|In Phase 5, you ONLY eat cocktail...FRUIT!|
This is a fucked up story that happened to me only two years ago...so, I was 27 fucking years old. A few of us went up to Detroit for the weekend to see the Red Wings play the Jackets and party with my buddies that live in Royal Oak, MI all weekend long. So, we go to the game and the Jackets push the Red Wings shit in...I don't even remember what the score was ...9-3 or something like that. Definitely the worst beating the Red Wings have ever had at the hands of the Jackets. But, after the game we went to this strip club in Detroit named The Toy Chest. This strip club is awesome, but that's irrelevant to the story.
By this time, the majority of us had been drinking since the early afternoon and through the game and were just shit-faced. So, one of my buddies that came up from Ohio is sitting at the stage with this black guy just tossing ones at the girls. I sit down and my buddy introduces me to this black guy named Alvin. We spend the next 45 minutes throwing money at tits with Alvin and then our group wants to go to my friend's house in Royal Oak. Well, we tell them go ahead because we're gonna stay with Alvin. They looked at us like we were the biggest retards they had ever seen. We basically told them to go home as we were going to stay in downtown Detroit with this black guy we just met (flawless logic!).
So, another 30 minutes goes by and somehow we end up in Alvin's car with him. Alvin drives an old ass white minivan. Next thing I know we are flying around Detroit highways bumping rap as loud as it can go with Alvin driving us around in his van. On a scale of 1-10 in just drunken what-the-fuck-is-going-on fun it was close to a 10. Somehow, we ended up at my buddy's hosue in Royal Oak. They were shocked when we showed up. They were even more shocked when we brought Alvin into the house. Now this is a real nice house that my buddy owns and it was incredibly retarded to bring Alvin there, but we weren't thinking straight and were more thinking about how good of a story Alvin was turning into.
Well, Alvin comes in and we keep drinking. A couple of the guys start smoking some weed with Alvin. I will say Alvin seemed like a straight up good dude..wasn't very ghetto and I never really feared him. Well, I finally crashed on the couch while a couple guys were playing Wii Bowling with Alvin (were you sleeping with Alvin or was Alvin playing Wii...or both?).
Here's where shit gets weird...I woke up the next morning on the couch with just my boxers on. I looked up and saw one of my friends and I asked him why I was just in my boxers and he smiles and said, "Alvin". I was like...what the fuck are you talking about. They tell me that after I passed out Alvin said something like, "Your boy is passed out while people are still up, that means we need to fuck with him." I guess he took my shirt off and socks off and they were like "Alright Alvin, you got him good...now you're done". Well, one of them went to the bathroom, came out, and saw Alvin took my pants off too and they were like "Alvin, that's fucked up now. No more." Alvin's response was, "But, that's only Phase 3". They asked him how many phases there were and he said, "Five". They never let him go beyond phase three and I'm thankful for that. Alvin ended up crashing on the couch in the basement and we made up an excuse first thing in the morning to get him out of there. He didn't steal anything and was never to be heard of again either. But, Alvin made for one really wild night and his phases are still joked about.
Editor's closing remark...Fun fact is that "Alvin" was actually former Cowboys receiver, Alvin Harper!