Monday, February 07, 2011

Super Bowl Live Journal

Charlie Batch.  That is all.
I'm not doing a live blog.  I got waaaaaay too drunk last night at the wedding.  There may or may not be some hilarious drunk photobooth pics of me surfacing on Facebook over the next few days.  Be aware that they are very homoerotic yet tell an incredible tale of debauchery and gayness.  Anyway, on with the Super Bowl.

6:22 - Madieu Williams named Walter Payton man of the year.  She$ actually cried at this for some reason.  Nice to see that guy watching the game overseas with the troops. 
6:26 - Text from Drew agreeing that Christina Aguilera is ridiculously busted.  She looks like trailer trash.  And she didn't know the lyrics.  Keep on truckin', Christina!
6:27 - Pre-blogging meal of BBQ chicken pizza and Deadspin Chili was outstanding.  I'm hoping for some powerful gas to show up around halftime.
6:29 - We flipped over to the Puppy Bowl for a little bit.  Had to change back though because it was too adorable.  Joe Bark and Troy Shakeman were on top of their game!
6:31 - FOURTEEN straight years that the coin toss has come up heads.  That is more impressive than Cal Ripken's streak.

First Quarter
6:36 - ZOMBO!!!  Central Michigan represent!
6:37 - 3 and out for the Steelers...I like this immensely.
6:38 - Jesus, Sam Shields, please don't tackle your own punt returner and force a fumble.  Is there anything more annoying than players pointing that they have the ball during a fumble scrum?  That should be a personal foul if they are wrong.
6:42 - Nice fucking drop, Jordy.  Nice fucking name, asshole.  Another punt.  Here comes the first set of rotten commercials.  Yep, all of them terrible so far.
6:51 - Anyone else bored?  3 punts already.  KAPINOS FOR MVP!
6:54 - Both Starks and Mendenhall look pretty good early.  Give the ball to KUHN!
6:56 - Buck just said that will.i.am has something special planned for tonight.  Who wants to bet that it still sucks?
6:57 - Another damn Fast and Furious movie?  Who is keeping this franchise alive?  Show yourselves!
6:58 - Cameron Diaz is feeding A-Rod.  Yeah, that didn't look good.  The situation and Cameron Diaz.
7:00 - TOUCHDOWN PACKERS!!!  RODGERS TO NELSON!  I take back what I said earlier, Jordy, you are the shit!  Great pass.  Suck a dick, Cowherd.
7:02 - For a product so delicious, Doritos is making some seriously shitty ads.
7:05 - Han Solo and James Bond are in a movie together!  It's about aliens.  Gross.
7:07 - PICK SIX BY NICK COLLINS!!!  PACKERS UP 14-0!!!  FUCK YOU, STEELERS FANS!!!  Chris Kemoeatu's shittiness caused that pick.
7:13 - Kemoeatu with a dirty hit that gets flagged.  Sign him up for LVP.
7:14 - Uh oh, Ben tweaked his knee.  More Jay Cutler drama!!!  He overcomes this injury with a big scramble for a first down.  End of the quarter and the Steelers are on pace to lose by 56.  That would be amazing.

Second Quarter
7:19 - Oh good, Flozell is back!  And a Byron Leftwich sighting!
7:23 - Fucking faggot Suisham makes a field goal.  14-3 Green Bay.  Nice drive by the Steelers as they absolutely had to get points there.
7:24 - Wait a minute, Chris Wylde is playing the piano for both Taco Bell AND Budweiser?  So sad.  Anyone remember The Chris Wylde Show on MTV from the 90's?  That show was great.  How the mighty have fallen.  It's like a whole honking cow!
7:35 - She$ has fallen asleep.  Pathetic.
7:38 - An Antwaan Randle-El sighting!  God, he sucks.  And here he is acting like a jackass. 
7:40 - Richard Lewis with a chainsaw...the ultimate killing machine!
7:42 - Picked off by Jerrod Bush!!!  This Packers defense is insane.  They are dominating.  Straight up PWNAGE.
7:44 - I'm calling it right now.  If the Packers score a touchdown here, it's over.
7:45 - TOUCHDOWN PACKERS!!!  RODGERS TO JENNINGS!!!  21-3!!!  This shit is OVAH...much like my wager of under 20.5 points in the first half.  And my Steelers +3 wager looks shitty, too.
7:49 - ANOTHER Randle El sighting...and again he acts like he's never caught a pass before.  2 minute warning.  Steelers need 7 here.  Every single movie preview looks terrible.  Stop making comic books into movies.  Comic books are gay.
7:52 - This field fucking sucks.  Everyone is getting hurt when they land.  Jerry Jones should be killed for this and about ten million other reasons.  Who wants to bet that Woodson stays in even if his shoulder is fucked?
7:57 - TOUCHDOWN STEELERS!!!  BIG BEN TO HANOI JANE!!!  21-10!!!  Good, we needed that just to make sure that I stay awake in the second half.
8:00 - Halftime and I'm taking away my call that this is over since the Packers secondary is getting destroyed by this shitty turf.

