Oh no. You’re going to actually have to beat quality teams then when the pressure and spotlight is on. Has Jose Valverde’s terrible ass even been on TV before? Good luck with that four-eyed turd.
Let’s take Dut’s reference yesterday to Tony’sPizzalander being on next week’s SI cover and being some sort of nightmare for the Yankees and Red Sox. Ummm OK. Dude has been better than average for most of the season but he’s too hopped up on meth to keep it going (plus he didn’t do anything remarkable in his two starts against the ‘Stripes earlier). He’ll fail. He’ll fail miserably. He’s just like the rest of the team. They’re getting hot at the wrong time.
Like I said, I hope that they keep this up for another week or two. Then, when they are getting shutout by John Lackey in the 8th inning of game 3 of the ALDS and staring at a sweep, they won’t be able to figure out what is going on (due to generations of inbreeding). Kenny Rogers isn’t going to save you with his cheating this time.
I hope that Tigers fans still cherish that dirty 2006 run when they made a disgrace of baseball by carrying Jim Leyland on their shoulders and dumping canned beers on their idiot fans after winning NOTHING. Actually, I know that these rubes still beat off to that season. Well, in three weeks, when your season ends and everyone braces themselves for another agonizing and annoying Red Sox/Yankees series, just remember how awesome September was in 2011 while you dump a Natty Ice on some hobo. Fags. The Tigers are terrible. They aren’t going to win anything…not even the title of Beef Queen at the Henry County Fair (actual award!).
There. That should get some heat going in the comment section today. Just know that I believe every word of what I wrote. Especially the part about Tigers fans being fags.