Thursday, March 03, 2011

Still No Christmas At The Money Mansion

No time to waste.  Some of you may remember when I would give away gift certificates to an online store a few months back.  I think that I gave them to Dut and Ace and I know that Tony and Iceman also gave them away at their sites.  You know, whatever, if some internet company wants me to give away free shit, I will.  I don't know if those guys used them or not but that doesn't matter.  Around mid-November, CSNstores.com asked me if I wanted to do another giveaway or get one for myself and write up a product review.  Since the holidays were coming, I decided to take the 80 dollar pass and do some serious interweb shopping.  If I had to write-up some bullshit later, I would.

So the missus and I scoured the pretty expansive website and decided on a really nice patio set (table and 4 chairs).  Now I have no desire to eat meals outside but she's wanted one ever since we moved in so what the hell.  And since She$'s birfday is the day after Christmas, I was going to roll this bad cat up into one mega-present that would satisfy both days.  It's because I'm smart and lazy.  Simply put, we found a set that was normally priced at over $1200 and got it for somewhere between $575-$600.  Not cheap, but could have been worse.  And the best part about it was the free shipping.

I ordered it in early December.  My online receipt email told me to expect in late January or early February as it was arriving on a truck and not via UPS/FedEx.  Whatever, you don't need a goddamn patio set during the winter in central fucking Ohio.  In late January, I inquired to CSN as to what the shipping status was.  I was less than impressed with the outcome.

Apparently, when I ordered the set, I did not include a texture preference (whatever the fuck that means).  Keep in mind, they processed the order anyway and charged my credit card.  Since there was no texture choice, did they call or email me to ask what I wanted?  They did not.  They canceled my order without any notification!  I called up a cust serv rep with them who was very nice and re-processed the order in late January with our texture solidified.  A slight delay that could have been rectified if the company cared about customer service, but oh well.  The new date of arrival was late Feb/early March.

On 2/23, I get an email saying that our purchase was at a warehouse in Dallas and would be shipped via truck within a few days.  The estimated date of arrival was 2/28.  I began to see the light at the end of this horrible tunnel.  They would call me the day before it arrived to work out the delivery details.  No call on 2/25.  No call on 2/28 eventhough the tracking status said that the shipment had arrived in Columbus.

I called them up on 3/1 and they confirmed it was there.  I set it up to have them deliver it over my lunch hour yesterday (which was to be between 11am-1pm) and to call me when they were on their way so I knew when to leave work.  So at 12:15, I take my normal lunch break and head home.  I eat lunch, take care of the dog, pick up some backyard dogshit, and glance at my phone at 1.  Nothing.  I call the delivery service (which is out of Hilliard called YRC and I believe that stands for "Your Rectum Caved-in") to find out where the fuck they are since I set up this appointment THE DAY BEFORE.  The delivery asshole had one more stop to make and then he would be at my house by 2, I was told.  Not ideal, but fine.

At 3, now having waited three hours, I call them again and I am LIVID.  I am being a complete and total asshole.  The dispatcher tells me that the driver:
1. Called my cell phone an hour ago and
2. Couldn't get his truck into my apartment complex

This is hilarious because:
1. I received no phone calls and
2. I don't live in an apartment.  How many fucking people living in an apartment would order GODDAMN PATIO FURNITURE!

I ask if he can come back.  Of course he can't.  After making his fake phone call to me, the driver went to some other place and picked up a shipment which forced my package to the front of the trailer and now was not accessible.  Fantastic.  I just wasted a half day on a CHRISTMAS PRESENT purchased LAST YEAR!  So dispatch wants to set up another pick-up time for tomorrow (which is today by the time you read this).  I say no, I am not taking time off from work again to sit around my house and watch the dog sleep for three more hours.  She said that they could deliver the package after I got off work around 6:30 which is fine but makes me wonder, WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN DONE YESTERDAY, FUCKO!  I was told on Tuesday when I initially set up the drop that they do not do deliveries after 4...I guess that changes when you fuck someone up the ass.

