Wednesday, August 31, 2011

CFB Preview Day 3: Find Me That Dog!

This is, like, the saddest thing ever.  'Bout to get a little misty-eyed up in this piece.
You'll have to forgive me.  It's hard to type when I'm bawling my eyes out.  How did I just hear about this yesterday?  Apparently, a Navy SEAL was killed at some point recently (I don't know any the details but it will be one dead guy that we don't mock here) and had a service back home.  Yes, that is his dog laying on the ground by the casket.  Holy shit, that is so sad.  This is yet another reason why dogs rule and cats blow.  Do you think that Garfield would do that?  No, that fat fuck would be out pounding lasagna.

Apparently, the Iowa football team wants to make this dog their mascot this season and have it lead them out of the tunnel (for just home games, I think).  But Iowa needs to get this approved by the NCAA first for some reason.  Oh please, NCAA, find it in your cold black hearts to allow this to happen.  I would honestly root for Iowa and their team filled with drug dealers to go undefeated if this awesome dog was on the sideline.  I'll even go so far as to start today's post about Bold Predictions by saying that if this dog is part of the Iowa football program this year...NATIONAL CHAMPS.  Yeah, I'm still weeping, wanna fight about it?  Let's just get to the predictions.

Damman: Bold Predictions - 1. This is the year that Boise St. breaks through and plays for the title. The schedule is a joke again outside of going to Georgia . But they will win that game and run the table. A win over an SEC team on the road will impress voters enough to vote them to #1 at seasons end and they will play for the title.
2. Nebraska will finish 3rd in their division (Leaders or Legends, I’m not sure. I know it’s been said a million times, but how retarded are those names?) with a 4-4 record. Their conference schedule is brutal. They get the 3 best teams from the other division in their crossover games (vs Ohio St, at Penn St and at Wisconsin) as well as having to go to Michigan (you’ll see why that will be tough in my next bold prediction). The schedule is just too tough and the Cornhuskers will disappoint in their first season in the B1G.
3. We will get a double dose of Ohio St vs Michigan this year. That’s right boys and girls, the Bucks and the Steve Sharippa led Wolverines will meet in the first Big 10 championship game. Ohio State will need to win the regular season matchup (which they will) to make the title game while Michigan will be able to back into the championship game with 3 conference losses because they are in the Big 12 North version of the Big 10. The main reason why these 2 were separated was to have the dream scenario of having them matchup in the championship games and it will come to pass in the first year. The Bucks will also win the rematch behind their “Us against the World” mentality that will fuel their entire season. It will be sweet, sweet vindication for the next big thing in college coaching, Luke Fickell.*
(*At the time of this writing Ohio St. was still eligible for postseason play and while they may not be eligible for the title game, it’s looking pretty good that they will so I rolled the dice on this. G$ telling us not to focus on Ohio St. was in part the driving force behind this prediction)

The Wig Master: Bold Predictions - 1. Heard it from a friend who…Heard it from a friend who…The BCS National Championship Game will not feature an SEC team.
2. Notre Dame finishes in the top 10.
3. The ol' ball coach and South Carolina get an SEC title.
3a) “Full Beer Day” catches on. On January 1st, you must finish, at a minimum, a six-pack of full beer. G Funk’s dad is a founding member of the movement behind this new holiday!(ed. note - I have no idea what he's talking about.)

Drew: Bold Predictions - 1. Stanford will play in the NCG.
2. Ohio State will win the first B1G Championship Game giving the ultimate fuck you to all of the haters.
3. Denard Robinson will be injured and won't be able to play in the OSU/Michigan game.

GSaul: Bold Precitions - 1. The last time that Ohio State beat Michigan was 2009. Make it two years now! Hoke-a-mania takes down Fickell up North on November 26.
2. Duke goes bowling this year before they go dancing. First time since the 1994 season.
3. Nick Saban is the next coach to create NCAA controversy. Two titles in the past 8 years with two different programs (LSU '03, Bama '09) while being just a below average NFL coach in between (15-17 with the Dolphins from '05-'06). Something does not smell right.

