Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Hump Day Dump: Drip Drip Drip

(Can you feel my pain?)

Douche Lord of the Week: The DLoW remains the same...and the banner remains awesome.

Stressin'. That picture is a picture of my eye. Remember all that talk about how playing basketball was a good way to relieve stress last week? Yeah, I played basketball that very night at work and collided heads with one of the kids and ended up with a black eye and four stitches. Fuck all of your advice.

Grizzsaw. I'm not even mad that the Spurs lost to the Grizz. They are better than us. They are the best 8 seed in the history of sport. They are better than the Thunder. This wasn't a fluke, the Grizz are a championship caliber team.

As for the Spurs, get Tony Parker the fuck out of San Antonio two years ago! He's a turnover machine and can't hit a 3 pointer to save his marriage. I would much rather role with George Hill and Ginobili taking over PG duties. Richard Jefferson was the worst pick up ever. That guy just doesn't have it. The Spurs still have a good two years left with the current players and a little reshuffling, i.e. finding Parker a new home. Viva Los Spurs.

PISS OUT MY ASS! I've got piss stories. Leggo.
A girlfriend of mine once pissed on the computer chair at my parents house. We stayed there after a wedding reception back in Naptown and the next morning my mom found the chair to be a little damp. And upon further inspection it certainly appeared like a beautiful young lady pissed on it. No mention of who this lady happens to be.

My college roommate pissed on myself AND Mrs. Ace not once, but twice. For some reason my roommate and I slept-walked like fucking zombies in college. We were always subconsciously one-upping each other. I would wake up in some random guys bed and then my roommate would wake up with a road rash on his forehead and only wearing my Toledo windbreaker on our living room floor. But we shared a room so these things were bound to happen. Mrs. Ace and I are sleeping peacefully and all of the sudden a golden shower is pitter-pattering on my comforter. I yell at him, get up and push him into the closet. He gets up says, and I quote, "So you're telling me that you're pissed at me for taking a piss outside? Why the fuck do you care?" This ass hole had no idea he was pissing in a fucking house, let alone that he was pissing on somebody else. And yes, this happened twice.

My freshman year we came back to Naptown to party over a break, maybe fall break. We are out in the country listening to loud music, lighting shit on fire, and drinking booze. Life is good. Well I'm pretty shitty drunk and wander out to take a piss. But I fall down and roll my ankle. Somebody has their truck warming up so I crawl into it to take shelter and warm my body. I am found and dragged back into the house and put on a couch next to Mrs. Ace. I barely remember this, but I get up and have to puke, and it just so happens the room I am in has a door leading outside along with four other big ass windows. Well my drunk ass can't decipher the door from the windows and just end up puking all over the glass and smearing it around while I still try to find a fucking door handle. Well, that same night I also pissed on Mrs. Ace (this is the first time I have ever admitted to it) and when she woke up and said we had to go, I told her to lay back down because it was just sweat. Chivalry is not dead.

My third year of college I also managed to have another fun pissing incident, and Mrs. Ace managed to be involved yet again, but didn't get pissed on this time. I don't really remember any of this actually happening, this is what Mrs. Ace saw. I woke up and had to piss, but couldn't get my door unlocked to go to the bathroom. Mrs. Ace starts talking and I immediately "shoosh" her very loudly and rudely. She gets up to help me out and I run over the window, pop the screen out, and jump out the window wearing only boxers. I'm gone for about ten minutes and Mrs. Ace has no idea where I am. I finally show up at the backdoor and go back to bed. I don't recall any of this.

And finally, you can just read it here, back at the old blogspot. Probably the greatest story ever.

Osamarama
. I'm not bringing this up to insight political unrest in the comments, so please don't be a fucktard. But some things just need to be addressed. This was a status on Facebook: "Let's be clear on this: OBAMA did NOT kill Bin Laden. American soldiers, who Obama just a few weeks ago was debating on whether or not to PAY, did. Obama just happened to be the one in office when our soldiers finally found OBL and took him out. This is NOT an Obama victory, but an AMERICAN victory!! REPOST IF YOU AGREE!!!" The comments then divulged into things like, "You got sucked into negativity, party politics blah blah blah", "I almost puked after Obama's speach", "What's wrong with America is that God is being taken out of everything", "ONE NATION UNDER GOD", and challenges to a Bible quote off.

My point is...THIS IS FUCKING SCARY! Crazy people are everywhere. But shit, this shouldn't be something that turns into facebook fodder. Justice was served. That's it. Nobody gives a fuck about who you think is responsible for Bin Laden's death because the truth is anybody who posts it on their facebook status or twitter--I'm looking at you Ruhtard Mendenhall--doesn't know dick about it. god bless Amurricah!

JACKED UP!

