Thursday, February 17, 2011
My list of favorite sandwiches:
1. The Reuben - I have never had a bad reuben. Corned beef and sauerkraut make an amazing combo. But don't fall into the trap of thinking that a Turkey Reuben is good because turkey + cole slaw does not equal deliciousness.
2. The Cheesesteak - I have been to Philly. I thought that Pat's was amazing. I have no reason to go anywhere else upon future visits. Who would have thought that Cheese Wiz could be so incredible?
3. The Cuban - Not really a sandwich that shows up on menus of chain places, but a quality eat wherever you can find it. It should always be 2/3 pork and 1/3 ham though.
4. The Hogan's Hero - A Naptown original. Ham, pepperoni, cappicola and you better get the works on that bitch. I had one a few weeks ago and it gave me wood.
5. The Chicken Salad/Hot Shredded Chicken - I won't eat tuna or egg or ham salad (all disgusting), but chicken salad is delightful. And there is no better late night drunk food than the hot chicken sandwiches produced in the kitchen of Naptown Wolverine's mother.
Honorable Mention - Sloppy Joe, Roast Beef, Pastrami, Club
How you ruin a sandwich:
*putting ketchup on it - we argue this all the time regarding ketchup on a hotdog but I can't think of one sandwich that would require this horrible substance
*over-condimenting - the meat should be the star of every sandwich, dammit, don't bog down your creation with too much Grey Poupon
*hard bread - I say this as someone who is currently in dire need of having his wisdom teeth yanked (coming soon!), nothing sucks more than blowing out your jaw trying to swallow dense bread...I'm looking at you, Panera
*too many vegetables - again, the meat is the star, not the two pounds of lettuce that Subway puts on
*cheap cheese - Kraft Singles are for grilled cheese only, homo, if you're going to put cheese on it then don't half-ass it
*cutting off the crust - When the fuck did this bullshit start anyway? Any kid that can't eat crust should be killed. I lost total respect for Bill in Kill Bill when he was cutting the crust off of his sandwich. I thought that he was supposed to be some badass yet he can't handle his crust? It's no wonder that he died from auto-erotic asphyxiation in some shithole Asian country.
*white trash meat - Bologna. Never eat bologna. Until I'm told what that shit is, I will never touch it. Here's another one...ham. Ham is white trash. Not like a honey baked ham that you have on the holidays though. I'm talking about deli ham. That shit is nasty. Ham should never be the #1 meat in a good sandwich. It is at it's best as the Scottie Pippen of your sandwich.
Where you find the best sandwiches via chain restaurants (yes, I realize that some random place in New York has the best meat ever but I've never been there so it doesn't count):
7. Subway - I hate Subway. I have said this many times. Consider it's #7 ranking as what it truly is...dead last.
6. Panera Bread - I don't get the love for this place. The soups are pretty good but it loses tons of points for making crappy sandwiches with their rock hard bread (see above).
5. WG Grinders - Eh, it's OK, I guess but it's a knock-off of about five better deli-style places. She$ once left her purse at a Grinders and made me drive 20 miles back in the wrong decision to get it. I blame Grinders for that.
4. Jimmy John's - Ah yes, the home of "free smells". The Turkey Tom was a $4 delight when I was in college. It helps that they make them fast as fuck, too.
3. Penn Station - Quality, quality cheesesteaks. I like to order them no shrooms but double banana peppers. It's because I'm awesome. It is unfortunate that their fries are garbage though.
2. Quizno's - Love it. Absolutely love this place. The Chicken Carbonara is a culinary masterpiece. They have good shit like brisket and prime rib subs on occasion, too, which is always nice.
1. Jersey Mike's - The best subs around. Period. This will not be argued against. Shut up.
I would like to also throw an honorable mention to the places like Panini's (and Primanti Bros in Shitsburgh) that stuff fries into their sandwiches. Truly a fatasses wet dream there. Along that train of thought BW3's (I refuse to call it Buffalo Wild Wings) Steak and Potato Flip is absolutely outstanding. I ordered it a few weeks back but they ran out of steak. I wonder if they ever found that waitress's body?
And of course, I could not end this post without an inclusion of the greatest sandwich shop on planet Earth...
BAGEL AND DELI on High St. in lovely Oxford, OH. Best place ever. I shit you not. This place makes the best fucking sandwiches you will EVER eat. Well, that might not be true, but I can assure you that they are the tits. So...let's talk sandwiches today, eh? I've got dibs on the pastrami.