Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Corwin Brown Wants His Chicken Fried!

(Tha U, Tha U, Tha U is on fire!)

Douche Lord of the Week: The DFL draft was a total clusterfuck, but it turned out alright. However, the banner stays the same.

It MUST be the Concussions. Last Friday police responded to a domestic abuse call in South Bend, IN. Turns out Corwin Brown, current assistant coach at Notre Dame and former NFL player, got a little slappy with his lady and decided to hold his family hostage for 7 hours as the SWAT team waited outside. And then, just to add a little mystery, he shot himself in the torso. Wait. How does that work? You beat up your wife, hold your family hostage, and then shoot yourself in the chest? Oh, I see where this is going.
“Many are asking, what would cause a young man who has been blessed beyond all measure, with a life so promising that he would put himself and his family in harm’s way? We believe Corwin is suffereing from symptoms similar to those experienced by the late Dave Duerson and were caused by the many notable collisions during Corwin’s career in the NFL,”
Concussions are about to become athletes insanity plea. We get it. Your brain is mush because you have been using your skull as a wrecking ball for the last 15 years of your life. But that doesn't excuse jerking off on a 15 year old prostitute, Lawrence Taylor. NFL players made the decision to play football and make millions of dollars doing it. They knew the risks. They deserve to be helped out if they need the help, but every time a former player attempts suicide or goes apeshit it can't be the NFL's fault. Not cool.

But I caught up with Corwin before his family put out that statement and this is what he had to say.

Mr. Ace: Mr. Brown, you're in the hospital right now. Don't be afraid. You shot yourself in the chest you fucking moron. Next time swallow that thing before you pull the trigger.
CB: FUCK THAT BITCH! I TOLD HER WHAT I WANTED! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THAT SHIT?
ACE: Wait, what?
CB: That bitch said she was going to make me some chicken. So I was all like "Yeah, bitch, fry that chicken."
ACE: That's understandable.
CB: So I go and take a nap because that's what I do before dinner. I wake up and I can smell the food, but something doesn't smell right.
ACE: She was cheating on you and squirted snatch juice in your collard greens?
CB: Naw. I come down stairs and see this bitch pulling some chicken out the oven.
ACE: Awwnaw, hell naw.
CB: You can't fry chicken in the oven. I pulled out my gun and said I was gon' cap that ho if she didn't fry that chicken. FRY THAT CHICKEN BITCH!!!

It was at this point that Corwin Brown fell out of his hospital bed and began singing Ms. Peaches classic song.

Everybody wants a piece of her chicken.

Death Penalty. The University of Miami athletic department is dead. FUCKING DEAD, SON.
"In 100 hours of jailhouse interviews during Yahoo! Sports’ 11-month investigation, Hurricanes booster Nevin Shapiro described a sustained, eight-year run of rampant NCAA rule-breaking, some of it with the knowledge or direct participation of at least seven coaches from the Miami football and basketball programs. At a cost that Shapiro estimates in the millions of dollars, he said his benefits to athletes included but were not limited to cash, prostitutes, entertainment in his multimillion-dollar homes and yacht, paid trips to high-end restaurants and nightclubs, jewelry, bounties for on-field play (including bounties for injuring opposing players), travel and, on one occasion, an abortion."
Money, jewelry, blah blah blah, ABORTION! Every program needs a booster like Nevin Shapiro.
“I was doing him a favor,” the booster said. “That idiot might have wanted to keep [the baby].”
That is dedication. Hell, NFL teams could use a booster like Nevin Shapiro. Maybe Cromartie wouldn't have 37 kids if each NFL team had a guy strictly dedicated to abortions. Your call, Goodell.

But, yeah, the Miami Hurricanes are done. Forever. Just read the Yahoo Sports article. This is SMU plus prostitutes and multiplied by abortions. And if this guys Ponzi scheme never would have gotten busted the Canes probably would have financed themselves into becoming a national power again. The NCAA is a joke. They can't possibly keep up with the violations that occur everyday on college campuses, and the idea that teams are going to self-report is just fucking dumb. How do you even self-report an abortion?

Kellen Winslow Jr. is still a fucking soldier...right?

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow. The U is beyond fucked. Its over now.

Leave Sean Taylor out of it though, Phil Nevin Shapiro. That man is a saint!

--$

Grumpy said...

“Many are asking, what would cause a young man who has been blessed beyond all measure, with a life so promising that he would put himself and his family in harm’s way? We believe Corwin is suffereing from symptoms similar to those experienced by the late Dave Duerson and were caused by the many notable collisions during Corwin’s career in the NFL,”

Explains Dut's behavior.

Anonymous said...

Ace...good call on former players using concussions as an insanity plea. It just might work too.

