Monday, February 14, 2011

Lessons In Fandom Provided By Ron Swanson

"I was born ready.  I'm Ron Fucking Swanson."
Two years ago, Buke, Swiney, and myself sat down and watched the pilot episode of Parks and Recreation.  It was not funny.  In fact, we all agreed that the show was horrible and a complete (and less funny if you can believe that) knock-off of The Office.  I gave up on it after it's first 30 minutes.  But you know, I kept hearing from everyone that it got better and had morphed into a quality and hilarious sitcom.  So I recently started renting the season DVD's from Blockbuster.  I'm 7 episodes into season 2 and I can firmly admit that I was wrong.  100% wrong.  Parks and Rec is outstanding.  Why?

Ron Swanson.  He has already been nominated for 2011 Money Shot Man of the Year.  Will he win?  I don't know but his Pyramid of Greatness is pretty hard to ignore.  And this got me thinking, I think that we as sports fans are way too reactionary these days.  Everything we see is immediately the greatest play ever or the worst coaching decision of all time (nothing will ever top Jim Zorn's MNF fake field goal).  So take it from me and Ron Swanson and just relax.  Take things in stride.  Don't go crazy because it makes you look stupid.  Here are some examples of what I'm talking about from this weekend alone:

*Ohio State's loss at Wisconsin is meaningless.  It really is. Basketball teams aren't supposed to go undefeated.  They are supposed to lose.  And they did.  The Badgers had an all-timer of a second half hot streak and knocked future Cavalier Jared Sullinger from the ranks of the unbeaten.  Big deal.  Does this change the fact that the Buckeyes are really good?  Absolutely not.  They are still possibly going to be the #1 overall seed.  It's still going to take a herculean effort to get them out of the tournament.  Personally, I wasn't fist-pumping the loss on Saturday at all because it didn't matter.  Now if or when they lose in March, THAT is when you can celebrate.  For now, relax and understand that the 1 in the L column carries no significant baggage to their season.  But I wonder what you think about the Badger fans storming the floor?  I think that it's OK since the opponent was 24-0.  I LOVED that Wisconsin showed the football highlights before the game.  Suck on that, fags!

*The Cavs victory on Friday night was great but still very "meh".  I got sucked in.  I admit it.  They needed that.  Us Cavs fans needed that.  The fans at The Q were shockingly awesome.  BUT...they still have 9 wins and 45 losses so it really doesn't matter.  Yes, they aren't completely atrocious when Mo Williams is playing but they are still bad.  So while it's nice to win one of their last 27 games, it still doesn't discount that they were winless for 55 long fucking days.  Just get Jared Sullinger in June and I will be happy.  I don't want any of the other guys out there.  Harrison Barnes?  Those two kids named Jones?  Kyrie Erving?  No thanks.  I'll take my nightly double-double thankyouverymuch.

*Let's calm down on the Aaron Rodgers BJ's.  Yes, he was great this postseason.  I think that we can all agree with this.  But he isn't an all-timer yet.  Six games does not make a career.  It seems like everyone wants to crown him and put him into Tom Brady's level at the moment.  Sit back and just let him keep playing before doing this.  That's all I'm saying and I love the guy.  Let's see how he follows up his Super Bowl season before we start making his Canton bust.

*Why not wait for a lockout to happen before we start hiding in bombshelters.  I am of the mind that the players and owners will figure something out and not fuck this up.  I am staying positive here.  So to all of those people so damn certain that we aren't going to have football next September, how about just waiting to see what transpires before preparing for the worst.

I think that my point here is that we just need to calm down.  If you are a realist and give things a chance to work themselves out, you become a much better and relaxed fan of sports (and TV shows).  Seinfeld's first season was horrendous but that worked out OK for them.  Tom Brady worked out OK as a 6th round pick.  And Ron Swanson's mustache and demeanor gets better every week.  Although Aziz Ansari is about as funny as SIDS. 

This is G$ and I am going to hop off my high horse and stop telling you how to behave now.  Oh, and Happy Greg "The Hammer" Valentine's Day!  I got She$ two wicker clothes hampers and she cleaned my car.  We are hopelessly in love.


Grumpy said...

You romantic you. A TV show is all it took to calm you down and cause rational thinking to set in? Who knew it could be done so easily?

Drew said...

I you watch "Community" or not? That's my favorite comedy.

As for the Wisconsin game....I'm with you on the low importance of losing that game, but it really really sucked to lose to those fools and I hope they get prison raped when they come here on Senior Day. I also hope the kid who spit in Sullinger's face gets in a terrible car crash with his family and they are all left as vegetables.

I did enjoy seeing the tweets from many of the football players about how mad they were that we lost again to Wisconsin...nice to see that they root for hte basketball team as well.

On Friday night I was given the opportunity to go to "Jackets After Hours" (that sounds dirty) after the Jackets game. It was basically a meet and greet with the Jackets hockey team inside the Founder's Club at Nationwide. They even had a full OPEN can believe I was slugging Heinekens and Jack and Cokes...I was on a mission to make up for all of the $9.25 beers that I've bought over the years there. Anyways, I ended up talking to Derick Brassard for like a half hour while sitting at the bar....awesome guy. A very cool person who loved to talk hockey. Unfortunately, I now have a favorite Jacket player. I will say Nash was also one of the first players to show up that thing and one of the last to leave....he seemed like a nice guy as well. Boll's face was all fucked up from those two fights he got into.

Mr. Ace said...

First of all, what is this Blockbuster you speak of and how did you travel back to 1995 to use it?

While I agree with your point, without overreactions there aren't sports blogs...or blogs in general. Without overreactions, one of the greatest posts ever, May the Forcier be With You, wouldn't be.

Seinfeld still fucking sucks.

GMoney said...

Instead of netflix, we use blockbuster through the mail. I'm hip, fucko.

Community is a very good show. I want to lick alison brie's face.

Drew, that sounds awesome. The jackets had a huge f'n wknd but the teams in front of them are just as hot. I lost a lot of respect for Brassard though for voluntarily talking to you.

Anonymous said...

"I enjoy government functions like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with steel toe boots"

Ron Swanson is easily the best character on television. I've been a big supporter of Parks and Rec from the start and it's dangerously close to being better than The Office...which has really taken a plunge this season in my opinion. You can tell Steve Carell is really mailing in his last season. An honorable mention on that show is Rob Lowe's character. Hilarious.

Drew said...

I actually think this season of The Office is way better than last season. Last season was downright terrible...this one hasn't been terrible. It's still a shell of it's former self though.

G$...Your boy Clowney announces in a half hour. Get your popcorn ready.

Anonymous said...

I may have to NETFLIX Parks and Rec. Also, I can instantly stream those seasons instead of wait for the mail because Netflix >Blockbuster. Get with the times, Bro.

Wisconsin fans are almost as classy as OSU fans.


GMoney said...

My wife pays for it so for me, blockbuster is better because its free. Deal with it.

The office has been ok but I want to leave it at that since I'm using that show in a post for tomorrow which will probably not go over well at all.

Clowney is my boy? He should sign with the redhawks then.

Tony B. said...

After losing all those games in a row, the Cavs are still only 3 wins back of the Kings for the worst record in the NBA. That's impressive that the Kings have managed to keep the Cavs that close!

You mean Aaron Rodgers is NOT the GREATEST QB/LEADER/SEXUAL PERFORMER/SCHOLAR/BIG ARMED STUD to have ever graced Earth with his presence? I don't believe you because that's all I hear about on ESPN and the NFL Network.

Anonymous said...

Bacon Wrapped Shrimp. "My number 1 favorite food wrapped in my third favorite food"

Big Strut