Thursday, August 04, 2011

Get A Load Of This Mail-In Post

Just because.
I'm not going to waste a ton of energy on today's post because tomorrow begins our run of Fantasy Football Friday posts (which go 4 weeks and stop at College Football Preview Week). So since there isn't anything major that I want to talk about, a grab bag of assorted shit is what you get.

*It's BAAAAAAAACK - Everything about Ohio State football is hot garbage from the fans to the players to the administration to the stadium to renaming Lane Ave. "Champions Lane" for one year. But Hineygate is sort of cool. Sure, the beer is warm and pricey, it's packed, and The Danger Brothers are fucking terrible, yet it's usually pretty fun due to the mass influx of Naptowners. Well after a two year hiatus from getting booted off the old Holiday Inn lot (on Champions Lane), The Gate is back! And just a few doors down to boot! Yep, it has moved to The Varsity Club parking lot (I believe for this coming year, too). Good news there. Henry County drunks are breathing a sigh of relief.

*A-Rod getting in trouble for being a rich guy - Drew sometimes likes to forward me links as if I have no access to this stuff and he is breaking news to me. Usually, it's about potentially bad things happening to my teams. He did this again yesterday. I guess MLB isn't happy with Baseball Jesus because he likes to play in high stakes poker games with other famous people. I have no idea what the problem here is. It's his money. He isn't betting on baseball. Orel Hershiser (still working in the game) made the finals of the Heads Up Championship a few years ago so poker isn't that frowned upon. Oh wait, it might have something to do with the perceived violence and tough guys around these games. Well, maybe he should stay away from Teddy KGB's place then. But I don't see how you can suspend a guy for playing cards. That's madness. In my personal opinion, this actually makes A-Rod sort of cool.  Living the Rounders lifestyle is badass.  If they try to force some sort of punishment because of this, I would expect Lionel Hutz and about a million other lawyers to be all over this. Remember those bi-weekly poker games that Dut hosted? Yeah, those went on for about 6 weeks and stopped two years ago. I tell ya, this guy is the worst.


*Tony LaRussa is pretty much an asshole.  Just admit that you're a dickhead and that you were trying to get revenge for nothing.  And don't be trying to hurt my boy, Ryan Braun.  Nice tirade though.  Even better that that reporter PWNED his ass.

*Dream Team, huh? - DT Mike Patterson is trying to die on the field yet the Eagles are a "Dream Team". Bitch please. He couldn't even die on the field right. Take notes from Korey Stringer. He only needed one shot to get it right.

*Marc Bulger retired. It probably helped that no one wanted him and his brain is a tub of spoiled cottage cheese. If Bulger can retire from the NFL, then I suppose that I should just retire from the NBA.

*Bruce Pearl can get a job in the NBDL if he wants. That's nice. Maybe this sort of thing will open the way for Jim Tressel and Mo Clarett to be reunited by the Omaha Nighthawks. Mo-Clare called into The Fan the other day and I give him props, he isn't nearly as stupid as he used to be/Terrelle Pryor. My favorite part was when he said that he had no regrets. That killed me.

*Did we mention Butch Davis getting shitcanned? I don't think that we did. Jesus, and here I thought that OSU was the definition of "public relations nightmare". They waited until 6 weeks before the season to fire their coach? That's tard shit. Were the allegations that have been circling the program for a YEAR all of a sudden a surprise? Yeah, it might not happen this year or next, but the football Heels are about to become Duke-bad.

*Northwestern is apparently promoting the shit out of QB Dan Persa for the Heisman. This is really funny to me. Not as funny as seeing "Charlie Frye For Heisman" crap back in the mid-2000's while I was living in NE Ohio, but funny nonetheless. In case you were wondering, Persa was one of three QB's to make an All-Big Ten team over TP last year.

*Finally, the worst fantasy league on the planet (DFL) run by an even worse human being (Dut) has finally settled on a draft date. It will be on Saturday Aug 13th. Nothing beats drafting your team before some real teams have even played a preseason game yet. YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT. THE COMMENT SECTION IS RIGHT, "FUCK YOU, DUT"!!! And fuck New York City for approving you and Carl Edwards' marriage. Weak sauce. Just to recap for all the DFLers that read this site, we all got hosed so that Dut can get his fartbox tongue-punched by a race car driver. I hope that his entire team blows out their brains during week 2 of the preseason.

