Monday, May 16, 2011

I Will Not Forgive Or Forget

Best cake ever?  Best cake ever.
I found it more than ironic that Tiger Woods used some sort of injury to walk off the TPC Thursday after having a horrendous front 9. What was ironic about that exactly? Well, his partner in Nike, Gloria’s Bastard, quit on his hometown one year and one day earlier. Bizarre, no?  No?  Really?  Well, fuck you.  But before we get going on my rant, here is another rant about quitting...

FUCK YOU, JORGE POSADA.  You are a terrible player.  You have been for years.  You should have retired three years ago when you initially became worthless.  Nice Rip Hamilton impression.  Oh, you're completely fine with being a 7 hitter with the worst batting average in the game but God forbid you become a 9 hitter with the worst batting average in the league.  Eat shit.  The Yankees should release his ass and bring up Jesus Montero anyway.  Posada sucks.  Get your gigantic ears out of New York already.  Hmmm, let's get back on point to my original post that was supposed to run on Friday.

So the Heat beat the Celtics. Wank. Whatever. It must have been really hard to beat Fake Tough Guy, Jelly Rolls, and Black Iceman (only shoots threes, does nothing else…sorry bud). The one player that they couldn’t stop, they purposely cut his arm off and shoved up Wade’s ass (as is tradition!). By the way, can we stop hearing about Kendrick Perkins already? Perkins is terrible. Would he have shut down the cHeat centers that did nothing on the floor? Perkins sucks. Them trading him was the most overrated story of the season. But I digress.

The Heat celebrated like they just won 14 titles in a row which was a joke. You could tell in game one that this wasn’t going to be a great series. I laughed pretty hard at those fuckers behaving like they had never won a game before. And before someone tries to defend them for being in the moment or something else stupid, these jerks decided to be villains and mercenaries this Summer. This is what they are supposed to do. This is why we hate them. Then there was this in the postgame press room:

"I knew deep down in my heart, as much as I loved my teammates back in Cleveland and as much as I loved home, I knew it couldn't do it by myself against that team," Gloria's Bastard said.  "The way it panned out with all the friends and family and the fans back home, I apologize for the way it happened. I knew this opportunity was once in a lifetime. To be able to come down here and pair with two guys and this organization -- in order for me to move on with my career, that team that we just defeated, we had to go through them."
You know what, I can accept this. I’ve debated this internally for a year now. I kind of want to forgive Gloria’s Bastard. I really do. And it isn’t because Colin Cowherd tells me that I should. It’s because holding onto singular hate for something as meaningless as sports is beyond pointless. Yet that is what makes sports great...(ir)rational hate! But when he said this, it just made me angrier (moreso than usual). It was just another jab at Cavs fans. He could never beat the Celtics in Cleveland? Bitch please. You just beat them 2.5 on 5. Don’t give me that shit. Last year's Cavs team would have beat the C's in 5, too. But that is beside the point.

WHY COULDN’T HE HAVE SAID THIS EARLIER!!! That’s what pisses me off the most. If he says this the night of The Decision, I can at least rationalize his "logic". The first game in Cleveland, fine. But he has taken pot shots at Ohio for a full fucking year and only asks for forgiveness once he actually accomplishes something (albeit minimal) that apparently was "impossible" at The Q. And when you say shit about bringing titles to the long, suffering Miami Heat fanbase, get fucked. Get fucked hard.

I know eventually that I’ll get over this guy. I wish that it was as easy to do as I would like it to be. One of these days, I might even say his name again (haven’t said it once since the night he left…I’m a man of my word). But I want my apology when it isn’t convenient for him. I want him to say I’m sorry when the Heat (hopefully) get beat this year. I will forgive him then.

And if he doesn’t agree to these terms, well, sorry about that semen in your eyes, dickbag.

This guy knows what I'm talking about!!!  It's the best and worst thing about being gay!!!


Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting for you to burn down the Q like you promised to do if LeBron left town.

The Tigers have a better record than the Yankees right now.


GMoney said...

Many teams have a better record than our mess of a team right now that can't score unless the Grandyman goes deep.

The Q still stands because if I was a man of my word, Manny Harris would have nowhere else to ball!

And for those that don't know, shooks son has finally made an appearance on the site!

Anonymous said...

By the way...that cake is a very good cake. It reminds me of a year ago during the Winter Olympics when USA played Canada for the gold. My buddy went to Dairy Queen and got an ice cream cake made...and he got the guy to put "Fuck Canada!" in the frosting. It was tasty.


Grumpy said...

Is Dut the permanent DLOW?

Jeff said...

Back to .500 and sweepin yo ass out of the Bronx. Thanks for that, just what the sox needed.

Anonymous said...

I will never deny what my game was. 3 point assassin and a subpar defender. I would have the occasional backdoor layup but by no means was that the norm. Our team needed a guy who was a knock down shooter and a killer at the free throw line. I didn't have time for meaningless things like defense...that's why the other 4 guys were on the floor. Plus my terrible defense drove Walt crazy. I like to think I am the reason he eventually lost his mind.

With every Heat win the pathetic cries of Cav fans get louder and louder. Get over it already. Heat still win this series even though they looked useless in game one.

Anonymous said...

The Tigers are the best team ever, and the best part is the offense is being carried by two former Indians. Eat shit.

The Yankees are not making the playoffs this year. Too many dudes at the end of their career just hangin on (jorge, jeter, arod).

Did you stumble across Shook's son while lookin up gay porn? Makes sense.


Tony B. said...

I don't know much, but I'm fairly certain D. Wade still has Taj Gibson's nuts in his mouth after that dunk last night.

Anonymous said...

Yeah yankee fans giving jorge a standing ovation last night was a joke. What a terrible fan base.

Tiger fans are adorable aren't they?

Only mother nature could derail the indian express this weekend.

No doubt iceman was a big part of putting walt the assylum. I was witness to many walt bitchfests directed at iceman


Mr. Ace said...

Taj Gibson was fucking nasty last night. I have never seen a dunk session like that during a game.

Nobody gives a fuck about the Lebortion anymore. Seriously.

The first ever Shook's Son sighting on The Money Shot? Very nice.

GMoney said...

Ace, don't tell ol' Cowherd that no one cares about him anymore. He alone should be why everyone roots for the Bulls to win it all.

I was pissed at the fans last night for cheering that corpse and his un-production.