Thursday, July 21, 2011

University of Sexual Ballers!

Charlie Batch's son???
YES! There is finally something happening in the world of sports that I actually want to talk about! It's been awhile. So let's all head to LA and "break bread"...whatever that means.

In case this is all new to you, USC RB Marc Tyler has gotten into some hot water this week for some extremely drunk remarks that he made to TMZ. He implied that USC pays better than the pros, I think, with his breaking bread remark. The dumbass with the camera then randomly spouted off with "University of Spoiled Children" for some reason (which is a stupid insult in my personal opinion). Tyler responded delightfully, "University of Sexual...BALLERS". Because he is an idiot. TMZ posted the video. Tyler's old man publicly apologized for having a braindead fucktard for a son. And finally, USC AD Pat Haden suspended Tyler for the first game this year for it.

You know what...I love it. I don't hate one thing about this story. The setup was hilarious and the fallout was awesome.

First of all, if I am supposed to be a stud running back for one of the best programs out there, at no point would I consider (even drunk) talking to some random buttfucker on the street holding a camera. Not in today's world. Second, Tyler knows that his beloved Trojans may have sort of just got into SERIOUS trouble. It would probably be for the best if he didn't imply that they were paying everyone on the team. For that matter, how the hell would he even know what the NFL pays anyway? What a stupid question. Tyler gets a stipend from the school and nothing from the pros so of course USC breaks bread for him. Third, when in doubt or when someone asks you something that you don't understand, just imply that you are a demon in the sack. You know, a real fuck lion. That never fails. Let's try this at home:

You: Hey, G$, what's going on with these gas prices?
(five seconds of confused silence)
G$: Tell your old lady that she gives toothy BJ's.----It NEVER fucking fails.

Needless to say, if this incident was an at-bat in a baseball game, Marc Tyler just got called out on strikes after three pitches. He deserved to be punished even though nothing that he did was illegal.

I absolutely love that his old man went out of his way to call his son a dipshit. He didn't have to, but he wanted the world to know that "MY SON IS A STUPID TAINT". With all the crappy over-parenting being done these days, an incident like this is extremely refreshing.

By the way, Pat Haden has been putting on a clinic for Awesome ADmanship ever since he was hired away from Notre Dame color commentary. You want to embarrass the USC Football program? Eat shit, buddy, you can sit on the fucking bench for awhile. Some whiny fucks think that Tyler's suspension is ridiculous. Those people are wrong for the same reasons that James Harrison was wrong. Freedom of speech is a great thing to hide behind, but there are consequences to running your mouth. And those saying that "he's just a kid"...please. Tyler is a senior in college. That excuse works for high school kids, not cocksuckers that can legally drink. The courts consider you an adult when you turn 18, I have no idea why others wouldn't either. It's just making an excuse for immature behavior. Bravo, Pat Haden, I totally respect your game.

Needless to say, after all the smoke has cleared and the punishments for each school has lapsed, I can't wait for the 2015 Rose Bowl game with the University of Sexual Ballers doing battle on the gridiron with Ostrich Sex University. I'm sorry--THEEEEEEEE Ostrich Sex University.

In other awesome college football news, did you read the snippets from Mike Leach's new book? Outstanding stuff. Craig James absolutely seems like the kind of asshole who would pimp his son out and claim to have some sort of royal bloodline. Craig James fucking sucks. ESPN should lock him in a shed without oxygen. Long live the pirate!

23 comments:

Grumpy said...

Yes, he embarrassed the university, but he shouldn't be suspended for being stupid. Ace is stupid every Wednesday, but he doesn't get suspended.

Mr. Ace said...

I agree with Grump. Somehow he was allowed to reproduce despite his downs. I don't think you can punish Tyler if Grump was allowed to fornication.

But yes, this story is great and Haden has handled himself dam fine since arriving.

Anonymous said...

Haden said on Cowherd yesterday that his initial reaction was to kick him off the team. Now THAT would have been going overboard. I like the one game sit. It sets the tone.

--$

Anonymous said...

