Monday, March 21, 2011

Smarch Madness #3

What a great weekend.  I have had my fill of hoops though.  Seriously, I'm spent.  I complained to the wife about how exhausted I am just from watching basketball for 48 of the last 96 hours.  She rolled her eyes and called me a fag.  Or at least she wanted to.  So let's dive right into the FIRST AND SECOND ROUND.  Third round my ass.  I have so many random thoughts and ideas that I have no clue if this post is going to flow at all.  Oh well, it can't be uglier and/or scarier than Lesley Visser.  That would be impossible.

It only took them 30 or so years - Uh, this whole 4 channel, staggered scheduling idea is fantastic.  What took so long to figure this out?  No more being held hostage by DirecTV.  No more being forced to watch those horrible 1/16 games.  We get them all now and can watch the ends of every game.  Fantastic.  And I learned that I actually get TruTV.  Now I know where I can not watch Hardcore Pawn!

Speaking of terrible shows - Each of the 4 networks has done a brilliant job of showcasing new and TERRIBLE shows premeiring soon.  Oh, Chaos is about a wacky CIA team?  Zack Morris and the midget from Road Trip are unorthodox lawyers?  Steven Spielberg has a new weirdo alien show that only my mom would watch?  Or maybe Big Brian The Fortune Seller is up your alley?  Eat shit.  Bring back Boy Meets World.

I like Barkley and The Jet - Yeah, they aren't 100% comfortable and you know that they don't watch a lot of these teams, but they still know basketball.  And I don't need my studio analysts trying to teach me shit, I would rather have them talk about how rotten Villanova is.  That is much funnier.  One thing that I did enjoy was those two complaining about how college teams seem to not know what to do against a zone defense.  I say the same thing.  IT IS THE EASIEST DEFENSE EVER and it is lazy.  I can't tell you how many times I've screamed at the TV regarding a team looking clueless against a basic zone.

That being said - Putting Greg Gumbel with those two was a horrible decision.  Greg Anthony held his own, but Gumbel seemed confused.  Every single time that Charles got going, Gumbel would cut him off.  Chuck should kick his ass.  Ernie Johnson would have been a much better play here as he is used to Chuck's improv skills.

Make it a fucking holiday - How about this:  if I want to give up MLK Day and Memorial Day, I can shift those holidays to getting the Thursday and Friday of the tournament off.  MLK couldn't ball anyway.  If you worked Thursday and missed the afternoon games then you are a sucker because that was one of the finest four hour blocks of competitive basketball that you'll ever see.  You should be able to pick your holidays.  If I want to celebrate Christmas in late March, then that is my prerogative!

Gene Smith is a fucking disaster - What an awful job of seeding this year by The Liar.  In essence, you would think that every 8/9 game should be played within 5 points.  These teams are supposed to be equal in the eyes of the committee, right?  So why are Tennessee and UNLV being down by 20-30 points pretty much the entire game?  Why is Richmond, a conference champion, a 12 seed?  Why are you letting 11 Big East teams in when 3 would be more than enough?  Gene Smith is terrible.  He should be fired from every thing that he is a part of.

Speaking of the Big East - What a complete piece of shit conference.  And this happens EVERY year.  Can you remember the last time that a Big East played for a national title?  I can't.  It was probably some weirdo UConn team from a bunch of years ago.  But it's been nothing recently.  Yet they continue to hog up at-large bids and never deliver.  Pitt is fucking terrible.  They do this shit every year.  This is what Jamie Dixon teams do.  They blow.  St. John's was overrated.  Georgetown is like an even less relevant version of Pitt.  Jay Wright wears a bracelet so you know he's a loser.  If you fill out brackets like a mindless drone next year, do yourself a favor and just assume that all the Big East teams lose early.  You'll probably win.  One exception:  Kemba Walker sick.

You know what - Let's say that the NCAA makes me tourney chair next year.  This is what I conference can get more than half of their teams in the tournament.  If you can't finish in the top HALF of your league, you shouldn't get a shot at a national title.  Period.  As far as the play-in games go, no more 16 seed games.  They played their way in, dammit.  No, those first four games should take the previous year into account.  Yes, the tournament should take a team's recent past into account (which they conveniently did for Izzo this year).  So the first four games should be comprised of 8 teams that were upset by teams at least 5 lines below them in the tourney the year before/have a history of sucking.  Pitt, Georgetown, Clemson, Villanova, Louisville, Tennessee, St. John's, and Vanderbilt.  Those 8 teams make up your play-in games for the foreseeable future.  They should have to EARN the right to play in the real tournament.  I like this idea.  If you continually mail-in tourney games, then fuck you.  Why should the committee forget this?  Go to Dayton, assholes.

