Monday, June 13, 2011

This Post Will Be A Lot Better If Dallas Won Last Night

Just a typical day at Sportscenter.  What you can't see is #6's thoughts on the A's firing Bob Geren.  Via.
I'm doing my usual: writing Monday's post on Sunday afternoon.  So I have no idea if later tonight I will be completely ecstatic and flying around my living room doing The Jet or furious that Dallas is going to blow this.  The anticipation is killing me.  So how about a post of random topics to get you through today in hopes that we can celebrate a cHeat failure as well?  Sounds good to me.  By the way, these Finals have been terrific.  I just love that NO ONE is rooting for the cHeat and they are responding by being massive pussies.  Getting punked by Brian Cardinal and then faking ANOTHER injury is classic D-Wade.  You knew damn well that that drama queen wasn't hurt.  But enough about him.  Let's talk about Mr. Comes-Up-Small-All-The-Time.

You know, maybe it was HIM that was the problem? - Now hear me out here because even I don't really know how to make this make sense.  OK, so #6 leaves Cleveland for better teammates and a greater chance at winning more than 7 titles (which is tough to do on a 6 year contract but whatever).  So now he has an all-star team yet is coming off like a total turd in the 4th quarters of these Finals games.  In NE Ohio, when he came up small in crunch time, his teammates were to blame.  Well, now what's the excuse?  I'll say it...it's him.  He is the problem.  Maybe he's just not wired the way that we and media would like him to be.  Maybe he's just too soft.  His fag boyfriend Cowherd likes to talk shit about John Wall for being without a dad growing up and that will be the reason that he never wins a title, well, jerk, same thing here.  For a physical stud and Scottie Pippen's BFF, he sure does fail to meet expectations, oh I don't know, ALL THE TIME.  I'm growing tired of the excuses.  Win something and be the reason for it.  Because if Miami happens to win this in 7 games, it will not be because of him.  And that leads me to believe that even with a ring this year, The Decision will STILL be a failure after year one.

But then again, the women in his life are absolutely horrible about fucking other people - Last year, it was Gloria slobbing on Delonte's knob.  This time around, it's girlfriend Savannah getting rawdogged by Rashard Lewis.  And that is the underground explanation for why #6 has been terrible in the Finals.  Once again, a woman in his life is sucking some monster black cock and causing the "global icon" to go into a shell.  This just makes me laugh.  And you know it's true.  It's way too random to not be.  Even when Rashard isn't getting the best of #6 on the court, he's still getting the best of #6 off of it.  Delightful.  And Savannah is hot as fuck.

This realignment proposal is stupid - Interleague play all season?  Houston in the AL?  I get why the NL Central teams would be pissed that the AL West teams have much better odds at getting in the postseason just due to the numbers.  But the Cubs and Pirates wouldn't get into the playoffs even if they were there own two team fucking division!  Do you really want 3-4 teams from the AL East in the playoffs every year?  The Central may never have a playoff team ever again.  On second thought, that might be a good idea after all.

Vancouver on the verge of being the worst champion in the history of sports - They have 6 goals in 5 games yet are 60 minutes away from the Cup.  SIX.  And I don't care, Roberto Luongo is terrible.

Charlie Coles coming back to Columbus, yo! - Mark it on your calendars, people.  December 22nd, 2011, the Charlie Coles Retirement Tour runs through Nationwide Arena as the RedHawks will once again play ugly basketball with the Fuckeyes.  I assume that I will be there.  In case you were wondering why Nationwide, in order to host the NCAA tournament (which they are this year), the Fuckeyes have to play one game in that building.  This is that game.  And we will win.

Get well soon, Bartolo - 2011 Cy Young Award Lock, Bartolo Colon, is headed to the DL with a hamstring issue.  His hamstring is close to his ample suppy of performance-enhancing ass fat so this shouldn't be too big of a deal.  We'll talk more about this amazing Indians collapse and what I assume will be a 4 game Yankees sweep tomorrow.

That about covers it.  For those who were on the edge of their seats last Wednesday, I can assure you that Mr. Ace is not quitting.  He's not man enough to come at me.  As well he shouldn't.  He knows damn well that I have proof of Mrs. Ace and Rashard Lewis getting all sorts of nekkid.  GO MAVS?

