It MUST be the Concussions. Last Friday police responded to a domestic abuse call in South Bend, IN. Turns out Corwin Brown, current assistant coach at Notre Dame and former NFL player, got a little slappy with his lady and decided to hold his family hostage for 7 hours as the SWAT team waited outside. And then, just to add a little mystery, he shot himself in the torso. Wait. How does that work? You beat up your wife, hold your family hostage, and then shoot yourself in the chest? Oh, I see where this is going.
“Many are asking, what would cause a young man who has been blessed beyond all measure, with a life so promising that he would put himself and his family in harm’s way? We believe Corwin is suffereing from symptoms similar to those experienced by the late Dave Duerson and were caused by the many notable collisions during Corwin’s career in the NFL,”Concussions are about to become athletes insanity plea. We get it. Your brain is mush because you have been using your skull as a wrecking ball for the last 15 years of your life. But that doesn't excuse jerking off on a 15 year old prostitute, Lawrence Taylor. NFL players made the decision to play football and make millions of dollars doing it. They knew the risks. They deserve to be helped out if they need the help, but every time a former player attempts suicide or goes apeshit it can't be the NFL's fault. Not cool.
But I caught up with Corwin before his family put out that statement and this is what he had to say.
Mr. Ace: Mr. Brown, you're in the hospital right now. Don't be afraid. You shot yourself in the chest you fucking moron. Next time swallow that thing before you pull the trigger.
CB: FUCK THAT BITCH! I TOLD HER WHAT I WANTED! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THAT SHIT?
ACE: Wait, what?
CB: That bitch said she was going to make me some chicken. So I was all like "Yeah, bitch, fry that chicken."
ACE: That's understandable.
CB: So I go and take a nap because that's what I do before dinner. I wake up and I can smell the food, but something doesn't smell right.
ACE: She was cheating on you and squirted snatch juice in your collard greens?
CB: Naw. I come down stairs and see this bitch pulling some chicken out the oven.
ACE: Awwnaw, hell naw.
CB: You can't fry chicken in the oven. I pulled out my gun and said I was gon' cap that ho if she didn't fry that chicken. FRY THAT CHICKEN BITCH!!!
It was at this point that Corwin Brown fell out of his hospital bed and began singing Ms. Peaches classic song.
Everybody wants a piece of her chicken.
Death Penalty. The University of Miami athletic department is dead. FUCKING DEAD, SON.
"In 100 hours of jailhouse interviews during Yahoo! Sports’ 11-month investigation, Hurricanes booster Nevin Shapiro described a sustained, eight-year run of rampant NCAA rule-breaking, some of it with the knowledge or direct participation of at least seven coaches from the Miami football and basketball programs. At a cost that Shapiro estimates in the millions of dollars, he said his benefits to athletes included but were not limited to cash, prostitutes, entertainment in his multimillion-dollar homes and yacht, paid trips to high-end restaurants and nightclubs, jewelry, bounties for on-field play (including bounties for injuring opposing players), travel and, on one occasion, an abortion."Money, jewelry, blah blah blah, ABORTION! Every program needs a booster like Nevin Shapiro.
“I was doing him a favor,” the booster said. “That idiot might have wanted to keep [the baby].”That is dedication. Hell, NFL teams could use a booster like Nevin Shapiro. Maybe Cromartie wouldn't have 37 kids if each NFL team had a guy strictly dedicated to abortions. Your call, Goodell.
But, yeah, the Miami Hurricanes are done. Forever. Just read the Yahoo Sports article. This is SMU plus prostitutes and multiplied by abortions. And if this guys Ponzi scheme never would have gotten busted the Canes probably would have financed themselves into becoming a national power again. The NCAA is a joke. They can't possibly keep up with the violations that occur everyday on college campuses, and the idea that teams are going to self-report is just fucking dumb. How do you even self-report an abortion?
Kellen Winslow Jr. is still a fucking soldier...right?