Tuesday, July 05, 2011

So...What Did We Miss?

A bunch of nuggets of shit today...no real topic of sorts but a lot of little ones.  However, first, I must share yet another story.  This happened on Saturday night.

I was scheduled to umpire 4 games on Saturday for a big tourney in Dublin.  I had horrible ump-luck though.  Every one of my games took forever.  My 7 pm start took almost three hours to complete due to horrible teams.  My final game, which started at 10:20, was nice enough to go 11 innings.  I walked off the field at 1:18 AM.  I got to the park at 1:10 pm.  Long fucking day.  And I had another doubleheader (the semis and final of another tourney) beginning at 11 am on Sunday.  Anyway, I was starving so I stopped at McDonald's since they now advertise how they are open 24 hours on weekends.  Now, the McD's near my house is always Special Olympics-slow, so seeing a line of four cars at 2 AM on Sunday morning was no surprise. 

I was talking to Reba on the phone until 1:43 AM when it was my turn to order (my phone proves this to be true).  They asked me to wait.  Whatever, that's fine.  At 1:48, still nothing.  At 1:50, a car full of black dudes two cars back gets loud.

Blacks: Yo, get this line movin'!
Me: What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Blacks: Tell them to take your order!  (These idiots don't realize that the drive-thru isn't an open mic...probably because they have never had a job before.)
Me: FUCK YOU!

Now this was not very smart.  I understood this as soon as the words escaped my beautiful lips.  But the blacks must have thought that I was clearly insane because they shut up and drove away.  Me 1, MLK Jr. 0.  At 1:57, the dumb bitch finally comes back to the drive-thru, after I had been waiting to place an order for FOURTEEN minutes.  Then this happened...

McD's Bitch: I'm sorry, could you please wait a little longer?  We are switching over to the breakfast menu.
I lost it.  That was it.  It wasn't even 2 AM and they were going to breakfast.  I went nuts.
G$:  You've got to be fucking kidding me!  Fuck you!  FUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!

And then I sped off to go to White Castle instead which is way more delicious anyway.  I was so goddamn pissed off.  Normally, since I have worked in the food service industry before, I don't yell at the staff or blame them, but this time was different.  You don't make fuckers wait for 15 minutes only to ask them to wait longer and then change shit.  That is bullshit.  Now, I vow that if I ever win the lottery, the first thing I will do is burn that McD's to the ground.  I promise (just like my promise to burn The Q).  The moral of the story is this:  black people are afraid of me and yelling at a drive-thru menu is incredibly cathartic.  On with the sports shit that we may have missed last week.

*Is there anything more pointless than All-Star selections?  I think not.  I don't usually cry about it but I am a little concerned that CC didn't get included.  I mean, CJ Wilson?  Really?  But then I realized that if I don't like it, then we shouldn't have lost the ALCS to Tyrone Biggums last year.  He was selling all-star spots this year for crack rocks.  Or in Verlander's case, crystal meth.  Is there a worse position than catcher in the AL and 3B in the NL?  I think not.  Alex Avila, Russell Martin, and Placido Polanco are the most forgettable "stars" ever.  AND WHERE IS MR. SHUTOUT, BARTOLO COLON???  Fuck that, I guess I do take the team selection seriously.

*Big Papi thinks that the Home Run Derby is interesting.  He is wrong.  And if you like the Derby, you are a moron.  Everyone knows that the only decent event over All-Star Week is the Celebrity Softball game.  When are they going to release those rosters, dammit!  I need to know if Andy Richter is playing first base again!  Is Fred Lynn coming back?  Will Nelly still be playing a Gold Glove-caliber outfield?  Is Meat Loaf returning?

*Terrelle Pryor worked with Jon Gruden.  Yawn.  I didn't think that he helped himself.  Gruden asked him to call a play and he started laughing in the middle of it.  And he just sounds stupid.  Think about it, how many successful NFL QB's sound like fucktards?  None.  You can teach a guy how to play quarterback, but you can't make an idiot smart.  Pryor makes Vick sound like Tom Brady.

