Friday, August 26, 2011

FFF: Ensuring A Great Draft Day Experience

Those better be strippers and not league members.
For our final installment of Fantasy Football Friday this Summer, today we focus on Draft Day. Draft Day is incredibly crucial. It has replaced all other holidays as my favorite holiday. I love fantasy football drafts. You should, too. The beer, the stupid picks, the camaraderie, the official start of football season...it all rules. While the MSFL and DFL have gotten a lot of ink around here recently, the fact remains that the 9th year of the G$FL begins on Sunday as we gather for our annual draft at the Bier Stube. I'm pumped. I promised a guest post today and here it is; a guidebook by my boy, Bling, on how to have a successful draft for your league and, more importantly, yourself.

The league we are in (The GFL--not related to the G$FL) has been in existence now for 20 years (I have been in it for 6 years now). Some of you may say this is pathetic, but the majority of us think it is amazing. For those 20 years, 3 of us have been there from the get go. Now, how have we survived that long you ask? Well, I am about to let you in on some of those secrets...

10. Dead people - Many Americans worship the rich and famous, we in our league drink to them. We average between 1-100 dead people references per draft. I am sure this year we will hear mention of names such as Amy Winehouse, Myra Kraft, Betty Ford, and traditional carry overs such as Rodney Culver, Fred Lane, and Rae Carruth (I don't think Rae is dead, but he might as well be).

9. The Mystery Man - In years past we have had anonymous letters, calls from "The Reaper", and lately the GFL Saboteur. Now some of these have clouded the GFL and had innocent people accused of crimes they never committed. What this element brings to the league is that idiots get so involved in these conspiracies that they take time out of their research and their teams show it after the draft. Its not hard to distract some members of my league, heck a big ball of red string usually does the trick, but this mystery aspect really does make life interesting from time to time.

8. The Finger - Several in my league have heard about this "finger" deal between myself and another league member. What it does is give a little advantage to the member of the league who holds this "finger raise". At any time during the draft if it comes down to a player that we are both interested in, the owner of the finger can raise it at any time, and the opposition MUST drop out of the bidding. It sucks when you are on the other side, but when you own the finger, it is a nice advantage. (I own a "finger raise" this year and I couldn't be happier about it. Basically, if I'm isolated with the guy that is owed the finger on say, Adrian Peterson, and for some reason the two of us are the only ones bidding on AP at $40, when I raise my finger, dude has to bail. No questions asked. I would love to get Peterson for $40.)

7. Fire-Up Music - This gets the day started on the right foot...what do you listen to while driving to your draft. Some listen to ESPN and think they are getting last minute information, but I hate to tell you, if you are just finishing your research on the way to draft, welcome to another losing season. I usually get fired up on my 10 minute drive with a little Tupac (WEST COAST RAP, N-WORDS!). This music gets me fired up and makes me want to kick the ass of all other league members. Rumor has it that, in this league, there is a guy who rocks out to Richard Marx.

6. Mutant Gas - A long carryover on the list, but one of the best. Nothing better than a good room-clearer to get opponents off their game and allow you to focus on the task at hand. I think everyone in my league is well aware of my pregame meal...HAM. I am not sure what it is about ham, but my wife only allows me to eat it once a year, and that is the day before draft because she knows I will be gone the majority of the next day. (For me personally, nothing strips the paint off the wall like a good meal at White Castle.)

5. Skunked Beer - Every year, one or two league members brings a 6-pack to the draft and then drink off of people for the rest of the draft. I have no problem with this since I usually pack a 30-pack, so I have plenty. However, when they make me get them a beer as I am up to get one for myself, I grab from the right side of the cooler. These are a couple of surprise beers that I have prepared from over the summer by cooling and heating on several occasions. It is amazing how they seem to suck them down as if nothing is wrong, but I know and they know I have beat them. (Note to self: bring enough beer so I don't need to drink out of that cooler)

4. Farm Team - A weaker-minded opponent in the league whose sole purpose is to benefit your team in the end. Find this guy early in the season. I have my traditional standby for years now. How do you claim a "farm" team...it takes time, there are times when you may not be having a solid year, so what you do is throw them a bone. They appreciate this, and you can use it later on when you need to trade Marion Barber for MoJo to make that final playoff push.

