Thursday, August 25, 2011

The State Of The Money Shot Address

America, I can confirm that we have captured and killed Mr. Ace.  WE GOT HIM!
With yesterday's earth-shattering news that caused Washington DC to tremble in fear a day before it was even announced, it's time that I address the present, future, but not really the past of The Money Shot. Obviously, the status quo at this corner of Blogville is in flux right now and I owe it to you, the douche bag reader, some sort of explanation. First things first, let's address my former "employee", Mr. Ace.

Thank you for your contributions over the past 2+ years, Ace. And I really, truly mean that. Different voices are always a good thing. You were a pretty adequate change of pace back. I hammered at the commenter defense like Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson and you snuck in one day a week like Marcus Allen (but still completely inferior to Bo/myself). I appreciate the sacrifice of doing something that you didn't have to and accomplishing said feat for no pay at all. That was the best part actually. I never once worried that he wasn't going to have a post ready on his day to write. Being reliable is a great asset, people.

As far as my attempt to throw Ace under the bus yesterday, I'd known about this for awhile. I just wanted one more chance to make him look like a cockwaffle. I've been aware of this day for two months or so. I like how NASCAR Boy was pretty sure that I already knew about this even though I DIRECTLY fucking told him about Ace walking away at Meet The Million Dollar Man Night. Dipshit. I'm sure that Dut will blame it on "getting drugged at the bar" for not remembering such a monumental event. As Ace said yesterday, he'll still be around and I expect (but won't demand) him to write something up every once in awhile. I'm sure he'll want to comment on future things like Toledo beating Ohio State, Michigan beating Ohio State, Tate Forcier transferring his Force to a tenth school, and the Eagles underachieving. But those are posts for another day. In the end, and I know most of you dropped kind words yesterday, we should thank Mr. Ace again for allowing us to hate him on a weekly basis. But we must move forward without him.  He'll be fine.  After all, for his years of service here for no money, I'm taking him to MONDAY NIGHT RAW on Labor Day night at Nationwide.  FUCK YOU, JOHN CENA!!!

Now I bet that you're wondering, "What's going to happen in the future for The Money Shot?" Well, that's a good question since I have said a thousand times that I will never write 5 days in a row again. That's out the window now. Yes, for the time being, I'm going old school and will run this bitch daily. I can't make any promises about quality, but you should at least have something to read everyday. That really sucks though because sometimes I have to force myself to have opinions on shit that I don't care about for the sake of this site. Whatevs. It's the cross that I am forced to bear.

Is there a plan to replace Mr. Ace? I'm open to it. He normally spends the Fall and most of the Winter writing the weekly college football post. I figure that I can do that. I was going to ask Iceman or Drew or maybe even Li'l Strut if they were interested in this role, but I don't know. Dut volunteered only until I told him that it HAD to be up on Tuesday morning each and every week...no exceptions. That scared him off because deadlines and planning are not his strong suits. If anyone is interested in writing up the college football posts, by all means, let me know. I'd love going back to having a day off though.  But I must warn you, if you want the job, YOU FUCKING DO IT.  There are no sick days.

I've told this to people before and I still feel this way: There are more good days than bad days here but in the end (and even on the worst days), it would be extremely difficult to walk away from this beautiful bitch of a site. It's just so much of a part of me and I would like to think that it's a small part of you, too. I honestly don't know what I'd do without it. This stupid little corner of the internet helps me get through my day. It's strange how attached I am to something that pays me $16 per month for 15-20 hours of work. Is it cool to get paid by Fox Sports? Yeah, in theory, but when you make as much as Howie Long probably gets paid, it sort of blows, too. I'm sure that there will be a time and a place in the future to evaluate the importance of this blog in my life, but that isn't coming any time soon so fear not.

In conclusion, relax. I am not going anywhere. You may not get any more riveting stories about monkey movies, walking a cat on a leash, or trying to get a Detroit cop to blow you in a hotel stairwell, but you'll still get excellent posts from a dickhead dedicated to sports, pornography, the figure four leg lock, and the lifelong pursuit of finding the perfect chicken wing. And with all that being said...this is my last post until September 6th! I'm terrible.

