Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Even Ohio State Fan Can't Stand Ohio State Fans

American Hero.
In the 4+ years that I've been driving this blog off of a cliff everyday (but not on Wednesdays!), if there is one point that I have continued to hammer home it is that Ohio State fans are the worst fucking people on the planet.  Yet they don't understand how awful they are which is the most frustrating part about it.  At least Red Sox fans embrace their assholery.  Buckeye fans always tend to think that it's the OTHER SELECT FEW anOSU fans that make them look bad, not themselves.  Which is laughable because it's beyond ridiculous.  It's sort of like that line in Rounders when Damon sits at the table in AC, "if you think that others are the asshole fans then you are the asshole fan".  Or something like that.  That analogy sounded a lot better in my head.  Ignorance is not bliss for the rest of it.

Well, it's nice to see that at least one Buckeye fan agrees with me.  And I give him credit, at least he has the stones (and millions of dollars) to get out of here.  Kirk Herbstreit is moving his family from Columbus to Nashville.  I don't blame him.  Nashville is a cool ass city.  Let's hear from the Gameday Analyst and interject my opinion on what he really means:

"Nobody loves Ohio State more than me (pffffft, he isn't even a black cowboy!)," said Herbstreit, a former Buckeyes quarterback (who never beat Michigan so he isn't a TRUE BUCKEYE!). "I still have a picture of Woody Hayes and my dad (Jim, a former OSU player) in my office (punching each other's faces or punching each other's large intestine?), and nobody will do more than I do for the university behind the scenes (ah, he must be in charge of deleting emails). But I've got a job to do (rim), and I'm going to continue to be fair and objective (he's going to work for Fox News?). To continue to have to defend myself and my family in regards to my love and devotion to Ohio State is unfair (you're goddamn right it is...you're 40 years old, it shouldn't have taken you that long to figure this out...you are aligned with dickheads and twats)."

"From a sports perspective, this is rough (just like Erin Andrews' pubic stubble--why yes, I just did link to the peephole video which still remains creepily awesome)," he said. "I love Ohio State (why?). Love the Blue Jackets (CARRY THE FLAG!). Love the Reds (Communist!). Those are my hobbies (online porn is much more satisfying). I don't like moving (sounds like "Sundays" at my house but in a different context). I love living here (at least it's not Cincinnata!). I don't want to leave (yes I do). But I just can't do this anymore (these people just keep getting worse). I really can't keep going like this (I wish that I went to Michigan where they still cheer Desmond Howard in spite of his horrific broadcasting career).

"Eighty to ninety percent of the Ohio State fans are great (no they aren't). It's the vocal minority that make it rough (minorities don't root for Ohio State, oh wait, I misinterpreted that). They probably represent only 5 to 10 percent of the fan base, but they are relentless (see below)."
That's bullshit.  He's lowballing us.  If he is openly admitting that 10% of Ohio State fans are queef-chugging dickbreathers (Hi, Iceman!), that's probably more like 25-30%.  And I still insist that that number is low.  In fact, I would estimate that on any given Saturday afternoon in the Fall, 90% of the people on campus are assholes.  That ten percent is mostly just old people who are too old to be assholes and hot chicks that are just killing time before they get raped (hmmm, even I find that tasteless).

I've never really understood why many anOSU fans hated Herbie anyway.  Is it because he's better looking (no homo) than all of those slobs?  Probably.  Because he acknowledges that SEC Speed exists?  Definitely.  But the answer that I usually get is that he doesn't pump Ohio  State enough on TV.  That he's TOO objective.  Apparently, being an unbiased journalist is a bad thing.  Nevermind that every single on of these tards hates Bob Griese due to his Purdue/Michigan ties and his perceived anti-OSU bias...forget that!  No, no, they hate Herbie because not spending two straight hours fellating Ohio State every Saturday morning is WRONG!  He is not a REAL Buckeye!

I applaud you, Kirk Herbstreit.  Giving one huge middle finger to Ohio State fans was fucking perfect.  Herbie for President!  And I truly do love writing these "Ohio State fans can get sickle cell and die" posts.

44 comments:

Grumpy said...

