Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Sad Evolution of an Indians Fan

I would like to buy that shirt.
I'm writing this on Monday night during the 5th inning of the fourth and final game of the Indians/Yankees series. The score is currently 1-0 Tribe as Car-lose Carrasco is dodging more bullets than Don "The Matador" Everest. I'm just going to assume that the Yankees win this because the Indians are terrible and have earned the right to be swept. How?
I don't give a fuck how much you suck and how terrible you are pitching, YOU DON'T GO HEAD-HUNTING, FAUSTO! I was at the gym when that happened on Friday and immediately yelled, to the delight of everyone in there at the time, "That is fucking BULLSHIT!" What kind of a coward gives up a dinger and then throws at the next guy's head. Keep in mind that the two hitters in question (Grandy and Teix) are arguably two of the nicest pussies in the sport. Why? Why would you do that. That's bush league. And then, since Manny Acta has to stand up for his players, Acta looks like an asshole for saying that it wasn't on purpose. Well, fuck you too, Latino Juan Snoad! But what is really impressive is how quickly the once "insurmountable" lead that the Tribe had has evaporated. It's almost unbelievable how fast that they've pissed this away.

So while everyone was high-fiving the denizens of Cleveland yesterday for the greatness of their Mav-aliers, it's time to go back to your "personal problems" ie. a baseball team that can't stop the bleeding. But since I kind of already went over this last Monday, how about a fresh take.

I was alerted by Dut yesterday that he had some juicy gossip for me. I was intrigued by the notion and relieved that it wasn't photos of his O-face. Dut, the little creeper that he is, has saved every single text message that Damman has sent him this season. Apparently, he wanted proof that AL Central smack talk actually existed in case anyone was wondering. I shit you not, what you read below is all true. Gentlemen, please enjoy today's post...The Sad Evolution of an Indians Fan.

4/15 - With our dominating pitching, we will be in every game this year

4/17 - Grady is back. Look the F out. This team isn’t going anywhere my friend
-Your snarky comments have no effect on me or the 1st place Indians

5/1 - Keep telling yourself that, but I think we both know this team isn’t going anywhere. We didn’t even have Pronk this weekend.

5/4 - They are so far ahead of the “favorites” already, they can coast
-As long as Choo is going out and getting shitfaced in April and not during the last week of the season like Miggy we’ll be fine

5/11 - Dude, we r not allowed to lose a game? My god, we faced Price tonight. Even the ’27 Yankees lost a game or 2

5/19 - DUT: Uh oh Fausto!
Damman: He’s fine. Shouldn’t you be watching the Tigers? Or did you decide to watch the best team in baseball for a change?
-Like I said, the Tribe just has to coast with all the shitty teams in the division

5/23 - Talk to me when you can at least sniff first place
-I don’t concern myself with mediocre teams
-Even your lame, faggy texts do not change the fact that the Tribe is the best team in baseball
-Michael Brantley says F you! The magic is back!
-Oh it must suck to not be a Tribe fan. What a fun bunch to watch.

5/31 - DUT: Are you missing Jhonny Peralta yet?
-Damman: We have Asdrubal so no. I will say it is really f’ing annoying seeing him do well. It won’t last.

6/8 - Supermanahan!
-Yeah I probably should have waited to send out any texts. This is brutal to watch.

I love it. The transformation from smug to defeated is tremendous.  I absolutely love how he admits that talking shit in April and May was fucking ridiculous. Indians fans: can't live with 'em and they can't pee standing up.


Grumpy said...

Moral of the story: Dut can't be trusted.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe that they won last night to save just a little face. They scored 4 runs in 4 games against our shitty starters.

The only bad thing about this collapse into mediocrity is that the White Trash are the benefactors.


Anonymous said...

HAHAHA. Well done Dut!

Justin "The Clit Commander" Verlander on the mound tonight against the Indians....as Lil' Flip likes to rap, "Game Over". First place shall be ours this evening.


Anonymous said...

FYI - you lost. And thats two straight games your boy Car-Lose has yet to give up a run.


Anonymous said...

Wow, Dut, you are even more of a queer than I thought. What Dut failed to include was that he initiated about half of those text message exchanges with the type of moronic comments that he leaves here every day. So I was forced to come back with strong, if somewhat misguided comments.

This has obviously been one of the worst stretches of baseball in history, but they are still in 1st place. Maybe they can turn it around, but I honestly have no clue if they can. They probably can't but who knows. It's just fucking amazing how fast it has the collapse happened.


Anonymous said...

Dut's creepiness knows no bounds.

3 out of 4, Seal, with no decent bullpen arms outside of Rivera. Suck nuts.


Anonymous said...

Hey ruhtards- blackberries automatically save all text messages. It took 0 effort out of me to do this!

I caught a bit of the Tribe game last night, and holy shit does Shin Soo suck right now! He struck out swinging on a ball that bounced in the grass. I wouldn't throw him a single strike until he can prove that he can take a walk.

I bet Verlander has slammed at least 4 Mt Dews already this morning.

Sweep or bust!

The Tigers will be in 1st place in 12 hours and 15 minutes.


Anonymous said...

I have to hand it to Dut for his foresight on this. About a month ago I was at a bar with him while some of these exchanges were going on. Dut was just smiling, knowing that someday he was going to get Damman back in exactly this fashion.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Are you saying that Dut is some sort of diabolical genius? Because I've got years of fantasy sports leagues as proof that he is not.

Choo sucks and Santana swallows. Teamwork at its finest.


Anonymous said...

I am not saying that at all. As he even admitted, Blackberry phones save texts automatically, so the effort/thought was minimal. I am saying, however, that Damman's overzealousness fell right into Dut's lap and Dut took advantage.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

G$- I've been in the regular season top 2 in baseball both years that I've played. Suck it.

As for football, I've finished in the money more times than not. My skills are watered down by grant anyways. Also, your league has no credibility cuz Damman has been to the superbowl 90% of the time.


Anonymous said...

By the way, I'm pissed that no one has yet complimented on my terrific nickname for Manny Acta...Juan Snoad. I'm trademarking that bitch!


Prime99 said...

You could tell Dut initiated at least a few of those conversations. I'm not really defending Damman- he just sounds like any other die hard fan of a team that starts strong.

My only wish is that I could go back in time and not draft Choo and Carmona. Those guys blow emu balls.

Anonymous said...

I think Dut's a genius.


Anonymous said...

Dut wont finish in the top 2 this year. Not as long as Anne Franks Ashes plays G$.


Anonymous said...

I was more impressed with you quote from major league 2, g$.