Monday, July 18, 2011

I'm Much Too Hungover To Do This Today

NO DECENT POST FOR YOU!
I drank a lot this weekend.  Like, a whole shitload of booze.  I am paying for it now.  My everything aches.  As Danny Glover once said, "I'm getting too old for this shit".  And I only went up the island for one day.  Alcoholics like Damman and GSaul were there for three.  Impressive display but not as impressive as Damman's disgusting sunburn.  How about just a few notes today so I can get back on the toilet and tailgate for the Breaking Bad season premiere.

*Naptown Wolverine is a horrible person.  Whether it be constantly talking about his accomplishments in the field of "ass-to-mouth" or doing his usual of parading around the house fully nude, he rarely fails to disappoint.  He and I also managed to get into a massive drunk screaming match outside of a bar (which ended up being a huge misunderstanding but I'm sure that it didn't look very good). 

*Soccer can now go back to being irrelevant.  I, like all good Americans, slept through the first 90 minutes of that snoozefest only to wake up and watch quite a lovely collective deepthroat.  Pathetic.  I think we should deport all of them.  They blew it twice.  Which do you prefer more:  Choke Solo, Hope Choke-o, or just Choke Choke-o?  I'm glad that "we" lost though.  Now everyone can stop pretending to be fans of this annoying sport.  Julie Fouty is absolutely terrible as a TV analyst, too.  NOBODY CARES IF THE OBAMAS ARE WATCHING.

*Swim-up pool bars are the greatest but I'm pretty sure that every girl in Ohio could afford to lose 15-20 pounds.  Jus' sayin'.  The hour of drive time on SR 4 is the worst hour of your life.  I nominate that stretch of highway for worst road ever. 

*Japan may possess a trophy that no one cares about, but I've never seen an uglier collection of Asian women in my life.  That was very disappointing.  Their goalie looked like a troll doll.  And who was working at the Yoko Health Spa in Toledo during that game?  I need to know who was dispensing the rub and tugs!

*As I mentioned late Friday in the comments, Damman had the pleasure of listening to an ex-con prisonfuck some skank on Thursday night.  Well, on Saturday morning, K-Dog's cousin puked on Damman's forehead!  That is hilarious.  It was not the best weekend for D.

*Darren Clarke won the British Open.  I like it.  I respect any man who brings booze to his post-win press conference.  It's also nice to see that loser Mickelson back to choking like he plays for the US Women's Soccer Team.  Phil sucks.  People that cheer for that queer should kill themselves.

*Two underrated things from The Bay: 1. K-Dog found a 3 inch by 2 inch clear hard plastic "$" at the bottom of the pool.  We made it into a necklace and I wore it to the bars that night.  It was tremendous.  I still have it.  I think that it might turn into the G$FL Title.  2. I think that NW and I played catch with a football (with beers in hand) for close to an hour and it still remains a damn good time.  "Catch" is very underrated as a beer-drinking event.

*Finally, I guess that the guy who played The Soup Nazi on Seinfeld was at PIB on Saturday.  Hilarious.  And as far as I could tell, the ghosts left us alone.  Oh!  And I was able to finally start a sentence that began with, "Since we're talking about pedophilia".

I'm tired of typing.  I want to lay down.  If you want to complain about today's post, please drop your critique into the complaint box which looks an awful lot like NW's ass-crack.  I'll be back with something worse tomorrow.

18 comments:

Grumpy said...

I call chromosome test on the Japanese keeper.

Anonymous said...

You were too hungover after one night somewhere to write a half-way decent post? Jesus you are a pussy.

Speaking of pussies, I feel like a huge one too. I run probably 15-20 miles a week and usually play basketball one night a week. Well, Saturday afternoon I took a one hour boxing class from Title Boxing Club in Hilliard. This was one hour straight of working out. I could barely get out of bed this morning and I think my body was more sore than it was even yesterday morning. Terrible.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Do you want the title of worst boxer ever or is this your plan to get AIDS from Tommy Morrison? Those are the only two options.