It's just ridiculous that he has to uproot his family because of these assholes. Proving again that Columbus is just an overgrown cow town filled with immigrants from Kentucky.

Drew said...

Good riddance Fake Buckeye. He just doesn't get it...and he's so full of shit...his house has been up for sale for three years. I'm sure the mean streets of Upper Arlington have been sooooooooooooo tough on his family.

Herbstreit is a mouth breather.

To further show he doesn't get it, he should have just left by saying something like "We enjoyed our time in Columbus, but are looking for a change of pace and Nashville gives to that to us." Instead this moron decides it's a good time for a parting shot.

I wonder how Clark Kellogg, Jimmy Jackson and Chris Spielman can all do national work and live in Columbus..but not feel like they have to move. Probably cuz' they aren't dip shits that get into twitter wars with 20 year old kids.

See ya Fake Buckeye....I hope you get Deliveranced (nice verb to make up) in TN.

Anonymous said...

I have no problem with Herbie. I've never had a problem Herbie. I think he is the best analyst in college football. What do these douchy fans want? Lou Holtz? A clown who picks Notre Dame to win the national title every year? It's bullshit.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Drew is making yet another case to be the DLoW! And I'm very proud to link the erin video.

Grumpy said...

Drew just proves your point.

Mr. Ace said...

They're called Fuckeyes for a reason...

Drew said...

Grumpy and G$...care to argue any of the points instead of just saying "Drew just proves your point"?

He's not that good of an analyst...he's actually gone backwards in this regard.

It's soooooooo professional to get into twitter wars with morons like Pryor.

He's a COLLEGE FOOTBALL analyst and he doesn't expect some heat? There are people poisoning groves of trees over this sport. There are fringe lunatics in EVERY fan base.

How do guys like Spielman and Kellogg raise families in Columbus and be national TV guys without getting people riled? They are far from homers when they are on TV.

It's pathetic that he would use some feud he has with Pryor on his national job. Then he intentionally kicks the hornets nest by dropping OSU in the polls after beating Arkansas....only to say he was tired when he filled out the sheet. Right.

Kellogg and Spielman go about their job as mini celebs in the college sports world in a mature way. It's too bad Herbie can't.

Anonymous said...

I agree 100% with Damman. Herbie is the best analyst in the business. I will be one of the first to acknowledge that Ohio State has some asshole fans who just don't get it. It is Herbie's job to go on gameday and be objective and the reason he has been so successful is because he is able to separate bias from well reasoned analysis. Moreover, he is getting paid tons of money to do it. How would these asshole fans feel if they were constantly critiqued at their job, because they would not do something that would make them much worse at their job? How would they then feel if this senseless criticism poured over to their family? These OSU fans need to realize that Herbie is a credit to college football and we should be proud he is from Ohio State.

-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Drew, I was under the impression that Pryor was the one talking smack and Herbie took the high road but I could be wrong. Although in a war between herbie and tp, herbie will always win.

Don't compare kellogg and spiels to him though. Clark pretty much sucks and spiels is on like the 7th best announcing crew. You could make an argument that KH is one of the top five faces in college football.

So yes, you prove my point.

But it doesn't matter because Snooki is wrestling at Wrestlemania!!!

Drew said...

No...they both talked shit and Herbstriet even took it further wish is absolutely insane bitching about Pryor after the Iowa game on ESPN. He also said in December that it would be "addition by subtraction if OSU lost Pryor", which is something he would never say about another star on a team.

He's a chameleon. Two years ago his mouth was cleansing Pete Carroll's anus and years before he couldn't stop talking about how pretty Reggie Bush looked in his Trojan uniform. He'll just move to the next sexy team.

If it was so bad in Columbus then why didn't he move those three years his house was up for sale? Couldn't afford it?

All that needs to be known about the guy is that he couldn't even move from Columbus without stirring things up. It's really not hard to move quietly without doing interviews.

I like that Kellogg even though he is a "top five face" of college basketball, doesn't count because you have this moronic idea that he sucks.

GMoney said...

