Monday, May 02, 2011

I'm Smarter Than Bill Belichick

Not surprisingly, this is Bill's happy face.
You want to know what one of my biggest pet peeves is?  People who bow down at the Church of Belichick.  People who just assume that due to his past, what he does in the present is right.  People who ignore the FACT that his teams have been embarrassed in their last 3 playoff games and failed to make it in the other year.  People who buy into this man's massive ego.  People who just brush off the fact that he has drilled at least 100 housewives in the northeast alone.  People who think it's cute that he dresses like a hobo riding the rails.

The truth of the matter is that Bill Belichick used to be great...but he isn't anymore.  He's getting up there in age.  He's too stubborn.  He hasn't changed with the times.  He has perfected the art of silent arrogance.  In reality, he is just a "good" coach in 2011.  Rex Ryan is better.  Mike Tomlin, too.  John Harbaugh as well.  They get more out of their players than BB does.  And Belichick sure as shit isn't capable of judging talent anymore.  This past weekend proved why.

OK, dammit, every single year the Patriots horde picks and trade back.  It's their thing and everyone knows it.  This year, they had 6 picks in the first three rounds.  In essence, with that many high picks, you MUST get 5-6 starters.  You HAVE to.  What did the Patriots do?  A good OL starter, the number 1 next year of the Saints, a nickel corner, 2 average running backs that will never start, and a terrible QB that will never see the field.  They got 1 starter and another contributor.  They took not one but two players that are worse than Green-Ellis and Woodhead.  And they wasted a third round pick on a holder.  This was Bill Belichick's draft.  It was the worst of any team.

This is why I don't care if that douche keeps getting future #1's.  Who cares?  He just fucks it up anyway with players that no one wants.  He could've had Mark Ingram and then a pass rusher in the first two rounds.  But NOOOOOOO, Shane Vereen was way too tempting to no one but him.  Stevan Ridley?  Hilarious.  The point here is that Bill Belichick is absolutely wasting Tom Brady's prime and the twilight of his own coaching career by thinking about the future that is coming to a close.  If I was a Pats fan, I would be pissed off today.  I'd be sick of this stockpiling future picks when we continue to come up short.  You need players NOW to win another Super Bowl.  Don't you think that Richard Seymour would have helped over the last two years?  I do.  I give the Patriots draft a Y-.  It would have been a Z but at least they got ONE starter.

I say this as an egomaniac myself.  Hold on--I just traded tomorrow's post to Mr. Ace for four 2012 Wednesday posts.  What a steal!  Nevermind that tomorrow is going to suck.  Much like ol' BB, while you were reading this, I was banging your wife!  A few other notes on the Draft:

*Since 2000, there have been 25 quarterbacks taken in the second and third round (I did research!).  Do you know how many have been good players?  And how many of those became good with the team that drafted them?  The answer to question 1 is 2.  The answer to question 2 is 0 as the only two good quarterbacks from those two rounds are Brees and Schaub.  So there is a 92% chance that Andy Dalton, Colin K, and Ryan Mallett are all abysmal.  I like those odds.  Just be smart now that you know that bit of info and don't call those great picks.  Because they aren't.  The rate of failure is ridiculously high...unless you consider the great DAVE RAGONE to be a success.

*The smartest teams in the draft were the Bills, Dolphins, Seahawks, Cardinals, and Redskins.  I'll say it again, this year's quarterback class was horrific.  Why commit to any of those shitbirds?  Pssst, have you seen the potential QB's coming next year?  Andrew Luck.  Kellen Moore.  Matt Barkley.  NC State's Russell Wilson (although I think he's going to play baseball next year).  Terrelle Pryor.  All of those guys have better potential than Cam and Blaine.  I cannot WAIT for next year's draft as my team will be front and center drooling over one of these stud QBs.  You can have your Jake Locker, Ron Howard, and Drugs Delaney.

