Friday, August 05, 2011

FFF: Unleashing The Big Board

I would like to make every day "Kate Upton Day".
Today, instead of listing my top ten big board as I have done in the past, I will expand it somewhat. I will rank the top 5 at each of the big 3 positions and then place in parentheses where they rank in my top ten. This isn't rocket surgery. It's not a tough post to figure out. But it's a start. It's early August which means that it's time to start shifting our foci onto the realm of fantasy football. We'll get more scientific later this month, but for this first Fantasy Football Friday, let's just kick this off with G$'s player rankings. And as always, I need to remind you that I have been playing fantasy football for over a decade now and have only won one money league...the 2005 G$FL title. It's a damn fine title. I do have a handful of runner-up finishes though. So take this with a grain of salt if you would like. Or take it as gospel as I would prefer.

1. Aaron Rodgers (3) - He's got the best receiving corps in the league and is getting his sick TE back. They barely try to run the ball either. Let's just say that if you draft A-Rodge, you're about 90% guaranteed to be in the playoffs.
2. Drew Brees (6) - Nothing to see here, just throwing 30-35 touchdowns and having very little running game to help out. Exactly what you want in a QB.
3. Mike Vick (7)/Vince Young - The ultimate risk/reward. You absolutely HAVE to draft both of them though. It's going to suck to waste a spot on your roster on a suicidal shirtless dancing backup QB, but it is vital. I'm going to say this again and more clearly, Vick is the ONLY QB in the league that is a must to handcuff. But if he is even 90% as good as he was last year and plays in 12+ games, you are going to be very happy.
4. Tom Brady (10) - He's getting older but still very good (obvs!). The Pats tend to throw quite a bit around the goalline which is always pleasant for a fantasy QB. Nothing feels worse than seeing that the Pats put up 35 and Danny Woodhead ran in 3 of them...which will never happen.
5. Philip Rivers - Are you catching the trend here? You don't want a QB on a team that can run the ball effectively inside the 5! You may have noticed an absence of Peyton. It was not a coincidence. I rank him lower than Kellen Clemens. Asshole.

Running Backs
1. Adrian Peterson (1) - He's the safest bet. If you're picking first, you don't want to risk a bust. Fact is, dude stays healthy, he's pretty awesome, and he doesn't split carries. The semi-threat of a passing game with McBouncePass makes him even safer. Don't get cute at #1. Take the sure thing.
2. Arian Foster (2) - I said a few weeks ago that I think that this is finally the year for Houston. They're going to score a shitload of points. Foster showed last year when he led the league in rushing that he's pretty goddamn legit. By the way, I had Rodgers, Foster, and Megatron on my G$FL team last year yet finished third proving that fantasy football is extremely luck-based.
3. Jamaal Charles (4) - I love this guy. Is 4 too early? Is he better than Cop Speed? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that I've never heard anyone, over the last two years, complain about owning Charles. And I'm pretty sure Thomas Jones will stop vulturing td's from him since Thomas Jones is dead (might not be true).
4. Chris Johnson (5) - He wouldn't be here with Jake Locker starting. But it got me thinking a bit. Average quarterbacks are gold for stud running backs. All they need to do is present a shred of potential back there and holes open. Everyone thinks that the Titans suck (and they're probably right) so you might be able to steal CJ in the mid-first or for less than 50 in auctions. You get all over that shit.
5. MoJo Drew (8) - I'll say it again, are you catching the trend here? Running backs that split carries are the fucking devil! You can always count on MoJo. He's like the reverse Rex Grossman.
--Michael Turner (9), Steven Jackson (11), Rashard MendenTaliban/Ray Rice (12/13 swing picks)

Wide Receivers
1. Andre Johnson - I like #1 receivers on explosive offenses with limited second and third options in the passing game.
2. Calvin Johnson - see above
3. Rowdy Roddy White - I like receivers whose QB tries to throw the ball to them 200 times per game.
4. Larry Fitzgerald - I like receivers that finally have a QB with a pulse. Poor Larry...totally wasted a year of his life in 2010.
5. DeSean Jackson - He's The Rock. The most electrifying man in the NFL. Now get your ass into training camp because you're going deep on every play this year.

I shouldn't need to say this but I will anyway: For the love of God, DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER DRAFTING A REDSKIN THIS YEAR! Don't even think about it. You will be doomed...DOOMED I TELLS YA. Agree wif me? Don't? Let me have it. Congrats to K-Dog who is getting married tomorrow. I plan on getting crunk and talking very loudly about how Lawon is the greatest thing to ever happen to Big Brother/re-telling my Ted DiBiase story at least 50 times and hopefully to strangers. I fucking rule.


Grumpy said...

Being a newbie, I will print out this post and follow it to the letter. Loser.

Lawon is the most useless house guest ever. Not even close.

Anonymous said...

Santana Moss led me to the 'ship last year in the DFL. Your gonna need to do a week of FF posts due to the DFL's draft next weekend, we need your wisdom G$! I will again sucker someone into making the greatest trade in the history of FF again this year. Maybe you need my wisdom when it comes to FF?

Ace I will have your money to you, or you can just take it out of my winnings.


Anonymous said...

I can't wait for Iceman to show up and say that All Day sucks. Its coming, just wait for it.


MUDawgfan said...

The guys that writes for ESPN fantasy football (Karabel I think is his name) basically wrote that if you have the chance to draft Vick in your league, he's an absolute must pick. If he plays for 12+ games, you're a complete lock to make the playoffs.

If he's gone when you pick, he suggested you take a top 4 RB or Top 3 WR. Only other QB's worth considering are Rivers and Brees.

He also said taking any TE other than Gates prior to the 4th round is pure shit.

Anonymous said...

Eric Karabell has a dungeon in his house where he pulls the skin off of children that he fucks so that he can wear it as clothing. My big board is better.


Anonymous said...

Last year was a fluke. Vick will get back into Hotlanta form this year. 15 picks minimum. Count that. Vince Young should have rejoined he's mentor McNair already.


Mr. Ace said...

Vick will Pwn this year. This is his first off season EVER actually putting in work as a starting qb. The parts around him are nasty. The only way he isn't the #1 fantasy qb is if he gets injured...obvs a possibility.

I was really high on shady mccoy until the eagles signed ronnie brown. Not sure how they are going to split carries.

J Best is another guy that was sweet last year until he got injured. If Stafford is healthy (IF) he could blow up. I would totes blow $40 on him.

Glen Coffee is a solid option as well.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to miss Andy and his love for trying to draft retired guys. Phil Simms for 2 bucks, please!


Prime99 said...

This site has not met the quota of McNair jokes lately. Thanks for dropping one, Ide.

Does Andre Johnson's bloody, dislocated finger drop him in the rankings at all?

Anonymous said...

Jahvid Best is average at best. There I said it.


The Iceman said...

Peterson doesn't suck...but I wouldn't take him #1. I would actually take charles #1. Like you said...thomas jones died 3 months ago and charles is in on passing downs. Id much rather go for a feature back who gets carries and receptions over just a horse who isn't a pass catcher.

Desean jackson is a fuck and way too high on your list. Have fun with 40 fantasy points one week then 4, 7 and 3 for the next 3 weeks.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting points. Thanks!

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