Thursday, July 14, 2011

This Post Is All Over The Place

Nobody hates maggots more than Sgt. Slaughter
So on July 4th, I was home alone since the missus and pup were up at her family's lake house in Michigan. Like all weekend bachelors, I was finishing up some leftover Romeo's pizza (large one topping and 12 boneless wings for 15 bucks? FUCK YES!). The 5th was trash day so I was getting all of that shit together to take out to the garbage can. I opened the lid to stuff the pizza box and--GAHHHHHHHHH, MAGGOTS EVERYWHERE. I'm a fairly large twat anyway when it comes to spiders and whatnot (which explains why my dog hides under the bed when a fucking fly flies past his face) but this was too much. Maggots are disgusting as you know/can imagine. And since the little corpse eaters grow up to be flies, my garage is like goddamn Ethiopia right now. Needless to say, kiddos, it never hurts to hose your garbage can down more than once every two years. But then again, not all of you are total fucking morons such as myself.
I just have a bunch of random observations and shit today. I hate it when I have Friday's post already written with nothing ready on Thursday. So this is what you get.

*I don't know how anyone can hate Curtis Granderson. I was in and out of the All Star Game but I caught his little vignette where he talked only about how much he loves pro wrestling. Awesome. Wrestlemania 23 is the greatest event that he's ever been to! Macho Man and Booker T are two of his favorite wrestlers! OMG, if he celebrates a walk-off dong in the playoffs with a home plate spinarooni, I'm going to LOSE MY SHIT.

*Don't the Steelers now sort of HAVE to cut ties with James Harrison? Let's see, he called his boss's boss a faggot, insulted his star QB and RB, AND decided it would be a good idea to be photographed holding two glocks. This guy is such an asshole. When his playing career is over (hopefully soon due to total paralysis), you know damn fucking well that he's going the route of Chris Benoit. Although I do support his thoughts on Rodney Harrison and Tedy Bruschi being pussies.

*I finally figured out the lure of Casey Anthony. She looks like a cross between present-day Jenna Jameson and Jax Teller's doctor bitch on Sons of Anarchy. HAWTTT!!!

*Goddamn soccer bitches are still winning. I don't like it. I just don't care for Hope Eyebrows and Abby Combover getting all the media love when that cute chick with the short blonde hair continues to get the shaft. And so help me god, if I have to see that coach, Pia Boxchow, play the air guitar one more time...ugh, how ugly is that women. Does she own a mirror or a toothbrush? Is she purposely wearing a 2 dollar wig from Goodwill? 

*Back to the All Star Game, how terrible was that entire AL team? Obviously, they were crushed by Sunday starts (no Trashman, CC, King Fe, and Lester), but that's no excuse. Did you see who was on the field in the last two innings? Carlos Quentin? Jhonny? Matt Wieters? Michael Cuddyer? Alexei goddamn Ogando? That's AWFUL. Those guys shouldn't be playing in the AAA all star game. And I still laugh at all of these old time fucks who are crying about guys not attending. Like that really mattered.  It's not like had any effect on Mark Grace's creepy interview with Justin Timberlake.

*I've been thinking about this all week: What would I have done with the Jeter 3000 ball if I caught it with my bare hands? My first reaction would be, "FUCK YEAH, HAL STEINBRENNER JUST PAID MY MORTGAGE OFF!" But just like the the brown guy who got it, I don't think that I could. They would whisk me away to the clubhouse and I would be pissing my pants when I met The Captain. I would have ended up just taking the first thing they offered me. "G$, we're going to give you a fitted Yankees hat, and--"..."DEAL!" I am such a jock-sniffer.

*Since Drew mentioned this a few months ago as, I think, a way to talk shit eventhough he doesn't care, my RedHawk hockey team has countered the Big Ten's decision to blow up the CCHA for their own greed. Starting in 2013, the National Collegiate Hockey Conference (I think that's the name) will begin and is pretty much the SEC on Ice. Suck on that, Drew! Hockey is at least one sport that you will NEVER be better at than my alma mater. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

*I finally got around to watching the Gruden/Pryor shit show. I hate Gruden and he was even more mentally handicapped on that then I was expecting. How many times do you think he's ejaculated to video of Dane Sanzenbacher?

*Finally, the internet is an uproar this week over NetFlix jacking up their monthly prices by 6 bucks. Jesus Christ, quit your fucking whining. It's a business that allows you to be even lazier than normal. YOU have been ripping THEM off for years and now it's time that they return the favor. You know, if you cut out one trip through the Wendy's drive-thru or take one less shot at the bar, you just paid off the rate difference.  There.  I just solved your economic crisis.

Huh...that ended up being a lot longer than I thought. When you have valuable opinions like I do, sometimes it's hard to stop learning everyone.  Until tomorrow, keep on truckin'.

24 comments:

Grumpy said...

Well, you set us up for an epic fail, but that was actually interesting.

Anonymous said...

Let's see if I can phrase this like a Grumpy post to me about OSU over the last few months....

Grumpy...while I admire your loyalty to the Steelers you have to admit that the organization has turned into a complete laughingstock can't you?

Your star QB gets suspended for raping chicks.

Your star WR just got a DUI.

Your best RB is a truther that believes people should have heard Bin Laden's side of the story before he was killed.

Your best player on defense is absolutely insane...calls the commissioner a faggot...calls out the best players on his team....and then decides it's in the best interest if he gets a picture taken of himself with his shirt off holding two guns for a national magazine.

You fucking Steelers fans act like you are the moral compass of NFL organizations when really you are just an old Cowboys team or a currently good version of the Bengals.

G$...Jeter was a HUGE douche for not going to the all-star game. Oh man....so incredibly exhausted after MISSING THREE OUT OF THE LAST FOUR WEEKS. What a pussy...huge pussy.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Drew, at least get your facts straight; NOBODY was raped. As for the rest, I think we can agree that our respective teams haven't done much to make us proud the last few months.