I think he should be suspended. He's already been in trouble twice for alcohol related things...so just lump this on top of those and he deserves his ban against playing the Gophers (I think that's who they play).

Craig James is a horrible human being and deserves a terrible disease taht kills him. The same can be said for ESPN and their help in lynching Leach. Man do I fucking hate ESPN these days.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Leach is suing TT, correct? Because if what he said is true, they might as well just change that school's name to Leach University now.

--$

Cramer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I think USC handled this greatly. If I were an AD working hard to clean up the image of the program, change the culture of an athletic department,and stay out of trouble with the NCAA, I would be furious about some drunkass running back going against what I am trying to do. This sends a statement to the rest of the team.

Also, freedom of speech does not apply in this situation. Not only is USC a private school, but playing football is not a right, either. I hate it when people play the freed of of speech card every time someone gets in trouble for saying something. It makes them sound ignant.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

OK, Cramer, that's enough of that. And if you were trying to be funny, its Kramer.

Tate Forcier can't even get into Hawaii now. LET THE FORCIER BE WITH YOU!

--$

The Iceman said...

Heads up! N-bombs overhead! Jesus dude. Relax on the racial slurs. This isn't 1966 Alabama or present day Arkansas.

Its not like the camera was following this kid around begging for a sound bite. This turd approached the camera and engaged conversation with them. It was fucking stupid and he deserves the game suspension. Next time think before you act like an idiot.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Grumpy said...

Iceman, you come here every day looking like an idiot. Do you think before you do it?

Sorry Ace, I have fornicated but not reproduced, at least not that I'm aware of. Then, there was that one time with your mother.

Ban Cramer now.

Anonymous said...

Really? That's not even remotely funny. Make jokes about malt liquor if you want to be cute. If I could delete comments from my phone, I would.

--$

Anonymous said...

So you're saying OSU is going to the Rose Bowl in 3 years? That cantart infer that well winim the conference the next 3 years. I like your style sir.

Ide

Anonymous said...

The racist turn that the comments have taken is intriguing.

I need to move to Minneapolis or something...I bet they don't have to deal with this 100 degree bull-shit.

G$...You wouldn't perhaps be driving a Ford Explorer these days would you....perhaps with a vanity plate? Reason I ask is that yesterday I saw an Explorer with one of those special university plates...this one had the Miami logo..and the plate read "5 SKINS"...and I looked it up to see the Redskins have won five national championships.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I tried to delete the inappropriate comments, but I'm not the author of the post so I can't.

Mr. Ace said...

I guarantee it's Dut.

Anonymous said...

No explorer for me. Ide must have commented while shotgunning firewater this morning.

Mr. N-Bomb can have his fun today because I will be pulling his IP address tonight and posting his true identity tomorrow. Bitch.

--$

Prime99 said...

That sounds like some "Hackers" shit! Nice G$! Maybe after you pull the IP address you can bone Angelina Jolie in a swimming pool.

I agree with LS. This freedom of speech stuff is bullshit. You have freedom to rant about whatever in your free time, but not when you are associated and or representing a company or University. Just rahtarded. The kid deserves the suspension.

Anonymous said...

I hope the IP address is of somebody that is famous.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Grumpy, G$ isn't fronting my schooling bill. So even if I am being stupid (which of course I am not) the only person I embarrass is myself if I come on this board and say dumb shit.

When an institution pays your way I believe they reserve the right to punish you if you do something to disgrace the university. Don't like it? Don't play football. Or go to school there on your own dime like all the other kids at usc that do dumb shit without thinking first.

It also sends a message. Consider how much bad press usc has gotten in the recent past. I promise you that these guys will think first the next time a situation like this presents itself. In order to make a change for the better someone needs to be made an example of.

Anonymous said...

This new DROID autocorrect bullshit is gayer than aids. So gay, in fact, that it force capitalized DROID.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Don't blame me for this racism! I don't appreciate social ignorance.

Dut

GMoney said...

Fuck! You are safe, racist. At least this time. Had I gotten home two hours earlier, I'd have had you. Don't pull that shit again.