You be nice to me. My drinking skills should not be questioned. My recovery skills leave a lot to be desired though.

Breaking Bad was phenomenal as usual last night.

--$

Grumpy said...

I can see it soon at a Lion's Den near you: G$, Ace, Dut and Drew in Bukkake With The Japanese Women's Soccer Team, Part 3.

Anonymous said...

Not a bad idea. I would love to yell "Look at the nips on those Nips!". Eastwood from Gran Torino would highfive that line.

--$

MUDawgfan said...

Text of the weekend:

"I can't believe we lost to a team of Ewoks"

Anonymous said...

G$....I would definitely be the worst boxer in the world. I'm giving some thought to joining that fucker. It's pricey though....they kick the shit out of you though. I was dead and earned every single one of my many drinks that evening.

I thought a couple of those Jap girls were cute...just like two though. None as hot as Alex Morgan obviously.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Were you and NW yelling at each other or someone else?

Sounds like Damman got fucked this weekend. This pleases me.

Was the skank that got prison fucked hot?

I went to Eddies to watch the soccer game yesterday. I've never had so much fun watching soccer. Poopson Jr's friend, youngblood, spent 200$ on a bar tab on a Sunday afternoon (there's a photo of the evidence on FB). He even bought a round of victory champagne with 5 minutes to go in the game. Shit went downhill after that for USA. Classic.

Anyone in G$'s fantasy baseball league getting nervous about the tear team Rod Allen is on!? About a month ago I got blogged about for being in last place (by a lot). I haven't lost a week since, and just passed G$ this week. This is my year. Suck a dick.

Dut

Anonymous said...

NW and I were yelling at each other but it was just drunk stubbornness. I felt bad for Swiney who played the role of referee.

I'm pretty confident that D did not get fucked.

Dut, Big Poopson was an absolute delight at the Bay. What a wonderful human being he is!

Glenallen Kill has been crippled by injuries and overall terribleness these past few weeks. We will be back and blacker than ever.

--$

The Iceman said...

My favorite part of breaking bad was the irony of the mexican getting his throat sliced with a box cutter. Mexicans are usually on the other end of that equation.

Soccer? Golf? Jesus christ. Maybe tomorrows post can be about the 90 game co-ed softball hit streak I'm currently on. It can't be worse than fucking soccer or golf. I can't fuckin wait for this lockout to be over.

Mr. Ace said...

"NW and I were yelling at each other but it was just drunk stubbornness. I felt bad for Swiney who played the role of referee."

Sounds more like a bachelorette party you fucking queers.

If that shit happens at Daniel's bachelor party somebody is getting curb stomped.

Anonymous said...

Well, for some odd reason, my jaw was sore the next morning. Wait what?

--$

Anonymous said...

I didn't get a look at at the chick that got prison raped. It was in the middle of the night. There was a group of classy 40 somethings staying down the hall from us and I'm pretty sure it was one of them.

Getting puked on is a truly horrifying experience. Especially when you are sleeping and you wake up to it.

GSaul texted me last night that there is a story from Saturday night involving the ex-con, a pimp and a prostitute. I look forward to hearing this story.

-Damman

Prime99 said...

Dut- the victory round of champagne story is fucking hilarious.

First the WBC and now this? Japan is awesome at meaningless tournaments.

The first rule of Drew's fight club is hopefully there are some good ass kicking stories.

Anonymous said...

"Sounds more like a bachelorette party you fucking queers."

I laughed.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Hey amateur hour, you don't tell all the stories from bachelor parties. Idiot. You probably wrote that comment while wearing a plastic tiara and a sash that says "future wife" on it.

--$

Anonymous said...

Can we get some poopson stories please?

Dut

Anonymous said...

Eh, I'm not really comfortable blabbing about them on the intertubes although he treated this drunk chick hilariously. Ask me friday night.

--$