3. Penalty Shot - We really stepped it up with Apple Pie (a version of moonshine made popular on this past season of Justified and it is fucking DELICIOUS) last year, but traditionally it has been Jager or Firewater. When a player is brought up that has already been drafted, you must take a penalty shot. It is always good to see, because this usually happens towards the end of the draft when you are already three sheets to the wind. It does get ugly sometimes, but those are the memories that last forever. (One year, I went to take a piss and occasional commenter, The Irishman, was passed out sitting on the toilet completely nude...it was the worst and greatest thing that I've ever seen in my life.)

2. The Story - Every year we get someone who in the middle of the draft needs to tell an unrelated and moronic story. In our league it is usually the same guy with some off the wall story about an Indian wiping his ass with his hand or some poor girl who tore her vagina on a fence or something to that affect. This story throws everyone off their game and has nothing to with the draft. It really is disturbing to hear these stories, but like a train wreck, you just can't turn away.

1. Solid League Members - This has been the backbone to our league for 20 years. Active people of varying levels of knowledge participating and talking smack to each other for 12 months a year. This league never ends. Whether it be good nature ribbing or solid insults based on the teams they support, this league is built on its owners. One guy can ruin a good league. And hey, porn at the draft always helps to make them even more enjoyable. (I agree with this.  Have fun and drink at the draft.  Get shit-faced.  Being all serious and studying ten different magazines is not cool.  Shotgunning beers and then helicoptering your penis is the stuff of legend.  You will be talked about for years!)


Thank you, Blinger, your words are wise and I look forward to the excellent food spread, the 18 pack of beer that I will drink, and the shots of 'shine next Saturday up in Henry Co. for the GFL Draft.  For the record, in that keeper league, I've kept Run DMC for $9 and Santonio for $4...I think that that is a good start for a team.

As for the G$FL Draft, I'm picking 10th out of 12. Ugh. I don't care for this position at all. All the studs like AP, Arian, Charles, Chris Johnson, Brees, Rodgers, Brady, and probably Vick will all be gone. I assume that Ray Rice and MoJo are probably out of the picture, too. I have no idea what I'm going to do here. Is 10 too early for Andre Johnson? If Vick is there, is he the man? If I go position players the first two rounds, will Peyton fall all the way to me in the 3rd round? He might actually.  Fuck, I hate the tenth pick.

Good luck in your drafts everyone. By the time I return, your rosters in all of your leagues should be completed. I hope that they all suck. And just a reminder, PAY MR. ACE IF YOU ARE IN THE MSFL. Maybe he'll out the deadbeats today. He should. Come back next week for the collaborative effort known as College Football Preview Week.  And Thursday, I will announce Mr. Ace's replacement.  I am reviewing resumes as we speak or as you read...whichever one makes more sense.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

Vick will be the first QB taken, bro. He ain't gonna be there for you at 10.

Thanks for giving me the 12th pick for the 2nd year in a row in a row asswhipe. Maybe Stephen Jackson will still be available for us! wooo!!!

So Mr. Ace threw porn on during my draft to throw us all off, eh? Well played. Although, he was already done drafting so who knows what his strategy was.

Dut

Anonymous said...

I'm drafting Pryor with the fourth overall pick on Sunday.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

That's a bold strategy Drew!

I don't think that Vick will go first. You need your first round pick, especially a qb, to be a sure thing. Vick is not a sure thing. Rodgers def is the first qb to go.

You and Rex got 11 and 12 back to back years!

--$

Anonymous said...

Yeah what the fuck?

-Rex

Anonymous said...

Shut up, dash! Just take Steven Jackson already.

--$

Anonymous said...

G$- I see what you're doing. You want Vick, but you want the people reading this to pass on him based on your bashings today. Not gonna work. NOT UP IN HERE!

Vick will be the first qb taken. Guaranteed.

Dut

Prime99 said...

I had an online draft last night. I drank Gentleman Jack and listened to STP's "Core." It was solid.

Aaron Rodgers was taken at 6 in our league. Vick lasted until the 2nd round (10 team league.) Peyton went in the 3rd or 4th.

Anonymous said...