Dut: Bold Predictions - 1. Ohio State makes it to the B1G championship game despite all the hate.
2. Nebraska has at least 3 B1G losses
3. Notre Dame makes a BCS bowl (only because their schedule is garbage)

G$: Bold Predictions - 1. I firmly believe that Wisconsin wins the Big Ten and I love Russell Wilson, but I don't see him having a huge, mega positive impact on that offense. He'll be just OK. They will win because of Ball and White.
2. South Florida begins their transformation into a monster program. They have the right coach in Skip Holtz and now they are going to start getting a large chunk of kids that normally went to The U. Not only will they win the Big East this year, but they are about to become a powerhouse.
3. Everyone seems to think that Auburn will struggle this year. O RLY? When has a Gus Malzahn offense ever struggled? I've read many 6-6 projections for the War Eagles (what does that even mean?). They're playing in one of those Jan 2 bowls.  Book it.

There are few things that I don't understand but a couple of them were brought up today:
1. Why does GSaul ALWAYS talk about Duke Football?
2. Why is it virtually impossible for Ohio State fans to not talk about Ohio State?  Three anOSU fans contributed this week and all of them had to name drop the Fuckeyes today.  All of them.  Guess what, assholes?  Ohio State winning the fucking Legends or Leaders is not bold.  It's barely news-worthy.
3. How can I go about adopting that dog?  I want to make him my Executive Vice President.

Might want to tune in tomorrow.  Why?  Oh, nothing special...we're picking the Heisman winner and naming Mr. Ace's replacement.  Right now, Drew and The Iceman are in a dead heat.  Li'l Strut has some ground to make up.  Ide has less of a chance than Mike Flanagan.  Don't worry...it's OK...feel free to sit on the edge of your seat.

36 comments:

Grumpy said...

If Iceman is Ace's replacement, expect a picket line outside your house.

Anonymous said...

G$...You may have wanted to include the fact that the dog's name is "Hawkeye" which is why the Iowa movement has started. It's also a bad ass name for a dog. I believe his owner was killed with the 20 or so SEALs that were shot down in a helicopter over Afghanistan a few weeks ago. Very sad indeed.

I think OSU winning the B1GCG is pretty bold..I also think calling OSU and UM to be there is very bold...just making it there not so much. I already bought eight tickets for that game so we better be there....or at least Nebraska better be there so I can make some profit.

I feel like I participate in "Full Beer Day" four to five days a week and I never knew that I was participating in a movement.

I read the Duke football prediction and thought to myself "It seems like every year there is something about Duke football here"....good to know I wasn't making that up.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Like I said, I knew virtually nothing about the dog other than he was really sad that his dad died. My dog better pull this same shit, too! He farted in bed last night...close enough.

Picking the most talented team in the conference to win a 6 team division is not bold, elite, or overrated!

Yep, looks like today we will be defining "bold".

MSFL Draft went well last night. Everybody like their team and agree that Mr Ape is going to blow? I am indifferent toward mine which is right where I want to be.

--$

Anonymous said...

How did Grumpy do for his first fantasy draft?

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I think I did OK. Got distracted and lost out on Ben, who I think is going to have 4,000 yds. and 30 TD's. I thought he was mine, got distracted by something at home with :02 on the clock and failed to notice I was outbid. Live and learn. Also, I'm a little top heavy at RB; we'll see how that works out. Took a gamble on Matthew Stafford's health. Very happy with Ray Rice and Chris Johnson (if Johnson plays). I learned a lot and there is a lot of room for improvement. But I had fun and that's what counts.

Mr. Ace said...

How does a team that features Mike Vick, Shady McCoy, Larry Fitzgerald, Hakeem Nicks, and Stevie Johnson blow? It's impossible. I think I only have 3 RB's on the squad tho. Might need to address that.

Bold Predictions:
Toledo has one loss this season.
Michigan goes 3-0 against ND, Fuckeyes, Sparty.
I win the MSFL in a landslide.
Virginia Tech plays in the NCG.

Anonymous said...

You suck, Ape.

I have Tim Heismantower...the title is mine.

--$

The Iceman said...

I'm gonna go do some last minute campaigning at the local brothels...

Let's not ignore that G$ purposely drafted a Brown last night. I think he went out and bought a Hillis jersey first thing this morning.