Halftime
8:21 - Worst halftime show ever.  Was that supposed to be a Guns and Roses cover?  It sounded like ten cats being strangled.  Shame on Slash.  And was with those outfits?  I loved Demolition back in the WWF days but those "costumes" were horrendous.  The Black Eyed Peas are fucking awful.  I would have rather heard Terry Bradshaw sing songs from his Christmas album or see Frank Caliendo do another skit with Shaq and fake Shaq.  BIG TYMERS NEXT YEAR OR GTFO.

Third Quarter
8:30 - If any of you stick around to watch Glee after this game, consider this your last post before you get banned.
8:31 - No Woodson?  Glad that I didn't bet on that.  KILL JERRY JONES!
8:35 - James Jones drops ANOTHER touchdown.  Fucking ridiculous.  TOM CRABTREE TACKLE REPRESENTIN' OXFORD!!!  Horrible call on a facemask that never happened.  Just another bullshit call for the Steelers.  Absurd.  That's horseshit.
8:38 - Ozzy and Bieber...may faith in metal is over.  Is Lemme going to judge American Idol now?  No.  The answer to that question is no.
8:41 - Ike Redman inside the ten!  He still sucks!
8:42 - TOUCHDOWN STEELERS AND REFEREES!!!  MENDENHALL!!!  21-17!!!  Now this is getting interesting.  Ian McShane is in the new Pirates movie?  Great casting!
8:46 - Suisham couldn't kick the ball inside the ten with the Redskins and now he's routinely putting kickoffs into the endzone.  Steroids.  Has to be steroids.
8:47 - Nelson drops another one.  The Packer receivers are shrinking.
8:49 - Harrison with a sack.  3 and out for the Pack.  Uh oh.
8:55 - Huge first down run by Mewelde Moore.  He's more than just the worst first name in the history of the world.
8:59 - ZOMBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Damn, I wanted to see Suisham miss a 50 yard field goal by 50 yards.  Oh, he is kicking it!  AND HE DID MISS IT BY 60 YARDS!!!  Suisham is hot fucking garbage.  That MADE my Super Bowl.
9:02 - Eminem in TWO commercials?  How street!
9:04 - Goddamit, where the fuck in KUUUUUUHN!
9:07 - Aikman is KILLING Suisham.  I love you, Troy.
9:09 - Tramon Williams just threw a punch or at least a slap.  He's having an excellent game when it comes to being a god awful punt returner.
9:13 - Swain, who looks like a homeless guy in pads, drops a first down.  The Packer receivers are dying out here.  McCarthy is challenging and he is going to lose.  Rodgers is getting no help this half.  One thing is certain, I have a man-crush on Mike Pereira.

Fourth Quarter
9:22 - Sofia Vergara is a Skins fan!!!  Yes!!!  ALF likes the Panthers?  Best commercial of the night.
9:24 - MENDENPOOP FUMBLES!!!  Packers recover!  Turnovers are killing them obviously.  That and having a shit kicker.
9:27 - Wow, James Jones caught a pass.
9:28 - Come on, Fox, answer the question that everyone wants the answer to:  Is Cameron Diaz still hand-feeding A-Rod?  Jordy Nelson with another drop.  This is UNREAL.
9:29 - Nelson down inside the 5!  He actually caught one!  DAMN, they ran a play for Crabtree but he couldn't get open!
9:31 - TOUCHDOWN PACKERS!!!  RODGERS TO JENNINGS AGAIN!!!  RODGERS SICK!!!  28-17 Green Bay.
9:34 - How is Matt Wilhelm still in the league?  That guy has made a nice living being a good special teams player.
9:40 - Flozell with one of the most ridiculous holds ever.  BOUT TIME!  And with that, I hit the over on penalties for the game!  WEEEEE!!!
9:42 - TOUCHDOWN STEELERS!!!  BEN TO WALLACE!!!  Going for 2!!!  An option?  OK, it worked.  28-25 Green Bay!  Damn, this is getting good.
9:49 - Text from Buke about Randle El:  "That loser should not be scoring in the Super Bowl".  True dat.  BULEE DAT!
9:51 - SICK pass to Jennings on 3rd and 10.  Dude has been nails all playoffs.  EAT SHIT, COWHERD.  Starks pops a nice run down to the 30.  You need 6 here, Pack, a field goal and you lose.
9:53 - James Jones inside the ten!  Come on, Green Bay, wrap this bitch up.
9:54 - ONE YARD CATCH BY TOM CRABTREE!  MVP!  MVP!  MVP!
9:56 - Field goal good.  Packers 31-25.  They're fucked.  This is where Ben wins it and the MVP which I put bet on +300.
9:59 - Dumbass penalty by Kieran Fox on my boy, Crabtree.  That's what he gets for having a fag first name. 
10:04 - 4th down and 5...COME ON, PACKERS!
10:05 - INCOMPLETE!!!  THE PACKERS ARE WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!  EVEN THE REFS CAN'T TAKE IT FROM THEM NOW!!!  WOOOOOOOOO!!!  FUCK YOUR BUTTS, STEELERS!!!