G$...You think Ray Rice might drop to you?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Vick will not be the first QB taken. This much I can promise you. Do I have to even show up the draft? Just wake me up when its time to play in my 6th straight super bowl.

Welcome home, Jim!

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Maybe but Ray Rice can get fucked. He ruined everyone last year. I'm strongly considering Andre J at 10.

Just based on my draft slot, I don't think that going qb in the first two picks is a good strategem. At least that is where my head is at right now.

--$

The Iceman said...

I've been in 2 drafts so far and Rodgers has gone #1 overall and #4 overall respectively. The only way Vick is going ahead of Rodgers is if you are in a league with a complete dipshit.

Vick on the other hand was taken with the last pick in the 1st round in my 12 person league and in the 2nd round in our 10 person league. He was actually the 3rd QB to go in that league behind Rodgers and Brady. He should be there at 10 but it's a mistake to take him. There's too many question marks around him to build your team around.

Andre Johnson was a 1st round pick in both leagues I've been in, but I've never been a fan of picking a WR so high since there is a ton of depth. Better stick with RB.

Anonymous said...

Drew, I don't envy your 4 pick. CJ is being a buttface. You don't seem like a guy that would go QB that high either. Maybe Vick though. No way that you take Rodgers though out of principle.

--$

Anonymous said...

In a non TD only league, I don't see how Vick isn't a solid top round pick. Sure he should go after Rogers, but if the top few good RB's are gone, and Rodgers is gone, I'm gambling on the dog killer. So sounds like I would take him as high as 5-8.

Dut, you don't garunsheed anymore?

- J Saul

The Iceman said...

I love how everyone is willing to ignore 7 years of fantasy mediocrity with Vick. You're willing to risk your entire season on 1 huge year compared to 7 average years? Good luck with that shit.

Anonymous said...

To be fair, Vick always had terrible players around him ATL and is admittedly "working hard" these days. I guess prison makes you re-evaluate your life. Who knew?

As for my pick, would you rather have the 6th rb or the best receiver? Its a tough question to answer and I might not know until my pick comes up.

I do think you are wrong about this. Its the rb pool that is deep since almost everyone platoons now while the market for good receivers is more shallow than you think.

--$

Anonymous said...

G$...I will not be taking CJ with the fourth pick. I think he's so dumb for real...way too risky.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Vick had Roddy White and ironically enough, White didn't become the stud he is today until Vick started getting cream pied in prison. Maybe Vick did have talent but never utilized it. Ever think about that?

I would agree that the platoon bullshit trend does mean more RBs see the field than ever before but the drop off from Ray Rice to Ahmad Bradshaw is lot more severe than the drop off from Andre Johnson to Larry Fitzgerald...who went in the 3rd round in both my drafts.

Anonymous said...

Are Rice and Bradshaw ranked as closely together as Johnson and Fitzgerald? I find that hard to believe but I probably could have googled it and not posted...(Also I've done 0 research this year)

In Vick We (Rex and I) trust. FF has a gambling/luck factor, and hes got the biggest upswing if he pays off, again after the top 4-5 sure things are off the table.

Last year I had a team with Vick, A. Johnson, Roddy White, and G Jennings and didn't win one of my leagues. Luck has a lot to do with it haha.

- J Saul

Mr. Ace said...

MSFL email has been sent out:

Money has not been received from NW or J Saul(although his should be in the mail.)
Apparently Naptown Wolverine needs to roll a few fags behind Rick's this weekend to get some scratch. Good luck to him. PAY ME YOU FUCK!

The Iceman said...

Rice is the 6th ranked RB and Bradshaw is the 13th ranked while AJ is the #1 WR while Fitz is the 10th.

Even if you want to compare #6 to #13 ranks in both positions you have Rice down to Bradshaw and Desean Jackson down to Mike Williams (TB). Not much of a difference in talent or looks at WR compared to RB.

Personally I would rather roll the dice with a QB that's done it better for longer than take my chances on an erratic QB like Vick. Let someone else deal with the headache.

Anonymous said...

Ray Rice is a gash. I'd rather have Tim Heismantower.

Ace, NW knows he owes. He's getting it to you after he gets done chickenheading out at the truck stop.

--$

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