*Our Governor, John Kasich, is a fucking asshole.  With his love for pissing off public employees well known, count him as also a Steelers fan who hates the Browns.  He actually said, "When you win a Super Bowl, let me know".  Fuck you, guy who won't get re-elected.  And I say this as a Browns hater.  In fact, I thought that the Browns had a really good draft.  Most sane people in this state hate the Steelers.  No need to rile up the locals.
*I love Suzy Kolber.  On the biggest night of Mark Ingram's life, she made him cry like a bitch on stage and LAUGHED AT HIM!  That was awesome.  You know something though, many killed Cam Newton for having a shithead for a father but I have heard no one slaughter Ingram for having a convicted goddamn felon for a dad.  Love or hate Big Cecil, but at least he's free.

*It always kills me when people claim teams as winners of the draft pretty much based on who picked the most players that you've heard of.  This happened with the Bengals and Lions who drafted OK, but not great in my opinion.  Don't get me wrong, they did just fine, but I disagree with the experts on their declarations.  The Bengals are still going to blow.  Why draft a receiver if you have no one to throw him the ball?  The Lions didn't really address their HUGE areas of need in the secondary, linebackers, or offensive line.  Sure, Fairley is going to be good, Titus Young should help, and Mikel LeShoure was RIDICULOUSLY unnecessary, but I just don't see how the Lions are better today then they were last year.  Going "best player available" works when you have few holes on your roster but it's stupid when you have been crappy for the last 8 decades. Who knows, maybe Schwartz has plans in free agency because good free agents always line up to move to Detroit.  The Steelers and the Packers had the two best drafts and it wasn't even that close.

*I watched 6.5 hours of the 8 hour coverage of Day 3.  I don't know why and you should definitely not be impressed.  One thing that I do know is that Trent Dilfer loves the sound of his own voice and he hates kickers and punters.  Fuck him.  Although it was tard-ish of the Eagles to draft a kicker in the 4th round.  Ten bucks says that the Redskins give David Akers a 3 year/15 million dollar deal.

I think that that about covers it.  My favorite weekend of the year is over.  In closing, if you are a titanic racist, go out and buy a bunch of Browns gear.  Colt McCoy handing the ball off to Peyton Hillis who is following Owen Marecic through a hole created by Joe Thomas...WHITE POWER!  Actually, some dipshit in NE Ohio should make t-shirts with those guys on it with White Power underneath their profiles.  I might even buy that.  You could even have them in Klan robes.  Hmmm, I may have gone too far now.  Thoughts on the draft?  I already expect to get into a war with Drew and Irishman.

20 comments:

Grumpy said...

"The Steelers and the Packers had the two best drafts and it wasn't even that close."

You are a genius.

GMoney said...

So we finally got that bin laden guy, eh? That was a pleasant surprise. Looks like Obama just got himself a second term. Now the military can divert their resources to Jim Tressel.

Anonymous said...

I agree that the Lions didn't really address some areas of need.....but, here's the thing....the OL, LB and DB's in this year's draft SUCKED. JONAS MOUTON got drafted at the end of the second round! If that doesn't tell you just how terrible the LB's were in this draft, then I don't know what will.

I loved the Leshoure pick, because Best is not a RB that can carry the load.

As for free agency, it does make it hard to judge this year's draft while waiting for that to begin. I do know Stephen Tulloch was tweeting about how much fun it would be for LB to play for the Lions after the Fairley pick.

Have you bought your Kyle Orton Redskins jersey yet?

--Drew

GMoney said...

I don't hate The Orton Express as much as Iceman does. I loved him the year I had him in my league. I just enjoy piling on when you were clearly wrong this year.

Orton and Grossman together again makes me even more confident that we are super bowl bound!

The Iceman said...

Jonus Mouton was the leading tackler in the Big 10. He isn't nearly as bad as your dedicated OSU heart would like to think.

It's careless to put guys like Harbaugh and Tomlin into the "great coaching" category. No one knows if these guys are the best at what they do because they walked into great situations. Those guys were handed great teams with loads of talent. I'd love to see how many fist pumps behind aviators Tomlin could pull off if he were coaching in Carolina.

