Monday, June 06, 2011

Time To Sell On The Tribe?

Hammy would like to sleep with your son.
I hate it when blogs use questions as titles to posts.  It's lazy.  "Will Ron Artest strangle you outside Staples Center?"  Just stupid.  But I'm doing it today anyway because the Indians are probably the best story in baseball (outside of Bartolo Colon!) this season.  Yet it might be crashing down very soon.

The Indians still (at the time of this being written) have the best record in baseball.  So it's hard to slam them for going through a little slump.  But still, it feels like the Tigers are charging hard (much to the enjoyment of no one) while the Tribe aren't catching the breaks that they did earlier this season.  That's bound to happen.  Why are the Tribe struggling exactly?

*Injuries - Every team goes through this over the course of the year.  But the Indians already knew that Hafner and Grady's Ladies were pussies so this was no surprise.  However, it was a surprise that they were actually getting production out of these turds.

*They don't have an ace - Yeah, Carmona and Masterbator started out unhittable, but it appears that that was a fluke.  Now they are getting lit up every time that they take the bump.  It's hard for me to take a team too seriously when they don't have a "stopper".  And please, Josh Tomlin sucks.  Don't tell me otherwise.  Damman's dad tried to convince me a few weeks ago that he was like Cliff Lee.  I didn't want to start a war over this so I allowed that blasphemy.  Sure, they both throw strikes.  But Tomlin is more of a Jason Marquis and that is his ceiling as a pitcher.  Very much not a compliment.

*Their future still can't hit -  "Shin Soo Blew .2" is Dut's fantasy team name (currently with a stranglehold on last place).  That is all you need to know.  Choo has been awful all year as has Carlos Santana.  And that's weird because they are good players.  But if you haven't started hitting by early June, you probably won't all year.  So this is likely what you get...2 cornerstone players hitting under .250.  Which means that you have to count on the bottom of your order more.

*Already too much production from the losers - Tony Sipp?  Jack Hannahan?  Travis Buck?  Lou Marson?  Turdpunch Pestano?  These guys are all horrible players and are lucky to be in MLB let alone contributing.  That won't last all year.  Any team that puts Shelley Duncan in as their cleanup hitter should not be taken seriously.

I still believe that they can win the Central because Cal State Fullerton could win that division, but I have my doubts.  Personally, I think that the fans sort of deserve something to be happy about.  I mean, the Browns are horrendous and will be forever, the Cavs...well, no need to get back into that, and most of NE Ohio is probably a fan of anOSU football and they've had one of the worst offseasons in the history of any sport,  But then I'll turn on STO and unless the Tigers or Reds are in town, they're lucky to put 15K in the seats.  THAT IS EMBARRASSING.  Shame on you, Indians fans.  You don't deserve this team/season.  Go to the fucking games!  If you aren't going to pack that place for the best record in baseball, that tells ownership that it will never matter so why spend money on the roster?  Is that you want?  More penny-pinching?  You could get David Wright within the next month or two if you open up the purse a bit and stop playing for a future that will never come.

WFNY had a post last week that was complaining about 6 Yankees starting in the All Star Game (if it ended today).  First of all, if you are bitching about all star starters, you need to reevaluate your life.  Second, the sooner that you accept that Derek Jeter will ALWAYS start over losers like Assdribble Cabrera, the better.  Third, GO TO THE GAMES AND VOTE.  Jesus Christ, it isn't hard.  Finally, who cares?  Cabrera and the rest of your guys will be playing in the latter innings when the game is on the line anyway.  Stop whining.

So to come full circle and actually answer the question in the title, is it time to sell on the Tribe?  I'm not.  Like I said, every team slumps over the course of the season and they just so happen to be playing a very tough portion of their schedule right now (and they still have to face CC and BARTOLO next weekend!).  They'll be fine...I think.  The Tigers start too many shitbirds (like Austin Jackson who is striking out over 30% of the time...nice fucking trade, homos) around Miggy.  The White Sox have Adam Dunn (the worst non-Jorge Posada in baseball).  The Royals and Twins already forfeited the rest of the season.

Now maybe the fans will act like they care...but I doubt it.  These same dumbasses have no problem packing the stadium for a 5-11 football team every year, they must be confused by all of this winning.  At least ESPN and Fox are giving them national TV games later this month.

And if the injuries continue to pile up, well, at least they can pick up some of that sweet, sweet Bartolo Colon performance-enhancing ass fat this weekend.  That seems to cure what ails ya.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh did I enjoy this blog post.

It's amazing how delusional Indians fans were after their start.

I got a mocking e-mail on May 24th from three Indians fans...basically delcaring the division race over. I replied with much conviction that the Indians start was all "smoke and mirrors". That e-mail has not left my in-box and I get to reply almost daily to it, because the real Tribe have stood up and gone 3-9 since May 24th.

DEEEEEEEEETRRROOOOOITTTT BASEBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MOTHAFUCKAS!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

But are the Tigs better? I'm not so sure. Yet I am sure that the Indians aren't and never have been the best team in baseball.

Austin Jackson still blows.

--G$

Anonymous said...

Delusional? Youre a fucking idiot -every fan in Cleveland was asking "how soon until we fall apart, this is Cleveland, its obviously too good to be true."

Seal

Anonymous said...

No, they weren't Seal...you'd be amazed at how many "Windians!" texts/e-mails I was getting. You so dumb.

G$ still so bitter about A-Jax. Also forgets we got Scherzer in that trade.