I heart Isaiah - I don't know if Washington was ever on national TV this year, but watching Isaiah Thomas play this weekend was outstanding.  I like guys that play 1000 mph.

Best announcing ever - I've loved hearing Marv Albert and Steve Kerr and the normally retarded Reginald Miller calling these games.  Loved Marv's call on Derrick Williams' winning block on Memphis.  And of course, Gus Johnson is still the best in the business.

I hate you - For as much as I rag on Queequeebler here, I can't think of a more objectionable team than Wisconsin.  I want to headbutt everyone of their stupid, non-descript, interchangable white bastards.  Brusewicz should be shot.

These commercials suck - I don't plan on ever working on my car, but if for some reason I do, I will NEVER go to Napa.  Ever.  I hate that singing guy and that jingle and that Humberto Brenes lookalike singing with him.  It is a terrible ad.  The guy admittedly isn't a doctor so why does he have an eye chart?  Huh?  Explain yourself!  N-n-n-n-Napa butt plow.  And another thing, get fucked, Buffalo Wild Wings.  I'm talking about the spot where they drum up the fake storm.  So the waitress asks the table if they want another round but they have to get back to work.  Yet the one guy has a 90% drank beer in front of him!  What a professional!  All of a sudden, it's OK to have 20 ounces of booze with lunch, BUT NO MORE!  Terrible commercials.  And another thing, if a team calls a 30 second timeout, that doesn't mean that we need to see a commercial.  It ruins the flow of the game.

Poison?  Really? - Did anOSU fans really need to poison George Mason's best shooter?  Typical classless assholes.

That about covers it - Ummm, that about covers it.  I'm writing this during the first game on Sunday so if something crazy happens, it means that I didn't feel like editing the post.  So let's hope that George Mason wins, k?  OH, one more thing.  Why the fuck are they playing late games on Saturday and Sunday now?  They didn't used to.  Everything used to be over by 10 on Sat and 8 on Sunday.  And I liked that.  I do not care for the notion of staying up past midnight on a Sunday night just to see if Florida State and Notre Dame can play as boring of a game as I imagine that they can.

In conclusion, Pitt is terrible.  Barkley still rules.  My poop could think of better advertisements than what we've been seeing recently.  And don't watch any of these shows that these networks are promoting.  Psssst, I'm picking Duke to repeat.


Grumpy said...

Great summary. Except Hardcore Pawn; Les is a badass.

Anonymous said...

Third round your ass? Sign me up!

Anonymous said...

I have one thing to say to you Fuckeyes.... watch out for that SEC speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!!!

-Wildcats fan

GMoney said...

Yeah! Go UK!!! The dirtiest football school vs the dirtiest hoops school...outstanding.

Drew said...

Agree with you on Visser....damn did she look horrible this weekend. She looked very orange to me skin and hair.

ND, Syracuse and Purdue should all be embarrassed for how they looked yesterday. Didn't even show up.

You know who did show up? The Buckeyes. They are unbeatable when they play like that...unfortunately they can't always play like that. I'm ridiculously excited for Kentucky on Friday.

Anonymous said...

Damman's nut pool might be the easiest money ever. I'm kicking myself for not joining a few years ago. Money in the bank.

David Lighty needs to save some of that performance for Kentucky. What the hell happened to him?

When will the media stop blowin the Big East? 2 teams to the sweet 16!? The only reason they have 2 is because they played BE teams to get there! What a joke.


Tony B. said...

You may have forgotten the worst aspect of the weekend which was the reffing at the end of the Arizona/Texas game. Yikes. Followed closely by the decision making in the last 4 seconds of the Butler/Pitt game.

ND was flat out awful against the hot shooting FSU.

GMoney said...

Dut, sort of cool that everyone is within a hundo of first in that. And I thought I've done horribly but I'm just 3 nuts away!!! And thât keeps me invested still.

No love for my great for the play in games next year? Get half of those teams out of the way before it begins!

Anonymous said...

I saw a lot of teams play live in Cleveland this weekend and OSU is on another level. They honestly may run through this tourny and win every game by double digits. They looked THAT good. Which sucks because I will be pulling for my Wildcats Friday night.

The will not face a tougher matchup than UK friday until the championship game, and that is assuming Kansas gets there.


Anonymous said...

Also, Syracuse fans are fucking thug d-bags. It was awesome to watch them lose last night.