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

And she married you? (Your wife's a freak!) I had a roommate, he went by Sonnenberg...whenever he got fueled up on hard liquor he would scream in his sleep. Like a Friday the 13th teen-woman-being-killed scream! The first time I experienced this, around 3:00 AM, I really thought our place was getting robbed and Sonnenberg was at gunpoint!


--the Wig Master

GMoney said...

When you are the president, you get to take credit for shit. Thank you, idiots on FB, for setting me straight that the pres didn't pull the trigger himself. I had no idea. I guess this also means that Truman didn't drop the a-bomb on his own then. Mind=blown.

We all know that Z-Bo did anyway. Dude has morphed into an unguardable superstar.

Your wife needs a new husband...or at least a latin lothario.

Grumpy said...

Over/under on how long before Mrs. Ace realizes she made a terrible mistake.

MuDawgfan said...

Does that Fenway cop have any eligbility left?
That's a bigger hit than any UGA linebacker delivered in 2010.
:( :(

The Iceman said...

Politics turns everyone into retarded trolls. Both parties are hypocritical blow hards and followers of those parties are even worse. Newsflash...you don't know shit about politics Mr. Bachelor's degree in Pop Culture. Just because you watch C-SPAN for 10 minutes once a week doesn't make you right about everything. Bin Laden's dead...that's all that should matter. Go America.

Duncan needs to retire. He looks about 120 years old out there. And Richard Jefferson might be the mose overrated NBA player in the history of the sport. He's from the Vince Carter mold...take 40 shots to score 25 points.

GMoney said...

Homo-est eyeball ever?

Anonymous said...

*Grumpy.....11 days from now.

*MIKE CONLEY IS MY NIGGAAAAAAAAA!

*Thunder will beat the Grizz in 6.

*Z-Bo morphing into a superstar at the age of 31 or so is hilarious. What has he been doing the last 10 years? Well, other than eating twinkies, lots of drinking and weed smoking, etc.

*Good post on the dumb shit people have said on the OBL killing...a lot of retards out there....sad.

*Speaking of retards...Darius Morris just stuck a huge knife in the back of the 2011-12 Michigan Wolverine basketball season....love it.

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Drew...are you talking about Morris putting his name in the NBA draft? Because if you are he didn't hire an agent so he has the option of returning to school...which he should.

Mr. Ace said...

Grump, Mrs. Ace has had about 9 years to change her mind. If you think I'm an ass hole now you should have seen me 5-7 years ago. Mrs. Ace thinks I'm a saint now.


Duncan is fine. That Splitter kid or Blaire just need to become more reliable down low. That will happen.

My eye is beautiful.

Trey Burke for MVP.

And how about Dorian Bell getting a free year of education for contributing nothing but drug charges. Real tight ship down here.

Zach Randolph said...

Stop calling me Eddie Winslow...that shit ain't funny, dog.

Mr. Ace said...

D-Mo is gone. Foreva eva.

Anonymous said...

Ace- I'm a bit disturbed that you would often wake up in another guy's bed and your roommate would wake up with your shit on. What the hell happened in your dorm room?

So much for your "I'd rather Michigan recruit shitty players that stay 4 years than McDonalds All Americans that are one and dones" theory. Later Darrius!

Bell is suspended for the season. You're correct.. It is a tight ship.

Dut

Mr. Ace said...

Yes, Darius Morris was a one-and-done wasn't he...

I'm assuming you're joking about the tight ship thing. If I were a student/alum I would be pissed that this kid is still on the team and collecting a free education only because he was a blue chip recruit.

Anonymous said...

Ace,

It is not because he is a blue-chip recruit. It is well defined policy. First violation of team rules - in-house discipline, second violation - 2 games, 3rd violation - 1 season.

-Lil' Strut

Drew said...

Iceman....catch up on your Michigan info.

Ace...he was only really good for one year, so he's one and done in my book. He left you guys for himself right when you could have had a great year. Back to the bubble goes Michigan basketball!

--Drew

The Iceman said...

Drew...I am up on my Michigan info. Morris submitting his name for the NBA draft happened in April. Something I knew about in April. This is old news. You made it sound like you had some new information on the subject...which you clearly do not as Morris still (as of today) has not hired an agent and can return to Michigan before the deadline of May 8th.

Anonymous said...

Are you up to date? Keep holding on to that skinny string that is known as hope....

Report: Darius Morris will stay in NBA draft
Jonathan Givony of DraftExpress.com just tweeted that Darius Morris will leave his name in the NBA Draft.

Darius Morris has decided to keep his name in the draft and will not be returning to Michigan, according to a source close to the situation.

Givony is one of the best draft reporters out there and this report confirms all of the information that we’ve received over the past several weeks. In this context, sources close to the situation generally refer to agents involved in the courting process.
Morris hasn’t officially signed with an agent but we expect that to be announced reasonable soon. Currently Morris is in Vegas working out with Alec Burks, Kawhi Leonard, Josh Selby and others

Tony B. said...