My starters are pretty solid but my bench is a bag of wet poop. That's what happens when you spend half your cap on 3 players I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Iceman took my studs n scrubs strategy!? I'm fucked.

Why is it impossible for OSU fans to not talk about OSU? Why do you always blog about the Skins and Yankees? Why did Ace always bore us with Brian Dawkins? Why are boobs good?

Let me know if anyone wants get in a high stakes ($103) season long football pool. I think there's 100ish people in it and there are weekly payouts as long as a season end payout. Ill email you the info.

Dut

Prime99 said...

I'm not going to hate on the dog- clearly this dog is awesome, just the logic of your argument that this dog does one cute/touching thing and that means all cats suck. My cats miss us when the Mrs. and I go away for the weekend. We don't have to die to be sure of that. Next point, our cats can take of themselves for a few days. Dogs would need a sitter.

I like my team, but I also am light at RB. I definitely have some room for improvement, but the auction style draft is tits.

A Boise/Stanford NCG would be sick. Westsi-ee-d!

Anonymous said...

I am satisfied with my team. Not completely ecstatic, but satisfied. I have Jamal Charles, Michael Turner, Jahvid Best, and Fred Jackson as my RB, RB, RB/WR, and FLEX. I also have Dwayne Bowe. I feel solid about that, but I am taking a gamble on Austin Collie's health, Danny Amendola's consistency, and Josh Freeman's improvement.

-Lil' Strut

The Iceman said...

The difference is that G$ didn't pick the Yankees to go to the WS and call it bold. It's like saying my bold pick of the day is Dut is gonna wake up and fuck the hollowed out mouth hole of a photo of Drew in a Brutus the Buckeye costume. You see, it's not bold if it happens every morning.

Anonymous said...

Also, if Iceman is Ace's replacement, the quality of this site will plummet to that of Michigan's secondary. In short, it will be clueless,talentless, and dreadful to watch.

I like how some of these Michigan fans think Brady Hoke is going to turn Michigan around in one year. They are forgetting one thing: The defense still has no talent! You cannot win many games without defense. Add that to the fact that it looks like UM's most dangerous (and only) offensive weapon is going to be handcuffed by an offense that doesn't fully showcase his abilities and you have a recipe for a 7 win season, at best.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

When you have to start 2 WR's 2 RB's and 2 FLEx positions you're gonna run a little thin.

I have the best RB, WR, and TE in the league. How'd y'all let that happen!?

Bold predictions = boring predictions today.

If last year is any indication, of course you can predict OSU to win/make the conference championship!

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Iceman. I was just going to yell and scream that Dut doesn't get it AT ALL.

Maybe I'm wrong (I'm not), but I think I do a pretty good job of not burying this site with game by game breakdowns and news of my teams. Then there is anOSU fan who can turn a post about Shaq's sex tape into a war against the integrity (you as a group have none) of Fuckeye Nation.

Good enough? Go join more weirdo pools that cost $103.

--$

Anonymous said...

Just a random thing to think about:

I can't remember anyone here that liked the idea of me taking on Mr Ape. ANYONE. That worked out ok, no?

--$

Mr. Ace said...

Michigan is loaded with talent. We have grit and want-to. And the best defensive coordinator ever.

Denard will be used properly. They aren't going to force a pro style offense on him when that isn't in the best interest of the team.

Dut, what is this football thing you are talking about?

Prime99 said...

J Saul- you got the best WR, RB, and TE because you spent like $10 total on the QB position!

Anonymous said...

Grumpy...IF Stafford stays healthy that will be a great pick.

Also, Dut only mouth fucks taht cut out on game day mornings...which is twice a week during basketball season...but still not everyday.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

As long as Michigan's defense can rank in the 50's instead of the 100's they will be fine. Keep in mind that Michigan returns 9 starters from the defense. Granted that's 9 starters from a unit that was God awful, but having guys with experience returning is better than starting 4 freshman and 5 sophomores with zero experience...no matter how bad the defense was last year.

If they can win 7 games with the worst defense in football, any improvement in that defense is going to translate to at least one more win. A drastic improvement could mean 2 more. I'm not saying Michigan will win the Big 10, but they're gonna do better than people think.

