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Palmer recently told a friend that he would "never set foot in Paul Brown Stadium again,"
-Awesome. I like to think that the next team he signs with will play in Cincy and since Carson won't want to be a liar, he will have to play QB on one of those hoverboards from Back to the Future 2. If one thing comes out of this lockout, I hope it's the legalization of hoverboards. That would be badass. It might be impossible for Rex Grossman to overthrow a receiver then. And after watching the Redskins lose to the Bengals three years ago, I will never set foot in Paul Brown Stadium again either.
and that he has "$80 million in the bank.
-Ah, so he's a white guy...ZING! It's funny because black athletes are horrible with their money. Antoine Walker has to be sooooo jealous right now.
I don't have to play football for money.
-Dan Snyder does not agree with this theorem. If you aren't willing to take 50 million dollars, then you just priced yourself out of Washington, mister! How great would it be to see someone sign an 8 year/$0 contract though? That just so happens to be the worth of Charlie Batch.
I'll play it for the love of the game but that would have to be elsewhere. I'm prepared to live my life."
-It's my liiiiiiife, it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever. I just wanna live while I'm alive! (insert Richie Sambora double guitar solo)
Palmer's agent, David Dunn, released this statement in the wake of those comments: "Because of the lack of success that Carson and the Bengals have experienced together, Carson strongly feels that a separation between him and the Bengals would be in the best interest of both parties."
-And this is where my opinion changed. When this first came out with the whole "retirement" threat, I called him a pussy. But when you think about it, can you imagine working for the absolute worst company in any industry and doing so for almost a decade? It has to literally be soul-crushing to be a Bengal and know that your bosses don't give a fuck about anything but saving a few pennies. I couldn't do that and I'm a glutton for punishment. The Bengals show no long term commitment to winning, he gave them more than enough of a chance, and now it's time to move on. So I'll allow it. He's played "the good soldier" long enough and he hasn't made it personal or publicly undermined anyone (like Rip did). As Chris Cooper's character screamed to the courtroom in A Time To Kill (possibly the best casted movie of all time), "TURN HIM LOOSE, DAMMIT!"
Palmer's best days are probably behind him thanks to "Kimo the Knee Shredding Pineapple Chopper" but he likely still has a few decent throws left in his arm. I know for sure that I respect him more today for telling Mike Brown to eat shit. He would be a nice get for the 49ers or Cardinals. Either way, fuck the Bengals. And fuck Roger Goodell.