|Remember how great of a day this was?|
Who said that this site never breaks any major news? That ends today! But before that, who's going to be fingering John Heisman's bum on some cold December night in NYC?
Damman: Heisman - Kellen Moore. Always goes to the best player on the #1 team. I guess that means Kellen Moore. Whatever. The Heisman has lost a lot of luster for me in recent years.
The Wig Master: Heisman - Landry Lance Jones. And if he has a hair on his ass, he shows up to accept the trophy with a glorious mustache.
Drew: Heisman - Trent Richardson. (ed. note - for as much as shit as Drew types here, I was surprised at how shitty his portion of this was. Maybe he's saving his venom to run down those that actually tried to bring some intelligence to these posts.)
GSaul: Heisman - LaMichael James. Andrew Luck is the popular choice, but I do not see him topping his 2010 campaign. Last year, James led the nation with 1,731 yards rushing (144 yards per game) and ranked second with 21 rushing touchdowns. A 2,000-yard rushing season and 30 total TD's are not out of the question.
(GSaul would also like to remind everyone that Damman and Li'l Strut picked Pryor last year...NOTED!)
Dut: Heisman - LaMichael James - He was close last year.. why not? Oregon is getting more pub this year since they almost won the national championship last year, so LaMichael is in the perfect spot.
G$: Heisman - Andrew Luck. Bitch please. This is the easiest preseason call ever. Even if he doesn't have the undefeated record or best stats, the Downtown Athletic Club calls on Andrew Luck as the winner as sort of a lifetime achievement award. Good luck with the Redskins, Andrew!
I have no fucking clue as to why I was the only one to pick Luck. He's going to get it even if it's just as a lifetime achievement award. Anyone remember when the third Lord of the Rings movie won like every Oscar out there. It wasn't because that movie was necessarily the greatest thing EVAH, it was because Hollywood rewarded the trilogy for being pretty damn good. That's what will happen here. The Heisman voters will reward Luck for sticking around one more year and for his high quantity of forehead flab.
Are you ready for the big reveal? Who have I decided to join me in the fight against good? Who has the balls to step into the vacated shoes of legendary one-day-a-week blogging luminary, Mr. Ace? Who has the sort of background needed to run Tuesdays while not being afraid to tell the haters to eat shit?
The Iceman. Welcome aboard.
Now before everyone starts trying to kidnap my wife and dog, let me explain why I made this choice that will CLEARLY be unpopular as fuck to start.
1. I don't really care what you think. Like I said yesterday, you hated the idea of me bringing in Mr. Ace two years ago and you managed to live.
2. Controversy equals cash! Or in this case, hopefully, COMMENTS and internet money!!!
3. I gave him no rules but one warning...every post better not be "BUCKEYES FAGZ LOLZ!". I expect him to be as professional as can be and not just writing shit to start a fight. He knows that I don't want a literary Cowherd here.
4. Big thing: he knows how to work the Blogger system (which set him apart from the competition). It isn't complicated anyway but I'd rather not waste my time having to explain it.
5. He is aware that there are no sick or off days. Reliability is key.
6. Finally, and this was the deciding factor, when Ace and I did our commenter draft a few months ago, Iceman was the #1 pick. Drew went second and plus, his contributions this week have been God awful. That tells me he is more suited to be a dominating commenter as opposed to staff. His going first subconsciously tells me that Ace knew of Iceman's skillz early and often. Thus, he's hired.
And I'll be dead in the cold, hard ground before I employ an Ohio State alum. Fuck you all. I wouldn't be taking the site in this direction if I thought that it was a bad move. Trust me on this. Long live the ICE AGE!