Anonymous said...

Iceman makes Mr. Ape look like a professional sports writer. Iceman's arguments and lines of logic are on par with that of a 13 year old girl. At least Drew uses facts rather than unfounded verbal diarea to back up his arguments.

Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

I just reviewed the rosters from last night. Damman and Lange, God love 'em, should be embarrassed.

--$

Mr. Ace said...

I am a professional sports writer.

Everything Iceman said is spot on. This is the first time in what seems like 10 years that Michigan will return almost its entire defense, while losing nobody significant. The defense cannot possibly be worse. The offense will take some focus away from Denard, which will keep him healthy throughout the year instead of coming out of half the games.

Michigan has some tough tests but most of them are at home. I think 8 wins is likely, but more isn't out of the question. But seriously, we will probably play Virginia Tech in the NCG.

Anonymous said...

Considering what happened to OSU this off season, I would say OSU winning the B10 is a bold prediction. Remember all of the issues (slow qb, bad oline, NEW COACH) that gAyCE brought up? It is bold dammit!

Ace- I emailed you the details. Grant, -rex, and commenter jsaul are in.

So you Michigan fans expect the offense to continue at their 2010 pace, and the defense goes from ranked 100th to 50th? If that happens they will be national champs. Not gonna happen, queers. Purdue returns a shitload of players too. Who cares if they're returning if they aren't any good!? Is your white secondary all of a sudden going to run 4.3 40s? Hail no.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Actually, I remember the same argument about defensive starters returning being made for Purdue about 4-5 years ago. The analysts were expecting Purdue's defense to be great after it returned around 10 starters from a defense that was about 80th in the nation. The analysts were wrong. Purdue's defense still sucked, proving that experience is great, but without talent it doesn't mean shit.


-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

If you aren't going to spend the money on a top 4-5 QB, 10 dollars if about what the rest of them go for.You can't have the best RB, WR, TE AND a top 5 QB. Although I'm ashamed I let Shaub (Shaub to Johnson!) go for 13 bucks, me snaking that would have won me the draft (which I think I already won anyways).

I digress.

That's exactly whats being said about Michigan DUT, get used to a world where Michigan matters and the Icemans of the world can once again pound their chest!

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to see Michigan fans pump their chests the first time they make it to the Outback bowl!

I agree that Michigan is on the right path, but they aint gonna matter this year. You still have Richrod's mexican fingerprints all over the program. That takes years to get that out of your system.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Outside of accidentally drafting 2 kickers, I don't think my draft was that bad. My RBs are definitely weak but I love my receivers with jennings, dez, jason witten and lee fucking evans. He will be the steal of the draft.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

You spent 41 bucks on Frank Gore. Your argument is invalid.

--$

The Iceman said...

You have the second worst team behind J. Saul, Damman. It really is pretty horrid.

Anonymous said...

What Damman just listed is horrendous. You really suck at auction drafts.

Dut

Anonymous said...

A couple of things:

1. Dammans draft is terrible. Reba did a solid job for me.

2. UM didn't lose anyone significant on defense because they never had anyone significant. And their new uniforms make them look hyper gay. It doesn't matter how you play when you look like you caught a cab from the Plugged Nickel.

I was actually considered to be a contributor? That speaks to the credibility of this site.

Ide

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with my team? It's a PPR league. I like it. Matt Schaub, Mark Ingram, Shonn Greene Reggie Bush, Lynch with Rowdy white and reggie wayne with Percy coming off the bench and the Schaub to Owen Daniels hook up will guide me to the ship.

Learn your facts G$.

----Lange

Grumpy said...

Ace & Prime, need running backs? Maybe we can work something out.

Anonymous said...

Lange, you have an excellent stable of running backs that couldn't play for Holgate. Bragging about Owen Daniels says it all, doesn't it?

Ide, you applied when you said that you would just rip on native americans. That's a legal application where I come from. And you deserve to finish last for skipping the draft so you could go watch Train in concert last night, navajomo.

--$

Anonymous said...

Ide, you have beaten me 0 times in 5 plus years of ff. So, yeah, I wipe my ass with your criticisms.

-Damman