39 comments:

Grumpy said...

Congratulations. I went to bed with visions of you doing cartwheels naked on your front lawn. Suck that Le-Bron.

The Iceman said...

What's more hilarious? Brian Cardinal with a ring or Mark Madsen with a ring? I take Madsen.

I'm glad Jim Carrey Calisle found a way to get himself another ring. Even in a year when Detroit doesn't make the playoffs, Pistons still find a way to get themselves rings.

MUDAWGFAN said...

CHARLIE COLES MOTHA FUCKA

Anonymous said...

Oh happy fucking day indeed! This feels even better than I thought it would. Its rare that ALL of us can feel like winners yet here we are...champions against evil!

Nice comments about how much money you have, 6, douchebag. This is why everyone hates you.

Gilbert is right, there are no shortcuts.

--G$

The Iceman said...

Well, I guess the good news is that you don't have to hate Lebron anymore, G$. Based on what you said, the fact that Lebron was the problem in Cleveland and not the supporting cast, he would have never won a ring there anyway. So the fact that he left for Miami, he actually did you guys a favor since he was bringing the team down...right? Let the years of dynasty Cleveland basketball begin!

Anonymous said...

Nice to see the Mavs end the Heat dynasty last night.

That really was a tremendous series to watch. Dirk is the shit. I saw a picture last night of Dirk walking around with a champagne bottle and it made me happy inside.

That little fucker Jose Juan Barea was coming up big during crunch time too.

The Indians collapse must be spoken about...they are getting prison raped by the Yankees too.

Speaking of prison rapings...the Buckeye basketball team will be doing that to Charlie Coles and company in that game that you speak of.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Leave it to Iceman to ruin a great morning with his stupid fucking comments.

Couldnt have been happier seeing Bosh drop to his knee's crying.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Iceman tries to ruin everything. But he will not get that satisfaction today! Look, I'm just saying that maybe 6 is more of the problem than his teammates were. Its a question that no one else has asked which makes me the finest journalist in sports history. I will be on the Sports Reporters next week giving Lupica a swirlie and cutting alboms hair.

--Dolla Dolla

Anonymous said...

I just read that Cuban took the Mavs to the most popular nightclub in South Beach after the game. Any guesses on that bar tab? Obviously, it's probably six figures. I bet it approached $ 200K.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I think in the end LBJ cares way too much about what other people think about him, and that is why he disappears in the 4th quarter. Think about it. Just looking at his comments last night shows that for some reason this guy has image issues. He wants to be loved, but does not understand why he is not loved. As a result, he is afraid of failing during the biggest moments on the biggest stage, so he just passes it off to another player to take the shot. He got sick of hearing that he was not clutch in Cleveland when he was the undisputed "go-to" guy in clutch moments and would consistently fail. So he came to Miami, where there is another go-to guy in Wade. That way, he avoids the pressure and if the "go-to" player misses, he is the goat, not LeBron. Obviously, he is dumb, though, because by not showing up, people are criticizing him even more.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Excellent journey into the mind, LS! I can sum it up better though: "he's a loser".

I'm not saying that the Heat losing was better than killing bin laden. But I'm not not saying that either.

--G$

Anonymous said...

I like how LeBron tweeted something along the lines of "Obviously, the man upstairs doesn't think it's my time to win a title yet"

Note to LeBron...if there is a God, he doesn't give a single fuck who wins the NBA title.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I blame god for all my shortcomings. Only makes sense.

LeBron is Jerry fucking Stackhouse.

Anonymous said...

"I lost, but im richer than you."

LeBron

Prime99 said...

The last 5 comments are awesome. Great analysis LS. Very well put.

The Heat losing as good or better as Bin Laden taking a bullet to the head? Hadn't thought of it like that, but I'm also not not saying that.

I love how LeBron believes God's "intelligent design" is solely to determine when he "deserves" to win a championship. He's just a passive participant. How fucking easy is it to hate this motherfucker?

Anonymous said...

That finals was fun to watch. Now, thankfully it is over and hopefully we don't have to see the NBA for a few years. We should be focusing all of our attention on the Indians predicted collapse and the rise of the Detroit Tigers.

Braxton Miller 4 heisman.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Fear not, Dut. Once I put my broom away tonight, we will get back to laughing at Indians fans. But for now, let's just all enjoy the failure of Ol' Six Toes.

