Friday, April 29, 2011

The NFL Draft First Round: An Open Forum

Oh.  You didn't know?  Ryan Kerrigan's middle name is "Shane Stant".
No time to waste...except for this.  Fuck Roger Goddell with a big rubber dick.  Him whining about the draft not happening ever again is the faggiest shit this side of Dut's house.  He is such a sack of dicks.  I HATE Roger Goodell (or "Goodale" as Demetrius Stanley calls him).  God bless you, New Yorkers, for booing the shit out of that daywalking uni-cunt.  How about the draft though?  First round winners and losers perhaps?

WINNER - The Browns.  HUGE winners.  What a haul for the #6 pick.  I'm glad that their front office was smart and decided that a WR isn't that important in the WCO.  Because they aren't.  Julio Jones would have been a waste of a pick there.  Drafting "flash" is ridiculously risky.  Instead, they get a monster deal which remind of what the Skins got for Ricky Williams.  Nice work.  I like Phil Taylor, too.  He WILL stuff the middle...something they haven't done in a coon's age.

POTENTIAL LOSER - The Falcons.  Julio Jones better become a fucking superstar.  He fucking better.  Tom Dimitroff doesn't come off as a GM that would be this bold.  Julio better ball and ball fast.  Oh, and go hit the unemployment line, Michael Jenkins.

WINNER - The Redskins.  This is more for my sake.  I had a bad feeling that they would take a terrible quarterback but they did not and smartly traded back.  They got a high second rounder (now 3 picks in the top 50) and drafted Jeff Gilooly's son, Ryan Kerrigan.  It's not sexy but I didn't want a sexy pick this year.  After watching Al Haynesworth for the last two years, seeing a guy try will be a welcomed sight.  I like it just because it was a solid football decision...and the more white guys, the better.  And he did sack Terrelle Pryor as well!

LOSER - The Titans.  Jake Locker at 8.  They cut Vince Young only to draft a less accurate and skilled QB to replace him.  They will be in the top ten for the next decade.

TENTATIVE WINNER - The Lions.  Drew texted me that Jim Schwartz (this sites favorite coach) said that Nick Fairley was a dream come true.  I like how my boy is dreaming about big black life-enders.  Good God, the Lions D-Line will not be stopped.  But I'm a little nervous here because their secondary and offensive line still suck.  Fairley didn't address any of their issues.  I guess that's why there are 6 more rounds.

HUGE LOSER - The Vikings.  Christian Ponder is someone that I the late second round.  Mel called him "Chad Pennington" about 40 times during the telecast.  Would you be happy if your team drafted Chad Pennington at #12?  Didn't think so.

WINNER - The Jaguars.  I sort of like Blaine Gabbert and they had the balls and moxie to go get him.  Now Blaine gets a year or two to learn from the sidelines.  Saavy move from a usually stupid franchise.

LOSER - The Texans.  Worst secondary ever so they go draft a DE?  Huh?

WINNER - The Colts. Big white guys who can protect Peyton are more than welcome in Indy.

HUGE LOSER - Peyton Hillis.  Thank your Lord and Savior on your own time, queer.  He'll be out of the league in three years.  He sucks.

WINNER - Bud Light Cans.  Thank you for helping me get through Jon Gruden's terrible analysis.

NOT REALLY A LOSER - The Eagles.  A guard from Baylor?  Way to reach for the stars!  Actually, it's a good pick.  I may be sort of drunk right now, but this joke that I just told myself and the dog made me laugh.  "With the 23rd pick in the Draft, Andy Reid selects a meatball sandwich".  I don't care, that's funny!  I should host the AVN Awards next year.

Eh, I'm just going to assume that nothing crazy happens over the last 8 picks and focus more on my drinking/couch.  In conclusion, on a sad note, a streak was ended tonight.  For over a decade now, I have screamed "SUPER BOWL!" as soon as the Redskins' pick was announced.  That did not happen this year.  So sad.  But then again, it hadn't really been working well anyway.  Enjoy the rest of Draft weekend, fuckers.


Grumpy said...

The best part was watching Pryor get sacked in the highlights of every defensive player taken.

Anonymous said...

I'm cool with Fairley. Those two fuckers are going cause a lot of havoc and Suh will play on the end at times. Schwartz definitely has a boner right now.

That Peyton Hillis shit was indeed really he was wearing fucking cowboy boots up there.

I looked the footage of that Costanzo guy when he got drafted by teh Colts. Smoking hot brunette girlfriend and then it looked like eh was really getting ready to party.

Grumpy....have fun rooting for a great BUCKEYE in Cam Heyward.


Mudawgfan said...