Final thoughts on a wildly entertaining Super Bowl with an extremely satisfying outcome:
-Aaron Rodgers was outstanding in spite of his shit-ass receivers dropping everything.  He is now in the elite QB company and has finally killed off all of the Favretards.  God bless him.
-Ben played very well, too.  Had one bad throw but that happens.  The Steelers defense let the offense down tonight.
-Let this be a lesson, the team with the most MAC players wins every Super Bowl every year.
-I got destroyed on props.  Where was Kuhn?  Heath Miller?  Troy Polamalu was fucking AWFUL.  AWFUL.  Cut your hair now, ferry.
-Jesus Christ, now the horrible reality is upon us that the NFL season might not be around next year.  Fuck that noise.

By going 2-0 tonight and drilling the MVP, the winner of the Playoffs Challenge is...ANDREW!!!  mdrgolf did not get any picks in so he/she was disqualified.  I think that Drew and Tony had better records, but fuck them.  Andrew, send me an email with your contact info and I will send you your prize (gift card).

In conclusion, it is great to see Steeler fans silenced.  They needed a big slice of humble pie (Packer fans ate the rest of the pie).  Congrats to the Packers and to the only GB fans that I know, the McMizzle family!!! 

28 comments:

Grumpy said...

Great commentary! You can't turn the ball over three times and win very often. The better team won and Crabtree gets a ring. I can live with that.

GMoney said...

You're alright, Grump, pure class there. The better team won last night.

The packers knocked out eli, vick, the fans that made vick a killer, cutler, and ben on their road all while killing favres memory. Excellent road to a title.

Drew said...

"Ben played very well too". You are as blindly loyal to Ben as Steeler fans are to their whole team. He sucked last night.

Solid game diary.

GMoney said...

He wasn't bad though. Not as good as usual but still effective. I still thought that they were going to win.

The only other good ad was VW/Darth Vader Kidm

Drew said...

So, now you have gone from "he played very well" to "he wasn't that bad"....nice.

The Steelers would have had a chance at that last drive if they still employed Santonio Holmes....without him no chance.

Anonymous said...

G$- you need to take off your Big Ben blinders. He played shitty in the superbowl once again, but didn't get bailed out by his teammates this time. Even Chris Carter thought he sucked. Add Aaron Rodgers to the list of QBs I'd take over his rapin ass.

I won 5 out of 6 bets last night (including the coin toss). Might as well let me write the prop bet advice next year.

I thought Doritos had a few decent commercials (the one with the dog and the one with the guy who likes cheese).

The Puppy Bowl>the Super Bowl

Dut

Anonymous said...

G$, Chris Wylde's career took a dump several years ago when he did a Revol commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTXWigDVj3c

J from JBeanie

Mr. Ace said...

Woodson is a champion and hall of famer!

Next years halftime show will be a reunion between Mannie Fresh, Birdman, Juvenile, and Lil Wayne...and it will be great, mother fucker.

Big Ben sucked. Thought that was obvious. He missed several throws that could have changed the game and had two picks...SUCK.

Remember when Christina Aguilera was smoking hot? What happened to "I wanna get dirty" Christina? Eww.

The Iceman said...

How could you think Raper had a good game? He was responsible, again, for the majority of the turnovers. Not to mention he overthrew wide open WRs and missed Wallace badly for what should have been a TD. He was exposed in this game.

As far as the defense goes, they gave up 3 tds, 2 of which were on a short field (49 & 35 yard lines) because of a dumb throw by Raper and a hell of a hit from Matthews. The defense is what kept Pittsburgh in the game by shutting out the Pack in the 3rd and holding the Pack to a FG late in the 4th to give Raper a chance to luck his way into a 3rd Super Bowl win. You can't put this on the defense.

GMoney said...

The steeler defense was terrible. Period. The pack could have and probably should have hung forty on them. So don't give me that.