--G$

The Iceman said...

Saying that Lebron is/was the problem is so fucking stupid. Love him or hate him he's the most complete player we have ever seen in our lifetime and will be one of the top players in the history of the game when he retires. We will never see another player like him. He's the only person in the league who can play literally any position on the court and guard anybody on the court. And I'm saying this as a Lebron hater.

I just respect his talent more than I embrace the hate I have for him and have learned to appreciate watching him play. Even though he's a piece of shit. Every time an aspect of his game gets ridiculed, he comes back stronger in that area in the next season. Say what you want about him being "not clutch" and point to his horrid "4th quarter in the finals stats" that all of the experts have been throwing out there. But if you buy into it just know that there was a point in Kobe's career where he wasn't considered clutch either. And if you want to point out that Lebron is 8 years into his career without a title, also keep in mind it took Dirk 13 to win one. Remember the last time Dirk was in the Finals? After that 2006 collapse EVERYONE said that Dirk was a great player...just not clutch and wasn't born with the "killer instinct" everyone like to talk about. Maybe Lebron won't win 7 rings in Miami. But he's gonna win at least one...and that will be more than Cleveland will win while Lebron is an active player.

Mr. Ace said...

LeBron isn't being compared to Dirk. LeBron was the next MJ and he embraced that. He's a self-promoting machine. He's not the most complete player I have ever seen. The great players reputations are made or broke in the fourth quarter, simple as that. It's not even that LeBron isn't clutch, he's fucking scared to take THAT shot. Kobe may not have been clutch early in his career, but he wasn't afraid to rise up and fire when the game was on the line.

Iceman, I think you just hate Cleveland and their fans more than everybody else hates LeBron.

Prime99 said...

Wow- and I thought LeBron was the only one capable of such verbal diarrhea, Iceman. I'm fairly certain Magic Johnson could play any position and/or guard anyone and unless you're way younger than I am, you saw him in your lifetime.

If being a "complete player" means being massively talented with no heart, then give me specialized and clutch every time. How quickly we forget the sheer amount of awesomeness Jordan brought to the table. Now THAT is the type of player we won't see again in our lifetime.

Anonymous said...

I must have missed when Dirk spent 13 years putting the spotlight on himself at all costs and being the biggest prima donna in the league.

I also must have missed 6 developing a post game that literally everyone has been telling him to do for five years.

Yes, he is a great athlete but he is also lazy, egomaniacal, heartless, and most importantly ringless.

Why can't you think that maybe he's the problem and not his teammates? Don't just dismiss that notion, Colin Iceman.

--G$

The Iceman said...

I guess it just bothers me that Cleveland fans go from "Lebron is going to be better than Jordan" while he was on the Cavs to "Lebron is a choke artist and will never be close to Jordan" in the span of one year when he goes to the Heat. Just because he fucked you over doesn't mean he isn't a rare, special talent anymore. At least be consistant about how you feel about a player's talent regardless of how he slighted you personally as a fan.

Fine, Prime...Magic too. I was 12 when Magic retired and most of his ass kicking came when I was pretty young. But I wasn't watching a ton of NBA when I was 8 years old.

Speaking of forgetting. I find it hilarious how everyone forgets about the incredible things Lebron has done in his career so far. Most notibly single handedly getting the Cavs to the NBA Finals when Larry Hughes was the second best player on that team. I'm not saying that Lebron is Jordan...but I never saw Michael Jordan carry such a sorry roster on his back for a full season into the NBA finals. As much as Pippen needed Jordan, people forget that Jordan needed Pippen just as bad. As special as Jordan was, he never won shit without another Hall of Famer helping him along the way. So why do we kill Lebron for "needing help" but give Jordan a pass?

Anonymous said...

Because Jordan played in the East when it was more talented than the Conference USA. Unlike in 2007.

-Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Anybody who says Jordan needed Pippen just as much as Pippen needed Jordan has zero credibility. I fucking hate when people say that. Pippen was a nice player, did everything well and was a great compliment. But he wasn't hitting game winners. He wasn't the face of basketball for an entire generation. He wasn't taking all the pressure and putting the team on his back. Jordan is a fucking GOD. Nobody can be compared to him, no matter how inflated your opinion of Pippen may be.