I was very pleased with the trade. I don't think I'm speaking poorly of the Browns when I say that Atlanta is a more of a "finished product" right now.

Nobody that we could get at this years 27 and likely a low round pick next year would have been able to help us much. We needed a top WR who can block downfield and we got one!
Worst part of the trade: I don't have anything to do for the first two hours tonight during the 2nd round!

Oh and if you hate ESPN's coverage (and I do) switch on over to the NFL network. Much better crew for Draft coverage.

The Iceman said...

I'm not sure how you can be "okay" with the Falcons essentially trading 4 guys for a dude who won't even be your #1...ever. The Falcons gave up a shit ton and will have to pay a shit ton of loot to a second fiddle guy. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

As soon as Fairly was picked you could see him mouth, " I can go back to being a fuckin lazy bum again. Where are my Doritos?"

I still don't know why the Browns traded back up to get Taylor. Why give up a 3rd round pick to get a guy that sounded like would be there in the 2nd round? Oh well...we'll see if he can plug that massive gap that AFC North teams have enjoyed running through this past decade.

I think an enormous winner you left out was the Ravens. Smith was the second best corner talent-wise in that draft and he fell to the Ravens because of character issues. And you know that thug will stay clean in Baltimore with the threat of Ray Lewis shanking him in the clubhouse with that carved up toothbrush he keeps in his locker.

GMoney said...

By Baltimore's forgot to draft pick, I had already put the laptop away but it was a solid pick.

I like what the Saints did. Ingram and Jordan will contribute right away.

The douche combination of Steeler and Buckeye fan can die/is probably excited. Although Cam seems to me more like a 4-3 end then a 3-4 end.

Ice, Reggie Wayne wasn't a #1 either until last year and that worked out OK. And rookie's aren't going to be eating up your cap whenever we get football again. Which means there will be more risk-taking during the Draft. Which means that the Draft will be even better (if that were possible).

I will never not watch ESPN's coverage. Mike Mayock has a lisp while Mel is the greatest man on the planet.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....if Fairley doesn't make it in Detroit then he never would have made it anywhere. He'll be working out with Suh in his ear, letting Suh take on any double teams and SCHWARTZ will be all over him. If he doesn't work out it sucks, but it never would have worked out with him then.

Pete Prisco of CBS Sportsline gave the Lions his only A+ grade.


Anonymous said...

By teh are my porn comments from yesterday that I saved after Blogger wouldn't let me post...


First off...G$...I didn't see your text to me last night in regards to the Spurs/Grizz came until I went to bed. I was up and watching was a great game. Hopefully, the Grizz finish them off at home in Game 6.

A live journal of the AVN awards....what a great surprise. A rundown on some of the stars you list...

Jenna Haze -- I'm not sure her body will ever not be tight and she will always stay looking good. I'm a huge fan.

Tera Patrick -- No clue she still did porn.

Teagan -- Interesting that she was there...thought she was out of the game too. I think she's still real hot, even with those bolt ons.

Tori Black and Riley Steele -- They are both smoking hot. They are almost too hot for porn...they could be models.

Is it bad that I felt good for Tori when you said that she won best oral sex scene?

Good for Asa Akira winning best DP...she's come a long way from when she would just go on the Stern show and get naked.

Never ehard of Gracie Glam...will look into her.

You never heard of Kayden Kross? She's ridiculously hot/pretty.

Tori with back to back championships...awesome! She can't give up any time soon while she's on top.....

GMoney said...

Believe me, I was EXTREMELY pissed off yesterday that the one day that Blogger had commenting issues was the one day that I put a ton of work into a post.

Good point on Fairley. If he can't make it with the best coach ever and Reggie White Junior, he was destined to fail.

Mr. Ace laughed at the Kerrigan pick but I am hoping that he turns out to be an Aaron Kampman-type pass rusher. And you would think that he'll make Orakpo even better.

Anonymous said...

Didn't Fairley look pissed when he was drafted? I guess I would be too if I was going to Detroit (unless it was to play for the Tigers).

I was really happy when the Browns traded down, but I don't think they had to trade up to get Phil Taylor DT Baylor. Fortunately it was only a 3rd rounder. Also, the 3 highlights of Phil Taylor all had him getting blown off the ball and makin the tackle 5 yards down the field. Is that the best they got?

Peyton Hillis should stick to truck stickin bitches instead of public speaking.


Anonymous said...

I agree with Dut. Most mock drafts I saw had him in the final few picks of the first round (after 27) and in the 2nd round. The Browns should have waited and if they did not get him, they still would have had a lot of d-line talent on the board (Heyward, Bowers, Wilkerson, etc...).