One thing is unfortunately certain, the days of big titty GIFs are over. That might be the saddest repercussion of the Mr. Ace/Money Shot break-up.  There.  Now you know and knowing is half the battle.

24 comments:

Grumpy said...

Mr. Ace will be missed, but The Money Shot is bigger than one contributor and must go on. I think Drew would make an admirable fill in one day a week. He usually makes the most sense.

Anonymous said...

No need to give him an even bigger head, old man.

I can't wait to make an "EAT SHIT
, DUT" sign for Raw.

--$

The Iceman said...

An opportunity to piss people off once a week?? How could I turn that down? Count me in.

The Iceman said...

Thanks for all the new beat off material, Mr. Ace...er Ape. My brain was getting tired of all the worn out internet snatch. God speed sir...God speed.

Anonymous said...

If Wednesday's were dedicated to the awesomeness of Ravishing Rick Rude, sprinkled in with some mild racism, mostly about Native Americans (fuck 'em), then I would be interested.

Ide

Anonymous said...

This site will explode if Iceman takes over.. Especially if he does the college football post. Clearly, he knows very little about it other than being filled with OSU hate.

Blogging is indeed tough work. I've been suffering from writers block for a month with this college football preview. I guess ill try today.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Whoever fills in, I think it should be an OSU homer. We need someone to stick up for the small guy around here.

Also, as long as this site doesn't go the way of ESPN, I'll keep reading. For some reason this is a current sports headline on their site: ABCNews.com: Apple's Steve Jobs steps down

That's like you writing a post on the stock market. WTF!

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Thank you Grumpy for the kind words.

I would gladly help out if it means keeping Iceman away from trying to sabotage this tremendous blog.

I think it's hilarious you fools are going to RAW....I may look into that for pure comedic reasons as well.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Whatever bitches. I know shit. I drop knowledge bombs. Everyone needs a little chaos in their lives. Gmoney/Iceman 2012! We're gonna titty fuck the world.

Anonymous said...

Do a Wednesday post cage match

Anonymous said...

Ace has never been to a wrasslin' show. I'm pumped that I get to pop his cherry!

What the fuck is going on here? I've had multiple people already apply for Ace's vacated gig AND I just found that I got promoted (no more Polaris commute!!!). This is a pretty incredible day.

--$

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the promotion G$

Drew - please fill it, no possible way could I read an entire post by Iceman. Shit, I have to skip over his comments.

Seal

The Iceman said...

Haterade.

Prime99 said...

Congrats on the promotion, G$.

This site is fantastic. Blogging is no easy task, so thanks for the daily entertainment.

I'm not sure my material is consistently filthy enough to be the Wednesday poster, but if you need a guest post every once in a while, I'd be happy to help. I also would like to see Drew give it a shot. He has strip club stories for days.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the promotion G$.

It appears that the commentators have spoken.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I clearly have some thinking to do here.

--$

Grumpy said...

Congrats on the promotion. Remember all the little people you shit on while working your way to the top.

Anonymous said...

As if I would ever stop shitting on people.

--$

The Iceman said...

Don't fuck up your promotion by getting caught looking at boners on Craig's List again.

Anonymous said...

G$...If you got Iceman to write on Wednesday's....people would eventually not even come here on Wednesday's. That would mean a 20% drop in hits...which I imagine means a 20% loss of income. So, your monthly income would go from $ 16 to just under $ 13...think about that....it just doesn't make financial sense for your wallet.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

How about a Wednesday duel between Iceman and Drew? Let both of them write on college football and just at back and watch it all blow up. Whoever survives lives on as the college football guy.

Anonymous said...

I like Ace's idea. I really don't want to hear OSU shit every Wed.

Anonymous said...

First of all, itd be TUESDAY that these posts would air. Not wednesday.

I've got to be honest, controversy creates cash. I'm strongly considering the asshole in the banner. Because what does Drew know about college football? He's blacked out by 4 pm on saturdays!

--$

The Iceman said...

Jesus. Drew's pushin a little too hard to be the new blogger here. I simply said I was interested, that's all...I'm not going on a fuckin smear campaign like Drew is. It's obviously waaaay more important to him than it is to me.