Fuck you, Dut, indeed. More fantasy tomorrow. Maybe more of Kate Upton's outstanding 19 year old rack, too.

20 comments:

Grumpy said...

Kind of droopy for a 19 yr. old. I can imagine some real bad asses hanging around the edges of Dut's poker game.

MuDawgfan said...

Speaking as an alum, I know that a certain school in Oxford, OH would looooove to have Pearl's cheating ass on the sidelines whenever Coles dies.

-----------
Serious question for Drew and all the OSU fans. What is it about the HeineyGate that makes it so special? I've heard it described as just a bunch of people in a big parking lot drinking beers...which makes it sound like every other tailgate I've ever been too.

I know I'm missing something - please fill me in! I'm probably gonna sneak up to C-Bus to black out a couple of time this season, so is it something I should check out?

The Iceman said...

The key word that you left out from the A-Rod story G$, was "illegal". It is rumored that A-Rod has been playing in illegal poker games after the commish specifically told him not to play in such games.

If that's the case...then Selig has a pretty valid point and defending A-Rod would be fuckin dumb.

Anonymous said...

If Rounders is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Dawg, I don't really know why but its usually just a solid time. Random coed flashings help, too.

--$

Anonymous said...

The band is terrible, but sings classic songs and is very entertaining. They also talk about the game, tell jokes, get everyone in the crowd to flip them off, random chicks showing their tits, etc.. We had a good 4 or 5 year run where we got free booze because we would tip the beer guy who just didnt give a fuck. It will still be different without being at the holiday inn, but the fact that they're back on Lane is a huge plus. NW Ohio people will still walk around confused without the tree as a landmark.

My poker nights used to be g'damn amazin. They will start up again in the fall.

How come I got no compliments on my heaters that were posted yesterday? If coach would have put me in, we would have won state. No doubt.

It was so sad seeing the Tribe slip to 4 games back last night after that walkoff.

Dut

The Iceman said...

I'd better start collecting from all the dumb ass Indians fans who thought the tribe were gonna win that division this year. Nothing cheers me up like a facebook flooding of dejected Indians fans realizing that the dream season is unraveling at the seams.

Anonymous said...

I like the visual of people from NWO walking around Champions Lane like The Walking Dead. No more!!!

Hineygate rules because after the postgame session, everyone throws their beers in the air for some reason. I had the brilliant idea of just dumping my cup on a stranger wearing a Red Sox hat a few years ago. I did. He turned around and immediately knew it was me. He was not pleased. Fuck you, Red Sox fan.

--$

Grumpy said...

It varies from state to state, but in most cases any poker game where money changes hands is considered to be illegal gambling. Even at Dut's game.

Prime99 said...

Check, check, check... He keeps hanging around... A-Rod's got alligator blood.

The Pirates and Indians should have their own postseason series to compete for the "we have nice stadiums but will never be serious contenders" title. G$ can ump and at the end, everyone will get participation medals.

Anonymous said...

Poker games and gambling in general are illegal only if the house takes some of the action.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide- you are wrong. I guess they didn't teach gambling laws in white supremacy school.

A-rod was also seen blowing lines of coke. What a role model.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Commenter Andy K once pissed in a cup and threw it at hineygate. What a F'n dick.

Since we used to get free beer, we used to go up there and order a few extras just to throw on the crowd at the end. Fantastic.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Grumpy....shut your mouth about Kate Upton's tits.

MUDawg...I rarely venture over to Hineygate. Usually keep my talents on the back porch of the Out-R-Inn and at a tailgate.

I bet A-Fraud is absolutely terrible at poker....he doesn't seem very smart.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Actually Dut, they did teach me that at the Knights of America summer camp. My dad ran a march madness pool that got up to 1500 people. He ran all of this by the cops and the proper authorities and that was that was their response.

Not good enough? Take Nicks Shark Tank on Bethel rd. Its a poker place that charges you $20a to play and absolutely no rake (compare that to any casino). There are several places like that around Columbus. And by the way that place is awesome.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide- you're probably right. I just wanted to drop the White Supremacy school bit.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Good point, Drew. I bet the only person worse at poker than A-Rod is Roger Clemens.

Ide, since I am on the DFL rules committee, I am granting you one box-slap on Dut in 9 days.

--$

Anonymous said...

No mention of Jersey Shore premiering tonight?

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

I'm nervous. Anxious, but nervous. Last season was pretty terrible.

--$

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