*I don't really understand what was wrong about what Oregon did.  Maybe I'm not reading into this correctly, but the Ducks paid some guy to put together a recruiting report for them with Texas kids.  The report was a bunch of shit.  A few kids from Mexico's Hat ended up at Oregon anyway.  End of story.  So what was the big deal.  Am I missing something?  From what I can tell, Oregon is only guilty of paying a dipshit for services that he could not really provide.  This seems like an issue for Li'l Strut to deconstruct.

*Hope Solo is sort of hot, but other than that, FUCK AMERICA.  I am sick of ESPN telling me that the women's World Cup is something worth my attention.  Nope, not going to happen.  I hope they lose.  This sport needs to die in our great nation.  Kids shouldn't want to waste their time and energy on this wuss activity.  GO EVERYONE ELSE!

*Hey Dut, you are white trash.  I don't get why people like to go out on the Maumee River.  It's a disgusting place, Poopson is probably out there, and if you want to drink in 100 degree heat, go play a round of golf.  Explain the allure of the Maumee to me, please?  But use words that don't make you sound like a rube.  I bet that you can't do it.

That about covers it.  I think.  Now let's all sit back and watch Derek Jeter get his 3000th hit in Cleveland this week in front of 400 Tribe fans.  Because they are great fans who respect the game!

***By the way, I set up the league for season 9 of the G$FL.  A few of you are in.  If you are not and have been bottom feeders in the league recently, check your email.  We will be drafting the Sunday before Labor Day weekend, goddammit.  Dut stole this date from me last year but not this year, bitch.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

*It sounds like you had a car full of DAN's behind you in line at Mickey D's.

*If you thought Pryor sounded dumb during his Gruden show, then you obviously think Newton is a full blown tard. TP destroyed him in the chalk talk portion.

*Of course you can't see what was wrong with what Oregon did. Are you fucking kidding me?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

No thanks, I'll sit back and watch him go 0'fer in front of a sell out - good luck getting 6 hits in the next 2 days, ya fuck. Not only should he not be starting in the All-Star game, he shouldn't have made the roster.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, Seal going overboard over one fluke win. How was it a fluke? Austin Kearns. I rest on your face.

Seriously, drew, explain the oregon thing to me. Maybe I'm missing something but I can't really see what was wrong other than the ducks paying some dick for info that he didn't have.

I never said that Cam was a genius, did I?

Don't make me put you in your place like I do with all gangbangers these days. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

--$

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to chime in and confirm that everything about the Maumee River is indeed white trash. Even on the Perrysburg side.

-Ide

Anonymous said...

The only reason that isnt a fluke, because yes Kearns blows, is because Burnett is fucking terrible. Nice 8-7 record with that lineup backing you up every start. Get another gay arm tatoo, faggot.

Seal

Anonymous said...

What did they do wrong?

They paid basically a street agent $ 25,000 for recruits. They received NOTHING from him in regards to scouting materials/videos. The only time they got something from him was when they found out Yahoo was investigating the situation...then they asked for some materials to be sent over and he sent them a packet on recruits that had graduated years ago and one that was dead. Not only that, but they had already signed a contract to pay him another $ 25K....before they had gotten any materials/asked for any. So, they were about to pay $ 50K for NOTHING....except guys like Lamichael James, etc. They have notes from Chip Kelly to Lyles tahnking him for his help in recruiting certain kids...also notes from the director of football operations....but neither of them sent notes asking for materials for their $ 25K until Yahoo came around. It's a huge problem.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

So the thought is that he used a "service" as a front to deliver players to Eugene then? That is the issue? Ok then that is something. I just thought that they were getting conned out of money which is hilarious.

Burnett has been solid this year, he just never gets run support. He had really good stuff last night but yes he is common street trash.

I expect CC to take his snub out on you chumps tonight to clinch the season series. Carlose isn't good enough to beat us twice.

--$

Anonymous said...

G$ - What are you thoughts on the JJ trade?

Seal

Anonymous said...

The only thought Cavs fans should have on the Hickson trade is...

"Cassipi and a 1st round pick in a few years...that doesn't sound nearly as good as the Amare and a championship we could have gotten for J.J. two years ago"

--Drew

Prime99 said...