Anonymous said...

Iceman, I don't understand any of your points today and neither does anyone else.

We cavs fans covered his faults for years because he was our guy. That's our fault for turning the other cheek. But he leaves and now the floodgates open. What's wrong with that? We helped create the monster and now we want him dead. Make sense?

No one is saying that he isn't special...but he's still a loser with no hardware and at least the last two years, that is HIS fault.

--G$

Anonymous said...

I think LeBron and Jordan are both faggots.

Is that OK?

--Drew

The Iceman said...

"We cavs fans covered his faults for years because he was our guy. That's our fault for turning the other cheek. But he leaves and now the floodgates open. What's wrong with that? We helped create the monster and now we want him dead. Make sense?"

You're the only fan I've ever heard say that and I suppose I can accept that answer. But there are many others that do not and will not see it that way. They want to discredit his talent level by saying he's a choke artist, overrated, etc. That's my problem. Don't do that.

Ace, I don't have an inflated opinion of Pippen. He was a great player and a Hall of Fame talent. The fact remains that Jordan played 3 years without Pippen and didn't win a thing. And as Ide so kindly pointed out, since the East was loaded in the days of Jordan...no argument you construct can convince anyone that Jordan would have won a title if Pippen weren't right next to him every step of the way. I suppose that's like saying that Kobe would have the same amount of rings today playing in the West even without Shaq...which is a stupid thing to say.

Jordan needed Pippen, Magic needed Kareem and Worthy, Bird needed Parish and McHale, Hakeem needed Drexler, Duncan needed Parker and Ginobili, Isaiah needed Dumars, ect. Everybody needed someone to win a title. It's always been that way. Jordan was not winning titles without Pippen. Period.

Anonymous said...

Iceman - We are all dumber after reading your essay long posts today. Period.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

Pippen's career numbers are 16, 6, and 5...he's not Shaq, Drexler, or anybody else you mentioned.

Duncan won before Manu or Parker were even on the roster.

So LeBron is just Jordan without Pippen?

Anonymous said...

Isiah needed me, dammit!

--James "Buddha" Edwards

Prime99 said...

"Complete player" or not, if I'm allowed to pick a team of superstars that have played the game since I've been alive, LeBron might make the end of the bench- no chance he's in the starting five.

Anonymous said...

Michigan fans...control your Iceman.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Seal, then don't read them jagoff.

"Duncan won before Manu or Parker were even on the roster."

-David Robinson

And Pippen's career stats were good enough for the Hall of Fame, so a whole mess of people seem to think he's in the same category of Drexler, Shaq, and everyone else I mentioned. Also, Pippen's first year not playing in the shadow of Jordan he averaged 22, 9 and 6...led the league in steals and finished 3rd in the MVP voting. I'd say that's pretty alright.

Prime, I would agree with you. Lebron hasn't won a title yet and he's only 26 so he doesn't deserve to be in that conversation yet. I'm just saying that eventually he will be. I can't see a player with that much talent go his entire career without at least one title.

The Iceman said...

Pryor signed with Drew Rosenhaus. How fitting.

Mr. Ace said...

Not playing in the shadow of Jordan=Not being carried to championships?

The Iceman said...

Jordan = zero titles without Pippen
Pippen = zero titles without Jordan

They needed each other to win championships. No matter how dominant Jordan was he still needed a dominant player like Pippen to win. You think Jordan wins any rings with Toni Kukoc as the second best player on those teams? I hope you're smarter than that. Do me a favor and name me a team that has won a title where there wasn't at least 2 Hall of Fame players on that squad. The fact is that no matter how talented you are...everyone needs help. Even if you are considered the greatest ever.

Mr. Ace said...

The Spurs have won 2 titles with only one HOFer, Tim Duncan. Unless you can make a case for Parker or Ginobili...which as a Spurs fan even I can't. And won a third in 03 when Robinson was still on the team but only averaged 8 ppg.

That was easy.

GMoney said...

Scottie Pippen was a guest star on one season of the Celebrity Apprentice and said that #6 could be the best player ever...his career achievements are now invalid.

The Iceman said...

If joe dumars is a hall of famer...so is tony parker.

And I don't care how many points per game robinson averaged that year. He is still a hall of fame player who was needed to win a title.