No, clark is not. If he was so great then why did they bring in steve kerr to muzzle his stupidity? CK makes me wish that billy packer was still around. Yeah I said it.

Drew said...

Maybe because Kerr is one of the best announcers in the game and he was umm....kind of busy being a GM the last few years, so they couldn't add him then?

I don't see what a sweet three man booth has to do with Kellogg sucking. Kerr is great.

MuDawgfan said...

Out of the frying pan and into the fire for Herbie.

If he thinks that moving from Columbus to the heart of SEC country is going to give him a repreive from asshole fans, he's in for a rude awakening.

He isn't that well liked in the South either. He should have just chosed to move out west. Or shit, move to New York/New England area where nobody cares about College Football.

Grumpy said...

Drew, what points did you make? All I see is the lunatic rantings of a typical Buckeye fan, making you just what G$ said you were.

When was the last time Spielman did an Ohio St. game? He and Pam Ward are busy doing Wabash-DePauw.

I can't remember the last time Kellogg said anything intelligent.

MuDawgfan said...

**chosen, not chosed.

I'm not drunk at work yet.

Drew said...

Grumpy...I can't remember the last time you said anything intelligent.

Spielman does do OSU games. I believe he has even done both OSU/Iowa games the last two years,which were basically the big ten championship games...if he didn't do the one in Iowa City, I'm positive he did the OT victory in Columbus. Speak about something you know about.

MUDawg...good point on him moving south. Think about all of the college football announcers....which conference would you say has the least amount of former players doing stuff? Easy....the SEC. Why? Because they know how crazy college football fans can be and the craziest of the bunch are in the SEC...nobody wants a part of that.

GMoney said...

This is absurd. There is no dumber creature on the planet than the deranged buckeye fan. Unfortunately, they won't become extinct.

This a rare trip to crazy town for you, drew, what with your bashing of the best cfb analyst and love for an idiot cbb analyst that makes up ten words per game.

Drew said...

Herbstreit used to be good when he actually did research and really tried to break things down. The last few years since he's got his gig locked down, he's gotten lazy and become not so good.

Here's what his color commentary consists of...

"look at him find that space outside"

"the speed they have on the edges is a mismatch"

"look at him find that crease"

"how good does he look in that uniform?"

It's all about speed...finding space and creases...and sexy football players.

Anonymous said...

A agree with Drew. Herbie can suck a dick.

I used to agree with Damman in thinking that Herbie was a great analyst. Over the past few years he has changed my opinion. He picks a few buzz words and says them over and over again (just watch the national title game- he repeated himself at least 20 times).

Herbie a fake Buckeye. Fake as hail.

Dut

Mr. Ace said...

We are having a March Madness challenge that will begin tomorrow. You will be drafting players. It will be first come, first serve so get here a 7:00 AM. Not gonna tell you all the details, but you can probably figure it out.

Drew, you are the epitome of a Fuckeye. The exchange in the comments just proves it. He doesn't cater to your Fuckeye ego so he's a piece of shit. It is impossible for you to detach your bias. Herbie is a national analyst, not anOSU analyst.

Drew said...

Ace...you are the epitome of a mouthbreather.

Believe me....the last thing I need caterring to me is a guy with a spray tan and frosted tips on top of his head.

Dut...agreed on this past year's NCG....he was horrendously bad.

Anonymous said...

Drew- the SEC has the fewest analysts because 99% of the players are illiterate (except Jesse Palmer- who I think has surpassed Herbie). They recruit players from Florida that spend their time chasing rabbits instead of learning how to read. How do you think they get all that SPEEEEED?

Dut

GMoney said...

Dut wants to fuck Jesse Palmer so his opinion is meaningless.

Mr. Ace said...

Actually, I will give you details so I don't have an unfair advantage.

You will be drafting four players. One pick from seeds 1-4, one from seeds 5-8, one from seeds 9-12, and one from seeds 13-16. The object is to draft the player who you think will score the most total points throughout the tournament. And only points count, not assists or rebounds or anything else. It is first come, first serve. So once a player is picked he is gone. You can pick all four of your players at once, or you can do them separate. For example, if you know you want Sullenger as your first pick but nor sure about the other three, you can pick Sullenger so nobody else gets him before you and then make your other picks later.