What makes this even better is that it probably isn't over either.  From what I can tell, it looks like the only box coming is for the table.  I highly doubt that a table and 4 chairs can be fit into one 91 pound box.  So three months after I initially ordered my wife's Christmas and birthday present, half of it will arrive tonight.  I would not be shocked at all if it came in broken to shit.  Oh you motherfuckers.  I bet that they try to screw me over on these chairs, too, by saying that they weren't part of the order.  Fuck that.  G$ may be an angry blogger but he ain't made out of $600 outdoor tables.  He needs his chairs, too.  I expect the 4 chairs to arrive in 2015 and I will probably have to drive to Biloxi, MS to pick them up.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that CSNSTORES.COM and YRC are the worst goddamn companies on the planet.  That, and I probably won't be able to make it to Trivia Night tonight.  It has nothing to do with my teammates but for the simple fact that I am going to murder the delivery man and be forced to go on the run with MY table in tow.  Someone has to pay for this with their own blood.  It will be the delivery guy.  He will feel my wrath.

One thing is certain, if this fucking package EVER arrives in full, I am eating every goddamn meal outside for the next three months.  And even then, it still won't be worth the rising blood pressure and the subsequent manslaughter trial.  It will be a cold fucking day in Hell before I write up a product review for them.  Here's their review: Their store sells AIDS babies and I wouldn't recommend them to anyone.

15 comments:

Irishman said...

I bought this golf club off this guy and the dumb fuck sent it via Parcel Service. Who does that? Send it UPS, Priority, Fed Ex. whatever.. Not fucking parcel service for a golf club. It is a piece of fucking mail you put in the mailbox. It was suppose to be here on Feb 7th. It is now March 3rd and I doubt it shows today either..

The only good thing about this. the Guy did refund my money. But I want the damn club. !

Irishman

Drew said...

G$. I respect how long it took for you to lose it. I would have lost it much quicker and definitely would have just canceled my order altogether.

Grumpy said...

The best part will be that you will have to assemble the whole thing. You better be at Trivia Night or I will hunt you down.

GMoney said...

I've been working on my patience so that is paying off now.

I'm actually pretty good at the assembly required stuff and don't mind doing it.

The wife is so mad about her lack of xmas gift that she is leaving me this weekend to stay with her parents. It doesn't really have to do with the set but she thought that I should include that info with the post to make it sound like furniture delivery ended our marriage.

GMoney said...

I guess what I'm saying here is that I'm a free man this weekend!

Mr. Ace said...

You are the fag of all fags if you miss trivia night because of some other fucktards fuck up. Have them deliver that shit Saturday when you're laying on your coach naked and hung over. You fucking suck.


CSN does suck grundle though. I ordered a closet organizer type thing and some dress shoes with my gift card I "won". But then I only received the organizer because the shoes went out of stock. Whatever. So I get around to picking out something else q couple months down the road but then my gift card code doesn't work. So I email the fucks and they tell me my code has expired and I can't use the rest of my gift card. So I got a $15 closet organizer for $70. Hooray.

GMoney said...

Ill be there. Someone has to know an answer or two. I'm trying to recruit drew but he is questionable with a homo.

Anonymous said...

The good thing about your table and chairs coming in two separate shipments is that you can legitmately play one of as only the Christmas present and the other off as the Birthday Present. Because lets be honest, joint holiday/birthday presents suck. Just say you had to order the items individually.

-Lil' Strut

The Iceman said...

Is that the company that gave me the gift card to give away G$? I'm too lazy to go back and look.

GMoney said...

Yes and they eat dick.

Tony B. said...

I doubt that was the kind of review they wanted, but you actually just fulfilled your obligation with this post.

You must have been studying at the same Temple that Ace Ventura was at in the beginning of When Nature Calls. You'll earn your medallion in no time with patience like that.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I forgot about my gift card and it expired. What kind of shitty company makes the gift card expire after 3 months?

I have a solid verbal from "funguy", and a soft verbal from Poopson's brother. Even if poopson's brother is 100% confident on an answer, it will be in our best interest to just say no. I'm going to get there at 630 to guarantee a seat. You each owe me a beer and a baby guiness (greatest.shot.ever)


Dut

Mr. Ace said...

Dut, I will meet you there at 6:30 since I don't have class tonight. I will likely be bringing the only black guy in the room as well. I need Drew to show up so I can take his picture and use it as Douche Lord blackmail.

GMoney said...

While I'm skeptical about what little poopson could bring to our thinktank, he can't be any worse than those 3 mute turds you brought last time. Those guys didn't know anything!

Anonymous said...

I only invited one of the turds 2 weeks ago. He brought his turd brother and his friend. They won't be back (on team Fucktards at least).

Dut