Friday, September 16, 2011

College Football's Mos Eisley

This is not the blog that you're looking for.  Move along.
OK, time to explain the title for the non-nerds out there.  I have never hidden my Star Wars love.  What can I say, it's the only social flaw that I have. In the first movie, Luke discovers that his guardians (who for some reason were "water farmers") were burned alive by the Empire (not the Yankees either).  Since he has nothing left, he decides to become a jedi (OBVS!).  In order to go up into space, Alec Guinness takes him to some shithole town called Mos Eisley where they find Indiana Jones and Khloe Kardashian and rent their ship to go to...I don't know...jedi school or some shit.

Upon arriving at this "city", Guinness says to Luke, "Mos Eisley spaceport: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious."  And that's pretty much the same exact sentiment that I have when Ohio State invades The U tomorrow.  Two dirty ass schools getting together to play some boring ass football.  It's going to be awful.  Now that the dorky analogy is over, let's get this mail-in post into hyper-drive with a breakdown of this weekend's big games.  Be honest, I pulled you in with my tractor beam.


Ohio State 23, Miami 13.  Is there any decent explanation for why Vegas has Miami favored in this game?  This feels like the easiest money ever.  Yes, Al Golden is looking for a signature win but signature wins and Jacory Harris are two things that don't go together.  This game is going to be a snoozer.  It will be a miserable 3.5 hours.  The Buckeyes are going to continue to play it close to the vest (no pun intended) because Fickell wants to ensure that he won't get another head job ever again.  I don't know why he isn't going balls to the wall.  Braxton should be playing all the time.  The status quo isn't going to get the interim tag removed.  The over/under on Jacory turnovers is 2.5.  What are you taking?


By the way, I heard on the radio yesterday that the Chari-three weren't the only Buckeye football players at that party.  Apparently, two others were there that did NOT take any cash for doing nothing.  Some Newsome guy that transferred to Ball State (1-0 in the Big Ten!) and...TERRELLE PRYOR!  Rumor has it that ol' TP learned his lesson and kept his hands in his pockets while his buddies were breaking the rules.  I don't know if I should be impressed or dismissive that he was clean for one night.  Then again, TP doesn't accept anything under 4 figures.


Oklahoma 33, Florida State 31.  I think that this game is going to be pretty awesome.  Unfortunately, no bar or house in Columbus will have this on since it is at the same time that the inferior local team plays.  That sucks!  Jimbo has a chance to put his program on the map here and Stoops just loves to choke.  But I can't pick the Noles here.  Now if they were Noel's named after former Napoleon bar, Noel's Place, I would pick FSU to win by 70.


Boise State 55, Toledo 30.  The Buckeyes took the Rockets lightly last week.  The Broncos will not.  Chris Peterson watched that game.  He saw what Toledo has.  They won't be surprised.  I will never believe in the team that just put everything on the line less than a week before and came up short.  They can't do that again and they won't.  Boise is somewhere between an 18 and 20 point favorite, I'd lay the points.  I'd lay the shit out of those points.


Sparty 29, Notre Dame 27.  Sparty scores a touchdown on the last play of the game and instead of kicking an extra point for a one point win, they go for two.  Why?  Because FUCK BRIAN KELLY, that's why!


Yeah, that about does it.  I finally should have the internet back up and running at work today.  Next week things should be back to normal.  Fantasy matchups this week:  Dut in the DFL (easy win), Lange in the MSFL (easier win), and Damman in the G$FL (wow 3-0 this weekend!).  Big week.  Ain't-nothin'-we-can-do-about-this-time!!!

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

You left out the most important part of that TP story: He was the one who handed the cash out.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Yeah...TP was the one that handed the dudes the scrilla...he definitely took his cut.

I actually think the Buckeyes are going to lose this weekend. Still missing four starters due to suspension...add on the best DE Nathan Williams being out with a knee injury and the best WR Philly Brown out with a high ankle sprain...just too many starters out. I'm holding out hope, but I'm not very confident.

The fact that ND is favored by 5.5 over MSU is very surprising to me.

I'm going with Oklahoma by 13 pts.

I've never seen a single Star Wars movie and I'm very proud of that.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

G$ - I need some fantasy advice from a Redskins fan. I play the fantasy defense matchup each week instead of drafting a defense in the 12th round like some idiots. I like the skins this week at home against ARI, as they looked pretty good last week. Was that because Eli blows or they are tough? Would you start them?

