But no, that would be too simple. And Andy Reid doesn't do simple. Who else could possibly be more deserving of being an NFL DC than a guy who hasn't coached defense since 1989? The correct answer is anybody. Andy Reid's answer was JUAN CASTILLO, FUCKOS! My answer would have been:
- Brian Dawkins. I don't even care if he still plays in the NFL. He can call the plays from Denver, he is just that fucking spectacular.
- Teneal Goyco. First, he's a cruiserweight boxer. Second, he's a Philly native. But most importantly, he impersonated Tiger Woods while banging Devon James. He can run a dominant defense.
- Silvester Stallone. Rocky FTW!
Last year I did some work scoring assessment tests. You may remember this fantastic essay;
"I'm going to tell you about how I lost my virginity in middle school. I knew this girl named Pamela and I knew she wanted me. We were walking home from school one day and she took me into this abandoned house and I fucked her from behind. When we got in the house, she took off my pants and started sucking my dick. I took her pants off and she told to eat her puss. I said, "Naw, I'm straight." I told her to keep on sucking. After that she started riding my dick real hard. So I pulled out and nutted all over that bitches face. I'm king ding-a-ling. That's all I've got to say. Fuck it, two tears in a bucket."So during the time I was scoring masterpieces like the one you just read, I had a horrible supervisor. She was extremely cuntish. She thought she was better than everyone. She had no clue how to communicate with people. She clearly hated being in Columbus...she was from San Antonio. She hated me because I didn't listen to her because I knew she couldn't fire me and needed me to complete the project.
But one day that all changed. I went in on a Saturday morning to pick up some OT, and to show just how much I cared I decided to wear my Brian Dawkins Eagles jersey. You know, class it up a bit. She sees my choice of apparel and motions me back to her desk. I was totally ready to be a dick and get fired.
Cuntish Woman: You're an Eagles fan?
CW: My brother-in-law works for the Eagles.
Me: That's cool.
CW: Yeah, he is a coach. Juan Castillo. Do you know who that is?
Do you see what is happening? That bitch had such a hatred for my shitty work ethic that she poisoned Jim Johnson, got Sean McDermott fired, and then blew Andy Reid to get Juan Castillo hired as Defensive Coordinator. I know she is back in San Antonio thinking fuck that guy and his Brian Dawkins jersey! Well done, Andy.
Douche Lord of the Week. I have an idea, possibly the most incredible idea ever. If you take a look at the site banner--THE GREAT SITE BANNER--you will notice the center piece, Fuckeye Terrorist. He's the most horrible person in the world, and likely the antichrist. There are times when I envision our commentariate members in the same way. And today, I need some synthesis. Every week I will pick the person who kills the most brain cells in the comments...or whoever the fuck I want. That person's face will become the face of the Fuckeye Terrorist and we can all laugh. If I can't find a picture of you, I will pick one that I think resembles your lack of intelligence the best and tell everyone it is your actual picture. This way there is consequence and justice among the commentariate. We are all winners in this.