Friday, June 24, 2011

The Cavs Are Now The Asexual All-Stars

Jeff Van Gundy or Ravishing Rick Rude???
I love me some NBA Draft.  It is always a glorious watch.  Foreigners having terrible interviews, Mark Jones doing an even worse job asking them questions, Stu Scott's one eye, David Stern getting booed but always making me laugh when he mentions the WNBA, it's all great.  Last night was no exception.

Look, I know that the talent level is supposedly down this year.  We all know that.  But there are players that will end up being stars.  There always are.  And I'm sick of people saying that this is the worst draft ever.  No it isn't.  Until someone worse than Andrea Bargnani and Kwame Brown get picked first, there will never be a worse draft than those two.  And go ahead and look at the 2000 Draft.  Kenyon Martin and 9 horrible players went in the top ten.  So take it easy on the 2011 Draft.  A few notes:

*How goddamn lucky is Joe Dumars?  That's two years in a row that he had an insane talent drop in his lap because NBA GM's are idiots.  Brandon Knight was a steal and he is going to make them better just because now the stupid experiment of making Rod Munch a PG was a complete failure.  Damn Pistons.  They were supposed to waste a pick on BIYOMBO!  Rnjoy Kyle Singler, fags.

*How long before PrimeTonyB gets himself a JIMMER jersey?  I'm guessing he already has an autographed Book of Mormon.

*The Blazers drafted Jon Diebler for some reason.  I see why they would though.  Just imagine how fun it would be to cut that rat-faced cunt.

*Going into last night, I wanted the Cavs to take Kyrie and My Name Is Jonas Valanciunas.  Why?  The Cavs don't need a power forward, they need everything else though.  So to me, Derrick Williams was out of the picture from the start.  Whether you think that JJ and Andy are players is irrelevant because they are going to be in NE Ohio for awhile so there is no reason to clog the 4 hole on your team.  Unless Byron Scott has some type of weirdo three PF offense.  He better fucking not.  The Cavs need players.  As simple as that sounds, it really is that simple.  They need building blocks.  Which is also why I wanted Jonas.  I don't give a fuck if he couldn't play next year.  There might not even be a next year anyway.  If Fran Frittata compares him to Pau Gasol, that is a guy that I want to play with Kyrie forever.  And the Cavs are a lottery team next year anyway, so who cares if he's around this year or not?  But...

*I have no idea why they drafted Tristan Thompson.  You didn't want a power forward at 1, but were OK with a worse PF at 4?  Clearly, the team loved him and I want to support the organization, yet I can't shake the fact that another 4 was not needed!  Fuck!  Utah fucked us over for Anus Kanter!  Calm down, G$, maybe Andy or JJ are on their way to Memphis for Rudy Gay or something.  I don't know.  That pick wasn't sexy at all, but I must keeep the faith and assume that they know what they are doing and spent 2 high picks on black dudes with girly first names.  I think the worst part of last night was that I had some strange delusion that the Cavs would be drafting Magic and Bird.  I got my hopes was disappointing but we'll see how it plays out.  It's not like this is the last time that they'll be in the lottery.

Either way, welcome to Cleveland, Kyrie and the rest of the picks.  No pressure or anything, but your new owner has you winning a title before the Heat do.  CHAMPIONSHIP!


Grumpy said...

At least you are realistic in your expectations.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I suppose I just have to wait and see. This is just step one in a rebuild of massive proportions. Either way, they have better players today than they did yesterday. Although it would have been nice to actually get a swingman at some point.


Grumpy said...

I still think Irving is a huge gamble; with the number of games he played at Duke, you're really taking a high school player. I think Kemba Walker is better right now, but he may have already peaked. Irving has more upside.

Anonymous said...

Brandon Knight.....GET MONEY!!!

I'm not as low on Tristan Thompson as you are...A LOT of lottery teams fell in love with that kid.

I do share Grumpy's concerns on Irving only playing a handful of games.

Diebs for three in Portland!!!!!! Amazing how wrong you were about Diebler is whole career. From he's he only makes threes against shitty teams (records don't lie broham) he'll be in Europe. Diebs has shit all over you.


Anonymous said...

Has he played an NBA game yet? Well has he? Go fuck your albino from Duke.

I like Irving a lot and you've got think that Byron is the right guy to teach him the pro game. If the Cavs were trying to win next year, they would have taken D-Will. But they aren't.


The Iceman said...

I about pissed blood when Brandon Knight dropped to Detroit. We can finally move Stuckey to the two where he belongs and find some sucker to take Ben Gordon off our hands. Cleveland??

I really did piss blood when we wasted the 2nd round pick on Singler. Now I have to wear a welding mask to Pistons games so his milky white alien skin doesn't fry my retina.

I thought Cleveland should've taken Jan Vesely at 4. Gottlieb said it best this morning on Mike and Mike with, "Holy hell that guy can finish." I was hoping he would fall to Detroit...but I'm okay with Knight. Vesely would also have filled the pussy first name requirement for Cleveland players. Kyrie to Jan sounds like a play call from the WNBA.

Anonymous said...

I watched the first half hour or so and was amazed at how bad the coverage was. Jeff Van Gundy butchered an analysis so bad that the entire set started laughing. Also, who was the foreign player that compared himself to Bosh? Holy shit was that a HORRIBLE interview!

I like watching the NBA draft more than I like watching the NBA (except for the playoffs).


Anonymous said...

Snakes, that would have been Jonas who said he is similar to Bosh because he isn't strong! He called a Bosh a cunt on national tv!

Vesely also called Blake Griffin the american jan vesely. I like that kids moxie. And his GF was smoking hot.

Stu Scott made a joke about the Bulls trying to draft the Bobcats owner. No one on the set reacted at all. It was glorious.

I give the Pistons an F just because of Singler.

I also liked when the Lakers drafted some weirdo from Africa in the 2nd round, they threw it to Fran, and he said that he literally had nothing on the guy. Got to love the draft!


Anonymous said...

Do you think that Darius Morris regrets leaving Michigan now? Fuckin idiot. Russillo said that watching him play defense was absolutely horrifying. He also compared him to Andre Miller...because he's slow and can't defend. Whoever told Morris to leave early should be fired immediately.

Prime99 said...

I also was going to mention Jonas comparing himself to Bosh because they're "not strong physically"- that shit was hilarious!

As you well remember, I'm a Bulls fan- not a Kings fan. I support the drafting of Jimmer if it means higher attendance and a higher chance to build a sick-ass new arena and keep the NBA in my city. I fear it also means a massive pilgrimage of Mormons Sactown.
The LDS'ers will be sad when D. Cousins rapes their daughters.

I wonder if the Maloofs would want pick #7 back if they knew they could get Brandon Knight?

Anonymous said...

I don't know, Ice, Morris is already the best PG on the Lakers.


Anonymous said...

Ron Artest now known as Metta World Peace? Yes please.

Also, anyone else think that Kanter is actually The Situation's boy, Arvin? They have to be twins.


Anonymous said...

Jay Bilas on Tristan: "He needs to learn how to play and score."

He is probably right and the Cavs are fucking stupid for this pick - but nice analysis asshole. Bilas is terrible.


Anonymous said...

Ron Artest is going to wake up one morning naked, covered in someone else's blood with no recollection of how it got there.

Anonymous said...

4 hours and 40 minutes later I'm sitting on a beachside bar in St. Joseph,MI. You fools made some interesting points. Onto more beer.