Seal

Anonymous said...

Eli definitely blows, but for the most part, the Giants offense was healthy and got handled by the Skins. They've played (and destroyed) Kolb before. I think that you do a lot worse than Skins D this weekend. They might not get another TD, but AZ won't break 20 points either.

Redskins defense advice=over

Redhawks beat up on the twitchy Gophers tomorrow. Book it.

--$

Anonymous said...

Eli doesn't blow.. Eli is elite. G$ will see that this weekend when his fantasy team gets throttled by him.

Easy win in the DFL, eh? I'm pretty sure ESPN doesn't agree with you!

I don't know what to expect out of the OSU game. This is probably the least I've been excited for a 'big' game in a long time. Maybe its because of the off season? Or maybe because its Joe Bauserman? Who knows.

LSU was easy money last night. I am now 11-13 betting against the spread this year. Yes, I am better than you.

Dut

Prime99 said...

Eli does blow.

I'm starting the Skins D against Iceman this week.

Star Wars is awesome.

Anonymous said...

I'm no math genius, but 11-13 is terrible unless you're the Royals or something. Nice math, gash.

I watched Eli for 4 quarters last week against one of the tree worst defenses in the league the prior year without their best player (Landry). He was horrendous.

Dut, you said it yourself in the rankings: I have no weaknesses. Just like in real life.

--$

The Iceman said...

I'm starting the Skins D against Iceman this week.

win

Anonymous said...

Anyone want to come over and boil some denim this weekend? Its how I plan to make my millions. There will be an ample supply of blood caplets for your consumption.

--$

Anonymous said...

Dut means 11 for 13. But he isn't smart enough to know that 11-13 looks like a terrible record! And also he is only 10 for 13 because i'm in the same pool sitting at 9 for 13. But apparently Math isn't his strong suit as well!

Are you buying the BluRay DVD's. I think I might and actually watch all the Star Wars since I've never really watched any of them.

- J saul

Anonymous said...

G$, I'll come over. We can cook some eggs. I found a case under a bridge just this morning.

Anonymous said...

YES! I can get back on the blog from my work computer. This changes...NOTHING!!! But it is more convenient.

--$

Anonymous said...

In honor of Miami week and G$....I'd like to take this chance to remind everyone that SEAN TAYLOR IS FUCKING DEAD AND THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE WITHOUT HIM STEALING OXYGEN FROM THE REST OF US. FUCK SEAN TAYLOR.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Thanks for clearing that up for me, JON! I thought I missed 1 in week 1.. But I missed 2. Either way I'm still pwning that pool. 10 OUT OF 13, queers.

G$- you have no weaknesses.. But you have no strengths. Wobblers will roll!

Dut

The Iceman said...

It was probably an ex-OSU football player that killed Taylor. I heard that somewhere...

Sean Taylor IS elite.

Anonymous said...

YOU BASTARD! 21 still rules! No one, and I mean NO ONE blew up punters at the Pro Bowl better.

--$

Anonymous said...

Yeah but dying because you got shot in the dick is funnier than that.

Ide

GMoney said...

By the way, Jason's Deli in Dublin...ELITE!

Anonymous said...

Jason's Deli is fucking delicious...absolutely fucking delicious.

If only that dumb fuck Sean had reached for his machete quicker.

--Drew

MUDawgfan said...

Want to personally apologize to the Iceman. He fired up some Grade A hatred on Wednesday/Thursday and I was traveling to KC and totally ignored it the past two days.

Good work Ice. There is no more satisfying kick than when you're down and out. May your road to faggot hell be swift.

GMoney said...

The last time that Ohio State played The U in south Florida, their QB was something called an Austin Mockerman. I remember that guy! He was absolutely fucking terrible. He was ten times worse than Zwick.

Anonymous said...

G$...You dumb fuck. That game was in the Meadowlands in East Rutherford, NJ. The QB's were Austin Mohermann and David Priestly.....both were fucking terrible. Santana Moss had a sick TD catch where he hopped backwards and ran like 50 yards for the TD. I was at the game...it was not in South Florida.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Nobody cares. Get fucked. I picked Boise to win by 25 and nailed it.