Thursday, September 01, 2011

CFB Preview Day 4: Who Will We Remember From This Season

Remember how great of a day this was?
We're in the home stretch for College Football Preview Week and let me just say, the commenting this week (while rarely on point with the topics discussed) has been terrific.  Take a bow, everyone except for Dut who has done nothing but sully Roger's last name all damn week.  Today's post is in two parts: Everyone's pick for the Heisman winner and then the announcement of who I have hired to write Tuesday's post from here on out (trust me, the "winner" is not aware of this yet).

Who said that this site never breaks any major news?  That ends today!  But before that, who's going to be fingering John Heisman's bum on some cold December night in NYC?

Damman: Heisman - Kellen Moore. Always goes to the best player on the #1 team. I guess that means Kellen Moore. Whatever. The Heisman has lost a lot of luster for me in recent years.

The Wig Master: Heisman - Landry Lance Jones. And if he has a hair on his ass, he shows up to accept the trophy with a glorious mustache.

Drew: Heisman - Trent Richardson. (ed. note - for as much as shit as Drew types here, I was surprised at how shitty his portion of this was. Maybe he's saving his venom to run down those that actually tried to bring some intelligence to these posts.)

GSaul: Heisman - LaMichael James. Andrew Luck is the popular choice, but I do not see him topping his 2010 campaign. Last year, James led the nation with 1,731 yards rushing (144 yards per game) and ranked second with 21 rushing touchdowns. A 2,000-yard rushing season and 30 total TD's are not out of the question.
(GSaul would also like to remind everyone that Damman and Li'l Strut picked Pryor last year...NOTED!)

Dut: Heisman - LaMichael James - He was close last year.. why not? Oregon is getting more pub this year since they almost won the national championship last year, so LaMichael is in the perfect spot.

G$: Heisman - Andrew Luck.  Bitch please. This is the easiest preseason call ever. Even if he doesn't have the undefeated record or best stats, the Downtown Athletic Club calls on Andrew Luck as the winner as sort of a lifetime achievement award. Good luck with the Redskins, Andrew!

I have no fucking clue as to why I was the only one to pick Luck.  He's going to get it even if it's just as a lifetime achievement award.  Anyone remember when the third Lord of the Rings movie won like every Oscar out there.  It wasn't because that movie was necessarily the greatest thing EVAH, it was because Hollywood rewarded the trilogy for being pretty damn good.  That's what will happen here.  The Heisman voters will reward Luck for sticking around one more year and for his high quantity of forehead flab.
*****************************************
Are you ready for the big reveal?  Who have I decided to join me in the fight against good?  Who has the balls to step into the vacated shoes of legendary one-day-a-week blogging luminary, Mr. Ace?  Who has the sort of background needed to run Tuesdays while not being afraid to tell the haters to eat shit?

The Iceman.  Welcome aboard.

Now before everyone starts trying to kidnap my wife and dog, let me explain why I made this choice that will CLEARLY be unpopular as fuck to start.
1. I don't really care what you think.  Like I said yesterday, you hated the idea of me bringing in Mr. Ace two years ago and you managed to live.
2. Controversy equals cash!  Or in this case, hopefully, COMMENTS and internet money!!!
3. I gave him no rules but one warning...every post better not be "BUCKEYES FAGZ LOLZ!".  I expect him to be as professional as can be and not just writing shit to start a fight.  He knows that I don't want a literary Cowherd here.
4. Big thing: he knows how to work the Blogger system (which set him apart from the competition).  It isn't complicated anyway but I'd rather not waste my time having to explain it.
5. He is aware that there are no sick or off days.  Reliability is key.
6. Finally, and this was the deciding factor, when Ace and I did our commenter draft a few months ago, Iceman was the #1 pick.  Drew went second and plus, his contributions this week have been God awful.  That tells me he is more suited to be a dominating commenter as opposed to staff.  His going first subconsciously tells me that Ace knew of Iceman's skillz early and often.  Thus, he's hired.

And I'll be dead in the cold, hard ground before I employ an Ohio State alum.  Fuck you all.  I wouldn't be taking the site in this direction if I thought that it was a bad move.  Trust me on this.  Long live the ICE AGE!

35 comments:

Grumpy said...

I'm going to trust you on this one, but you better keep him on a short leash.

Anonymous said...

Fear not, old timer. I never set foot on the internet without my black leather dominatrix outfit.

--$

Anonymous said...

I won't trust him on this one. He could have gone with the guy who follows all six sports religously plus reality tv...yet he went with the Iceman. Dumb move. Ace was wayyyy well more rounded for the position than the Iceman. I also know damn well how to use blogger....not sure where that came from.

The idea of Kellen Moore winning the Heisman makes me want to barf...yet I could see it happen.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Blame yourself, Drew. Your audition tape this week was the worst. And I'm not asking Ice to write about 6 sports and reality tv.

And, you know, your alma mater killed your chances.

Everyone knows that Zac Dysert is winning the Heisman anyway.

--$

The Iceman said...

I won't bore you with a long acceptance speech here. All I have to say is sometimes it pays to be the villain. Glad to be aboard.

Gmoney/Iceman 2012: We're gonna titty fuck the world.

Anonymous said...

Audition tape? You asked for these to be in BEFORE Ace even quit...and you asked to keep everything to "three lines or less" or you would cut it off. So, basically you asked for people to not even write anything.

I'm fine with the OSU allegiance being the reason, don't give me some bull-shit "audition tape" excuse though.