How was Leshoure unnecessary? Kevin Smith sucks/is a pussy, Best was banged up all year and Maurice Morris is a mummy.

GMoney said...

Iceman, go ahead and share your feelings on Dane Sanzencantplay as well.

I'm not saying that the lions couldn't use another), but taking one high three years in a row seems wasteful.

MuDawgfan said...


That was awesome. You know something though, many killed Cam Newton for having a shithead for a father but I have heard no one slaughter Ingram for having a convicted goddamn felon for a dad. Love or hate Big Cecil, but at least he's free.



Wow! Somebody is fired up today? Drinking the strong coffee this morning G$? That comment was ferocious.

Anonymous said...

Iceman- don't you think that Mouton's stats are a bit skewed? Michigan probably had the most defensive snaps in the B1G, and was playing with players on par with MAC schools. Lot of plays+nobody else that can make a tackle= skewed stats. So dumb so dumb. Fo real.

BB is one of the best coaches in the NFL still. You're reaching/overreacting. The Pats will turn Mallet into a stud and then trade him for high picks.

I should have jumped into Mirror Lake last night. USA! USA!

Dut

GMoney said...

List Billy's accomplishments over the last 6 years. Don't worry, ill wait.

MUD, I'm just tired of everyone seemingly celebrating Ingram Sr when he is a fucking loser.

The Iceman said...

I would like to see stats backing up that statement of "most defensive plays". Just because the defense was so shitty, doesn't automatically translate to more time on the defensive side of the ball.

If you watched Michigan games, you would have noticed that Michigan was really good at giving up the huge plays and surrendered several touchdowns from drives that lasted less than 5 plays...which would mean less time on the defensive side of the ball since the offense was actually able to sustain drives last year.

Sanzenshitty will get a tryout with an NFL team...then spend the rest of his playing days on a practice squad.

Anonymous said...

Iceman:

Total defensive plays:

OSU- 789
PSU- 834
Wisky- 790
Indiana- 751
Michigan- 963

These stats don't even account for the face that the good teams in the conference pull their starters after blowing a team out, while Michigan played their starters while struggling versus powerhouse teams like UMass

Winner- me.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Down goes Iceman! Down goes Iceman! Dut with a clear KO.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

How is that a KO? I asked Dut to produce the stats and he did. I wasn't being an asshole, it was my opinion that just because Michigan had the worst defense didn't necessarily mean they spent the most time on that side of the ball. Dut made a generalized statement and backed it up with facts like I asked him to. But I guess he totally got me!

Tony B. said...

The Hoodie is clearly still a good to great coach. I agree they made some odd picks, but it was also odd that Matt Cassel, a back up in college, was Tom Brady's back up then did great when Brady went down. I don't always agree with the Patriot's decisions, but it's tough to question their success (or was that due solely to taping their opposition? Who knows?)

I hate how the Bears drafted a QB from Norther Idaho. Great. Way to waste another pick. They picked Dan LeFevour last year then had him claimed off waivers- wasted that 5th round pick. You have Cutler as your starter, re-sign Hanie as the back up (he's clearly capable) and pick up a scrub off waivers. STOP WASTING PICKS, dammit!

GMoney said...

I'm reading that the Redskins are leaning toward John Beck as their starting qb this season. Ill wait for you to finish laughing your asses off.

Appears that we are very serious about "Luck or Bust".

GMoney said...

I'm reading that the Redskins are leaning toward John Beck as their starting qb this season. Ill wait for you to finish laughing your asses off.

Appears that we are very serious about "Luck or Bust".

Anonymous said...

John Kasich won't be re-elected because he will be in the white house as vp on jan. 20, 2013

The Iceman said...

Look on the bright side G$...you could have drafted Christain Ponder in the first round.

GMoney said...

Hell be assassinated by the end of the year by some pissed off cop. Political deaths, fuck yeah!

Ide said...

Kudos on the "Outside Providence" reference.