|Proof that hazing will ALWAYS be hilarious.|
The Sex Cannon BELIEVES! - Don't get me wrong, obvs it's funny that someone as bad as Rex Grossman thinks that the Skins will win the East this year. I mean, that is REALLY funny (do yourself a favor and read this). But think about it, what else is he going to say? For that matter, why would anyone want The Cannon's opinion on anything? No one is going to just come out and say, "We're terrible and our motto for the year is 'Suck 4 Luck'". Let this be a lesson to all media people out there...Rex Grossman is interview gold! But, dammit, that sonofabitch is getting me sort of pumped for this year. I was at a firm 0% excitement level for Redskins football but I'm up to about 3% now just due to his prediction. They will need a ton of breaks just to win 6 games, BUT, 1. The defense has a chance to be sick if healthy. 2. Which is good because they can't allow their opponent to break double digits otherwise it's over. 3. Terrible teams surprise you all the time! Who saw Tampa and Kansas City winning ten games last year? NO ONE. So yes, I'll say it. I am THREE percent certain that the Redskins will win the NFC East this year. And that is better odds than I give the Cowboys.
One of the commenters at KSK said it best about ol' Rex Grossman, "I don’t think there’s ever been a greater terrible football player." So fucking money.
Orton? Tebow? More like, Whogivesafuck. - Is there a more pointless quarterback "controversy" than this one? Dude, let Tebow start. That should be the ONLY solution to this. The Broncos are going to be terrible anyway. So what if they only win 4 games with The Jesusback. They would only win MAYBE 1 or 2 more with The Orton Express. There is a reason why Orton is going to leave via free agency next year and that's because he isn't the QB of the future and he sort of sucks. He's the ultimate "garbage time" quarterback who rarely does anything in the first half but will throw for 350 yards and 3 scores in the 4th when the Broncos are down by 35. You know who he is and what he can do. You might as well find out for sure what Tebow can do. Basically, I want Tebow to start because FUCK MERRILL HOGE. I actually read Hoge's autobiography which dealt primarily with his cancer and concussions and he said that it really pissed him off that no one thought he could play in the NFL...which is exactly what he's doing now. Asshole hypocrite.
Only terrible teams want to watch Terrible workout. - Terrelle Pryor, who might not even be allowed to participate in the supplemental draft next week, is having his workout tomorrow (UPDATE- CANCELED!). At the time of this writing, the Browns, Cowboys, and Redskins have confirmed that they will be there. Jesus. Those are some awful franchises right there. I firmly believe that every player that I hate should play for the team that I hate the most which means that TP is destined for Dallas. Please be destined for Dallas...or anywhere outside of the nation's capital. The Skins already have a better QB from the Big Ten (Ben Chappell--still waiting to hear if he's related to the Niggar Family though) anyway.
I hate you, Chad. - I would laugh if Chad Johnson was paralyzed. I really would. The bull-riding and reality show and constant tweeting...it's all become too much for me. Now he's going to live with one of his twitter followers. Just die already. No one has thought that you were funny or interesting for a few years now.
MoJo is my favorite player. - He called a spade a spade (no racist!) during the NFC Title game by correctly deeming Jay Cutler a pussy. And I love him even more for coming out and saying that he won't apologize for it. Ever. That's awesome because Jay Cutler is totes a pussy. You will be mine on Saturday, MoJo!
I fully support "Nick Saban, Story Breaker". - Shifting to college for a minute, did you guys catch Saban going nuts for no apparent reason at a presser last week regarding media lies and other random shit? It was priceless. Saban is the most boring man on the planet but I actually like it when he gets all fired up. I can't wait for him to start breaking stories like "Steve Spurrier has dead hookers in the trunk of his car" or "Les Miles had his nose bitten off by a Saigon whore". Why yes, I did watch Dirty Work last weekend.
Killing an old man never sounded more fun. - Seriously, how much fun would it be to "accidentally" tackle Joe Paterno and send him to the hospital? I bet that it's an amazing feeling. I guarantee that he shit his pants, made some weird old man noise on the way down, and then demanded only a white doctor.
So preseason football kicks off tonight. ESPN is televising the Chargers and Seahawks for some reason. Personally, I'm more interested in that Broncos/Cowboys game. The team that Homer Simpson reluctantly owns versus the team that he always wanted to own. Stupid Hank Scorpio...couldn't even get his present right. Now fix that hat!