Iceman...the only thing you and G$ will be titty-fucking is each other.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to see Iceman's first post as he bitches and moans about Michigan getting knocked off by Western.

There will be some epic Drew/Iceman debates in the future. Fantastic.

Please get rid of the douchelord of the week BS. When you only have 4 commenters, eventually it gets tough to keep it interesting.

I can't see Luck winning if they don't have a top 10 season.. And I don't see Stanford doing that. LeMichael James it is.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Drew, I knew about Ace leaving for months. And I was planning on this week being a test. I asked for two-three sentences. Yesterday you gave me one and today you gave me zero.

I suppose I should come clean though. It was always going to be Iceman. I'm not really sure why, but that's where my head was at.

--$

The Iceman said...

Drew - sour grapes.

Dut - if you read my other blog then you would know that I'm severly unbiased when it comes to my teams. I rip them more than the opposition when they deserve it.

I may keep my face up there on the banner for eternity, just so you fags have to stare at my mug every time you come here.

Mr. Ace said...

I understand the choice. The comments will be on fire Tuesdays. I thought the drew v iceman death match would have been spectacular every week, but seeing drew all butt hurt today is even better.

Blackmon for Heisman.

Anonymous said...

No Denard for Heisman votes?

He was like 5th last year, and with Michigan's top 50 Defense, you know its going to be a much better year!

Can Drew sign off as Maverick on Tuesdays? Classic Iceman vs. Maverick battles could really get my juices going.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Ace...I'm far from butthurt when G$ says Iceman was the only one with a chance.

It is fitting that the Iceman gets the gig on the anniversary of this....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9zpDEsqrbs

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Last year, I took Luck as the Heisman before everyone had Luck's balls in their mouths. I will take him again this year.

Iceman will cause controversy and make up plenty of ridiculous/filthy words to refer to OSU players/fans. I'll give it a chance, bloody tampon fucksticks.

Besides, I'm more concerned with Arian Foster's MRI to care about anything else.

Anonymous said...

JSaul with a Top Gun reference...fag!

--Shook's Son

Grumpy said...

Drew would have brought an erudite, cultured thoughtfulness to Tuesdays. But I see where G$ is coming from. He has to be concerned with the ratings, and Iceman will pull in the viewers, if only to see the train wreck.

Anonymous said...

When was the last time the Heisman race was one with two Pac 12(10) players from two different teams. I agree that Andrew Luck and LaMichael James are the two frontrunners. I can't think of any other legitimate contender after those two.

-Lil' Strut

Mr. Ace said...

I think Landry Jones is a legit front runner. I like his odds better than Luck just based on the offense.

Denard isn't out if it. But Michigan won't have the same run n gun as they did last year. More ball control means less opportunity for Denard. And that whole new but not totally new offense thing.

The Iceman said...

You guys forgot to put Joe Bauserman in the discussion for Heisman. Or Braxton Miller when he eventually takes the spot Bauserman is keeping warm. Can I call right now Braxton Miller 3 time Heisman winner??

Anonymous said...

Iceman's last comment = facepalm. Nothing more than an internet troll.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

So jealous, Drew, so jealous. Green is not a good color on you. Honolulu blue is far better.

I was thinking the dame thing about Jones. He'll put up monster numbers against dogshit teams.

--$

Anonymous said...

Jones will choke in one game that OU has no business losing, though. Thats how it usually works for the Sooners.

-Lil' Strut

The Iceman said...

You can't hurt me Drew.

Anonymous said...

Did you go to my YouTube link Iceman?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I have an extra ticket next to mine for the OSU game this weekend and I am trying to find someone to take the ticket. I would not charge for the ticket. Anyone interested?

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

*No homo

-Lil' Strut

The Iceman said...

Why would that hurt? I'm over it Drew. Every Michigan fan is. It happened 4 years ago. OSU fans are the only ones still dwelling on it. Gives them something to jerk off to at night when Brutus doesn't quite get them hard enough I suppose. Just make sure you use the App St shirt you wasted 20 bucks on to clean up the shame.

Anonymous said...

Every Michigan fan is over it? Yeah...that's why they were all angry when Dave Brandon scheduled them again a few years from now.

Also...I just find it ironic. The day you take over Ace's spot is also the anniversary of the day Michigan's football football program began it's nose dive into the shitter. Coincidence? I think not.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Also not a coincidence: no one wants to sit next to Lil Strut at a terrible game for 4 hours. Even for free.

--$

Anonymous said...

I'm already going to the game othewise I would have joined Strut. It's a nice offer that he's offering up.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

It sounds like you're the only one not willing to give me a chance Drew. Either you're wrong about me failing or you really are butt hurt.

Anonymous said...

"Either you're wrong about me failing"

This doesn't even make sense since how can anyone be wrong about something before it's even happened? You are really dumb.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

In your head I've already failed since you're never going to give me an honest shot at this. Unlike everyone else who will put aside their predisposed opinions of me. But that's fine because I don't yearn for your approval.

Anonymous said...

It's hard to give someone a chance when just a week that person's thought process went like this...

"Terrelle Pryor won't even get drafted."

"These guys actually think he'll get drafted. What an OSU bias"

He gets drafted in the THIRD ROUND.

"Well, my opinion still wasn't wrong..you guys are biased"

After he got drafted in the THIRD ROUND.

You aren't exactly a candidate for MENSA.

We'll see.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Drew has to be a terrible employee. He must do less work than even me.

--$

The Iceman said...

Attention world. Drew has never been wrong about anything. But I'm sure you already knew that.