beat me to it. So we're just going to ride the momentum waves that he started and build this idea into a 64-bit tsunami destined to destroy the village that Piston Honda is from.
Yes, I've decided to rank my ten favorite sports-based video games of all time. I should preface this by admitting that I am not a "gamer". I did not grow up with a Nintendo or a Sega or anything. My first system purchase was a PS2 and that didn't happen until I was 22. But I think that I know a thing or two about this. I might not have quite as long of a history as some of you guys do, but I do have a badass blog which makes me overqualified. So drop your controller, quit blowing into your game cartridge, and let's take a go-kart down memory lane.
10a. Blades of Steel - I have no idea what the announcer was saying during this game. It always sounded like "BITE THE PADS" to me AKA what Sid Crosby does in the shower after every game.
10b. Madden pick-a-year - Obviously
10c. EA Sports College Football pick-a-year - Obviously again but those games are so popular and have made so much money that I say fuck 'em today.
10d. NHL '96 - Drew is going to hate this, but I was always the Avs when I played. Why? Because they were really good and I liked Claude Lemieux. He was a real instigator.
9. Bill Walsh College Football - The father of college football games although I have no idea why Walsh was used as the name for it. This was the first game to have an extended playbook and introduced me to the "Bone Dog" defense. Due to (I assume) trademarking issues with the NCAA, all the schools were called "Ann Arbor" and "Provo" and "Columbus" which I thought was funny. I really hated Palo Alto.
8. NBA Jam - How badass was this game? 2-on-2 basketball has never been more awesome. But I always found basketball games more challenging to play as I would always hit shoot when I wanted to pass and then take a 3/4 court shot. Infuriating. But if I had the "on fire" ball working...money.
7. Mortal Kombat - If ripping out another person's spine isn't a sport, then I don't know what is. This (and Street Fighter) was one of the few fighting games that I actually liked. Subzero was my boy.
6. Baseball Stars - Totally underrated because it was the first video game that let you be the GM and build your own team. And that is why it is better than RBI Baseball (also because it didn't waste your time trying to figure out how to pronounce Steve Lombardozzi). Well, that and the fact that the Lovely Ladies were all whores.
5. Tiger Woods Golf - Just a beautiful game. I actually BEAT the entire game when I was living by myself in Cleveland. I had no friends. I think that I read somewhere that Augusta finally gave them the OK to put that course on this year. That would be awesome. I think that if you beat Tiger, you are allowed to sodomize Rachel Uchitel...but I could be wrong.
4. Tecmo Super Bowl - Considering how great Tecmo Bowl was, it was going to take a massive effort to outshine that game. And the Super version did. People will talk about how great the Bills and the 49ers are but the real champions know that QB Eagles, Christian Okoye, and the Houston Oilers passing game were all unstoppable. And 8 plays are better than 4.
3. Mike Tyson's Punchout - I have nothing bad to say about this game. While I think that Doc lacked critical boxing knowledge that a trainer should possess, at the end of the day, he always offered sage advice in the corner. I don't think that I've ever hated a video game character more than I hated The Sandman. That black asshole was a black asshole.
2. Mario Kart (N64 version) - It's a racing game so it counts. And my college roommates and I used to get drunk and play it constantly. So much fucking fun. We even made a drinking game out of it where you had to drink if you slipped on a banana, hit a fake box, or got nailed by a red shell. It was awesome. Wario is the greatest. If you ever raced as Luigi or Toad, you are gay. I stand by this.
1. Golden Tee - The King. You can usually only play it in a bar. It's great drunk. It's great sober. It's challenging. The graphics are outstanding. It's the only time that I don't mind Jim Nantz. It is the best. I am the best player to ever play it (suck it, Reba and Mizzle). My "black Viking wearing jeans" will never be defeated. And while some will argue that you should putt with one hand, I strenuously disagree. Two thumbs, baby. No "retard thumb" for this guy.
There you go. Like I said, I'm not an expert but I think that I know enough. Iceman reminded me of Baseball Simulator 1000 which featured the Bomb Pitch and the Stop Ball. I wish that those things were real. What do you think? Did I win the Rainbow Cup or am I looking at a TKO From Tokyo?