I once got elbowed in the eye playing high school ball and with blood streaming down my face, my coach yelled at me about how if I "had been in good position" I never would have been elbowed in the face. He was a wise man.

The Iceman said...

"Are you up to date? Keep holding on to that skinny string that is known as hope..."

Dumbfuck...show me where I said Morris was coming back or I was hoping he would come back. I merely said he SHOULD come back. You should read better.

"Darius Morris has decided to keep his name in the draft and will not be returning to Michigan, according to a source close to the situation."

Again...information that Michigan fans already assumed in APRIL when he announced his entry into the draft. Drew was talking about Morris today like something new had happened...like him signing with an agent. Which has not happened. I guess I should have clarified better for the limp dicked pussies that comment under Anonymous so here it is...

At no point did I think Morris would be coming back to Michigan. The fact that he remains unsigned with an agent gives him the unlikely option of coming back. Because he is still a pretty raw talent, it would make sense for him to do just that. I was simply confused with a commenter presenting 3 week old information as new.

GMoney said...

Darius Morris and buckeye drug addicts...this site blows

The Iceman said...

You'll care about Darius Morris when the Cavs draft him and start 2 Michigan guys next year, G$.

Anonymous said...

Is this new enough for you, you mouthbreathign faggot?

MGoBlue Press Release

May 4, 2011

ANN ARBOR, Mich. -- University of Michigan sophomore guard Darius Morris (Los Angeles, Calif./Windward HS) has decided to forego the remainder of his college eligibility and remain as an early entry for the 2011 NBA Draft.

"There have been long discussions with my family, friends and my Michigan coaches," said Morris. "After gathering all the information possible, I have decided to stay in the NBA Draft and pursue my dream of playing professional basketball.

"This was a difficult decision; however, in the end I decided to go with my heart. Playing professional basketball has always been a dream for me. I feel this is the right time for me to pursue that goal. It will be hard to leave the University of Michigan; however, I truly believe the basketball program is moving in a very positive direction."

The Iceman said...

Jesus Christ you are fucking dumb.

At no point, since mid to late April, did I believe Darius Morris was coming back to Michigan. Furthermore, none of my comments today have suggested that I ever believed he was returning. There was a commenter talking about Morris like he announced TODAY that he is entering his name in the draft...not in April when it actually happened. It was always understood he was leaving his name in the draft. Your copy and pasting from articles I have already read is doing nothing but showing how incredibly stupid you are.

Is it the inbreeding? Is that why your corroded fucking brain is failing to understand what I'm saying here? Go back to what you're good at...anonymously sticking your dick in relatives and animals. Which might be the same thing by the sound of it.

Anonymous said...

"The school, coach and himself released a statement today that says he's going pro, but I won't believe it until he signs an agent damnit!". You remind me of this guy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvTNyKIGXiI

Anonymous said...

I once took a dump behind a tree in my sister's yard in a drunken stupor. I was living in the country at the time and used to crash there after a rick's night on occasion. Well they locked me out one night and I had to take a massive shit. I could not wait one more second so I ran and let loose behind a tree. -Damman

The Iceman said...

"but I won't believe it until he signs an agent damnit!"

Show me. Show me where I said I believed he was coming back and refused to admit it until he signed with an agent. I'll wait...

You can kindly shut the fuck up when you can't produce this simple request.

Mr. Ace said...

I would rather talk politics.


Or how about some Michigan recruiting? We are the new Linebacker U.

Anonymous said...

Iceman- your original reply on Morris implied that he was coming back.

G$- yes, that is the homo-est eye that I've ever seen.

Ace- yeah, you're linebacker U alright. Not a single one of your "stud" linebackers had an offer from OSU. If you're good, maybe your daddy (OSU) will let you can borrow some of our 4 and 5 star LBs that they have been getting every single year?


Dut

Anonymous said...

*after further investigation, ONE of the four LBs had an offer from OSU. I apologize in advance for my ignorance. Now get back to fightin BGSU and UT for recruits.

Dut

GMoney said...

Dut, but can any of your stud lbs pass a piss test???

Worst day of commenting ever. Why aren't we talking more about damman pooping in his sisters yard? The guy comes out of nowhere with that gem of a tale!

The Iceman said...

"Dut, but can any of your stud lbs pass a piss test???"

Or have game that translates to the NFL? Go back to recruiting guys that will end up speeding through town at 70 MPH while wearing kevlar vests and pounding 5ths of vokda with loaded guns under the seat.

Anonymous said...

Iceman,

I forgot how terrible A.J. Hawk and James Laurinaitis were at Ohio State and are in the NFL. Thanks for pointing that out.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

"Or have game that translates to the NFL?"

That's a pretty bold question considering you're challenging the program that has the most Nfl draft picks and 2nd most 1st rounders over the past 10 years. (Its Ohio State).

"Can they pass a piss test?"

Some learn after the first or 2nd failed test.. Some don't!

Dut