Monday, April 18, 2011

Monday Boneless Wings

Only pussies spray air freshener post-dump.
I'm getting sick and tired of there being no big scandals going on recently (besides Dez Bryant running up jewelry bills all over Texas).  And thus I am forced to present another grab bag post.  Peter King would call these nuggets but nuggets are so uncivilized and may not contain 100% white meat goodness.  Boneless wings, however, are guaranteed to be great.  Just like this post's news and jokes.  Shall we?

*He's baaaaaaack - Grady Sizemore has returned to Major League Baseball after microfracture surgery and a stint in the minors.  Sure, he may have stiffed the local media while on assignment in Toledo last week but what do you expect?  The guy has a busy schedule of striking out alot and taking iphone pictures of his dick.  By the way, the Royals and Indians (at the time of this being written) are tied for first in the Central.  What a terrible division.  Both of those teams are terrible.  All five of those teams are rotten.  It would be nice if the Tribe stopped teasing fans and went back to being awful.

*The DERP Locker - I read an ass-ton of mock drafts.  I don't know why because none of these writers have any clue but I do it anyway.  I will never understand what people see in Jake Locker though or why he is projected as a first rounder.  If you can't play in the Pac-10, why do many all of a sudden think that he will now be able to shred Rex Ryan, Belichick, etc. defenses?  If the Redskins draft this loser, I will cry.

*Rock Bottom - I think that we can now officially call JaMarcus Russell the biggest bust in NFL history.  Last week, he was fired by a goddamn life coach.  How is that even possible?  The only person on the planet more worthless than life coaches is actually JaMarcus.  That "coach" was former Cavs coach, John Lucas.  Wow.  Some might think that JaMarcus is a cautionary tale for why taking a QB high is a big risk.  I disagree with that sentiment wholeheartedly.  Because at the end of the day, no matter how risky the pick, you can always say "well, he can't possibly be as bad as JaMarcus".  Which is exactly why Cam Newton is going to go #1 (speaking of which, my mock draft will be revealed next Thursday).

*This is working out well - Just two weeks into the season and Boston has benched their 9 figure man, Carl Crawford.  Hilarious.  He should just change his last name to Pavano already and get it over with.

*Hey, Drew - I was talking to this Pens fan the other night and they said that the CBJ should trade Rick Nash.  I disagree with this although he should definitely not be wearing the C.  Umberger should get that.  How can they trade him and get anything remotely comparable?  Thoughts?

*Nick Saban is an asshole - Alabama erected a 9 foot tall statue of this douche and unveiled it this weekend.  I know that they do this for every Bama coach to win a title but it's still lame.  Well, at least I know that if I ever turn into a bird, I will be pooping on this thing on a daily basis.

*Forgot this last week - How could I forget this in my Cavs season wrap-up post from last week?  Legendary radio man, Joe Tait, hung up his mic and Cosby sweaters last week and he will surely be missed.  Tait might have been the only announcer that called games by himself and he was/is freaking awesome.  You will be missed, Joe.

Umm, that about covers it.  Before we go, I would like to compliment Drew for his tardery this weekend.  Since A-Rod left Saturday's game with a stiff back, douche extraordinaire seems to think that that makes him right about the 2011 MVP being injury prone.  Eat shit.  You know nothing.  Go back to worrying about your "ace" making terrible "plays".  That was the whitetrashiest throw in the history of baseball.  You are terrible.  Just like this post.  I apologize.  It's insincere, but it's still an apology.

18 comments:

Grumpy said...

When Ron Harper was a Cav, every NBA game wasn't on TV; I spent many a night listening to Joe Tait describe the action. He was the best.

The Iceman said...

I spent many a night listening to Joe Tait describe the action.

...on my Stromberg-Carlson tube radio while drinking Ovaltine.

GMoney said...

Anyone watch Game of Thrones last night? What a lovely combo of tits, ass, gore, and a midget getting a beej. Not enough of the latter on tv.

Also, Eric Chavez Guerrero Jr is the truth. He may even be better that Ramos Mysterio Jr. Maybe.

Anonymous said...

The Sixers radio guy Tom McGinnis also does it solo. He's fuckin great, asks questions and answers them himself. Its wayyyyyyy better than listening to Eric Snow be the color guy on tv.

Drew said...

Is A-Fraud hurt? Yes. Was I right? Yes.

I don't blame Jamarcus getting fired by Lucas. Lucas coached my high school basketball team for a weekend years ago. He was an ass-hole....Jamarcus probably just got sick of him.

I don't think it would be a bad move to trade Nash. It would be extremely hard to do though as they would have to just get a ton of shit for him...probably from a Canadien team. Whenever he plays in thoses World Championships or Olympics he's always just dominant for Canada. I'm sure the majority of CBJ fans would be really pissed about it too, so you'd have to fight that off as well.

Anonymous said...

"The Indians and Royals are leading the Central. What a terrible division".... Actually, the Indians and Royals have their worst records vs Central opponents and are 6-0 vs the AL East. Maybe this shows how amazing the AL Central is?

Dut

Mr. Ace said...

Yeah, what Dut said...suck on it.

Is there an actual life coach degree? I'm sure Phoenix has to have one.

GMoney said...

That's a good question. How do you become a life coach? I believe that Lucas was a cokehead so do you have to be an addict?

The AL Central is rotten. Nice throw over to first, Mtn Dew.

Yeah, drew, I think it would nake sense to move him to the leafs but it would require a very heavy return and I don't know if anyone is willing to do that. Plus, if you trade Nash, you're going to get fired soon when the team and attendance is AL Central bad.

Anonymous said...

I watched Game of Thrones. It appears to be another great HBO Series. I thought the end of the episode was kind of fucked up, though. Hopefully that dude gets killed sometime soon.

-Lil' Strut

Grumpy said...

Game of Thrones is another HBO classic. Help me out; was the guy who killed the 10 year old boy at the end fucking his sister?

And Joe Tait came through loud and clear on my Atwater-Kent. Radio Shack still keeps me supplied with tubes.

Anonymous said...

Grumpy,

I thought he was fucking his mother at first. I seem to think it may be his sister-in-law after thinking about it more carefully.

-Lil' Strut

Anonymous said...

Nope. I went to the website. It turns out the two that were banging at the end were actually twins. Gross.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

I haven't seen Twins fucking like that since Joe Mauer and Kirby Puckett's corpse! Zing!

Tony B. said...

"Well played, Mauer." -- Kirby Puckett's corpse (Zing! 2x)

The Twins are destroying my fantasy team this year. Mauer with "bilateral leg weakness" (pretty sure that is scientific talk for vaginitis) and Morneau's mash potato brain are not helping me out. Tough day ahead on that front.

Jeff said...

No worries here, good ole jed lowrie and dut pedroia are picking up the slack...

The Iceman said...

Sounds like I need to be watching this Game of Thrones. I've never seen an advertisement for it. I've been too busy getting caught up on Breaking Bad for when season 4 starts. Great fucking show if you haven't seen it.

Jeff said...

Chucky Crawford is making $151000 per hit right now. Must be paying for his defense...

GMoney said...

Breaking Bad is the greatest. Who would've thought that Bryan Cranston could be so awesome.

And for those interested, all the nba games yesterday were sick. The Denver Koufos's (Koufi?) Got royally dicked by the refs.