Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Hump Day Dump: Midterm Mail-in

(Holy fucking fat tits Batman...she's 18, right?)

Douche Lord of the Week: Hey look, it's Neil Patrick Harris' faggier twin...and it looks like Shook's Son got ahold of his face. Congrats, Seal.

Midterms are gayer than Vin Diesel. Whoever created Midterms can get fucked with a rusty chainsaw. I understand that I need to be tested in grad school, but that's what finals are for. I don't need two of those fuckers.

So I have this research class where I learn how to conduct cogent and reliable research. Fine with me, I've taken 4 in undergrad. But this crazy lady decides that at her first semester at my school, she's the new Deans wife, she needs to send a message. So she introduces this "new way" of studying, the SQ4R. She claims it will help you retain nearly 90% of what you read. Sounds good to me, I don't remember shit other than the color of the chick's thong sitting in front of me from the week before. And it works, if you re-read the material 900 times. Which means it's not the system at all, it's just me repeating more meaningless work. So we are supposed to have a midterm over the first seven chapters, about 280 pages, even though we have only gone over five chapters in class. So I bust my ass studying for an entire week because this lady is crazy; like wears hippie dresses and has 300 cats crazy.

I get to class, and she hands me a 20 question multiple choice test. At first, I'm furious. I just busted my ass studying so you could pick out 20 questions from 250 pages of material. Then, I see the questions and realize this is a guaranteed A, so fuck it. But right before I start the test, she tells us there will be a take-home portion of the test that consists of 25 short answer and essay questions, and its due tomorrow at midnight. Mind you, it's St. Patrick's day and I'm not giving up my night of planned drinking for anything. I've never been so pissed to get a take-home exam in my life. What a thoughtless whorebag.

The Challenge. You guys picked your teams, or half a team in Seal's case, and here are the standings, and also the players that are left in the tournament.
1. Drew: 137. Jared Sullinger.
2. The eventual champion, Mr. Ace: 134. Jimmer, Derrick Williams, and Jimmy Butler remain.
3.Irishman: 93. Nolan Smith and Justin Harper.
4.Tony B: 129. Kemba Walker and Matt Howard.
5.G$: 115. Harrison Barnes.
6.Lange: 79. And only a Dukey, Kyle Singler, left.
7.Lil Strut: 76. Marcus Morris.
8.Jeff: 72. Nobody left.
9.Seal: 57. Nobody left...because he's a moron.
10.Dut: 36. William Buford...because that's the only pick he made.

Yes, I am the only participant with three people left. And yes, I am better than you.

Final Four. I guess the Final Four will be decided this weekend and the games start back up tomorrow...so I might as well let you know who will be playing next weekend. Kentucky, Kansas, BYU, and SDSU. There you go.

Tiger's New Toy. I'm sure you have all heard this by now, but Tiger Woods is dating again...or at least he's banging skanks. Her name is Alyse Lahti Johnston and her private life is officially over. Next week she will have a sex tape. The following week she will be in rehab. And then before May she'll be a burnt out reality star blowing Charlie Sheen for a sack of Molly's.

But what do we think of her?
She's alright, but she's not Tiger pussy. Hell, I'm more excited about how awesome that puppy is in the picture than anything she has to offer. To me this is just a sign that his golf game will be mediocre again this year. If you're Tiger Woods, why are you dating some random 22 year old 7 when you could slay damn near any chick in the world? Seriously, why? Why is he dating Alyse when the obvious choice should be this young lady;Yes, this deserves to be posted twice. Probably more.

22 comments:

Grumpy said...

Probably more? Definitely more.

Grumpy said...

I would go to jail for a piece of that.

Mr. Ace said...

Looks like Grump just had his first boner in 20 years.

Grumpy said...

That's not what you said last night.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for jinxing Kentucky, dick.

Seal

GMoney said...

Ah yes, I have fond memories of college chicks with a slight hint of thong showing. Glorious days. I would just stare at the exposed slut-wear for at least ten minutes. I was and am a creeper.

Mr. Ace said...

That was a wet noodle and you know it.

Seal, I'm happy to do anything I can to keep Calipari out of the Final Four.

GMoney said...

Consider this your daily reminder that John Calipari has still never been to a Final Four.

And dammit, I can't view the gif on my phone!

Drew said...

Ace...how are you a lock to win when you have three guys left who are going to lose their next game and I have Sullinger who has four games left?

Leaving for New Orleans tomorrow morning...planning on breaking a ton of moral codes in front of the BYU fans that will be there as well.

Mr. Ace said...

The GIF is outstanding...OUTSTANDING!

John Calipari hasn't been to a Final Four just like the Fuckeyes haven't beaten an SEC team in a bowl game. Ha!

Mr. Ace said...

Joseph Smith came to me in a vision and told me Jimmer was going HAM this weekend.

GMoney said...

I'm rooting for you to pull a Liz Taylor this weekend, drew.

Anonymous said...

Drew- just make sure you get a few hand grenades to start your night and you will not have a bad time. Guaransheed.

Ace- calipari has never been to a final 4 just like the Fab 5 never existed. Amirite?

I'm going to not finish last with 1 player.. Just imagine if I would have picked 4! Championship!

I also can't view the chick on my phone. Wtf.

Dut

Drew said...

G$...Definitely not pulling a Liz Taylor. Gonna be all about WINNING!

Tony B. said...

Irishman is #3 with 93 points? I'm confused- are these power rankings or based on actual numbers? Am I missing something?

I'm fairly certain the next Buckeye Karaoke night should feature Rebecca Black's dreadful song "Friday." No doubt Diebler would do that song justice.

GMoney said...

Holy fuck! Tomorrow is the season 3 finale of the Shore...looks like I have a topic for thursday after all.

Anonymous said...

G$ - who the hell are you rooting for friday night (OSU/UK game)?

Seal

Anonymous said...

Seal- I was thinking the same thing.. I get the sense that g$/gACE are both rooting for OSU..

Dut

GMoney said...

Are you kidding me? Ill just imagine that Tony Delk is out there since he is my fave wildcat ever.

Anonymous said...

If you are serious that is awesome - I actually have a Tony Delk UK jersey - if that doesn't assure that im DLOW I dont know what does.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

I remember being fucking pumped when I got a Tony Delk rookie card. I have no idea why I liked him, but I did.


How many of you went home and jerked it to the GIF?

Mr. Ace said...

I remember being fucking pumped when I got a Tony Delk rookie card. I have no idea why I liked him, but I did.


How many of you went home and jerked it to the GIF?