Friday, March 04, 2011

I Don't Blame Carson Palmer

This will forever remain the best ad ever.
Quick post today since the comments will likely be filled with the results from Trivia Night last night/when we met Grumpy.  The NFL is officially pissing me off now with this whole lockout nonsense.  When in doubt, blame Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder.  That's my mantra.  One player that is rooting for this lockout to end quickly has to be Carson Palmer who has pretty much guaranteed that his days of wearing orange and black and losing 10+ games per season are over.  Let's go to the tape!
Palmer recently told a friend that he would "never set foot in Paul Brown Stadium again,"
-Awesome.  I like to think that the next team he signs with will play in Cincy and since Carson won't want to be a liar, he will have to play QB on one of those hoverboards from Back to the Future 2.  If one thing comes out of this lockout, I hope it's the legalization of hoverboards.  That would be badass.  It might be impossible for Rex Grossman to overthrow a receiver then.  And after watching the Redskins lose to the Bengals three years ago, I will never set foot in Paul Brown Stadium again either.

and that he has "$80 million in the bank.
-Ah, so he's a white guy...ZING!  It's funny because black athletes are horrible with their money.  Antoine Walker has to be sooooo jealous right now.

I don't have to play football for money.
-Dan Snyder does not agree with this theorem.  If you aren't willing to take 50 million dollars, then you just priced yourself out of Washington, mister!  How great would it be to see someone sign an 8 year/$0 contract though?  That just so happens to be the worth of Charlie Batch.

I'll play it for the love of the game but that would have to be elsewhere. I'm prepared to live my life."
-It's my liiiiiiife, it's now or never.  I ain't gonna live forever.  I just wanna live while I'm alive! (insert Richie Sambora double guitar solo)

Palmer's agent, David Dunn, released this statement in the wake of those comments: "Because of the lack of success that Carson and the Bengals have experienced together, Carson strongly feels that a separation between him and the Bengals would be in the best interest of both parties."
-And this is where my opinion changed.  When this first came out with the whole "retirement" threat, I called him a pussy.  But when you think about it, can you imagine working for the absolute worst company in any industry and doing so for almost a decade?  It has to literally be soul-crushing to be a Bengal and know that your bosses don't give a fuck about anything but saving a few pennies.  I couldn't do that and I'm a glutton for punishment.  The Bengals show no long term commitment to winning, he gave them more than enough of a chance, and now it's time to move on.  So I'll allow it.  He's played "the good soldier" long enough and he hasn't made it personal or publicly undermined anyone (like Rip did).  As Chris Cooper's character screamed to the courtroom in A Time To Kill (possibly the best casted movie of all time), "TURN HIM LOOSE, DAMMIT!"

Palmer's best days are probably behind him thanks to "Kimo the Knee Shredding Pineapple Chopper" but he likely still has a few decent throws left in his arm.  I know for sure that I respect him more today for telling Mike Brown to eat shit.  He would be a nice get for the 49ers or Cardinals.  Either way, fuck the Bengals.  And fuck Roger Goodell.


Anonymous said...

I'm a big CP fan seeing as I've done shots with him, held him for keg stands, beat him in that indoor/bar shuffle board game and had him buy me Montgomery Inn ribs (remember from my comment earlier in the week that my cousin and him are good friends). I hope he gets the hell out of Cincy and can have a few more solid seasons. He deserves it.

On a random note, I'm substitute teaching today (That's why I was gone for so long. I was finishing up my master's degree and what not, now looking for a job so I don't have to sub anymore.) and there's something weird in this room. The teacher I'm subbing for has a shake weight on her desk. I don't know if I should be turned on or weirded out. Or if I should use it the whole time I'm talking to students.

- J-Beanie

GMoney said...

Beanie twice in one week? Insane.

GREAT gathering of this sites finest last night highlighted by duts insistence that a spaceship has crashed into the moon before. He is a crazy person.

Drew said...

I don't blame Carson Palmer either. I think it would be pretty sweet if he stuck by his word when he gets to a new team and just refuses to join any trip to Cincinnati.

I also enjoyed meeting some of you fools last night....most notable was meeting GRUMPY who drove all the way up from Cincinnati. He's a crazy old man. Dut did insist that before Neil Armstrong got to the moon some other country ahd a space shuttle that crashed on the moon adn they died.

Jeff said...

That spaceship that crashed into the moon must've been carrying the tigers 1908 world series trophy too.
book hockey > cjb

Jeff said...

*cbj either way they still suck

Mr. Ace said...

Some girl here probably got an abortion and feels really bad about it team name ever.

Dut is worthless. We need to find a replacement ASAP.

Carson Palmer sucks anyways. I don't know why the Bengals want him back.

Anonymous said...

Multiple Russian spacecrafts crashed into the moon just before we landed on the moon (which I still think is a hoax). The only problem is they were unmanned crafts. I was half right, queers! My thought process was closer than Grumpys (who guessed Mercury).. At least I had the country right.

When I get old I want to be just like Grumpy.

Carson Palmer blows and it has nothing to do with the Bengals. He had a running game and weapons last year. He is the problem. The Bengals should be happy to get rid of his ass.


Anonymous said...

That's funny G$. That's what the wife said to me last night too. Only I think you are more excited.

- J-Beanie

Tony B. said...

The "I have $80 million in the bank" comment by Carson had me rolling. I wish everyone had to say how much money they had when they quit a job. "I don't need this job- I have $257 in the bank!"

Niners fans would kill for Palmer. That's how far they've fallen.

Drew said...

G$...Good reasoning on Palmer having that $ 80M in the bank because he's white.

I just read that Jamarcus Russell's house is in foreclosure because he's $ 200K late in payments. His rookie contract gave him $ 32M in guaranteed money. It appears that money is already gone and he's 25 years old.

This is why the NBA won't shutdown for the whole year....players can't afford it...well, Dirk and Nash could.

GMoney said...

Purple drank is a helluva drug.

I think we all agreed that grump was cool when he said that he told his wife he was driving 2 hours for trivia with some guys he met on the internet. That was hilarious.

Grumpy said...

First and foremost, I enjoyed meeting all of you. Damman is officially a pussy; I can drive two hours, but he can't drive across town? I had a great time and would love to do it again; except I didn't add much and probably will not be invited back.

As a Steeler fan I want Palmer to stay in Cincy. I'm afraid they'll get somebody decent. I don't know why I'm worried; Mike Brown will fuck it up somehow (see Thompson, Jack; Klingler, David; Smith, Akili).

Sorry Dut, I will be re-telling the "moon crash" story for a long time. That and Book Hockey. There should be t-shirts.

Anonymous said...

I fucking hate firewalls. Commenting from my phone blows sweaty hobo cock.