My parents had friends with a boat and we would go to the Maumee river when I was young. I thought it was ok, but I was a kid. Years later, after moving to CA, I got to experience Lake Tahoe, the Truckee river, and many of the other awesome as fuck waterways. The Maumee River makes Bryant Gumble look like Malcolm X.

I heard that the video showed the dead kid has a lot of potential. Lots of tools for Chip Kelly to use. Especially at tackling dummy.

Anonymous said...

Where the fuck is Grumpy today? Hopefully, he made it through the weekend.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

I'm recovering from my weekend on the Maumee river with two strippers, twins no less. All I got was a sunburn.

Ever notice when G$ has a story that shows him being a badass, there is never any corroboration?

Anonymous said...

Yes, the Maumee is trashy compared to many places, but it is still a good F'n time. Your pasty ass just can't handle it. Although you probably wouldn't like wake boarding, drinking heavily on the water, tying up to other friends boats and having a party, or going to wild ass parties on a sand bar. Yeah, umping 4 games in 100 degree heat sounds a looott better. Eat shit, gayboy.

Alex avila=best catcher ever.

Jhonny Peralta should have made it over Ass Dribble and Jeter.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Grumpy....good for you.

Dut...you forgot "umping 4 games in 100 degree heat where the kids will punk you and steal your glasses". There is also no way that G$ knows how to wakeboard.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

The suns never agreed to that trade, fucker. It wasn't the cavs fault there. You sound like Iceman. That should sting.

I like the trade I think. Casspi is a hard worker with a decent shot and isn't Manny Harris. Plus, due to his religion, season ticket sales should be huge in Beachwood! JJ just seems to me like a guy who will be good on terrible teams. He feels like a Warrior to me.

My glasses were never stolen, ass, they were returned out of fear.

I don't even know what wake boarding is but I'd bet that Verlander does. Sand bars sound gay.

I will be ripping shit up via jet ski the day after jon sauls weddin'. I look amazing in a life jacket.

--$

Anonymous said...

Asdrubal plays for a first place team, jhorrible does not.

The Maumee River is a haven for white trash. Dut must like to swim in Campbell's sewage. How anyone can set foot in that cesspool let alone think it's cool is beyond me.

-Damman

The Iceman said...

The suns never agreed...blah blah blah. It doesn't change the moral of the story which is that Hickson is an overrated cum dumpster who only put up decent stats because of Lebron triple teams. You fags get way too attached to average players in that city.

Hey dut...make friends with someone who has a lake house and go on a boat there like the rest of Americans. Stop swimming in the south side of napoleon's bath water.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for using my legal name and breaking the code on my stealthy nickname on here, J Saul, asshole.

I will second the Maumee being fun. Of course its not lake Tahoe, or anything of the sort, its a fucking shitty river in a small shitty town. Which makes us cooler than most small towns. How is: Beers, Boats, Water, Sun, and BABES, not a good time? And of course its white trash, that's whats so great about it.

First you need a boat though, or to know someone with a boat. Class of '99 must not have had that benefit.

Maumee River = The Stube.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Ohhh Iceman - you so dumb. You make it too easy. JJ averaged 13.8 points and 8.7 rebounds last year without Lebron. The two previous year (with Lebron) he averaged 8.5 and 5, and 4.0 and 2.6. But yeah he was only good when Lebron was here because lebron was getting triple teamed. God youre an idiot.

And we arent attached at all - Cavs fans are happy with the trade. We have wanted him gone for a while now, just wanted to prove another one of your points completely false.

Seal

Anonymous said...

J-saul, don't patronize me. You published by your real name here for years.

There is no such thing as BABES on the little poopy river.

Also, it was ferry/coach mike/#6 that loved JJ, not Grant and Byron. And people tend to overvalue their own players anyway.

--$

The Iceman said...

I don't over value anyone on detroit. They're all tradeable as far as I'm concerned.

Anonymous said...

That's the kind of fan that I like to be...GET RID OF THEM ALL!!!

I forgot to mention (because it made me look like an ass), that after screaming at the drive thru menu, I drove up on the curb a bit in my blind rage. Made me look like an amateur, didn't care for that bit of raised cement one bit.

--$