Look, I didn't think that he played bad. He was a little off but he struggled after that fucking massive hit he took from Raji to his shoulder. It happens. It worked out for the best though because seeing Ben win a title right now would have made me sick.

Rick Reilly is already making me hate the packers. Thanks, rick, you are a terrible writer!

Drew said...

"seeing Ben win a title right now would make me sick".....you are so full of shit. You would have been blowing him just like those fat girls do.

Ace...that gives Woodson 1.5 championships now.

Mr. Ace said...

Fuck you very much, Drew.

The Iceman said...

How were they terrible? You can't cover up every mistake that's made by the offense. Pitt was -3 in turnovers and still only lost by 6. The defense kept that game close.

Woodson is the only player in NFL history with a Heisman trophy, a National Championship, a defensive POY and a Super Bowl Ring. HOF lock.

Mr. Ace said...

A-Rod just politely dick slapped Cowherd on his show. Fantastic.

GMoney said...

Drew, you will have to take my word on that but its true. He didn't deserve to win.

Ace, what happened? Did the eagles hire anothe oline coach to run the defense?

Mr. Ace said...

As long as we didn't hire Jim Zorn...

Anonymous said...

Iceman- Woodson is also the only primarily defensive player to win the heisman, so any defensive accomplishment he ever gets he'll be the only one to parlay it with a heisman. Who gives a shit. Also, you are incorrect on your list of accomplishments. Woodson didn't win a national championship. As Drew stated before, he tied for a national championship.

Dut

Tony B. said...

That was just not enjoyable. I hate the Packers. The only positive I can think of is that this tarnishes Favre's legacy with Packer fans (at least I hope it does.) Otherwise, I could not have been less into this game.

Who is this "Andrew" character? Damn him and his tie-breaker! Congrats, though.

The Iceman said...

Who gives a shit? Anyone but OSU fans since their pussies still hurt from Woodson rejecting them. That's who. It's a hell of an accomplishment but I wouldn't expect an OSU fan to acknowledge that.

A shared National Title is still a National Title fuck stick. The only ones who don't recognize that are ignorant OSU neanderthals who won their most recent National Title with a Michigan QB.

Anonymous said...

Iceman,

OSU fans don't care about Michigan only winning 1/2 a national title. OSU fans only say that to piss off UM fans and obviously it worked.

Also, your logic is terrible. You go and insult OSU fan's for their pussies hurting for Woodson rejecting them and then you get all butthurt, yourself, for OSU winning a National Title with a Michigan QB.

-Lil' Strut

The Iceman said...

I was making that statement to show how hypocritical OSU fans are. An Ohio guy crosses the border to U of M, does very well for himself and he's branded a traitor. OSU heads up to Michigan and gets a blue chip QB to cross the border who ends up quarterbacking their last National Title winning team yet OSU fans have zero problem with that. For hating the entire state of Michigan so much and putting so much emphasis on "borders" you guys sure did love Craig Krenzel a whole lot. Can you see the irony in that?

Anonymous said...

Iceman,

I personally do not hate people from Michigan. I moreso hate the idea of Michigan. I have never been one to bitch about the homestate of players. However, even former Michigan players will admit Michigan Football would not be where it is today without players from the State of Ohio (see HBO's Documentary on the OSU-Mich. Rivalry). The past two Heisman winners from Michigan are prime examples. Nevertheless, they made the decision and OSU must not have recruited well enough to get them to stay at home.

-Lil' Strut

Drew said...

I'll take any sweet defector from Michigan that we can get and I'll bitch about any sweet Ohio kid that wants to play for Michigan. I'll bitch about them if they go someplace like Texas too. I don't so much view them as traitors as I view them as players we missed out on as you are supposed to get most of them. Luckily, it's a pretty rare occurrence with Tressel.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Drew. I am not going to deny that it stings when an Ohio player comes back to burn us, but it is not because I am bitter at the player himself. It is because I am bitter we did not get the player.

Also, I think the fact that both schools (way more UM than OSU) take players from the other state makes the rivalry better.


-Lil' Strut

GMoney said...

Are you fucking kidding me? No one cares about ohio state and michigan right now. And sice when was krenzel a blue chipper?

The important thing is that next year will be the 20 year anniversary of the redskins last super bowl. The drought will end!!!

Drew said...

I just saw the Super Bowl Champ odds for next year and the Redskins are 60-1 odds of winning it....the LIONS are 50-1...so, yeah...your streak will stay alive.

The Iceman said...

Well G$, he was a high school All American and since they don't just hand out those awards to any old jackass I'm gonna go ahead and assume he was at least a 3 star, possibly 4 star QB coming out of high school.

Anonymous said...

Since this is over the World Wide Web does this make me the World Champion? I think so.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

15 more times & I tie Ric Flair for most ever!

Andrew