The winner will get a book hockey set from G$ and I.

Drew said...

I will be posting at 7:01 to make sure that I get Dallas Lauderdale.

GMoney said...

Ill take travis prentice as a 1 seed.

Mr. Ace said...

Both great choices. I'm going with Brandon Davies.

MuDawgfan said...

Dut -that's a pretty poor argument.

If you're going to measure the academic strength of a university based on the number of Color Commentators/Analysts it puts in the booth or studio.

Wouldn't it be fair to expect Northwestern, Stanford, Vanderbilt, Virginia, UCLA, Duke and Miami University to produce the most commentators?

Mr. Ace said...

Mudawg, you forgot Toledo. But I forgive you.

GMoney said...

Yesterday was duts 20-something birthday and were still waiting for him to make a halfway decent point about anything.

Jeff said...

It's the same thing moron callers are doing to Bruce hooley on the radio. They wonder why he doesn't back tressel through all this. Its because hes doing unbiased reporting and it doesn't look good for osu.

Herbie is moving because he's getting divorced so he can bang erin andrews openly now.

Drew said...

There's Bruce Hooley defending going on today? Yup...I'm done here today.

Sounds like Hooley got fired too. Makes me happy. He's the biggest piece of shit in all of media. I love how he wrote an article bashing Stallworth for his vehicular manslaughter a few years ago and then it comes out this past week that Hooley's been convicted of vehicular manslaughter too. What a guy.

GMoney said...

Whoa! Hooley killed a guy and got fired? Where are you seeing this? You just scooped a google search for "bruce hooley murderer".

Drew said...

No....he got fired for being a complete ass-hole last week. They haven't said it's official that he's been fired yet, but the rumors are that it is.

The vehicular manslaughter stuff started leaking out last week and he admitted it on his twitter page. Of course in typical ass bag Hooley fashion he basically mocked it and said something like "That was over 20 years ago. Anything else in my past you want to look up? My high school grades?".

He's a terrible human being.

GMoney said...

Oh I see, an alum is apparently not allowed to vocalize how embarrassed he is of his school for putting the football coach ahead of the reputation. Got it. Seems par for the course here. And to come full circle, its no wonder that Herbie is moving his family away from you people.

Drew said...

Once again you are wrong...NBD. You honestly can't say you liked the guy on your radio anyways.

Two faggots out of here in one week. I think we're good for now.

GMoney said...

I hated hooley but that doesn't make it right to run him out of town because his opinions differ from the drooling tards here.

Drew said...

Don't let the door hit you in the face Bruce.

Jeff said...

Yea apparently we has in a car accident 28 years ago and his best friend was in the car with him who died. He said he plead guilty to vehicular manslaughter against his attorney's advice to honor his best friend. (Hooley's words, don't know the validity of that)

Seems a little different if alcohol was involved. I'm not agreeing with his downplaying of that and then bashing stallworth, but definitely doesn't seem the be same thing.

I still think Hooley does good unbiased reporting and doesn't just tell buckeye nation what they want to hear.

GMoney said...

Wait a minute...did Bruce Hooley murder Spielman's wife? I'm totally going to hell for that.

Jeff said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeff said...

G$, you already were, just got the free upgrade to first class for that though. Maybe you can become the pilot before you time is over and crash the plane with all of us on it before it gets there.

Drew said...

Yup....this is gonna get the public on the side of the NFLPA. What a fucking retard....

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson made some controversial comments about the NFL labor situation in an interview with Doug Farrar of Yahoo's Shutdown Corner. The interview was conducted just before the NFLPA decertified.

"It's modern-day slavery, you know? People kind of laugh at that, but there are people working at regular jobs who get treated the same way, too. With all the money," Peterson continued.

The Iceman said...

Queef chugging dick breathers....I'm stealing it. Enjoy your week without me fags. I'm off to london tomorrow morning. I'll be back the 24th to piss you anal scrubbing cock shiners off. Drew wants chris speilman to snowball him and tie chris's cock into a pretzel in a home made snuff film. Peace out bitches!