Anonymous said...

Bullshit. That tart was raped. Same as that booze he found in Tahoe. The women of Pittsburgh are more than trash enough to be fucked in classy places like bar bathrooms or next to dumpsters. So when he takes that show in the road he is disillusioned enough to think its acceptable in other places.

-Ide

Anonymous said...

Did the ASG suffer this year because of no Jeter? I think not. He wouldve went 0fer just like Assdribble and Jhonathon did, too. I've never seen so many people hate a .270 hitter yet want to see him tip his cap. Bizarre.

You faggots need to root for a class organization like the Redskins who charge fans almost 100 bucks to fucking park.

Grump, Drew has been chomping at the bit to come hard at Steelers fans. I have the texts to prove it.

--$

Anonymous said...

G$, I cancelled my Netflix account out of principal. If Wendy’s tried charging me @ $10.00 for a #1 value meal, I would tell them to piss up a rope too.

P.S. I am glad you are back posting today. You should follow Mr. Ace's free market philosophy and can his ass.

-The Dutchman

Tor Hershman said...

)))((((((
(*)...(*)
....U....
.[____].

Anonymous said...

I don't get the NetFlix butt-hurt either and Dutchmen's comparison to a $ 10 Wendy's meal is stupid.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

If wendys upped their value menu prices 6 bucks per month (which it feels like they do anyway), you would still pay for it. Again, you were getting new movies from them for nothing for a very long time. How are you getting hosed here?

--$

Anonymous said...

Nobody has been ripping Netflix off for years. I think they're pretty damn profitable.

Drew- I think the Steelers should be sanctioned with all the shit their thug players have been doing. Sounds like lack of institutional control to me.

I would have sold that ball for as much as I could. I think they could offer close to a mil.

Anyone else think the Yanks miss the playoffs this year? No Arod, Jeter blows, Grandy won't continue his HRs, bartolo colon. Etc..

Dut

Anonymous said...

Who's going to take their spot, tough guy? Absurd.

I don't think that netflix is as profitable as you think. But back to the dumb wendys analogy that makes no sense...comparing a montly fee to a one time fee is absurd. Netflix isn't charging you 6 extra bucks per movie, dammit! Get a better comparison to help me understand the plight of all the Joe The Plumbers of the world.

No way, Dut, you would have been sucking cocks down in the clubhouse. You're a jock sniffer just like I am.

--$

Grumpy said...

I have recently defended Drew against scurrilous, unwarranted attacks on his manhood, his character, even his sexual preference. To find that he has been plotting for some time to attack me is hurtful. I won't forget this.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy....G$ definitely over-exaggerated that. I've texted him once and it was yesterday after the Harrison stuff. We're still internet buds.

As for G$....these comments...

"Did the ASG suffer this year because of no Jeter? I think not. He wouldve went 0fer just like Assdribble and Jhonathon did, too. I've never seen so many people hate a .270 hitter yet want to see him tip his cap. Bizarre."

Do nothing to hurt my claim that he's a gigantic pussy for being too exhausted to go to the ASG. So, I'm glad you agree.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Am I too late to read Grumpy defending that fucking roach, Harrison?

The Steelers are the new Bengals. Now let's just hope their record starts reflecting that fact.

Anonymous said...

Money > sniffing Jocks no matter how big of a die hard you are.

Pay the man his money. What a TARD.

He could have done both, you don't need to feel bad for the people willing to pay for this thing. Collect your pay check, catching a ball like that is just like winning the lottery. They will suck your dick AND pay for the damn thing, I don't see any reason for just giving this back for some shitty memorabila, when he could have had that and $$$$.

Total Kramer move here, you are right about that.

I also don't see how you can get away with calling your boss a Faggot and ripping on every superstar on your team, with no consequences. Something will happen to this guy. Someone should take some pride and end this guys career and make sure to blow a story up about where he is in 10 years. And just laugh, because we all know it will be funny....

- J Saul

Grumpy said...

Iceman, your wishing won't make it happen. All of this will blow over and the Steelers will continue winning.

Anonymous said...

On the women's soccer thing. I can't believe how many people like G$ have a thing for that short-haired blonde chick with the last name of Ropeino or whatever it is. She's very meh....the hottest girl by far on that team is Alex Morgan. That girl is extremely good looking.

"All of this will blow over and the Steelers will continue winning". I love it...replace Steelers with Buckeyes and you pretty much have every post from Dut and I over the last 5 months. I agree with you Grump!

--Drew

The Iceman said...

It doesn't change the fact that right now the steelers look like pathetic fucks. And that makes me smile. Same with the fuckeyes.

Anonymous said...

I guess the real question is this: Would G$ rather have 10to shits taken on his chest ir Jeters creamy load on his face?

-Ide

Anonymous said...

If that load is good enough for minka, biel, alba, etc., its good enough for my mug. No homo.

--$

Prime99 said...

There's really only one solution for OSU and the Steelers to repair their images and get out of trouble- hire Franklin and Bash as their legal council! They don't play by the rules- they make up their own rules!

I never thought about getting pulled into the clubhouse and talking with Jeter directly about the 3000th hit ball. It would be hard to say no to him even as a non Yankee fan.

Anonymous said...

Demetrius just said that the Clemens mistrial is a conspiracy IN HIS PERSONAL OPINION. That guy is worse than an AIDS and turd sandwich.

--$

Anonymous said...

You really should switch your daytime sports radio to 1230AM. Why you listen to Demetrius over Jim Rome I'll never understand.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I like Rome but I've heard enough from the clones in my lifetime. I usually only catch about a minute or two from those clowns anyway.

WAR shitty radio shows.

--$