The Tigers definitely are better than the Indians...plus we have two superstars to their zero. Our best drunk player is also better than their best drunk player.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I'm going to watch the best team in the Central demolish the Mariners tonight. And then hopefully avoid getting mugged outside the stadium afterward. Soufside baby.

Anonymous said...

Because you live and work in downtown Cleveland too? Yea - thought so.

Any Tribe fan with a little bit of sense had to question the start and wonder if it would last.

Seal

Anonymous said...

I just can't get over all of those fucking empty seats, Seal. For a city that packed The Q all season, this makes no sense and shows that the tribe are an afterthought and the windians will be the number three team in town for awhile.

Granderson for MVP.

--$

Anonymous said...

G$...The Indians are in 26th place in home attendance. Here are the teams they are ahead of...

27.) Royals (love me some Hosmer)
28.) Oakland
29.) Tampa
30.) Florida

--Drew

Ide said...

Let's move the discussion to talk about how badly Anne Franks Ashes is raping the California Penal League. It's baseball related. And baseball blows.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree G$ - Ive been bitching about it all year. Ive been to about 8 or 9 games thus far and only twice was it more than 3/4 of the way full. (and one was opening day) Im very suprised, because i feel like Cleveland fans needs something to cheer for to get over LeFuck, and the Indians are the perfect opportunity. I believe it will get better, as the weather has finally been over 60 degrees in the past few weeks - and school is almost out.

Still disappointing though. I still dont see the Tribe behind the Cavs, but im a huge Tribe fan and bias.

The NBA is fake.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Ide, now that Glenallen Kill has rid his roster of Indians (traded all three in the last two weeks!), expect a surge...like your boner when you see me. And anne frank can't say shit until she pays her league fees. I will let someone else make the obvious jewish joke there.

--Dolla Dolla

Anonymous said...

Dolla....throw that team in the oven.

Seal...it's still real to me damnit.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

If I had more time I would post some of the messages from commenter Damman that I have received over the past few months regarding the Tribe. Trust me, he didn't think the start was a fluke. Judging from all the faggy Windians posts on Facebook, I would disagree with Seal about the fans not buying in.

The Indians will finish 3rd in the division. Not bad for them.

The Tigers have a few holes (3rd base, corner outfielders, 2nd base), but they're still a solid contender because of their pitching and studs in the middle of the order. If Magglio Ordonez comes back and contributes anything, you're all in big big trouble. I would also expect the Tigers to make a move (David Wright or Reyes please).

Jhonny Peralta should be the starting SS in the All Star game. Isn't it a coincidence he's having a career year once he got out of that shithole Cleveland?

Dut

Anonymous said...

Also, expect a surge out of Shin Soo Blew. My boys are beginning to come off the DL and I have loaded up on Tigers (accidently). As long as I don't get murked 10-0 again this season ill be just fine. I wouldn't count out the team that has owned the regular season in its only 2 years of existence.

Dut

Tony B. said...

I'd love to rip the Indians and their fans. However, I'm a Cubs fan which does not lend any power to my shit-talking. 23 wins thus far with the highest payroll in the NL? Awesome.

The AL Central should be an interesting race, but anyone who claimed it was over on May 24th was/is stupid.

Anonymous said...

Dut...your opinion on Indians fans is deemed irrelevant because you don't work or live in Cleveland. Sorry.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I am a life long Tribe fan and I have been saying all season that I will not start believing in the Indians, unless they are still in first after the All-Star Break. Until then, I am fully expecting a meltdown in typical Cleveland fashion. However, I think they are only slumping now. The meltdown has not started.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

"The Tigers have a few holes (3rd base, corner outfielders, 2nd base"

Way to go dumbass - you just said the Tigers suck at 4 of the 9 starting positions. But im sure you can win the central with a CF, SS who is terrible and will come back to earth very soon, and a 1st baseman who will be in jail before the seasons over.

Leyland is currently putting his cigarette out on his wife.

Anonymous said...

So centerfield isnt a weakness, cock?

Tony, I think Zambrano is on to something, the Cubs should be in AAA.

--$

Anonymous said...

You don't need an all star at every position to win in baseball, dumbass.
Things like MVPs in the order and great pitching can mask shitty players like Brandon Inge and Ryan Raburn.

Dut

Anonymous said...

I said that the tribe could not keep the pace up like they were on. They will still be in the divisional race all year because the rest of the divison sucks.

Was I excited over the tribe's start? Hell yes. After watching this team the last three years I don't think there was anything wrong with that. Eat shit drew and dut and enjoy your huge payroll and your 82 win season. Money well spent.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

You mention rayburn and inge, but not ajax. Admit that he sucks, nephew-of-queer!!!

AL Central commenter violence!

--Dolla

Anonymous said...

Damman...aren't you pumped that this collapse is coming at the beginning of June though? You can look forward to the Indians shedding more payroll at the deadline and then trading some shit for Thome so people can come to the park to follow his home runs.

You wish you had a big payroll.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

A-Jax is young and has been coming on. He also plays good defense.

Damman is the biggest chache when it comes to paying players in baseball. All teams play by the same rules. If your shitty fanbase would show up for a game, maybe your shitty owner would open up his wallet?

Dut

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute, Ace is going to a Mariners/White Sox game tonight? Jesus Christ, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard unless its Ligue Bobbleknife night.

Anonymous said...

All teams play by the same rules? News to me.

--Stupid Indians Fan

Anonymous said...

Jon "I'm 0-8 this year" Danks is on the mound...who doesn't want to go to that game?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

That might be the worst and laziest nickname ever Mike "I have dick breath" Piazza.

--G$