|America, I can confirm that we have captured and killed Mr. Ace. WE GOT HIM!|
Thank you for your contributions over the past 2+ years, Ace. And I really, truly mean that. Different voices are always a good thing. You were a pretty adequate change of pace back. I hammered at the commenter defense like Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson and you snuck in one day a week like Marcus Allen (but still completely inferior to Bo/myself). I appreciate the sacrifice of doing something that you didn't have to and accomplishing said feat for no pay at all. That was the best part actually. I never once worried that he wasn't going to have a post ready on his day to write. Being reliable is a great asset, people.
As far as my attempt to throw Ace under the bus yesterday, I'd known about this for awhile. I just wanted one more chance to make him look like a cockwaffle. I've been aware of this day for two months or so. I like how NASCAR Boy was pretty sure that I already knew about this even though I DIRECTLY fucking told him about Ace walking away at Meet The Million Dollar Man Night. Dipshit. I'm sure that Dut will blame it on "getting drugged at the bar" for not remembering such a monumental event. As Ace said yesterday, he'll still be around and I expect (but won't demand) him to write something up every once in awhile. I'm sure he'll want to comment on future things like Toledo beating Ohio State, Michigan beating Ohio State, Tate Forcier transferring his Force to a tenth school, and the Eagles underachieving. But those are posts for another day. In the end, and I know most of you dropped kind words yesterday, we should thank Mr. Ace again for allowing us to hate him on a weekly basis. But we must move forward without him. He'll be fine. After all, for his years of service here for no money, I'm taking him to MONDAY NIGHT RAW on Labor Day night at Nationwide. FUCK YOU, JOHN CENA!!!
Now I bet that you're wondering, "What's going to happen in the future for The Money Shot?" Well, that's a good question since I have said a thousand times that I will never write 5 days in a row again. That's out the window now. Yes, for the time being, I'm going old school and will run this bitch daily. I can't make any promises about quality, but you should at least have something to read everyday. That really sucks though because sometimes I have to force myself to have opinions on shit that I don't care about for the sake of this site. Whatevs. It's the cross that I am forced to bear.
Is there a plan to replace Mr. Ace? I'm open to it. He normally spends the Fall and most of the Winter writing the weekly college football post. I figure that I can do that. I was going to ask Iceman or Drew or maybe even Li'l Strut if they were interested in this role, but I don't know. Dut volunteered only until I told him that it HAD to be up on Tuesday morning each and every week...no exceptions. That scared him off because deadlines and planning are not his strong suits. If anyone is interested in writing up the college football posts, by all means, let me know. I'd love going back to having a day off though. But I must warn you, if you want the job, YOU FUCKING DO IT. There are no sick days.
I've told this to people before and I still feel this way: There are more good days than bad days here but in the end (and even on the worst days), it would be extremely difficult to walk away from this beautiful bitch of a site. It's just so much of a part of me and I would like to think that it's a small part of you, too. I honestly don't know what I'd do without it. This stupid little corner of the internet helps me get through my day. It's strange how attached I am to something that pays me $16 per month for 15-20 hours of work. Is it cool to get paid by Fox Sports? Yeah, in theory, but when you make as much as Howie Long probably gets paid, it sort of blows, too. I'm sure that there will be a time and a place in the future to evaluate the importance of this blog in my life, but that isn't coming any time soon so fear not.
In conclusion, relax. I am not going anywhere. You may not get any more riveting stories about monkey movies, walking a cat on a leash, or trying to get a Detroit cop to blow you in a hotel stairwell, but you'll still get excellent posts from a dickhead dedicated to sports, pornography, the figure four leg lock, and the lifelong pursuit of finding the perfect chicken wing. And with all that being said...this is my last post until September 6th! I'm terrible.
One thing is unfortunately certain, the days of big titty GIFs are over. That might be the saddest repercussion of the Mr. Ace/Money Shot break-up. There. Now you know and knowing is half the battle.