I do agree with G$, though, on the trade of the 6th pick. The Browns can really load up in this years and next years draft, as a result.

-Lil' Strut

Grumpy said...

I am excited. Although badly in need of a CB or two, there were none worth the pick at #31. Heyward and Ziggy Hood will mean nobody will run on the Steelers for another 10 years.

Jimmy Smith is a walking time bomb. Multiple DUI's and several failed drug tests. He'll fit right in with the Ratbirds.

The Iceman said...

Drew, I actually thought Fairly was a good pick where the Lions got him and believe Suh and Vandenbosch will keep his ass in check. And if that happens the NFC North is in trouble. I just like making fun of fat, lazy guys.

As far as Jones goes, Atlanta gave up their 1st round draft pick this year and next for a guy who wasn't even their top WR choice in this year's draft. Not to mention that a major knock on Jones is questionable hands. Way to trade 4 guys for Braylon Edwards. I just don't think it was wise giving up 4 picks when you could have got a capable WR in the later rounds and address needs like RB (Ingram would've been there), DL (Cam Heyward) or CB (Jimmy Smith) without trading a thing in the first round.

Mr. Ace said...

I'm not thrilled with the Eagles pick. Reid always seems to be able to find OL later in the draft, not sure why we took Watkins. I wanted to get either a LB or CB. Maybe we will make a move for Ayers.

Was Kerrigan really a need? I thought the skins would get Ingram.

I understand AtL's move only because they juat need one more piece to be a serious super bowl team. They need a #2 and they got the best available. Nice haul for the browns though.

Tony B. said...

Did anyone else notice when the Browns traded up, that John Gruden started raving about how this would be where Andrew Daulton goes? Chris Berman was silent then said, "They already have Colt McCoy, it's the Browns that traded up." Then they all just looked at each other, confused and silent. That was pretty damn hilarious. So many awkward moments on the ESPN coverage.

The Iceman said...

If the NFL draft has proved one thing it's that if you know talent, you can address WR needs in the later rounds. Look at the history of WRs drafted in the first round.

In the last 10 years 40 WRs have been taken in the first round. Of those 40, only 8 have lived up to their potential. Now it's still too early to tell with the 2009 & 2010 class so you could theoretically put maybe four or five more from those classes that can live up to the first round pick status if you're feeling generous. That still makes more than half of the first round WRs drafted being busts in the last 10 years.

Now look where Jones was drafted. 6th. WRs drafted in the top 10 who lived up to the hype: Andre Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald and Calvin Johnson. Do you think Julio Jones is going to be the in the same class as those guys? Because that's the only way you can really justify giving up four picks for him. If you think he's on the same talent level...which I do not. Do you really want to invest that much into a guy especially with such a low success rate for 1st round WRs?

Ide said...

The Browns trade up was curious indeed, but I'm kind of excited to see what their two second round picks will produce. I just keep thinking they're capable of reliving last years fluke by TJ Ward turning out to be good.

As for yesterday, no mention of Ashlynn Brooke completely negates the fact that either the post happened, or the AVN awards has any relevance.

GMoney said...

Don't blame me that Ashlynn Brooke wasn't at the AVN's.

Just heard Dilfer on the Herd and I'm pretty sure that he has makeout parties with Andy Dalton. He said, and I'm serious here, that Dalton has a little Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, and Brett Favre in him. O RLY? That reminds me of BJ Mullens saying that he was a combination of Garnett, Amare, and Dirk.

The Iceman said...

How far does Ryan Mallett and his "junkie hands" fall? Does he get taken in the 2nd round? I say no.

Anonymous said...

Bj Mullens was a triple threat indeed!

I'm thinking a LB and a WR for the Browns in round 2.. Unless Bowers is available. His knee must be really F'd to slide from being a potential #1 to out of the first round.

I just ordered my Phil Taylor from Baylor jersey.


The Iceman said...

What I heard about Bowers is that his knee has about 4 good seasons in it. If we can get Bowers in the 2nd I think the risk/rewards is about appropriate.

Totally agree with the LB/WR in round 2...maybe think about a right tackle if there's one good enough to take in the 2nd.

Anonymous said...

If the Browns are lucky, Akeem Ayers will fall to them at 38. He would be a great pickup, considering he was projected by most to be taken in the first round. I would not be upset to see them take Kyle Rudolph, either (although not necessarily ideal at this point).

-Lil' Strut

Tony B. said...

Going back to Drew's earlier comment, did you really reference Pete Prisco's grade of the Lions after he gave the Vikings an A one pick earlier? I agree the Lions made a nice pick, but you can't trust Prisco's awful analysis.