|"What's 'taters', Precious?"|
And as always, I need to remind you that I have been playing fantasy football for over a decade now and have only won one money league...the 2005 G$FL title. It's a damn fine title. I do have a handful of runner-up finishes though. So take this with a grain of salt if you would like. Or take it as gospel as I would prefer.
QB: Josh Freeman - I like Freeman. I really do. He reminds of Big Ben but without the accusations and gray dick. He's just a big dude who doesn't always make pretty plays but always seems to win. ESPN has him rated as the #10 QB this year which means that in a 12 team league, they expect some team to start him every week. Hells nah! I don't trust that. They have Freeman rated higher than Matty Ice, Eli the Tard, Flacco, and Kolb. I'd maybe take him over The Tard, but no one else there. I've said it before and I'll say it again, getting a rippling stud QB on your roster increases your playoff odds by a ton. Unless you take Peyton. Fuck Peyton.
2010 Pick: Matt Ryan...PUSH. Actual quote from last year: He will probably go before McNabb, Palmer, and Flacco...but I like all three of these guys more than Ryan. MISS!!!
RB: Peyton Hillis - I don't think that it's a stretch that if Peyton Hillis was Lamar Jenkins, no one would care about him. And I have a Madden cover as proof that this is true. Hillis is a badass but let me give you three big reasons (other than the team he plays for) as to why you should pass on the White Rhino.
1. Madden Curse + Cleveland Curse = ???
2. He takes a fuckload of hits and fumbles a ton.
3. Never forget that he kind of sucks and was traded for Brady Quinn. Remember, he was only good for about 8-9 weeks last year.
Some dumbass Browns fan/racist will pimp this fucker up to 40 bucks. Let him do it. You don't want none. It's too risky. Also someone to stay away from is LeSean McCoy. HE DOESN'T SCORE! And the Eagles have no short yardage plays. McCoy will also go for way more than he should.
2010 Pick: Brandon Jacobs...HIT!
WR: Chad Johnson - You already know how this is going to happen. He'll have about 4 touchdowns in the first 3 or 4 games because Belichick needs to prove that he made the right acquisition to stroke his ego. Then, Chad will sort of fade away slowly and be targeted less and less each game because he can't shake corners anymore. Eventually, he's nothing more than a decoy out there and blossoms into a malcontent. He ends up with 800 yards and 6 td's but gives you almost nothing over the last 12 weeks. A few dumbasses in your league will think that he's due for a monster now that he's out of Cincy. Be smarter than that. Also overrated: Jeremy Maclin. Until he practices, I'm going to believe the rumors that he has some sort of disease that will kill him. Don't draft a guy with Super-Lupus.
2010 Pick: Anquan Boldin...HIT!
TE: Dallas Clark - This fucking guy always gets hurt. If you want him, you have to take him semi-early and then he never plays after week 8. There is nothing more annoying than taking a leap on a stud TE and then watching them get hurt and having to pick through the scrap heap to replace the guy. It sucks. Nobody should have to pick up Bo Scaife off of waivers.
2010 Pick: Jason Witten...HIT!
K/DEF: Mike Nugent/Lions - People still drool over Nugent around here. Even if the Bengals cut him, someone will still draft him. He always fucking sucked. The Lions still have nothing in the back 7. Teams will throw at will on them. If you are still reading this for advice on kickers and defenses to avoid then you should not be playing fantasy football. You should be sucking off truck drivers at Lollipop Park. WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS! Oh maybe I do have something, Nate Kaeding is a little faggot who looks like a real-life Butters from South Park. Don't draft him out of spite.
2010 Pick: Garrett Hartley/Baltimore...???
That's it for today, boys. You know something else that is wildly overrated: The Goonies (which I watched this past weekend). That movie fucking sucks. I wish that the Fratelli's killed all of them. How the fuck did pirates get a big ass ship inside of a massive rock? And then the rock closed in around the ship? Huh? One-Eyed Willie and his crew, I believe, were all murdered yet were all sitting UPRIGHT around a table and absolutely NONE of their treasure was taken? THIS MAKES NO SENSE. FUCK YOU, FELDMAN! Although that Andie chick is fine as fuck. I could go on and on about how terrible this movie is but I'll stop here. Let's try to get the commenting back to our normal standards next week, please. Until then, fuck you, Dut.