Friday, March 25, 2011

I Wanna Be, I Wanna Be Like Cal!

Invisible monster dong!
We all know who John Calipari is. He's a snake oil salesman (by the way, what does that term even mean?). He's a cheater. He's a hell of a recruiter. But he's a scumbag. And as his past has shown, it ALWAYS ends bad for the school that makes the mistake of hiring him. Kentucky is not an exception. It WILL come crumbling down (again) for them. I don't like it that I have to root for that assweave tonight. I don't want to. But I have to. This bullplop from Coach Cal sure as shit doesn't make it any easier:

"Understand that: They want to be us. Not beat us. Be us. So they're coming at you, trying to say, 'You win against Kentucky, it shows that we're them.' So everybody we play is going to bring it and bring it at a high level."
Huh? This isn't the 90's anymore. Kentucky isn't the top program in the nation. They aren't even close. A Final Four appearance would be required to even put them in the discussion. Considering that the NCAA has to keep an investigative team on Cal at all times, I'm not sure why anyone would be envious of Big Blue. This quote is just so ridiculously misguided and nonsensical. A win over Kentucky means that you are Kentucky? Do you get their uniforms after the game? Do you automatically get placed on probation just by beating them? Do you get their history of racist coaches? Your own Ashley Judd clone? Do you suffer from the gum disease known as gingivitis? And of course everyone is going to bring their best against UK. Why wouldn't they? With their talent, ignored academics, and bloated payroll, that's pretty much an NBA team.

Calipari is also implying that Ohio State cares about basketball at the same level that UK does. That's not true. That will never be true. The bandwagon fanbase just won't allow the hoops program to achieve that kind of growth.

Anyway, this got me thinking about something. If I was a basketball coach, who would be the five coaches that I would love to knock out of the NCAA Tournament? In no particular order...
-Bob Huggins
-Calipari
-Jim Calhoun
-Coach K (obviously)
-Jim Boeheim

It doesn't even matter where they are coaching. They're all assholes and it would be awesome to know that you made them cry. They all need to be taken down a peg or 12.  In conclusion, GO WILDCATS tonight! Don't let Ohio State BE Kentucky(?)! I've got a good feeling that that Harrelson kid (whose dad sports the lovely camoflage UK hat) will play Sullinger well. Queequeebler and Uncle Tom Lighty go a combined 0 for 20. Seal rulezzzzz!  Fuckeyes droolzzzzz!

12 comments:

GMoney said...

Happy "Duke Elimination Day" everyone. My hex from monday worked!

Never bet against Brad Stevens by the way.

Anonymous said...

This potential Final Four has certainly taken a few unpredictable turns. My bracket is totally fucked at this point. I went 0 for 4 last night, if you count teams that had already been eliminated.

Who does everyone think will get to the Final Four at this point? My picks:

1. Arizona - They made Duke look like a bitch. Plus, compared to UConn, they have a clear homecourt advantage.

2. Butler - Too much experience and too great of a coach to lose to Florida.

3. Kansas - If Kansas does not make it to the Final Four, it will be an embarassment for them. In order to get there, KU will have played a 16, 9, 12, and 10/11 seed. That may be the easiest road for a #1 seed, ever.

4. Ohio State - Too many weapons and too much experience and they face two very freshman dominated teams. The only way Ohio State loses is if they get into early foul trouble with Sullinger, Lighty, or Craft.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

I agree with you on three but I think florida wins tomorrow. And I would not be shocked if Kansas didn't make it since they always play down to their competition. Richmond can beat them but I doubt they will.

dut said...

I wanted to see a live blog of Drew's debauchery in Jew Orleans..

I'm surprised that the Vegas line is up to OSU -7.. I would probably take UK with that line.

I saw the replay of the NIT Alabama/Miami game yesterday.. And with 1 minute to go and Bama up 15, their fans were chanting "S-E-C S-E-C!!" Those southerners sure take pride in dominating the NIT!

Dut

GMoney said...

KoKo has an NIT title, too, bitch.

Where is everybody? You all celebrate Duke's exit a little too hard or what?

Anonymous said...

Oh my bad, I'm a little late to the party. I was just busy fuckin my sister and gettin my mobile home off the cinder blocks so we can move it over yonder to Nerrrrck.

I want to be a Kentucky fan, damnit!!

Tony B. said...

My bracket is f-ed already. The only team I have left is OSU winning the title. That being said, I agree with you, Lil Strut. Your picks seem solid- but then again, since I agree, it probably won't work out that way.

Derrick Williams probably haunted Coach K's dreams last night. If he even slept.

Jeff said...

I'll take credit for that anonymous gem.

Anonymous said...

I'm obviously a huge UK fane, but now way do they beat OSU tonight. OSU looks way too good. Brandon Knight will keep them in the game, but take OSU to cover that 7 points. This will be a tougher game for OSU than Sunday's game - they will roll over UNC or Marquette.

Best day of the year - the day Duke gets knocked out of the tournament.

Final Four:
OSU
UConn - even though Zona looked incredible last night. Wow that put-back dunk by Derek Williams was nasty.
Kansas
Butler

Florida is terrible and they day they get knocked out of the tournament is the second best day of the year.

Seal

GMoney said...

Seal, you have to have an awesome life with all of these holidays of yours.

UK needs a monster from Terence Jones to win. I doubt that that happens. That's even less likely than She$ staying awake before tip off.

the iceman said...

Finally! The iceman! Has come back! To the money shot!

Did you gay fags miss me? Anyway...gotta agree with G$ here. Florida over butler along with arizona, kansas & osu. The buckeyes have been crushing everything in their path and really look like the favorite right now. I'm gonna go cut my wrists now...

Calipari knows that kentucky is 0-5 against osu in the tourny, right?

GMoney said...

Goddamn, does SEAL rule or what? GO WILDCATS!!! Seal might be the banner guy for the next month for eliminating those queers tonight.