Douche Lord of the Week: Hey look, it's Neil Patrick Harris' faggier twin...and it looks like Shook's Son got ahold of his face. Congrats, Seal.
Midterms are gayer than Vin Diesel. Whoever created Midterms can get fucked with a rusty chainsaw. I understand that I need to be tested in grad school, but that's what finals are for. I don't need two of those fuckers.
So I have this research class where I learn how to conduct cogent and reliable research. Fine with me, I've taken 4 in undergrad. But this crazy lady decides that at her first semester at my school, she's the new Deans wife, she needs to send a message. So she introduces this "new way" of studying, the SQ4R. She claims it will help you retain nearly 90% of what you read. Sounds good to me, I don't remember shit other than the color of the chick's thong sitting in front of me from the week before. And it works, if you re-read the material 900 times. Which means it's not the system at all, it's just me repeating more meaningless work. So we are supposed to have a midterm over the first seven chapters, about 280 pages, even though we have only gone over five chapters in class. So I bust my ass studying for an entire week because this lady is crazy; like wears hippie dresses and has 300 cats crazy.
I get to class, and she hands me a 20 question multiple choice test. At first, I'm furious. I just busted my ass studying so you could pick out 20 questions from 250 pages of material. Then, I see the questions and realize this is a guaranteed A, so fuck it. But right before I start the test, she tells us there will be a take-home portion of the test that consists of 25 short answer and essay questions, and its due tomorrow at midnight. Mind you, it's St. Patrick's day and I'm not giving up my night of planned drinking for anything. I've never been so pissed to get a take-home exam in my life. What a thoughtless whorebag.
The Challenge. You guys picked your teams, or half a team in Seal's case, and here are the standings, and also the players that are left in the tournament.
1. Drew: 137. Jared Sullinger.
2. The eventual champion, Mr. Ace: 134. Jimmer, Derrick Williams, and Jimmy Butler remain.
3.Irishman: 93. Nolan Smith and Justin Harper.
4.Tony B: 129. Kemba Walker and Matt Howard.
5.G$: 115. Harrison Barnes.
6.Lange: 79. And only a Dukey, Kyle Singler, left.
7.Lil Strut: 76. Marcus Morris.
8.Jeff: 72. Nobody left.
9.Seal: 57. Nobody left...because he's a moron.
10.Dut: 36. William Buford...because that's the only pick he made.
Yes, I am the only participant with three people left. And yes, I am better than you.
Final Four. I guess the Final Four will be decided this weekend and the games start back up tomorrow...so I might as well let you know who will be playing next weekend. Kentucky, Kansas, BYU, and SDSU. There you go.
Tiger's New Toy. I'm sure you have all heard this by now, but Tiger Woods is dating again...or at least he's banging skanks. Her name is Alyse Lahti Johnston and her private life is officially over. Next week she will have a sex tape. The following week she will be in rehab. And then before May she'll be a burnt out reality star blowing Charlie Sheen for a sack of Molly's.
But what do we think of her?
She's alright, but she's not Tiger pussy. Hell, I'm more excited about how awesome that puppy is in the picture than anything she has to offer. To me this is just a sign that his golf game will be mediocre again this year. If you're Tiger Woods, why are you dating some random 22 year old 7 when you could slay damn near any chick in the world? Seriously, why? Why is he dating Alyse when the obvious choice should be this young lady;Yes, this deserves to be posted twice. Probably more.