Thoughts on Da U....

*Tattoos? We were really talking about tattoos?

*I think my favorite part (other than the abortion of course) is the picture of him handing the current Miami Prez Shalala or whatever her name is like a $ 150K check and her just fawning over the check. Oh is that hilarious. Yeah...Gee made some retarded comments...this biatch like her players took hundreds of thousands of dollars in donations from this guy.

*McGahee...you requested that you get a 2002 NC ring if it was found OSU had inelgibile players in that game. I liked your individual page in the article...you took money...they ahve receipts for the suits this guy bought for you...they have pictures of you at the Heisman ceremony in that suit with Shapiro. Go Fuck Yourself...too bad he couldn't buy some abortions for your 7 children.

*I didn't like seeing Jacory Harris on that list...definitely want his interceptions in a little over a month.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Can Charlie Weis's obesity be blamed on concussions? Or does that only work if you actually played the game instead of logging thousands of hours playing Madden?

Anonymous said...

Typical anOSU fan...thinking that a dirtier program all of a sudden makes you clean. At least The U was taking cooze and abortions. Much cooler than tats.

Yeah, they're fucking fucked though. I do feel bad for Al Golden though.

--$

Anonymous said...

Sean Taylor wont need the abortions, what with his schwantz blown off and all.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

The exact same shit, including abortions, is going on with the Fuckeyes. The boosters just aren't as brazen as Shapiro, which is why the NCAA and ESPN keep on putting pressure on the Fuckeyes. They know something is there, but without subpoena power they can't really do shit but hope to find that smoking gun.

If countless hours of Madden can give the concussion excuse that NFL players get then look for me on the news with a bomb strapped to my chest, chained to Gordon Gee's front door.

That dude fucking owned Miami though. If Miami wasn't pulling in every single recruit over the past decade then what are other schools offereing?

Anonymous said...

Frank Haith should be banned from coaching hoops too since it sounds like he was IN ON THIS!

--$

Anonymous said...

Ace- I highly doubt the exact same shit is going on at every program, including Ohio State. The magnitude of those allegations completely blows OSU's out of the water.

Also, the exact same shit, including abortions, is going on with Michigan. The boosters just aren't as brazen as Shapiro, which is why the NCAA and ESPN keep on putting pressure on the Michigan. They know something is there, but without subpoena power they can't really do shit but hope to find that smoking gun.

See how fucking retarded that looks from the other side?

Dut

Anonymous said...

How long until the NCAA, possibly by extension of the government starts checking the financial statements of every booster from every D1 college?

That should settle this ridiculous problem, you'd think.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide, that would cost the NCAA about ten kajillion dollars. Is China still lending?

--$

Prime99 said...

I hope my boy Kenny Dorsey got a chunk of change for having the most wins of any Miami QB ever. Zero chace he was the abortion guy. I'm calling out Vilma for that one!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad we beat those cheaters for the 02 National Championship.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

OSU+Refs+$ > Da U+$

It's science.

The Iceman said...

When the ohio state scandal broke, osu fans were saying we shouldn't believe the allegations because the only witnesses coming forth were known scumbags with criminal records.

Now this choad serving a 20 year sentence rats out the miami football program & everyone is swallowing every word this guy has to say. I don't care if one guys a tattoo artist & another guys a booster. A scum bag is a scum bag. You guys see how hypocritical you're being, right? I'm not saying there isn't some shady shit going on...because their probably is. But you can discount one criminals account when it comes to your football program and believe anothers whole heartedly when it comes to a program you hate.

Anonymous said...

I believe everything that anyone has ever told me. I've got to go though because Devier Posey and I have a tee time at Scioto Reserve in ten minutes.

--$

Anonymous said...

Iceman...one was written by SI with just an anonymous source and nothing else to back up his claims.

I take it you have not read the YAHOO article yet have you? They have TONS of evidence...checks..credit card statements...players on the record...pictures. YAHOO! doesn't fuck around with these things...just like they didn't with USC. Each player has their own page on the web-site. I'm sure not all of it will stick...stuff needs to be proven...but you can't compare the two at all when it comes down to the evidence presented in the article for the charges. Completely different.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Like I said...I'm not saying that miami is clean. Far from it my friend. I'm just not gonna listen to any of the liquid shit some asshole in prison is spraying to any reporter who will listen.

Anonymous said...

Iceman- there are pictures, a money trail, named sources, etc in this case. How you can't see the difference and see that there is no hypocrisy is beyond me.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Fear not, peckers, we'll be talking about this bitchin' tale again tomorrow.

--$

Prime99 said...

Daniel Tosh tweeted "Blue Chips would be a better movie if Anfernee Hardaway demanded free abortions."

Well said, sir.